your worst dates/sex/relationships etc..... Ladies & Lads!

Monkey61 · 15-03-2009 08:28AM

I just had to drag this up again because I finally have a story to add. Thank you internet dating!

I went out for drinks with a girl a few days ago. I knew instantly that I didn't fancy her but she seemed like a laugh anyway so I thought I might have made a new friend. All fine for the first half an hour until her stories start to take a turn for the worse. Firstly she tells me how she was thrown out of college for crashing a function with a homeless man of her head on MDMA. She proceeded to start fights with all of the heads of department until security removed her.

Her next story involved her giving another homeless man a blow job (!!!!).

Then finally she proceeds to tell me how her chosen career has saved her life because her Dad, who used to drive her around in his car so she could sell drugs is a bit of a criminal (into knives and guns and drugs she says and has been in prison) wanted her to join in on some kind of family crime empire!!!! Lovely. I got a bit tipsy and struggled on until she kept making references to wanting to kiss me..... "You've just told me you give blow jobs to tramps" I wanted to scream - do you honestly think I'm going to kiss you. She actually seemed very shocked when I made my excuses and ran away.

The more I think about that the weirder it seems...bizarrely while I was there she made it all seem quite normal. Apparently those weren't even her worst stories...

Joey the lips · 15-03-2009 08:57AM

Monkey61 wrote: »

I just had to drag this up again because I finally have a story to add. Thank you internet dating!

I got a bit tipsy and struggled on until she kept making references to wanting to kiss me..... "You've just told me you give blow jobs to tramps" I wanted to scream - do you honestly think I'm going to kiss you. She actually seemed very shocked when I made my excuses and ran away.
quote]

Monkey You've made my sunday I will laugh all day thanks!

clones1980 · 15-03-2009 03:14PM

Monkey61 wrote: »

I just had to drag this up again because I finally have a story to add. Thank you internet dating!

I went out for drinks with a girl a few days ago. I knew instantly that I didn't fancy her but she seemed like a laugh anyway so I thought I might have made a new friend. All fine for the first half an hour until her stories start to take a turn for the worse. Firstly she tells me how she was thrown out of college for crashing a function with a homeless man of her head on MDMA. She proceeded to start fights with all of the heads of department until security removed her.

Her next story involved her giving another homeless man a blow job (!!!!).

Then finally she proceeds to tell me how her chosen career has saved her life because her Dad, who used to drive her around in his car so she could sell drugs is a bit of a criminal (into knives and guns and drugs she says and has been in prison) wanted her to join in on some kind of family crime empire!!!! Lovely. I got a bit tipsy and struggled on until she kept making references to wanting to kiss me..... "You've just told me you give blow jobs to tramps" I wanted to scream - do you honestly think I'm going to kiss you. She actually seemed very shocked when I made my excuses and ran away.

The more I think about that the weirder it seems...bizarrely while I was there she made it all seem quite normal. Apparently those weren't even her worst stories...

:eek::eek::eek::eek: Holy God, thats just bloody mad. Thats like the script from a very weird movie.

So ya wont be seeing her again so?? :rolleyes:

Monkey61 · 15-03-2009 03:48PM

clonesbabe wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek::eek: Holy God, thats just bloody mad. Thats like the script from a very weird movie.

So ya wont be seeing her again so?? :rolleyes:

After some careful consideration...no. No I won't. On the plus side though, I went out on a date with a lovely girl yesterday and had a pretty funny story to tell!

pikachucheeks · 15-03-2009 03:51PM

I've had a DISASTROUS love-life - this is just one of many situations I've been in ;

A friend hooked up with this Spanish guy one night and I got stuck chatting to his flatmate (they both lived in my apartment block) He seemed nice, but came on a bit too strong, to say the least - he sang me love songs on his guitar after knowing me for about an hour and requested to spend "the whole day" together the following day ... Creepy!

Despite all that, I stayed in touch, inviting him to apartment parties I had and such, as all my friends told me to give him a chance - and he seemed like a decent guy, if a little TOO intense!

One night, he text me asking if he could come over. It was about 12:30 and I was on my own in the apartment, I wanted to see what he wanted, so I agreed.

He came over, we chatted for a while, him asking me awkward questions like "What are you thinking about?" and "Why do you keep breaking eye-contact with me?" Awkward! Eventually, he moved in on me...

We kissed for about a minute, then he stood up, dropped his trousers AND boxers and asked me for a blowjob.

Then, when I got embarrassed, both for him and myself, he tried to grab my hands and put it on his ... member screaming "Just touch it, just touch it" while moving closer and closer to my face.

Don't think I've ever been more stunned in my life - his lack of tact, the speed at which he was able to take his clothes off, nevermind where Mr Insanely-romantic disappeared to!

... Mortified!

clones1980 · 15-03-2009 03:51PM

Monkey61 wrote: »

After some careful consideration...no. No I won't. On the plus side though, I went out on a date with a lovely girl yesterday and had a pretty funny story to tell!

Def not one to be telling the grandkids, well the bit bout the bj anyway. :rolleyes:

spinandscribble · 15-03-2009 08:21PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I've had a DISASTROUS love-life - this is just one of many situations I've been in ;

A friend hooked up with this Spanish guy one night and I got stuck chatting to his flatmate (they both lived in my apartment block) He seemed nice, but came on a bit too strong, to say the least - he sang me love songs on his guitar after knowing me for about an hour and requested to spend "the whole day" together the following day ... Creepy!

Despite all that, I stayed in touch, inviting him to apartment parties I had and such, as all my friends told me to give him a chance - and he seemed like a decent guy, if a little TOO intense!

One night, he text me asking if he could come over. It was about 12:30 and I was on my own in the apartment, I wanted to see what he wanted, so I agreed.

He came over, we chatted for a while, him asking me awkward questions like "What are you thinking about?" and "Why do you keep breaking eye-contact with me?" Awkward! Eventually, he moved in on me...

We kissed for about a minute, then he stood up, dropped his trousers AND boxers and asked me for a blowjob.

Then, when I got embarrassed, both for him and myself, he tried to grab my hands and put it on his ... member screaming "Just touch it, just touch it" while moving closer and closer to my face.

Don't think I've ever been more stunned in my life - his lack of tact, the speed at which he was able to take his clothes off, nevermind where Mr Insanely-romantic disappeared to!

... Mortified!

wow, desperate has a new meaning...:pac:

minidazzler · 16-03-2009 10:51AM

Monkey61 wrote: »

I just had to drag this up again because I finally have a story to add. Thank you internet dating!

So, what's her number??? Sounds like a Classy Lady.:D

homerun_homer · 16-03-2009 12:33PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

We kissed for about a minute, then he stood up, dropped his trousers AND boxers and asked me for a blowjob.

Then, when I got embarrassed, both for him and myself, he tried to grab my hands and put it on his ... member screaming "Just touch it, just touch it" while moving closer and closer to my face.

And.... :pac: How did you get out of that one?

minidazzler wrote: »

So, what's her number??? Sounds like a Classy Lady.:D

She's a keeper.

Salome · 17-03-2009 12:28AM

Firstly, I have to take my hat off to MadameRazz and Loladub - thank you ladies, you've made me laugh and cringe over the last couple of days of reading this thread!

Now for my tale of woe.... I used to visit a chatroom a few years ago and virtually met a seemingly nice guy. After a period of chatting there and in MSN, we exchanged numbers and texting etc ensued. We were getting on like a house on fire. Now neither of us were looking for anything serious, personally, I was bored and just wanted a bit of a no-strings attached fun. However, although he was happy for a bit of no-strings fun too, he obviously thought that a woman who is interested in the same had low morals and he "jokingly" called me slut, thinking I'd be ok with that! He was rather surprised that I wasn't. Yes, we all love being insulted. :rolleyes: Needless to say, I wasn't, he got an earful and the number and MSN details got rapidly deleted.

Some men are such hyprocrites. I certainly dodged a bullet there.

On a serious note, it's shocking to see how many young women have had lucky escapes from predatory men.

And finally, I just gotta say it, after reading this entire thread - Wibbs, I think I love you :P.

pikachucheeks · 17-03-2009 12:47AM

homerun_homer wrote: »

And.... :pac: How did you get out of that one?

Luckily enough, he got a call from his flatmate which was a great distraction from the awkwardness!
He then mentioned he had to go to Dublin airport to go on an ad lib trip to London and left!

Last time I saw him out after that, he picked a fight with me in front of his new girlfriend. I got the middle finger stuck up at me and everything! Maturity, ey?

Swizz · 17-03-2009 11:22PM

I read 50 pages of this thread in one sitting(Im so proud) and I think because the thread is so good I might aswell contribute with a story with a moral.

First let me set the scene guys. It was a warm summers day in the South of France right. My GF of nearly 2 years and I were on holidays and had just had a delicious but rather expensive dinner at a nearby restaurant, which we met Bono and Ali in! I know. I couldnt believe it either! Im serious, right.

We got back to my holiday house and things started to get hot. During intercourse my GF wanted me to go in the back door, if you know what I mean I was like Kool G and the gang with it, I was excited as I had never done it before, after a few thrusts. POW

Rectal prolapse! It looked like something from a Men In Black Movie just sticking out of my GFs brown star(If you dont have a clue what I'm talking about, see pic below). Oh my god like I couldnt believe it like. Freaking heck.

The moral of the story guys is dont go in the out door right. Im serious

Pyr0 · 18-03-2009 12:35PM

Haha ! Funny image, I don't see how that'd happen at the very begining though, I'd say you'd need to be giving it a good work over for that to happen tbh.

homerun_homer · 18-03-2009 02:49PM

I found out last night about the strange fallout from a date I had a few weeks ago.
One weekend I met a girl through a mutual friend (hereby referred to as MF). She was good craic, alright looking but overall maybe not the type of person I'd go for but I decided to be open and exchanged numbers. Met for drinks a few days later and again got on well, met up with her friends at a gig and she was all over me at the end of the night in the smoking area.
We said we'd meet again the next night (Friday). She cancelled cause being the dole claiming/partying type that she is, she kept going at a house party and was too wrecked to go out. She suggested meeting the next week but I was going to be away on holiday so she said "ok I'll meet you Sunday".
Sunday came and she texted me saying she couldn't meet and to give her a call when I got back from my few days away.
On holiday I decide to be spontaneous and stay an extra day, fly back to Dublin, watch the rugby there with friends and get a lift home.
A lot has happened in the week since our 'date' and I decided I didn't really want to pursue it, but being that she was sound and was a friend of friends, I gave her a heads up about meeting at a gig in town. Her reply was a blunt NO.

My next night out I bump into MF who tells me "she is very pissed off at you. She said you were to go out the Friday you got home from holidays and you never called". I thought that was an over-reaction and no plans had been made so she was getting way ahead of herself. I thought "How very high and mighty of her when she had cancelled on me twice". She was out and made a big deal of passing by me loads and ignoring me, even when I'd say a passing hello. 'Screw her' I say, she's a bit of a spa.

My name is such that I'm at the top of many a mobile phone address book. I get a txt from this girl one saturday night I stayed at home drinking, asking was I still around a certain bar. I replied "I take it this text is not for me". She replied apologising and said no. So since I had a few cans I decided to tell her I think she overreacted and I don't understand why as I'm told she was so pissed off.
"Whatever" she said.

Number deleted.

I met MF last night who says that this girl now won't talk to her anymore and refuses to answer her calls and texts now, all because she told me her friend was annoyed at me. MF was raging with me for weeks and then realised that the girl I went on this date with had acted up before to her, is a bit of a spanner and is not worth the effort. So, she said I was good to have escaped, and to not have bumped into herself in previous weeks or I would have got a right scalding, ha.

Swizz · 18-03-2009 07:39PM

Pyr0 wrote: »

Haha ! Funny image, I don't see how that'd happen at the very begining though, I'd say you'd need to be giving it a good work over for that to happen tbh.

What can I say, I was excited?! Also when you have a wide one, if you know what I mean like, its like plunging a toilet.

MissFlitworth · 19-03-2009 12:42PM

this thread owes my job a new keyboard, just snorted coffee all over it reading some of the stories

I have no stories to compare to the ones here, worst date ever was a blind one and when we sat down at the table we both blatantly had a 'oh f*ck but I really don't fancy you moment', 2 very awkward minutes of conversation later and he said 'So, have you ever considered suicide yourself' and things slithered downhill from there! Finished scaldy hot coffee extra quickly and we both very happily legged it.

homerun_homer · 19-03-2009 12:50PM

Met a woman out on Valentines night who was on a date with a deaf guy. She looked very awkward to say the least. Wasn't sure if she went on it out of sympathy or whether they met each other on the internet or something.

eoghan104 · 19-03-2009 12:56PM

Swizz wrote: »

I read 50 pages of this thread in one sitting(Im so proud)

FML

Relevant · 19-03-2009 01:27PM

eoghan104 wrote: »

FML

FmlFormalFMLFluorometholoneFMLFootball Manager Live (video game)FMLFamily Medical Leave (US)FMLField Manipulation LanguageFMLFerret Mailing ListFMLForms Markup LanguageFMLFibre Metal Laminate (Delft University of Technology)FMLFamous Last WordsFMLFull Maximum LikelihoodFMLFor My Life (trademark of Be in Health)FMLFormal Methods LettersFMLFollow My LeadFMLForce Module LibraryFMLFlexible Membrane LiningFMLFamecos Mailing ListFMLFashion Mailing ListFMLFrequency Measurement Logic (chip)FMLFast Maximum Likelihood MethodFMLFor My Lover (Tracy Chapman song)FMLFile Manipulation LanguageFMLFlorida Mathematics LeagueFMLForget My Life

So which one is it?

MJOR · 19-03-2009 03:12PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I've had a DISASTROUS love-life - this is just one of many situations I've been in ;

A friend hooked up with this Spanish guy one night and I got stuck chatting to his flatmate (they both lived in my apartment block) He seemed nice, but came on a bit too strong, to say the least - he sang me love songs on his guitar after knowing me for about an hour and requested to spend "the whole day" together the following day ... Creepy!

Despite all that, I stayed in touch, inviting him to apartment parties I had and such, as all my friends told me to give him a chance - and he seemed like a decent guy, if a little TOO intense!

One night, he text me asking if he could come over. It was about 12:30 and I was on my own in the apartment, I wanted to see what he wanted, so I agreed.

He came over, we chatted for a while, him asking me awkward questions like "What are you thinking about?" and "Why do you keep breaking eye-contact with me?" Awkward! Eventually, he moved in on me...

We kissed for about a minute, then he stood up, dropped his trousers AND boxers and asked me for a blowjob.

Then, when I got embarrassed, both for him and myself, he tried to grab my hands and put it on his ... member screaming "Just touch it, just touch it" while moving closer and closer to my face.

Don't think I've ever been more stunned in my life - his lack of tact, the speed at which he was able to take his clothes off, nevermind where Mr Insanely-romantic disappeared to!

... Mortified!

It's like when you were sixteen snogging a guy and he got a hrd on and tried not so discreetly moving you hand down to let you know that he was turned on.

Ya poor thing!

midlandsmissus · 19-03-2009 06:42PM

I had just started going out with this guy, when I found out that his last girlfriend had killed herself, ten years ago. He hadn't gone out with anyone since then.

Anyway he asked me back to his house in the country one night, and introduces me to these two old ones as 'Jim and Mary'. So I said something along the lines of ...'Oh! you call your parents by their first names!'

'They're not my parents' he said 'They're my ex-girlfriends'.

Yes that's right, he was living with the parents of the girl who had killed herself, ten years after she died.

While I stood there numb with shock, I was shown a photo of her and she was the absolute image of me. I was out of there.

pikachucheeks · 19-03-2009 10:20PM

Haha, I know MJOR, I know!

I actually remembered another detail of the story the other day!

When I refused to touch his ... thing, instead of giving up, he tried to act "understanding" and said the following to me ;
(Not sure how I forgot this part!)

"Ohhh, I know why you won't touch it - you've never seen one before, have you?"

That's right, mate! I'm a 20-year old college student who's never, ever in her life seen a p*nis! Good guess!

I'm not sure what sort of logic he has, but obviously, he couldn't get it into his head that a woman could refuse to go near someone who just whipped it out!

Kimia · 09-04-2009 06:09PM

Madame Razz wrote: »

Omigod, LolaDub, thats hilarious!!!

Worst sex:

Easy..... twas actually after possibly the nicest date i had ever had, which put quite a damper on the evening. Guy was older; in his forties; we're still good friends actually. Kind of was expecting things to be fairly ok, as older men usually know what they're at.Anyhow, i dont quite know how to delicately explain this but suffice to say he was on top and smothering me with his torso, i couldn't breathe, twas awful....... and he had hairy shoulders:eek:. tried again the folllowing morning to give him the benfit of the doubt, but still no better. We had a few dates after that but i couldnt bring myself to do 'the bad thing' with him again, not a big fan of the body smothering thing. hes never had a lot of luck with women....and i think i found out why.....

I had the body smothering too! And after about a minute he was SOAKED in sweat we were drenched it was horrendous. i wanted to cry I was so disgusted.

Jack Sheehan · 09-04-2009 10:05PM

Relevant wrote: »

FmlFormalFMLFluorometholoneFMLFootball Manager Live (video game)FMLFamily Medical Leave (US)FMLField Manipulation LanguageFMLFerret Mailing ListFMLForms Markup LanguageFMLFibre Metal Laminate (Delft University of Technology)FMLFamous Last WordsFMLFull Maximum LikelihoodFMLFor My Life (trademark of Be in Health)FMLFormal Methods LettersFMLFollow My LeadFMLForce Module LibraryFMLFlexible Membrane LiningFMLFamecos Mailing ListFMLFashion Mailing ListFMLFrequency Measurement Logic (chip)FMLFast Maximum Likelihood MethodFMLFor My Lover (Tracy Chapman song)FMLFile Manipulation LanguageFMLFlorida Mathematics LeagueFMLForget My Life

So which one is it?

I think their referring to the phrase '**** my Life'.

allabouteve · 10-04-2009 07:59PM

homerun_homer wrote: »

Met a woman out on Valentines night who was on a date with a deaf guy. She looked very awkward to say the least. Wasn't sure if she went on it out of sympathy or whether they met each other on the internet or something.

Or maybe, in spite of her awkwardness, she just liked him.

kumate_champ07 · 11-04-2009 04:35AM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Haha, I know MJOR, I know!

I actually remembered another detail of the story the other day!

When I refused to touch his ... thing, instead of giving up, he tried to act "understanding" and said the following to me ;
(Not sure how I forgot this part!)

"Ohhh, I know why you won't touch it - you've never seen one before, have you?"

That's right, mate! I'm a 20-year old college student who's never, ever in her life seen a p*nis! Good guess!

I'm not sure what sort of logic he has, but obviously, he couldn't get it into his head that a woman could refuse to go near someone who just whipped it out!

a creepy weird intense guy, you invite him to your place while you are alone, and you let him kiss you.
youre lucky it didnt turn out worse

MJOR · 11-04-2009 06:30PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Haha, I know MJOR, I know!

I actually remembered another detail of the story the other day!

When I refused to touch his ... thing, instead of giving up, he tried to act "understanding" and said the following to me ;
(Not sure how I forgot this part!)

"Ohhh, I know why you won't touch it - you've never seen one before, have you?"

That's right, mate! I'm a 20-year old college student who's never, ever in her life seen a p*nis! Good guess!

I'm not sure what sort of logic he has, but obviously, he couldn't get it into his head that a woman could refuse to go near someone who just whipped it out!

oh ya some of them think that they can use it as a form of affection....

gaygaf · 13-05-2009 09:13AM

this is legend..brilliant idea...just love it

ashisback · 18-05-2009 02:29AM

When I broke up with my ex I started to go out with this man he was 4 years older then me I thought wow he's good looking and might be a good dad to my son but boy I was so worng. Two months after we started to go outhe started to hit me he even did it in fornt of my son who told my ex his dad. The ex came over one day to see our son and I had a black eye my ex told me to leave but I didn't want to cuz I loved him which was messed up. But one night he came home drunk and beat me up I ring d ex he came over took me into hospital had to get my eye stiched up and had 2 broken ribs and that was d last time I ever see him.
I felt so stupid cuz I put my son in so much danger that he could have killed my son or even me but I'm glad his gone and I learned my lesson

allabouteve · 18-05-2009 05:21PM

ashisback wrote: »

When I broke up with my ex I started to go out with this man he was 4 years older then me I thought wow he's good looking and might be a good dad to my son but boy I was so worng. Two months after we started to go outhe started to hit me he even did it in fornt of my son who told my ex his dad. The ex came over one day to see our son and I had a black eye my ex told me to leave but I didn't want to cuz I loved him which was messed up. But one night he came home drunk and beat me up I ring d ex he came over took me into hospital had to get my eye stiched up and had 2 broken ribs and that was d last time I ever see him.
I felt so stupid cuz I put my son in so much danger that he could have killed my son or even me but I'm glad his gone and I learned my lesson

Couple of points I'd like to mention here, firstly and mostly that you've had a terrible experience there, my deepest sympathy on that, and you certainly did the right thing getting out.

Secondly...why did you need him to be a good Dad to your son?

Your son seems to already have his Dad in his life, an involved one, judging from the rest of your post. Why did you feel the need to find another, when his own father is part of his life?

your worst dates/sex/relationships etc..... Ladies & Lads!

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