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Girlfriends contraceptive issues

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  • 11-03-2009 8:01pm
    #1
    unreg-guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭


    I want my girlfriend to go on a contraceptive, i do not feel condoms alone are safe enough. She doesnt want to, saying pill would make her fat, cant afford it and just making up excuses. Now she thinks that she could get preg while on one and thats why she wont go on anything. Theres always that risk! We didnt have sex in months and i dunno what to do anymore


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    #2
    Peewee_lane
    Closed Accounts Posts: 649 ✭✭✭Peewee_lane


    The pill doesnt make you fat - lack of exercise does.

    Some women gain weight because their hormones are obviously altered a little bit.

    It depends on the pill. Tbh, her behaviour is silly, not proper planning at all.

    The condom protects against STD's mate, and the pill stops the eggs from reaching the fallopian tubes, together they're unstoppable*.



    *99.999999 per cent of the time.


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    #3
    Brimmy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,536 ✭✭✭Brimmy


    She thinks she'll get pregnant if she goes on the pill?...

    Tell her you're not comfortable if she's not on proper contraceptive and that it's not enjoyable for you anymore.


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    #4
    unreg-guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭unreg-guy


    Ya she thinks it could happen so refuses to go on it at all. I have, she is saying she will with 6 months, still waiting.


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    #5
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,284 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    I can fully appreciate your girlfriend's concerns, it's her body and taking hormones will interfere with it, so what you want is academic.

    However, she really should better acquaint herself with the facts regarding the pill before making pronouncements about its effectiveness, especially in conjunction with other forms of contraception such as condoms. Get her to read the information here and here, it may allay her fears.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Some women just aren't comfortable going on the pill, however unreasonable it may sound. IMO, a lot of Irish girls have a rather warped view of the pill, mainly due to the older generations influences (i.e. her mother!), and she is unlikely to listen to your opinion as "you're a bloke what would you know" (you might be the most well-read person in the world on contraceptives and she still won't listen to you!)

    There are other contraceptives available out there, maybe the two of ye should go and see a doctor together and discuss various options? It would also allay any fears she might have. Give her time OP, and be sure to discuss this rationally with her.


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    #7
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    I can understand where your Gf is coming from - would you like having to take a tablet at the same time every day that messes up with your hormones - it can make you feel nausous among other things. It takes effort to try and find the right one for you meaning doc visits and need to get your blood pressure checked every 2 years. The pill can (rarely) cause deep vein thrombosis or clotting and heart attacks and strokes. Its not just as simple as saying - right ill go on it and its just like popping a smartie.


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    #8
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    If I was a guy, and I definitely didn't want children. I would break up rather than rely on condomns alone.
    I'm genuinely just that paranoid.


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    #9
    MelonieHead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 336 ✭✭MelonieHead


    OP, have you and your partner discussed any other contraceptives? There are several. Or do you want her to go on a hormonal type of contraceptive?

    If she does not want to go on the pill (I wouldn't either) there are other hormonal contraceptives such as a patch, an injection and an implant. There tend to be less side-effects as the hormone is going directly into the bloodstream, unlike the pill.

    Other non-hormonal contraceptives include a diaphram or an IUD. There are conditions on these though, for example an IUD isn't usually used for women under the age of 25.

    Surely you can find one together that you both agree on. If she counters every single option with a reason/excuse then obviously it's the very concept of contraception that she is against. Is she personally against contraception, for example, for religious reasons?


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    #10
    barleybooley
    Registered Users Posts: 1,241 ✭✭✭barleybooley


    Hi OP.
    I can understand where you're girlfriend is coming from. A LOT of girls wouldn't even consider the Pill, they feel it's unnatural which, to be fair, it sort of is. Like, stopping your body from doing something it literally does like clockwork would be a bit of a shock for the system.

    When I first started on the Pill, I felt like crap all day, every day. Severe cramping worse than actual period pain, spots like carbuncles or something equally as disgusting and huge and I also felt quite depressed. Went back to the doctor and she hooked me up with a different brand.

    Now, obviously you guys want to have sex without the risk of conceiving and the Pill is super effective but she's not going for that so ye'll have to reach a compromise. Maybe chart her cycle and work out when she's least and most likely to conceive. There are websites that can help work this out and use this in addition to condoms.

    I hope you two can come to some arrangement and continue to maka ze love :)


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    #11
    unreg-guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭unreg-guy


    Yes I know about all of them, we have talked and she is promising to go talk to the doctor and get what she wants then, but she's promising that with a few months, she only said she would to shut me up I think


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    #12
    unreg-guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭unreg-guy


    The coil would probably be ideal, but its around €250 plus the doctors visits and fitment etc. it's a bit steep as we are young enough, that's why the pill is probably one of the best options for us along with condoms


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    #13
    Jimmy Bottlehead
    Registered Users Posts: 10,118 ✭✭✭✭Jimmy Bottlehead


    Aye, my girlfriend finds the 3 month injection excellent. Once its done, no worries. (well, extremely rare worries!) Whereas with the pill, I simply cannot trust it. Too many invariables that can mess it up.

    If your girl is being so irresponsible, simply deny her sexytime until she's mature enough to get double protected with the pill, or is using an even safer method (injection for example). If she throws a huff, well, you've dodged a bullet as if she can't compromise over this, then what would happen when a child or marraige is involved?


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    #14
    unreg-guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭unreg-guy


    Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »
    Aye, my girlfriend finds the 3 month injection excellent. Once its done, no worries. (well, extremely rare worries!) Whereas with the pill, I simply cannot trust it. Too many invariables that can mess it up.

    If your girl is being so irresponsible, simply deny her sexytime until she's mature enough to get double protected with the pill, or is using an even safer method (injection for example). If she throws a huff, well, you've dodged a bullet as if she can't compromise over this, then what would happen when a child or marraige is involved?

    I really dunno what's up with her. What kind of cost is that then? She doesn't want an IUD or any of them kind of things inside her private parts! Ya sexy time, non existent with a few months, I don't want a child!


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    #15
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    How old are you both? How does she feel about children?

    If she's refusing to take responsibility for contraception, or continuously putting it off, is there any chance she's actually quite keen to have kids, and wouldn't mind if an "accident" happened? It's unlikely, but it's very odd that she'd refuse to have responsibility for contraception if she didn't have a reason. There's plenty of non-hormonal options available, I'm sure you've explored them all. Maybe you need to sit her down and find out exactly what her reasons are.


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    #16
    clones1980
    Registered Users Posts: 308 ✭✭clones1980


    Depending on your age maybe you could get the snip!!!!


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    #17
    Joey the lips
    Registered Users Posts: 10,262 ✭✭✭✭Joey the lips


    I dont think its fair to expect your girlfriend to take the pill if she does not want to. There are other non chemical methods

    Condoms
    The Coil
    Calender method.


    We practised the calender method and condoms combined for 5 years( Wanted baby 6th year)

    Straight back to the Calender and Condoms

    The persona kit is ment to be good. It measures your womens cycle.

    Please do not think I am condeming the pill I am just pointing out its not fair to expect her to take chemicals if she really does not want to.

    Side note: If there is a chance you will not stay with this girl and may meet others the condom protects(not 100%) against stds the pill dose not


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    #18
    bicardi19
    Registered Users Posts: 270 ✭✭bicardi19


    this is a tough one. at the end of the day the consequences of not taking anything are going to be much more expensive than taking some kind of birth control.
    This is coming from a woman who has tried all the different types of birth control there are ranging from the pill to the injection. etc etc.
    Im not looking to getting into a debate about men not understanding because I dont believe thats the case but some form of birth control does not suit some women and its all about finding the one that suits you.
    different types do mess with your system. ie... the pill, the injection.
    I know it sounds expensive to get the coil but its the best option if she does not want something to interfere with her hormones. it lasts 5 years and can be taken out any time.
    If she is serious about not getting pregnant believe me she will find something.


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    #19
    puglover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 442 ✭✭puglover


    If this is yours gf's first time going on the pill it can be quite daunting. Weight issues can be a big problem to a young girl, also the thought of approaching a doctor that may have known her since she was a child can be off putting. The €50 euro fee for visiting a doctor plus €7 - €12 euro per month for the pill can also be steep if your not working or only working part-time.

    Offer to go along with her & cover half the cost. Suggest a family planning clinic if she doesn't fancy seeing her family doctor. She can't try different types if it messes with her weight etc. It's not a big deal once you've done it the first time but looking back it was a pretty scary idea before hand...


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    #20
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    I woulsn't want to take anything that makes me fat, and I've seen a lot of girls get heavier on it.

    Condoms are still very reliable. Just be careful and if any breakages get the map.

    Use the rhythm method is well and pull out just before you finsh (as well as wearing a condom!)


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    #21
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    There are other barrier methods that can be used in conjuntion with condoms.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragm_(contraceptive)
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cervical_cap

    There are more options then just the pill.


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    #22
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    unreg-guy wrote: »
    I want my girlfriend to go on a contraceptive, i do not feel condoms alone are safe enough. She doesnt want to, saying pill would make her fat, cant afford it and just making up excuses. Now she thinks that she could get preg while on one and thats why she wont go on anything. Theres always that risk! We didnt have sex in months and i dunno what to do anymore

    Condoms ARE safe enough. I have used them for 10 years, and only had them break once or twice, after that I started using lube. I've never been on the pill, I'm 38 and want to have kids at the earliest opportunity, so I'm not using hormonal BC anytime soon in case it delays things. I used to use nonoxynol-9 foam but it irritated me becuase the chemical is so harsh.

    Pills can be forgotten, or she can mysteriously stop taking them, you can know where your swimmers are at all times with condoms.


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    #23
    prinz
    Registered Users Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    Redpunto wrote: »
    I can understand where your Gf is coming from - would you like having to take a tablet at the same time every day that messes up with your hormones - it can make you feel nausous among other things. It takes effort to try and find the right one for you meaning doc visits and need to get your blood pressure checked every 2 years. The pill can (rarely) cause deep vein thrombosis or clotting and heart attacks and strokes. Its not just as simple as saying - right ill go on it and its just like popping a smartie.


    Absolutely spot on. If you try to force or pressure her you're being selfish. It's her body and her decision. To be honest I would not want my girlfriend going on the pill, I'd be actively against it due to the well documented possible health effects - up to death. I put my girlfriend's body and health before my own desire for that extra reassurance. I remember reading somewhere before that the chances of having a negative reaction to the pill are a multiple of the chances of getting pregnant. It's just not worth it.


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    #24
    Ironé
    Registered Users Posts: 260 ✭✭Ironé


    Look each to their own. It sounds very much like this is a young girl who is too embarrassed to go to a doctor and talk about intimate things like this :)

    The family planning clinics are great and would be a good idea to visit. They are less intimidating. I think there are a lot of horror stories out there about the pill - most of my friends took it and had absolutely no issues with it. I didn't take it myself as I didn't like the idea of taking something that messed with my hormones. My decision, which my boyfriend respected.

    It is your girlfriend's decision in the end of the day - it is her body. Try to be supportive and talk to her about it without putting her under pressure. find out why she is delaying.


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    #25
    prinz
    Registered Users Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »
    If your girl is being so irresponsible, simply deny her sexytime until she's mature enough to get double protected with the pill


    The only immature party in this is the OP, as well as your own comment. If she doesn't want to take the pill.........that's it. End of. If you don't want kids don't have sex. Easy solution.


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    #26
    RobFowl
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 11,667 Mod ✭✭✭✭RobFowl


    unreg-guy wrote: »
    The coil would probably be ideal, but its around €250 plus the doctors visits and fitment etc. it's a bit steep as we are young enough, that's why the pill is probably one of the best options for us along with condoms

    The coils only really suitable for women after having had children (a technical thing in terms of fitting it). Condoms used properly in a stable relationship can be up to 95% effective. It depends on how much you want to avoid pregnancy.
    There are other forms of contraception like a patch, vaginal ring, injection and implant but they do all have potential side effects.
    Speaking as a man If a girl does not want to go on the pill then that's her legitimate decision to make and you have not right to pressure her to do so.
    Maybe go to a gp or the family planning clinic's and discuss all the options with a trained professional.
    Ps absinance is 100% effective at least :rolleyes: (only 1 failure in 2000 years)


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    #27
    Terodil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Terodil


    RobFowl wrote: »
    Speaking as a man If a girl does not want to go on the pill then that's her legitimate decision to make and you have not right to pressure her to do so.
    Correct, however if it's the man's declared will not to have kids he has a right to decline sex (for safety and peace of mind reasons) unless she helps with contraception. Freedom of choice.

    TBH I think it comes down to a give and take in a relationship. The current discussion reminds me a bit of the 'chicken game'... not a recipe to a happy relationship.

    On a slightly different (and admittedly non-PI) note, I wonder why the pill is such a big deal in Ireland. By contrast, in Germany, 54% of all couples use the pill, only 19% condoms...


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    #28
    bicardi19
    Registered Users Posts: 270 ✭✭bicardi19


    Terodil wrote: »
    Correct, however if it's the man's declared will not to have kids he has a right to decline sex

    -slightly small problem here, and I'm sure it does not apply to all men but not to often you see "men" and "decline sex" in the same sentence. Now don't jump all over me for saying that I am well aware from reading the personal issues thread that it does happen.

    I wonder why the pill is such a big deal in Ireland.

    Is it????


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    #29
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    prinz wrote: »
    The only immature party in this is the OP, as well as your own comment.
    That's pretty unfair on the OP. He sounds confused rather than immature. There are a variety of often touted benefits and drawbacks of using the pill, such as increased/decreased occurrence of certain types of cancer. And as pointed out different people will react in different ways to different brands. But honestly of the all drawbacks, irrational fear of weight gain and the financial cost are at the more trivial end of the spectrum. This probably why the OP is confused.


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    #30
    yellowcurl
    Registered Users Posts: 787 ✭✭✭yellowcurl


    I'm just wondering, if she doesn't want to take the pill, what would happen if the condom split? Would she refuse to take the morning after pill?

    I'm young and in college and have used condoms and the pill together as I truly would not be in any way be able to deal with a baby, both emotionally and financially at this point. While some of my friends do have children (and i applaud them for being able to manage so well) I still only feel 100% ok using both as at the end of the day, i don't want/need an STD or unplanned pregnancy.

    I tried different pills until i found the right one, and none of them made me put on weight. Some just made me feel nauseous and i went straight back to the doctor and he was more than happy to help. At the end of the day it's her choice whether or not she wants to go on the pill, and if she doesn't want to there are many other options that can be used in conjunction with condoms.


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    #31
    unreg-guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭unreg-guy


    I know about the other options but the pill is probably the best for us. I'm not forcing her into anything, but she has said she would go to the doctor and ee what's best for her but she still hasn't bothered to go, just makes up excuses and when I ask she says she will do it soon. I dunno if she is afraid of going or what


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