Girlfriends contraceptive issues

unreg-guy

I want my girlfriend to go on a contraceptive, i do not feel condoms alone are safe enough. She doesnt want to, saying pill would make her fat, cant afford it and just making up excuses. Now she thinks that she could get preg while on one and thats why she wont go on anything. Theres always that risk! We didnt have sex in months and i dunno what to do anymore

Peewee_lane

The pill doesnt make you fat - lack of exercise does.

Some women gain weight because their hormones are obviously altered a little bit.

It depends on the pill. Tbh, her behaviour is silly, not proper planning at all.

The condom protects against STD's mate, and the pill stops the eggs from reaching the fallopian tubes, together they're unstoppable*.



*99.999999 per cent of the time.

Brimmy

She thinks she'll get pregnant if she goes on the pill?...

Tell her you're not comfortable if she's not on proper contraceptive and that it's not enjoyable for you anymore.

unreg-guy

Ya she thinks it could happen so refuses to go on it at all. I have, she is saying she will with 6 months, still waiting.

Zaph

I can fully appreciate your girlfriend's concerns, it's her body and taking hormones will interfere with it, so what you want is academic.

However, she really should better acquaint herself with the facts regarding the pill before making pronouncements about its effectiveness, especially in conjunction with other forms of contraception such as condoms. Get her to read the information here and here, it may allay her fears.

LegacyUser

Some women just aren't comfortable going on the pill, however unreasonable it may sound. IMO, a lot of Irish girls have a rather warped view of the pill, mainly due to the older generations influences (i.e. her mother!), and she is unlikely to listen to your opinion as "you're a bloke what would you know" (you might be the most well-read person in the world on contraceptives and she still won't listen to you!)

There are other contraceptives available out there, maybe the two of ye should go and see a doctor together and discuss various options? It would also allay any fears she might have. Give her time OP, and be sure to discuss this rationally with her.

Redpunto

I can understand where your Gf is coming from - would you like having to take a tablet at the same time every day that messes up with your hormones - it can make you feel nausous among other things. It takes effort to try and find the right one for you meaning doc visits and need to get your blood pressure checked every 2 years. The pill can (rarely) cause deep vein thrombosis or clotting and heart attacks and strokes. Its not just as simple as saying - right ill go on it and its just like popping a smartie.

If I was a guy, and I definitely didn't want children. I would break up rather than rely on condomns alone.
I'm genuinely just that paranoid.

MelonieHead

OP, have you and your partner discussed any other contraceptives? There are several. Or do you want her to go on a hormonal type of contraceptive?

If she does not want to go on the pill (I wouldn't either) there are other hormonal contraceptives such as a patch, an injection and an implant. There tend to be less side-effects as the hormone is going directly into the bloodstream, unlike the pill.

Other non-hormonal contraceptives include a diaphram or an IUD. There are conditions on these though, for example an IUD isn't usually used for women under the age of 25.

Surely you can find one together that you both agree on. If she counters every single option with a reason/excuse then obviously it's the very concept of contraception that she is against. Is she personally against contraception, for example, for religious reasons?

barleybooley

Hi OP.
I can understand where you're girlfriend is coming from. A LOT of girls wouldn't even consider the Pill, they feel it's unnatural which, to be fair, it sort of is. Like, stopping your body from doing something it literally does like clockwork would be a bit of a shock for the system.

When I first started on the Pill, I felt like crap all day, every day. Severe cramping worse than actual period pain, spots like carbuncles or something equally as disgusting and huge and I also felt quite depressed. Went back to the doctor and she hooked me up with a different brand.

Now, obviously you guys want to have sex without the risk of conceiving and the Pill is super effective but she's not going for that so ye'll have to reach a compromise. Maybe chart her cycle and work out when she's least and most likely to conceive. There are websites that can help work this out and use this in addition to condoms.

I hope you two can come to some arrangement and continue to maka ze love

unreg-guy

Yes I know about all of them, we have talked and she is promising to go talk to the doctor and get what she wants then, but she's promising that with a few months, she only said she would to shut me up I think

unreg-guy

The coil would probably be ideal, but its around €250 plus the doctors visits and fitment etc. it's a bit steep as we are young enough, that's why the pill is probably one of the best options for us along with condoms

Jimmy Bottlehead

Aye, my girlfriend finds the 3 month injection excellent. Once its done, no worries. (well, extremely rare worries!) Whereas with the pill, I simply cannot trust it. Too many invariables that can mess it up.

If your girl is being so irresponsible, simply deny her sexytime until she's mature enough to get double protected with the pill, or is using an even safer method (injection for example). If she throws a huff, well, you've dodged a bullet as if she can't compromise over this, then what would happen when a child or marraige is involved?

unreg-guy

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

Aye, my girlfriend finds the 3 month injection excellent. Once its done, no worries. (well, extremely rare worries!) Whereas with the pill, I simply cannot trust it. Too many invariables that can mess it up.

If your girl is being so irresponsible, simply deny her sexytime until she's mature enough to get double protected with the pill, or is using an even safer method (injection for example). If she throws a huff, well, you've dodged a bullet as if she can't compromise over this, then what would happen when a child or marraige is involved?

I really dunno what's up with her. What kind of cost is that then? She doesn't want an IUD or any of them kind of things inside her private parts! Ya sexy time, non existent with a few months, I don't want a child!

Faith

How old are you both? How does she feel about children?

If she's refusing to take responsibility for contraception, or continuously putting it off, is there any chance she's actually quite keen to have kids, and wouldn't mind if an "accident" happened? It's unlikely, but it's very odd that she'd refuse to have responsibility for contraception if she didn't have a reason. There's plenty of non-hormonal options available, I'm sure you've explored them all. Maybe you need to sit her down and find out exactly what her reasons are.

clones1980

Depending on your age maybe you could get the snip!!!!

Joey the lips

I dont think its fair to expect your girlfriend to take the pill if she does not want to. There are other non chemical methods

Condoms
The Coil
Calender method.


We practised the calender method and condoms combined for 5 years( Wanted baby 6th year)

Straight back to the Calender and Condoms

The persona kit is ment to be good. It measures your womens cycle.

Please do not think I am condeming the pill I am just pointing out its not fair to expect her to take chemicals if she really does not want to.

Side note: If there is a chance you will not stay with this girl and may meet others the condom protects(not 100%) against stds the pill dose not

bicardi19

this is a tough one. at the end of the day the consequences of not taking anything are going to be much more expensive than taking some kind of birth control.
This is coming from a woman who has tried all the different types of birth control there are ranging from the pill to the injection. etc etc.
Im not looking to getting into a debate about men not understanding because I dont believe thats the case but some form of birth control does not suit some women and its all about finding the one that suits you.
different types do mess with your system. ie... the pill, the injection.
I know it sounds expensive to get the coil but its the best option if she does not want something to interfere with her hormones. it lasts 5 years and can be taken out any time.
If she is serious about not getting pregnant believe me she will find something.

puglover

If this is yours gf's first time going on the pill it can be quite daunting. Weight issues can be a big problem to a young girl, also the thought of approaching a doctor that may have known her since she was a child can be off putting. The €50 euro fee for visiting a doctor plus €7 - €12 euro per month for the pill can also be steep if your not working or only working part-time.

Offer to go along with her & cover half the cost. Suggest a family planning clinic if she doesn't fancy seeing her family doctor. She can't try different types if it messes with her weight etc. It's not a big deal once you've done it the first time but looking back it was a pretty scary idea before hand...

Bottle_of_Smoke

I woulsn't want to take anything that makes me fat, and I've seen a lot of girls get heavier on it.

Condoms are still very reliable. Just be careful and if any breakages get the map.

Use the rhythm method is well and pull out just before you finsh (as well as wearing a condom!)

Nevyn

There are other barrier methods that can be used in conjuntion with condoms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragm_(contraceptive)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cervical_cap

There are more options then just the pill.

LegacyUser

unreg-guy wrote: »

I want my girlfriend to go on a contraceptive, i do not feel condoms alone are safe enough. She doesnt want to, saying pill would make her fat, cant afford it and just making up excuses. Now she thinks that she could get preg while on one and thats why she wont go on anything. Theres always that risk! We didnt have sex in months and i dunno what to do anymore

Condoms ARE safe enough. I have used them for 10 years, and only had them break once or twice, after that I started using lube. I've never been on the pill, I'm 38 and want to have kids at the earliest opportunity, so I'm not using hormonal BC anytime soon in case it delays things. I used to use nonoxynol-9 foam but it irritated me becuase the chemical is so harsh.

Pills can be forgotten, or she can mysteriously stop taking them, you can know where your swimmers are at all times with condoms.

prinz

Redpunto wrote: »

I can understand where your Gf is coming from - would you like having to take a tablet at the same time every day that messes up with your hormones - it can make you feel nausous among other things. It takes effort to try and find the right one for you meaning doc visits and need to get your blood pressure checked every 2 years. The pill can (rarely) cause deep vein thrombosis or clotting and heart attacks and strokes. Its not just as simple as saying - right ill go on it and its just like popping a smartie.

Absolutely spot on. If you try to force or pressure her you're being selfish. It's her body and her decision. To be honest I would not want my girlfriend going on the pill, I'd be actively against it due to the well documented possible health effects - up to death. I put my girlfriend's body and health before my own desire for that extra reassurance. I remember reading somewhere before that the chances of having a negative reaction to the pill are a multiple of the chances of getting pregnant. It's just not worth it.

Ironé

Look each to their own. It sounds very much like this is a young girl who is too embarrassed to go to a doctor and talk about intimate things like this

The family planning clinics are great and would be a good idea to visit. They are less intimidating. I think there are a lot of horror stories out there about the pill - most of my friends took it and had absolutely no issues with it. I didn't take it myself as I didn't like the idea of taking something that messed with my hormones. My decision, which my boyfriend respected.

It is your girlfriend's decision in the end of the day - it is her body. Try to be supportive and talk to her about it without putting her under pressure. find out why she is delaying.

prinz

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

If your girl is being so irresponsible, simply deny her sexytime until she's mature enough to get double protected with the pill

The only immature party in this is the OP, as well as your own comment. If she doesn't want to take the pill.........that's it. End of. If you don't want kids don't have sex. Easy solution.

RobFowl

unreg-guy wrote: »

The coil would probably be ideal, but its around €250 plus the doctors visits and fitment etc. it's a bit steep as we are young enough, that's why the pill is probably one of the best options for us along with condoms

The coils only really suitable for women after having had children (a technical thing in terms of fitting it). Condoms used properly in a stable relationship can be up to 95% effective. It depends on how much you want to avoid pregnancy.
There are other forms of contraception like a patch, vaginal ring, injection and implant but they do all have potential side effects.
Speaking as a man If a girl does not want to go on the pill then that's her legitimate decision to make and you have not right to pressure her to do so.
Maybe go to a gp or the family planning clinic's and discuss all the options with a trained professional.
Ps absinance is 100% effective at least :rolleyes: (only 1 failure in 2000 years)

Terodil

RobFowl wrote: »

Speaking as a man If a girl does not want to go on the pill then that's her legitimate decision to make and you have not right to pressure her to do so.

Correct, however if it's the man's declared will not to have kids he has a right to decline sex (for safety and peace of mind reasons) unless she helps with contraception. Freedom of choice.

TBH I think it comes down to a give and take in a relationship. The current discussion reminds me a bit of the 'chicken game'... not a recipe to a happy relationship.

On a slightly different (and admittedly non-PI) note, I wonder why the pill is such a big deal in Ireland. By contrast, in Germany, 54% of all couples use the pill, only 19% condoms...

bicardi19

Terodil wrote: »

Correct, however if it's the man's declared will not to have kids he has a right to decline sex

-slightly small problem here, and I'm sure it does not apply to all men but not to often you see "men" and "decline sex" in the same sentence. Now don't jump all over me for saying that I am well aware from reading the personal issues thread that it does happen.

I wonder why the pill is such a big deal in Ireland.

Is it????

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

The only immature party in this is the OP, as well as your own comment.

That's pretty unfair on the OP. He sounds confused rather than immature. There are a variety of often touted benefits and drawbacks of using the pill, such as increased/decreased occurrence of certain types of cancer. And as pointed out different people will react in different ways to different brands. But honestly of the all drawbacks, irrational fear of weight gain and the financial cost are at the more trivial end of the spectrum. This probably why the OP is confused.

yellowcurl

I'm just wondering, if she doesn't want to take the pill, what would happen if the condom split? Would she refuse to take the morning after pill?

I'm young and in college and have used condoms and the pill together as I truly would not be in any way be able to deal with a baby, both emotionally and financially at this point. While some of my friends do have children (and i applaud them for being able to manage so well) I still only feel 100% ok using both as at the end of the day, i don't want/need an STD or unplanned pregnancy.

I tried different pills until i found the right one, and none of them made me put on weight. Some just made me feel nauseous and i went straight back to the doctor and he was more than happy to help. At the end of the day it's her choice whether or not she wants to go on the pill, and if she doesn't want to there are many other options that can be used in conjunction with condoms.

unreg-guy

I know about the other options but the pill is probably the best for us. I'm not forcing her into anything, but she has said she would go to the doctor and ee what's best for her but she still hasn't bothered to go, just makes up excuses and when I ask she says she will do it soon. I dunno if she is afraid of going or what

prinz

Terodil wrote: »

On a slightly different (and admittedly non-PI) note, I wonder why the pill is such a big deal in Ireland. By contrast, in Germany, 54% of all couples use the pill, only 19% condoms...

While I bow to your superior knowledge of all things German-related, I'd like to say that my gf is German, and has never, neither has she any intention of ever taking the pill. I believe the Germans to be much better informed and have a better understanding of these things than the Irish do in general. That said I read up, talked about it and decided against it, her wish and mine, due to the levels of danger associated with the Pill ( of which my gf had first-hand experience with a friend of hers suffering serious clotting ).After learning what I did I could not recommend the Pill to anyone unless they are 100% knowledgeable about the possible side effects and consequences. Like I said earlier, you are far more likely to suffer a reaction to the pill than to get pregnant without it.

Nevyn

The oral contraceptive pill is simply not suited for ever woman and a woman's choice
when it comes to her body and contraceptive methods have to be respected.

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

While I bow to your superior knowledge of all things German-related, I'd like to say that my gf is German, and has never, neither has she any intention of ever taking the pill. I believe the Germans to be much better informed and have a better understanding of these things than the Irish do in general. That said I read up, talked about it and decided against it, her wish and mine, due to the levels of danger associated with the Pill ( of which my gf had first-hand experience with a friend of hers suffering serious clotting ).After learning what I did I could not recommend the Pill to anyone unless they are 100% knowledgeable about the possible side effects and consequences. Like I said earlier, you are far more likely to suffer a reaction to the pill than to get pregnant without it.

Yeah because we sill Irish people haven't a clue, we'd pop any old pill a doctor prescribed to us. The side effects of the pill are few and far between and differ between different brands and types.

It is widely accepted among medical proffessionals as one of the safest, most effective types of contraception among young women.

If you do enough digging, or "informing" yourself on any medication, from calpol to diazapan you will find negative side effects.

OP, you and gf should take a visit to a family planning clinic where you can get educated advice from a professional, who will be happy to talk to you about your options.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

Yeah because we sill Irish people haven't a clue, we'd pop any old pill a doctor prescribed to us. The side effects of the pill are few and far between...

Did you read what I said? Or are you just being argumentative? Most Europeans are a lot better informed on all things medical than Irish people in general, verging on hyperchondria, ever seen a European's drug cabinet? It's like a small chemist. Having lived in a number of European countries I have learned these things.Please read what I say and digest it before jumping on a high-horse. I think anyone who has experience of living abroad will agree with me.

Saying the side effects are few and far between proves how little you know. Thanks for proving my point.

prinz

unreg-guy wrote: »

I want my girlfriend to go on a contraceptive, i do not feel condoms alone are safe enough. She doesnt want to,

unreg-guy wrote: »

I know about the other options but the pill is probably the best for us.

Don't you mean best for you?

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

Don't you mean best for you?

I think he means best for us. He's already wearing condoms, there's nothing more he personally can do to prevent pregnancy. I think he's just being responsible, wanting to minimise the risk as much as possible - the pill is the obvious choice. It's not like he'll be giving up the condoms when she goes on the pill, he wants them to use both... or at least, that's how it reads to me.

OP, if your gf has a valid reason for not wanting to go on the pill, there's not much you can do. Ask her about other barrier methods, as other posters have said. The diaphragm combined with condoms is very effective, so my own doctor tells me.

However, if she's opposed to using any sort of contraception herself, you need to question if you're still going to sleep with her. I wouldn't be with a guy who refused to use condoms, whether I was on the pill or not. I don't see how this is any different.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

I think he means best for us. He's already wearing condoms, there's nothing more he personally can do to prevent pregnancy. I think he's just being responsible, wanting to minimise the risk as much as possible - the pill is the obvious choice. It's not like he'll be giving up the condoms when she goes on the pill, he wants them to use both... or at least, that's how it reads to me.

OP, if your gf has a valid reason for not wanting to go on the pill, there's not much you can do. Ask her about other barrier methods, as other posters have said. The diaphragm combined with condoms is very effective, so my own doctor tells me.

However, if she's opposed to using any sort of contraception herself, you need to question if you're still going to sleep with her. I wouldn't be with a guy who refused to use condoms, whether I was on the pill or not. I don't see how this is any different.

He is being responsible fair play and all that. But at then end of the day if she doesn't want to she doesn't want to. He can't decide for both of them, other than to put up or leave her. If the sex is that important to him he should leave the girl alone and not try to put pressure on her to do something she's obviously not comfortable doing. I'm sorry I didn't realise we were back in the day when the man made the decisions for his OH I don't see her as being any less responsible. Hey we agree, it was just the way he phrased it that seemed odd.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

I think he means best for us. He's already wearing condoms, there's nothing more he personally can do to prevent pregnancy.

I suppose abstinence is out of the question?

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

Did you read what I said? Or are you just being argumentative? Most Europeans are a lot better informed on all things medical than Irish people in general, verging on hyperchondria, ever seen a European's drug cabinet? It's like a small chemist. Having lived in a number of European countries I have learned these things.Please read what I say and digest it before jumping on a high-horse. I think anyone who has experience of living abroad will agree with me.

Saying the side effects are few and far between proves how little you know. Thanks for proving my point.

Someone deigning to disagree with you is not being argumentative Prinz. I'd love to know where you have gotten these ideas from about Irish people v European. A large amount of prescription only drugs are sold over the counter in European Countries therefore they would naturally have a lot of them in there medicine cabinet, this does in no way indicate that they are more knowledgable on the subject.

Darling I lived in Amsterdam for 2 years, I've lived in AUstralia for 1 and most recently Barcelona for another 2 years.

I am also a pharmacist just in case you think I am not informed enough on the matter.

Now please stop going off topic and making this about you, the OP has asked for advice and is entitled to receive it from everyone,not just you.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

I suppose abstinence is out of the question?

I said that at the end there... if she won't budge, he has to reconsider sleeping with her

prinz wrote: »

I'm sorry I didn't realise we were back in the day when the man made the decisions for his OH I don't see her as being any less responsible. Hey we agree, it was just the way he phrased it that seemed odd.

But she IS less responsible. Let's put it the other way around - I'm on the pill, I don't feel that's safe enough, my bf refuses to wear condoms in order to decrease the risk for whatever reason... to embarrased to buy them, doesn't like wearing them, no sensation, blah.

That wouldn't be ok, would it?! That's the woman making the decision for a man (we have to use condoms), and we're ok with her doing that - why not the other way around?

The OP is just asking for a bit more protection. And while there ARE valid reasons for not wanting to go on the pill, side effects etc, she doesn't seem to be seriously considering them, she's just waving them off. Which is really unfair on the OP.

LegacyUser

unreg-guy wrote: »

I know about the other options but the pill is probably the best for us. I'm not forcing her into anything, but she has said she would go to the doctor and ee what's best for her but she still hasn't bothered to go, just makes up excuses and when I ask she says she will do it soon. I dunno if she is afraid of going or what

Have you asked her that? You should be offering to go with her OP, it takes two to tango...

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

Someone deigning to disagree with you is not being argumentative Prinz. I'd love to know where you have gotten these ideas from about Irish people v European. A large amount of prescription only drugs are sold over the counter in European Countries therefore they would naturally have a lot of them in there medicine cabinet, this does in no way indicate that they are more knowledgable on the subject.

Darling I lived in Amsterdam for 2 years, I've lived in AUstralia for 1 and most recently Barcelona for another 2 years.

I am also a pharmacist just in case you think I am not informed enough on the matter.

Now please stop going off topic and making this about you, the OP has asked for advice and is entitled to receive it from everyone,not just you.

YOU made it about me. Personal experience poster. And accusing me of a sleight on Irish people because I said in general in my experience.... that's not disagreeing, that's being argumentative. I gave advice. I am not stopping anyone else from giving advice.......

And please don't ever refer to me as "Darling" ever again.

Nevyn

prinz banned for one week for off topic and unhelful posting.