Lads "Banter".... Opinions?

coillcam · 27-02-2009 03:42PM #1

Okay I started this thread out curiosity as to what peoples opinion is on the way men talk in public and what is kosher re: women?

So I was out with a mate from work and 2 of his friends that I don't know too well last night and their general attitude to women and how they talked about them really bugged me.

There was this girl too who's birthday it was and her mates were trying to get guys to give her a birthday kiss as you do. So the 3 guys laughed in her mates face when she asked them to oblige as she was a bit plump and joked about it. So I went over and gave her a peck as I don't care, it's only a laugh. Obviously the lads needled me, whatever.

Not just that but the level of misogyny was disturbing, save 15 minutes of talk about gaming - as 2 of the lads work for a well known retailer - and the same on traveling and football, the night descended into an unwavering critique of women being prickteases, tarts, sluts, fat (2 of the lads are quite horizontally challenged I must add :rolleyes:) and not fit for general society. I suppose their mothers and sisters were included their too. It really reminded of the guys chatting in American Psycho but to the nth degree.

What made most of this worst was the fact there were a couple of older ladies in their 50's closest to us in the pub for the duration. Now I have no problem chatting about sex or women or any topic for that matter it just bugs me when guys debase women to the very point of being a sub-species so to speak.

Funniest thing of all though is the lads won't reckon they'll cheat on their women

Should I have fecked off? Yes I did. Do I need different friends ? I have plenty of others.

So what is the fairer sex's take on the way men talk in public? What sort of tales do you have?

Nevyn · 27-02-2009 03:56PM

Those are not men those are boys and they need to learn, respect, manners, boundaries and that 'locker room' style banter is not the done thing in public,

consultech · 27-02-2009 04:01PM

coillcam wrote: »

Okay I started this thread out curiosity as to what peoples opinion is on the way men talk in public and what is kosher re: women?

So I was out with a mate from work and 2 of his friends that I don't know too well last night and their general attitude to women and how they talked about them really bugged me.

There was this girl too who's birthday it was and her mates were trying to get guys to give her a birthday kiss as you do. So the 3 guys laughed in her mates face when she asked them to oblige as she was a bit plump and joked about it. So I went over and gave her a peck as I don't care, it's only a laugh. Obviously the lads needled me, whatever.

Not just that but the level of misogyny was disturbing, save 15 minutes of talk about gaming - as 2 of the lads work for a well known retailer - and the same on traveling and football, the night descended into an unwavering critique of women being prickteases, tarts, sluts, fat (2 of the lads are quite horizontally challenged I must add :rolleyes:) and not fit for general society. I suppose their mothers and sisters were included their too. It really reminded of the guys chatting in American Psycho but to the nth degree.

What made most of this worst was the fact there were a couple of older ladies in their 50's closest to us in the pub for the duration. Now I have no problem chatting about sex or women or any topic for that matter it just bugs me when guys debase women to the very point of being a sub-species so to speak.

Funniest thing of all though is the lads won't reckon they'll cheat on their women

Should I have fecked off? Yes I did. Do I need different friends ? I have plenty of others.

So what is the fairer sex's take on the way men talk in public? What sort of tales do you have?

As you've hit on; If you don't like the conversation, you don't have to hang around. Your critique is very general if anything though; D1ckheads are just d1ckheads, regardless of the gender. I think you've just found a couple of d1ckheads. Society is however all-too-touchy about what you should or should not talk about. It's your choice at the end of the day, as long as you're not inconveniencin people all too much. I suspect the experience is exaggerated in your head as you had to hear everything, as part of their group.

I for one can't tolerate the face-numbing inanity that most women spout when they get together, which is fine, and something I have an expectation for. It's why men and women generally don't spend the bulk of their time together, be it with work colleagues or friends etc. You'll find more of what you consider acceptable as conversation by going out within a group of girls.

coillcam · 27-02-2009 04:08PM

consultech wrote: »

As you've hit on; If you don't like the conversation, you don't have to hang around. Your critique is very general if anything though; D1ckheads are just d1ckheads, regardless of the gender. I think you've just found a couple of d1ckheads. Society is however all-too-touchy about what you should or should not talk about. It's you choice at the end of the day.

I for one can't tolerate the face-numbing inanity that most women spout when they get together, which is fine, and something I have an expectation for. It's why men and women generally don't spend the bulk of their time together, be it with work colleagues or friends etc. You'll find more of what you consider acceptable as conversation by going out within a group of girls.

As for being touchy feely, yes I agree. You can barely crack a joke about an animal without someone being ready to contact the ISPCA or PETA. I love a good joke and animals too fwiw.

On topic of chatting to girls some of my best friends are women and some of the most insightful conversations I've had were in the presence of some fantastic women. If I'm ever looking for life advice or relationship counsel etc. the women are where it's at. A lot of my male mates of the equivalent age are grossly immature and shrug shoulders followed by a grunt.

Christ I'm starting to sound like some sort of butch lesbian feminist

Ginny · 27-02-2009 04:13PM

What age group were they?

Dudess · 27-02-2009 04:18PM

All that "I'd ride the hole off the bitch" stuff is the preserve of morons/macho "lad" type wannabes/those guys who are so pitifully insecure they feel a need to "impress" their friends/certain After Hours regulars - and not all guys are any of the above.

Dragan · 27-02-2009 04:45PM

Is that what lads banter is?

**** me, i'm glad i've never had it.

omb0wyn5ehpij9 · 27-02-2009 04:52PM

I hate crap talk like this aswell, and thankfully my mates don't do much/any of it.

Pyr0 · 27-02-2009 05:01PM

I find nothing wrong with saying to your mates "Yer wan over there, wouldn't kick her out of the bed !" when having a laugh with the lads and a few drinks because lets face it, most men have said it at some point in time and only really mean it in a "Yeah she's pretty attractive", it's just when it's every second girl that walks past and said in a very "I've no respect for women" type tone then it's gets really annoying and comes across as typical "da lads" type behavior.

Laughing in the girls face was just really low, it's her birthday and a bit of a laugh and I agree it really was a ladish excuse to use that she was plump or whatever. If a girl asked me to do it I would albeit on the cheek as I'm taken !

I don't mind any conversation really as long as it's not too 'out there'. If one of my mates was talking about a girl who we all knew was a pricktease or a slut then fair enough. It's only when the conversation is about a girl that happened to walk by wearing a short skirt who no one knows at all is suddenly a slut and a pricktease/tart then that's totally not on, thankfully none of my mates are like that.

omb0wyn5ehpij9 · 27-02-2009 05:03PM

Pyr0 wrote: »

I find nothing wrong with saying to your mates "Yer wan over there, wouldn't kick her out of the bed !" when having a laugh with the lads and a few drinks because lets face it, most men have said it at some point in time and only really mean it in a "Yeah she's pretty attractive", it's just when it's every second girl that walks past and said in a very "I've no respect for women" type tone then it's gets really annoying and comes across as typical "da lads" type behavior.

Think you hit the nail on the head there!

Dudess · 27-02-2009 05:10PM

Pyr0 wrote: »

I find nothing wrong with saying to your mates "Yer wan over there, wouldn't kick her out of the bed !" when having a laugh with the lads and a few drinks because lets face it, most men have said it at some point in time and only really mean it in a "Yeah she's pretty attractive"

Oh of course... it ain't what you say, it's the way that you say it.

I don't mind any conversation really as long as it's not too 'out there'. If one of my mates was talking about a girl who we all knew was a pricktease or a slut then fair enough.

... as long as they don't go on to accept sex from that "slut" which, in fairness, is usually the case with guys who bitch and moan about girls being sluts.

LolaLuv · 27-02-2009 05:24PM

I'm American and have noticed this "lad culture" a lot more since I came to Ireland. I think it exists in America, too, but for some reason American guys hide it around women more. It's sort of annoying, but it's all just talk. I agree it might be due to insecurity, but at the end of the day it's just mates joking.

Bluscreendream · 27-02-2009 05:34PM

"Jazuz yer one over there, I wouldn't ride her if she had peddles"

A Primal Nut · 27-02-2009 05:36PM

PillyPen wrote: »

I'm American and have noticed this "lad culture" a lot more since I came to Ireland. I think it exists in America, too, but for some reason American guys hide it around women more. It's sort of annoying, but it's all just talk. I agree it might be due to insecurity, but at the end of the day it's just mates joking.

Exactly...myself and my friends may certainly seem fairly misogynist to an outsider, but really we are just joking around - nobody takes that stuff seriously, even girls. Although girls usually pretend to be offended - one joke about **** and its uggggggggghhhhhhh!!...yeah like they don't do it themselves.:rolleyes:

the stuff in the original thread is fairly rediculous, but its not typical lads banter as that seemed to revolve around insecurity about the fact they can't get girls themselves. Most "lads banter" is the opposite and involves guys joking about how they can get any girl.:p

Dudess · 27-02-2009 05:37PM

PillyPen wrote: »

I'm American and have noticed this "lad culture" a lot more since I came to Ireland. I think it exists in America, too, but for some reason American guys hide it around women more. It's sort of annoying, but it's all just talk. I agree it might be due to insecurity, but at the end of the day it's just mates joking.

Generally, when it's just joking, it's good-natured... but there can be some really nasty stuff when it goes too far (like in the OP).
I thought in the US that frat boys carried on with all that crap (well in the movies they do anyway...

)

Pyr0 · 27-02-2009 05:44PM

Bluscreendream wrote: »

"Jazuz yer one over there, I wouldn't ride her if she had peddles"

I have to admit though, whenever I hear a new version of that kinda line I have to laugh.

LolaLuv · 27-02-2009 05:45PM

Dudess wrote: »

Generally, when it's just joking, it's good-natured... but there can be some really nasty stuff when it goes too far (like in the OP).
I thought in the US that frat boys carried on with all that crap (well in the movies they do anyway... )

Haha, they definitely do, but everyone except other frat boys thinks frat boys are immature beefcakes, so I wouldn't hold their behavior as the standard. :pac:

The thing about Irish guys doing it is it's usually funny. Like it's more of a way for them to display their humor than to degrade women, although woman are the unfortunate subjects. (I dunno, this is all based on about 5 months of observation. :rolleyes:)

Dord · 27-02-2009 05:49PM

Dragan wrote: »

Is that what lads banter is?

**** me, i'm glad i've never had it.

+1

I've come across it but thankfully I don't have to deal with this crap with my friends.

Dudess · 27-02-2009 05:50PM

A Primal Nut wrote: »

girls usually pretend to be offended - one joke about **** and its uggggggggghhhhhhh!!

Oh well I hate that nonsense.

the stuff in the original thread is fairly rediculous

Cruel and nasty too.

Bluscreendream · 27-02-2009 05:53PM

Bluscreendream wrote: »

"Jazuz yer one over there, I wouldn't ride her if she had peddles"

"Ah yeah Baz... sure the bleedin' tide wouldn't take her out"

the_syco · 27-02-2009 05:58PM

coillcam wrote: »

Funniest thing of all though is the lads won't reckon they'll cheat on their women

Thaedydal wrote: »

Those are not men those are boys and they need to learn, respect, manners, boundaries and that 'locker room' style banter is not the done thing in public,

I find people who have gf's talk different than single men. Not condoning their behaviour, but those out on the pull are usually a lot more polite in the company of the gender that they intend to pull/score/hump/shift/fúck.

coillcam wrote: »

If I'm ever looking for life advice or relationship counsel etc. the women are where it's at. A lot of my male mates of the equivalent age are grossly immature and shrug shoulders followed by a grunt.

So the ladies know what other ladies want, and how to sort out relationship problems, but the your "male mates of the equivalent age" don't know what goes on inside a girls head?

=-=

Most of the lads I drink with, a pat on the shoulder, a nod in the right direction, a nod and a smile or "sucking in of air" expression conveys the message, esp in the noisy Fibbers/Bruxells where shouting "look at the fine piece of ass" isn't always hearable, and she'd be gone by the time you hear it.

The other mates would refer to women as you'd refer to fine art, unless the women is fubar, in which we laugh, and move on.

Dudess · 27-02-2009 06:01PM

People who make fun of others' appearances do so to feel better about themselves. A truly confident, happy person just wouldn't feel the urge.

27-02-2009 06:16PM

Dudess wrote: »

People who make fun of others' appearances do so to feel better about themselves. A truly confident, happy person just wouldn't feel the urge.

HHmm I don't know if some of the people I've heard this kind of chat out of, are self aware enough to feel a lack of confidence.

Still I'd listen to ugly men abuse women they can't have anyday, rather than be co-opted into a bitchy click.

coillcam · 27-02-2009 08:15PM

Ginny wrote: »

What age group were they?

I'm 22. Two of the guys are 24 and the other lad is 26 iirc.

the_syco wrote: »

So the ladies know what other ladies want, and how to sort out relationship problems, but the your "male mates of the equivalent age" don't know what goes on inside a girls head?

Well it's more of a case the girls vs the guys of a similar age, they are more mature in general and their perspective and insight seems to be a lot closer to the mark. Early 20's that is.....

Also @ the_syco, I must have bumped into you in Fibbers last year at some stage. Friday mornings were always tough at work after the Thursday in Fibbers.

27-02-2009 08:38PM

Meh I take it all with a pinch of salt. I've spent plenty of time in the pub with my boyfriend's mates and they slag each other about 'roidin dat ugly burd' and talk about what so-and-so would be like in bed and there's usually talk of willies at some point. They wouldn't be as disrespectful as the men mentioned in the OP but it's not very mature. I think it's all just banter, not an indication of their true thoughts or feelings. Doesn't really bother me.

Snowie · 28-02-2009 02:36AM

my friends do it, sometimes i think its malicious and unfair. Other time's I know there having a laugh and other times i dont even listen to it... itsw just one of those things....

K-9 · 28-02-2009 03:49AM

Dudess wrote: »

All that "I'd ride the hole off the bitch" stuff is the preserve of morons/macho "lad" type wannabes/those guys who are so pitifully insecure they feel a need to "impress" their friends/certain After Hours regulars - and not all guys are any of the above.

Agreed.

Strangely, it seems to increasingly apply to girls more than lads IME.

Why that is would be an interesting topic.

MJOR · 28-02-2009 08:49AM

I think there is nothing wrong with a bit of banter but those guys were pigs. All this "I wouldn't get up on her to get over a wall" and "Jaysus Radion wouldn't shift her" kinda talk bugs me but women do it too. They aren't as obvious. There is a thread on here that asks why women in clubs are so rude etc. This is sometimes why.
Not everyone has the same beliefs about what appropriate behaviour is. I hate all thoses words like slut too. They unnerve me

PK2008 · 28-02-2009 11:32PM

Yeh, the only thing worse than those mysogonistic a55holes are the guy's who cosy up to women by pointing out how bad other guys are, you know the one's OP; they usually come up with an imaginary scenario where a man has acted terribly then say how disgusted they were by the behaviour, the inference being how "sweet" they are in comparison.

Handsome Bob · 01-03-2009 12:35AM

coillcam wrote: »

It really reminded of the guys chatting in American Psycho but to the nth degree.

Nope, the yupees in American Psycho are top blokes in comparison to your mates. Jesus, at least Patrick Bateman was in a position where you'd expect narcissism.:pac:

joes girls · 01-03-2009 12:36AM

bit of banter is good rite laugh dont have to get to dirty or hurtful but i think girls do it as much as men we do hottie watch in work and would say everything you can think about men.

Lads "Banter".... Opinions?

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