Agony Auntie Fred

Hermy · 22-02-2009 08:38PM

Grand so.
I feel better now.

Nerin · 22-02-2009 08:39PM

Nerin wrote: »

A tracker mortgage is similar to a standard variable rate mortgage, with one main difference - it 'tracks' the European Central Bank (ECB) rates. The benefit is that it commits the lender to keeping their 'margin' (the markup they charge on top of the wholesale rate) under a certain level.

...

kerash · 22-02-2009 08:41PM

queen-mise wrote: »

That cant be done nerin. The mantle of agony auntie fred needs to be handed over willingly.

I'm being assaulted and I'm barely in the door :eek:
I presume as I'm being made redundant there will be a massive pay out. + I'll be keeping the credit card.

Nerin wrote: »

Yes. I can.

Can you tell me why Herms ignores my advises?

Nerin · 22-02-2009 08:44PM

kerash wrote: »

I'm being assaulted and I'm barely in the door :eek:
I presume as I'm being made redundant there will be a massive pay out. + I'll be keeping the credit card.

Can you tell me why Herms ignores my advises?

Because you may be a good advices giver,but you don't have the fierceness of a true ruler.

Hermy · 22-02-2009 08:52PM

kerash wrote: »

...nobody knows what a tracker mortgage is.

Nerin wrote: »

A tracker mortgage is similar to a standard variable rate mortgage, with one main difference - it 'tracks' the European Central Bank (ECB) rates. The benefit is that it commits the lender to keeping their 'margin' (the markup they charge on top of the wholesale rate) under a certain level.

:rolleyes:

Queen-Mise · 22-02-2009 10:32PM

Dear Queen Nerin,

I have a problem in my marraige. I am having lustful thoughts for a man in an army uniform What should I do?

queen-mise

Nerin · 22-02-2009 10:36PM

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Queen Nerin,

I have a problem in my marraige. I am having lustful thoughts for a man in an army uniform What should I do?

queen-mise

Dear queen-mise,

While we all know that many women find a warrior attractive, would giving up the love of a learned wizard and philosopher really be worth it. My advice is,live out your fantasies with the man you are with. An army surplus store can be a great place to find outfits and accessories to spice things up. Failing that,the local armourer is always a safe bet. Not only will you find a warrior garb attractive on your man,but it will also give him added practical protection from beasts and monsters in his day to day life.

joes girls · 22-02-2009 10:39PM

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Queen Nerin,

I have a problem in my marraige. I am having lustful thoughts for a man in an army uniform What should I do?

queen-mise

must be something in the water i also have marraige problems and have lustful thoughts but its any man and he dont have to be in a uniform of any kind:eek::o:confused:

Nerin · 22-02-2009 10:45PM

joes girls wrote: »

must be something in the water i also have marraige problems and have lustful thoughts but its any man and he dont have to be in a uniform of any kind:eek::o:confused:

Nymphomania seems to be a common problem in these modern times. My advice to you is to seek medical advice as soon as possible,an enlarged or enflamed internal area can often be to blame. My pamphlet on nymphomania is in the post to you dear.

joes girls · 22-02-2009 10:51PM

Nerin wrote: »

Nymphomania seems to be a common problem in these modern times. My advice to you is to seek medical advice as soon as possible,an enlarged or enflamed internal area can often be to blame. My pamphlet on nymphomania is in the post to you dear.

thanks nerin but all i am doing these days is counting to a million......in ma pants and dont know if i like or dont like and now you want me to wait on post i need something to happen now;)

Nerin · 22-02-2009 10:53PM

joes girls wrote: »

thanks nerin but all i am doing these days is counting to a million......in ma pants and dont know if i like or dont like and now you want me to wait on post i need something to happen now;)

Pornography is what people these days turn to for a quick fix solution in times of frustration.

randylonghorn · 23-02-2009 01:50AM

Nerin wrote: »

Pornography is what people these days turn to for a quick fix solution in times of frustration.

Heh ... so at least some of us are recession-proof! :cool:

colrow · 23-02-2009 11:51AM

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I used to own this counselling practise, and sold it to queen mise, she hasnt paid me for it yet, and now I see shes sold it on to yourself.

She owes me 37c which was the agreed price, based on a valuation by Anglo Irish Bank.

My question is how much did she flog it to you for ?

And also as I'm in Scootland and want to fit in, what should I wear under my Kilt, especially when its snowing ?

yours

Uncle fred

Nerin · 23-02-2009 01:01PM

colrow wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I used to own this counselling practise, and sold it to queen mise, she hasnt paid me for it yet, and now I see shes sold it on to yourself.

She owes me 37c which was the agreed price, based on a valuation by Anglo Irish Bank.

My question is how much did she flog it to you for ?

And also as I'm in Scootland and want to fit in, what should I wear under my Kilt, especially when its snowing ?

yours

Uncle fred

Dear colrow,
I'm sending you pamphlets on being gullible and making bad business decisions.

I hear cotton boxers will suffice under a kilt,just don't shave your legs.

Agony Aunt Nerin

Queen-Mise · 24-02-2009 03:34PM

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I have a serious problem, I love too men - Staker and Colrow. It is a real problem as one of them has a vampire fetish and the other is a crow lover. How do I pick and choose between. I am abandoned one of them at the altar in Dublin Airport to spend time here with the other.
Oh Nerin, how do i pick between these loves... Do you have any answers.

Queen-mise

Nerin · 24-02-2009 05:38PM

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I have a serious problem, I love too men - Staker and Colrow. It is a real problem as one of them has a vampire fetish and the other is a crow lover. How do I pick and choose between. I am abandoned one of them at the altar in Dublin Airport to spend time here with the other.
Oh Nerin, how do i pick between these loves... Do you have any answers.

Queen-mise

Dear queen-mise,

Pick the crow lover,keep the dream alive. If you still are torn between them,why not make it literal.
My pamphlet on menage et tois, "spitroast,its whats for dinner", will answer more question.

Aunt Nerin

colrow · 25-02-2009 10:31AM

Dear Aunty Nerrin

I've joined the single thread, and my only possessions are a gun, a solar panel, a springer spaniel three guitars and a crate of hob nobs,

Will this be enuff to entice queen mise to get me out of the single thread.

col mcCrow

Nerin · 25-02-2009 10:32AM

colrow wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerrin

I've joined the single thread, and my only possessions are a gun, a solar panel, a springer spaniel three guitars and a crate of hob nobs,

Will this be enuff to entice queen mise to get me out of the single thread.

col mcCrow

Yes,it will. I suggest watchin reruns of mac guyver to see how.

colrow · 25-02-2009 11:10AM

Thank you Aunty nerin

Can you send me my free dvd player so I can watch the reruns.

Nerin · 25-02-2009 11:29AM

colrow wrote: »

Thank you Aunty nerin

Can you send me my free dvd player so I can watch the reruns.

My pamphlet on gambling will help you get the funds for a new dvd player. I've also set up an email appointment with the generous prince of nigeria for you.

colrow · 25-02-2009 11:58AM

Nerin wrote: »

My pamphlet on gambling will help you get the funds for a new dvd player. I've also set up an email appointment with the generous prince of nigeria for you.

rotflmao

I'm waiting to here about a door knob in nigeria, I'd better keep my rifle to take there

Melted M&M · 25-02-2009 06:53PM

Dear Aunty

I tend to pick my nose and rub it under flat surfaces but this now has escalated into rubbing the snot everywhere for all to see and get slightly giddy when someone put there hand on it what do I do please help

Public snot flicker

Nerin · 25-02-2009 08:39PM

Melted M&M wrote: »

Dear Aunty

I tend to pick my nose and rub it under flat surfaces but this now has escalated into rubbing the snot everywhere for all to see and get slightly giddy when someone put there hand on it what do I do please help

Public snot flicker

I sent you pamphlet on "living like a filthy animal" and a shotgun shell. Enjoy.

Queen-Mise · 25-02-2009 09:03PM

Dear Agony Aunt Nerin,

I am having delusions of marrying Jack Sparrow and living on his pirate ship, what should I do. I keep swaying as I walk around the house, praticising my sea legs and I am putting Aaarr in all my sentences. For some reason I want to plait and dreadlock my hair also.

Yours aarr

Queen-mise

Nerin · 25-02-2009 09:14PM

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Agony Aunt Nerin,

I am having delusions of marrying Jack Sparrow and living on his pirate ship, what should I do. I keep swaying as I walk around the house, praticising my sea legs and I am putting Aaarr in all my sentences. For some reason I want to plait and dreadlock my hair also.

Yours aarr

Queen-mise

While searching amazon today,i found a lovely wenches outfit <i was searching for pirate shirts>.
Put it on and live your dream.

colrow · 26-02-2009 09:33AM

Deer Auntie Nerin,

I'm having problesm wtih my keyboards, its got dxslexai i think, how can i hple it, would marrying queen mise solve all its pwoblems, sometmies it lithps as well

Nerin · 26-02-2009 10:25AM

Marrying queen-mise solves all problems. If the government married her there'd be no recession. Too bad for them she has taste. I don't know if her taste will affect you though...

colrow · 26-02-2009 10:32AM

Dear Aunty Nerin

Have you any knoledge of Queen-Mise's flavour, would srtawbeery sauce or chocolate sauce make her taste better

Nerin · 26-02-2009 10:36AM

colrow wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerin

Have you any knoledge of Queen-Mise's flavour, would srtawbeery sauce or chocolate sauce make her taste better

The correct,or nearest,to those flavours would be shocklate or rawberry.

colrow · 26-02-2009 10:39AM

rotflmao

Agony Auntie Fred

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