Worst/funniest/stupid comebacks/insults youve heard

Sharpshooter · 22-02-2009 03:02AM

latchyco wrote: »

I had you in mind SS and of course knew you would know what a dead arm was .I was just reliving my schoolhood days ( ooch )
which is why I didn't quote you

But, you still haven't explained.:(

/am I really the only one who got lost in the middle of his post.

Latchy · 22-02-2009 03:07AM

Sharpshooter wrote: »

But, you still haven't explained.:(

/am I really the only one who got lost in the middle of his post.

Ah right SS .Sorry

I am thinking the GnySgt. Hartman in question was the guy fron the movie ' Full Metal Jacket ' altough I also thought the comback wasn't to funny either

Howzat ?

Abi · 22-02-2009 03:11AM

latchyco wrote: »

What a load of ghey !

Dennis the Stone · 22-02-2009 03:20AM

A few years back my housemate insulted the other weird guy living with us and he said: "Suck my mother's fuc*ing dick"

Overheal · 22-02-2009 03:31AM

Well IM rubber and YOUR glue.....May I sniff you?

gandhi123 · 22-02-2009 04:53AM

"...at least i can prematurely ejaculate!!"

My best mate actually used this in a slagging match... goin back 6 years or so , but he still gets stick bout it ha:pac:

Adiboo · 22-02-2009 09:42AM

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Oh yeah? Well the Jerkstore called and they're all outta you...

Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!

FlyOver · 22-02-2009 10:21AM

Adiboo wrote: »

Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!

Oh yeah? Well she has *insert nasty STD/STI here*!

Armin_Tamzarian · 22-02-2009 11:22AM

Adiboo wrote: »

Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!

Yeah? Well the Zoo called, they said you were due back in your cage at 6...

golden gal · 22-02-2009 11:26AM

Heard somebody slagging a girl in a night club and they said "If that girls skirt was any shorter I could be her gynecologist!!"

Wibbs · 22-02-2009 11:38AM

Drunken woman* to me, "so do you want my number then?". Me, "naw it's ok I got off the gents wall earlier".

*she was a right battleaxe and I don't mean looks. Insulting all and sundry for the night, got an itch in her pants and figured I could scratch it. Horny as I was I reckoned I'd get an itch if I allowed her to climb on

thebigcheese22 · 22-02-2009 11:40AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Drunken woman* to me, "so do you want my number then?". Me, "naw it's ok I got off the gents wall earlier".

*she was a right battleaxe and I don't mean looks. Insulting all and sundry for the night, got an itch in her pants and figured I could scratch it. Horny as I was I reckoned I'd get an itch if I allowed her to climb on

Noice!!! :cool:

deadhead13 · 22-02-2009 11:54AM

Cycling down a quiet suburban road in london a few years back - a car backs out of a drive, shoots straight accross the road causing me to swerve and brake hard.

Naturally my response was - "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING YOU ****** IDIOT"

Women driver rolls down her window and asks - "Do you pay road tax?"

NorthernRock · 22-02-2009 01:12PM

To woman:

"I wouldn't get up on ya to hop over a wall"

"You've a face on ya like a shotgun suicide"

"You don't sweat much for a fat bird"

norwegianwood · 22-02-2009 01:45PM

you there with your big.....socks.....and your arse hanging out!:rolleyes:

Amaru KGB · 22-02-2009 01:49PM

You have a face like a melted wellie

You have a face like a bucket of crabs

Armin_Tamzarian · 22-02-2009 02:02PM

You're Ma's so fat...
Willy freed her...

WoollyRedHat · 22-02-2009 02:08PM

We'll call them Trevor and Rodger

Trevor is rather tall, Rodger is rather quiet.

Trevor:Be careful, don't use up all your words tonight!

A while passes

Trevor: Woah that firework was big!

Rodger: Not as big as you though!

Well I laughed.

YER_MA · 22-02-2009 07:27PM

my mates down at the canal slagging off each others mothers
then I heard this comeback:

that's inappropriate...yeah...LIKE YER MA'S CHEST HAIR

hahah

banshee_bones · 22-02-2009 07:33PM

"YOUR MOTHER!"
repsonse
"YOUR MOTHERS FACE!"
response
YOUR GRANDMOTHERS FACE"
response
"My Grandmother is dead."

tony1kenobi · 22-02-2009 07:44PM

banshee_bones wrote: »

"YOUR MOTHER!"
repsonse
"YOUR MOTHERS FACE!"
response
YOUR GRANDMOTHERS FACE"
response
"My Grandmother is dead."

response
YOUR GRANDMOTHERS FACE IS DEAD"

....and so on.

Biggins · 22-02-2009 07:59PM

Used to work for a cab firm years ago as a student.
Eventually got pissed off with the drunks asking stupid questions so I stared giving them stupid answers.
You would get some right confused faces when they can't answer back quick enough.
You could nearly see the gears of their brains trying to work!

Example:

Can I get another taxi?
Me: Why? What did you do with the first one?

How long will the cab be?
Me: About 13 foot.

Will it be much longer
Me: Yea - may be another inch or two!

Where's me frakin' taxi???
Me: So sorry - I can't see it thru the walls!

Your a smart arse aren't you?
Me: If I was, do you think I'd be doing this schite?

Think your funny?
Me: No, but you drop dead in front of the counter, I will laugh!

I'm going to slap you silly!
Me: I'd rather you'd slap me brainy!

Is there much holding it up???
Me: Yea, four wheels to begin with!

I'm not waiting for this cab any longer!
Me: Well if you waite a little longer, he might leave you a tip on the table!

and so on...

I had loads of them.

anplaya · 22-02-2009 09:13PM

out with me mates b4,girl comes over and starts chatting to us,telling us that she likes one of the guys etc.shes a stunner but hes not showing any interest as he has a girlfriend.she goes to him oh ya have a girlfriend and hes like yeah.shes like look at me im georgous and all that ,loving herself,she says to him how can ya turn me down

he just turns around and says to her really slowly 'easily'.the look on her face,cue all of us pissin ourselves laughing n her slinking off in a huff back to where she was with her mates:pac:

javaboy · 22-02-2009 09:36PM

Biggins wrote: »

Used to work for a cab firm years ago as a student.
Eventually got pissed off with the drunks asking stupid questions so I stared giving them stupid answers.
You would get some right confused faces when they can't answer back quick enough.
You could nearly see the gears of their brains trying to work!

Example:

Can I get another taxi?
Me: Why? What did you do with the first one?

How long will the cab be?
Me: About 13 foot.

Will it be much longer
Me: Yea - may be another inch or two!

Where's me frakin' taxi???
Me: So sorry - I can't see it thru the walls!

Your a smart arse aren't you?
Me: If I was, do you think I'd be doing this schite?

Think your funny?
Me: No, but you drop dead in front of the counter, I will laugh!

I'm going to slap you silly!
Me: I'd rather you'd slap me brainy!

Is there much holding it up???
Me: Yea, four wheels to begin with!

I'm not waiting for this cab any longer!
Me: Well if you waite a little longer, he might leave you a tip on the table!

and so on...

I had loads of them.

I know a girl who used to act like that in a cab office with the drunks. She pushed it too far one night and got attacked when leaving work.

Armin_Tamzarian · 25-03-2009 04:43PM

Just rememberd another one....

Was flying along at about 90MPH with my mate one day in his
northern reg, skip on wheels.
The two of us were only about 17 or 18.

We were on our way to Galway, back seat of the car full of cans, etc...

My mate get's pulled over for speeding.
The Garda comes up to the window of the car, looks in with disgust,
smirks and says, "do you know how long I've been waiting
for a [EMAIL="c@nt"]c@nt[/EMAIL] like you to come along"?

My mate just answers straight back,
"Sorry Garda, I got here as quick as I could"...

He managed to get a laugh out of him but still got the ticket...

Professey Chin · 25-03-2009 04:47PM

Heres what you did

anplaya wrote: »

out with me mates b4,girl comes over and starts chatting to us,telling us that she likes one of the guys etc.shes a stunner but hes not showing any interest as he has a girlfriend.she goes to him oh ya have a girlfriend and hes like yeah.shes like look at me im georgous and all that ,loving herself,she says to him how can ya turn me down

he just turns around and says to her really slowly 'easily'.the look on her face,cue all of us pissin ourselves laughing n her slinking off in a huff back to where she was with her mates:pac:

Heres what you shoulda done

he just turns around and says to her really slowly 'easily'.the look on her face,cue me comforting her embarassment and ridin the sexy arse off her later that night before kicking her out to continue the full of herself point

Amateur:rolleyes:

Smart Bug · 25-03-2009 04:54PM

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Just rememberd another one....

Was flying along at about 90MPH with my mate one day in his
northern reg, skip on wheels.
The two of us were only about 17 or 18.

We were on our way to Galway, back seat of the car full of cans, etc...

My mate get's pulled over for speeding.
The Garda comes up to the window of the car, looks in with disgust,
smirks and says, "do you know how long I've been waiting
for a c@nt like you to come along"?

My mate just answers straight back,
"Sorry Garda, I got here as quick as I could"...

He managed to get a laugh out of him but still got the ticket...

:rolleyes:

I can't think of one right now BUT at least I didn't rip-off this tired old joke from the last e-mail to do the rounds of the office.

sub-x · 25-03-2009 04:58PM

Years back me and mate where walking down street bumped into this scanger who took offense to us having long hair so expressing his outrage this is what he said:

"If I had a brain,I wouldn't have a hair cut like yours"

Sir Gallagher · 25-03-2009 05:00PM

Mike Tyson is the best for the ol insults
To Lennox Lewis
"I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

or

To a reporter
"I'll f/uck you til you love me, fag.got"

Snowie · 25-03-2009 05:13PM

used to live in a house where we tended to have a lot of house partys....
this one was perticularly going well we hada bouncing castle big fire booth house where full of people and the place was rocking...

Was standing at the door way smoking a spliff admiring the work we put in...
there's two girls standing oposit me chating away to each other never seen them in my life before, must of smelled the canabiss,
One of the them turns round to me and starts lecturing me going thats disgracefull smoking spliffs
In other people house's.
me : really?
her : yeah its really rude i think you should put that out!
me : theres a slight problem with that
her : what ?
Me ; I live here

her face droped and was like well errrr we where invited here and some one handed us these beers, yada yada.

me : isnt that what a partys supposed to be like ? walked off

Worst/funniest/stupid comebacks/insults youve heard

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