Agony Auntie Fred

colrow · 19-02-2009 09:01PM #1

Post your problems on here and our regular loonies will attempt to completley screw your life up. I mean help as much as they can in a caring sharing way.

Queen-Mise · 19-02-2009 09:04PM

I love colrow. Help.

colrow · 19-02-2009 09:07PM

Dear Queen Mise.

Don't worry this is completley normal and healthy. Don't forget to give him all your money as well as your total devotion. Cash is best.

445279.ie · 19-02-2009 09:21PM

I have an itchy knee :mad:

What could it be?

colrow · 19-02-2009 09:29PM

This is probably due to an infestation of ring worm, my advice is to spray your sheep with a fungicide before you bring it to bed with you, and keep your pyjama trousers on as well !!!

445279.ie · 19-02-2009 09:31PM

colrow wrote: »

This is probably due to an infestation of ring worm, my advice is to spray your sheep with a fungicide before you bring it to bed with you, and keep your pyjama trousers on as well !!!

Thanks Auntie Fred

I'll keep you posted

colrow · 19-02-2009 09:36PM

445279.ie wrote: »

Thanks Auntie Fred

I'll keep you posted

What a nice polite young man you are, one extra tip horse linoment makes an excellent lubricant for breaking in young sheep's

Einstein · 19-02-2009 09:37PM

i'm beginning to bald slightly from the back...yet from the front you'd never guess it...what do u suggest to help my self confidence?

Rhyme · 19-02-2009 09:45PM

My brain is heavier today. What's wrong/right/indifferent?

colrow · 19-02-2009 09:46PM

Dear Einstein,

I've had this problem myself you know, and |I'll tell you how I deal with it, I have a nice cup of tea, and 2 hob knobs, and hey presto everythings all right with the world, I gave this advice to that nice Mr Bush and see how he's managed to make this world a better place to live.

colrow · 19-02-2009 09:48PM

Rhyme wrote: »

My brain is heavier today. What's wrong/right/indifferent?

Dear Master Rhyme,

I detect that you are a sensitive little sole, and as you go through puberty and your masculine side develops, your brain becomes more dense, in other words you are getting thicker by the day.

Einstein · 19-02-2009 09:50PM

colrow wrote: »

Dear Einstein,

I've had this problem myself you know, and |I'll tell you how I deal with it, I have a nice cup of tea, and 2 hob knobs, and hey presto everythings all right with the world, I gave this advice to that nice Mr Bush and see how he's managed to make this world a better place to live.

hob nobs..check..however i never really did take to tea or coffee...would jack daniels be ok?

Rhyme · 19-02-2009 09:55PM

colrow wrote: »

Dear Master Rhyme,

I detect that you are a sensitive little sole, and as you go through puberty and your masculine side develops, your brain becomes more dense, in other words you are getting thicker by the day.

I'll keep that in min... d... d... DURRRR!

cherryghost · 19-02-2009 10:03PM

Agony Aunt,

Queen-mise keeps taking my win for the last to post wins... thread. Please help.

445279.ie · 19-02-2009 10:05PM

colrow wrote: »

What a nice polite young man you are, one extra tip horse linoment makes an excellent lubricant for breaking in young sheep's

I have no penis

does that mean I'm a nice polite young girl?

colrow · 19-02-2009 11:20PM

Einstein wrote: »

hob nobs..check..however i never really did take to tea or coffee...would jack daniels be ok?

Now, now Einstein its quite clear you are a ravin alcoholic, my patent cure for this is very easy, give all your money and worldly goods to the needy, which i will do for you, just convert it all to cash first, and your drink problem will be over cos you won't be able to afford to drink anymore.

colrow · 19-02-2009 11:26PM

cherryghost wrote: »

Agony Aunt,

Queen-mise keeps taking my win for the last to post wins... thread. Please help.

Dear Cherry Ghost,

Don't you dare try to win anything where dear little queen mise is involved, because she throws the most terrible tantrums if she doesn't get her way.

You just stop your constant whingeing and moaning, and go round to Einsteins and help him sell everything he owns, I'll let you keep 10% so you can go out and buy yourself a nice new frock, and while your at it don't forget a nice cup of tea and 2 hobnobs allways makes the world a better place to be in.

Queen-Mise · 20-02-2009 12:03AM

colrow you are my hero.
Is it wrong that i have a shrine to you in my castle, and I follow you every day, and I go through your rubbish every night. When i see you talking to other people my brain starts to get very red/bloody thoughts - is that ok to have thoughts of doing violent things to girls & boys who are talking to you.

I would like to have you in my own dungeon - because then I would always win.

kerash · 20-02-2009 12:35AM

Who's fred

Duiske · 20-02-2009 12:42AM

Dear Agony Auntie Fred,
I've just recently met the most amazingly sexy girl i have ever set eyes on. I had really given up hope of ever meeting anyone special, especially as my herion addiction and a spell in Mountjoy tend to make girls think twice about getting involved with me.
Add the fact my uncle is inside after being caught with child porn on his PC, and 2 of my brothers are doing time for armed robbery, all this is going to take quite a bit of explaining.
Anyway, I'm getting away from the real issue here. Do you think I should tell her I voted Fianna Fail in the last election ?

colrow · 20-02-2009 06:56AM

kerash wrote: »

Who's fred

Tss tss feeling jealous are you lttle Kerash, thats because you haven't had your hob knobs yet, you know jolly well my keyboard spell chekker is broken, and it goes phonetic sometimes, who's thread indeed, its mine so bog off.

colrow · 20-02-2009 07:05AM

Duiske wrote: »

Dear Agony Auntie Fred,
I've just recently met the most amazingly sexy girl i have ever set eyes on. I had really given up hope of ever meeting anyone special, especially as my herion addiction and a spell in Mountjoy tend to make girls think twice about getting involved with me.
Add the fact my uncle is inside after being caught with child porn on his PC, and 2 of my brothers are doing time for armed robbery, all this is going to take quite a bit of explaining.
Anyway, I'm getting away from the real issue here. Do you think I should tell her I voted Fianna Fail in the last election ?

Dear Dusike,

Just make sure you don't tuck your trousers in your wellies, and she'll be so proud to be with an obvious man of taste and discretion, that any minor problems you've had in your past will mean nothing. As for voting for Fianna to fail, was she a singer in the eurovision song contest, or some minor celeb on x-factor ? Just keep watching nice wholesome programmes like the angelus.

ps To get her in the mood for loving slip her an extra hob nob, with her cup of cocoa before you go to bed, or you could sprinkle crushed up hob knobs over yourself and let her lick them off.

cHaTbOx · 20-02-2009 07:22AM

I enjoy socks and biting a little to much . I can't keep my hands your mother, well i think it is your mother , or somebodies mother .

colrow · 20-02-2009 08:32AM

queen-mise wrote: »

colrow you are my hero.
Is it wrong that i have a shrine to you in my castle, and I follow you every day, and I go through your rubbish every night. When i see you talking to other people my brain starts to get very red/bloody thoughts - is that ok to have thoughts of doing violent things to girls & boys who are talking to you.

I would like to have you in my own dungeon - because then I would always win.

Of course I'm your hero, I'm drooled at by every red blooded female wherever I go, you musn't feel jealous tho cos you are my Chosen One, btw have you completed re-mortgaging your castle and estate, I need the cash urgently for research into black eyed dusky maidens in Bali.

You are very naughty creeping out at night, I thought I ordered you to stay in and speek to no-one unless I am present,

colrow · 20-02-2009 10:24AM

This Thread Is now handed over to her Majesty Queen Mise for a more feminine take on your problems.

Queen-Mise · 20-02-2009 10:32AM

colrow wrote: »

This Thread Is now handed over to her Majesty Queen Mise for a more feminine take on your problems.

Thanking you so much Colrow, I shall look after it most faithfully in your absence.

colrow · 20-02-2009 10:44AM

Dear Aunty Queenie,

Don't worry I'm right behind you, softly caressing your ...

colrow · 20-02-2009 03:52PM

Dear Agony Queen,

Theres this queen wot loves me, she probably thinks of me as a bit of ruff really, if I invite her for breakfast at dublin airport on sunday, on my way back to jimmyland, should I let her nibble on my pork sausage, or is it too soon for that ?

Prof.Badass · 20-02-2009 05:09PM

help. I know a disturbing and embarrasing secret about colrow but i promised i wouldn't tell anyone. I can't hold it in. What should i do?

colrow · 20-02-2009 05:28PM

Common dish the dirt. I needs a bit of excitement in my life, but dont tell the queen

Prof.Badass · 20-02-2009 06:25PM

HE TOUCHES HIMSELF :eek:!

Agony Auntie Fred

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