Funniest accident you've seen/done Merge

Sanjuro · 28-01-2009 05:38PM

Myself and my younger sister were in Superquin with my mother back in the day. I was about 9, she 7. In one corner of the shop, the guniuses up top had the bright idea to build about 300 Club Milks into this rather large wall on top of a display. Kind of like the world's biggest game of Jenga. Me, being the 'bright but cowardly spark,' challenged my sister to remove one of the Club Milks from somewhere in the middle of the wall. She being the 'easily led-astray and not world-wise' kid she was proceeded to gingerly remove one of the Club Milks from the wall. I stood back.

What happened next will be burned into my brain forever. Unfolding in slow-motion, the wall proceeded to fall apart on top of my sister. In a vain attempt to salvage the situation, my infantesimally small in comparison to the tidle wave of chocolate bricks sister assumed the Jesus Christ pose, arms out-stretched, trying to stem the tide. So many Club Milks fell about her, she was buried almost up to her waist. My mother arrived on the scene and proceeded to clatter the f**k out of me, knowing I was the instigator of the disaster. I still laugh about it today, down to the look of terror on my sister's face.

Victor · 28-01-2009 07:18PM

Berty wrote: »

The child slammed the staff only door so hard that it knocked off 3 bottles of dom perignon off the display outside the door. We gave them the staff discount but they still left €310 + whatever they bought lighter. Worse still they had to take that little **** home with them as well.

Couldn't ye let them flush the toilet? :pac:

Fulton Crown · 28-01-2009 09:21PM

Wasn't in a shop but on a beach in France....

Decided to get cones for my GF and myself in a little kiosk about 100 metres from where we were.

Got the cones and was hurrying back before they melted..had to pass an obviously well to do French family on beach..they had all the equipment ....tables... deck chairs ...rugs the lot... including those wind breaker things on each side which are held in place by very thin cords.

Didnt see the cords in the strong sunlight and ended butt over titt in the middle of their little group......but still clutchin the cones

Cue haughty French stares...and ".who is this thick merde" thoughts...

Got to my feet.cones in hand ...mumbling "pardon...pardon..." and stumbled away ...only to fall again in a tangled heap on the guy ropes on the OTHER side of their little enclave.

Was left only holding the cones as the ice cream had gone on the sand....just picked them up and ran .......with a string of French curses ringing in my ears.....

foundry · 13-02-2009 09:58PM

bump

Armin_Tamzarian · 13-02-2009 10:21PM

I was in Tesco's at about 2 a.m. one morning (sober).
There was some dumbass holiday on at the time like Valentine's Day or Mother's Day.
Something that involved chocolates and flowers.
Tesco's had build up this massive pyramid of some 'fancy' chocolates that they had on special.
Now you can see where this is going, but in my defense this thing was an accident waiting to happen way before I arrived on the scene.

Anywho, I'm loitering near this architectuaral masterpiece, trying to remember what it was that was so important that made me drive to Tescos at such an hour.
Next thing, in staggers this young fella who looked like he'd been on a session with Shane McGowan and Pete Doherty.
As he approached me I was starting intently, as he was wobbeling closer and closer to Mount Chocolate.
Just as he passed me I moved a touch, to get out of his way and accidently nudged the display, ever so slightly with my knee.

Well, chaos ensued.
The whole thing came crashing down all over the place.
Everyone in the vicinity, including the drunken hero assumed that he'd done it.
I couldn't believe my luck so I stood back and shook my head disapprovingly.
Some staff came over to start the rescue operation but Tipsy McStagger was having none of it.
It was his mess and he was going to clean if up.
Well, he managed to get about 4 of the 100 or so boxes stacked up on each other before knocking it over again.
This continued for a few minutes with staff all the time insisting he leave the store and let them clear up.
It wasn't long before his lack of construction skills started to get to him and he began smashing boxes off the floor and throwing them around.
Eventually security dragged him out of the store and I finally bought what I'd come for and left.
Not before remarking to the cashier "some people just can't hold their drink".

mobius42 · 13-02-2009 11:03PM

There's a website devoted to these kinds of stories: http://notalwaysright.com/

A lot of them (particularly the ones with very stupid people in them) push the boundaries of credulity!

Mint Sauce · 13-02-2009 11:11PM

it was my first real job as a 16 year old, spending a summer working in hospital kitchen,, helped with preaty much everything, making sandwiches in the morning, loading the bacon and sauages in to the ovens for breakfast, washing and tidying up, even locking up in the evening if i was on late

one one particular day, we had the health and safety inspector pay a visit, a planned one, everyone on their best behaviour, doing everything by the book, i was bringing a tray of vegetables through to the ovens, walking past the manager and the health inspector, when foot goes from under me, quickly followed by the other foot, split second later, i'm on floor, covered in peas, sweetcorn and carrots, tray by my side, at the feet of manager and inspector with clip board in hand, quickly followed by me scooping up vegetables, before disposing of them, and keeping out of managers way for rest of day

shayser · 13-02-2009 11:35PM

Packed goldfish tank that ran the length of a pet shop toppled and smashed. Panic, buy no dead fishies.

No accident, but retail shenanigans...

Staff part emptied the bottles of 7up, topped up with vodka from the off licence and returned them to the shelf.

wilson10 · 13-02-2009 11:53PM

This must have gotten a few laughs, maybe not in the shop but certainly on the street.

It's a shoe shop in Drogheda and apparently the driver was asked by a traffic warden to park properly. He replied with something like "ok I'll park the fcuking car".

He was later arrested.

http://i41.tinypic.com/34tcydz.jpg

Toots · 14-02-2009 12:16AM

When I worked in a DIY shop we dared one of the guys to see if he could get into a compost bin (the cylindrical ones) so he got his legs in and was standing up in it. We then told him to sit down, which he did, and promptly got stuck! Just then one of the managers came around the corner, so we all scarpered and pretended to be pricing stuff or stacking shelves, not just acting the maggot. The poor guy was still in the compost bin, trying desperately to keep really quiet so the manager didn't notice him.

Once the manager had gone we went back over and tried to get him out, but he was stuck fast at that stage. The compost bins were all down the back of the store, near the big gate to the stock warehouse, so we figured the best thing to do was to roll him into the warehouse and try to get him out in there. At that stage there was five of us and him in the warehouse so we decided to leave two of the biggest lads down there to look after him and the rest of us would go back to work so as not to arouse suspicion. They ended up having to get a bolt cutter and literally cut one whole side of the bin open and crack it open to get him out!! We had to hide the broken bin right in the back of the warehouse in case anyone found out cos they cost €150

It was among a lot of hilarious stuff that happened while I worked there.

Windmill-Wasps · 14-02-2009 12:43AM

AidanBoland wrote: »

A few years ago I was in one of those big chemists, cant really remember where now though.
Anyway I was walking around looking for something when I saw these ball things on a counter, you those things there about the size of a malteser and theyre squishy with like bubblebath or something inside them.
So i was there messing with one of these but i burst it by accident, all the liquid shot out and went straight into the face of a woman about 5 feet away from me!:eek: I was mortified.
Straight away started rubbing her face and was saying how much the stuff stung her eyes, at this point an unhappy boyfriend was heading my direction, needless to say I made a quick getaway:D

GREAT LAUGH.

Windmill-Wasps · 14-02-2009 12:46AM

Quackles wrote: »

I slipped on a banana skin in Tesco. It was like one of those cartoon slips, went sliding along then landed right on my arse. Seriously wounded my pride My housemate at the time was with me, she couldn't breathe because she was laughing so hard, the cow

So how much did you get?

blue-army · 14-02-2009 12:55AM

Pen1987 wrote: »

VIDEO INCLUDED!!! nnnooooo... I'll have to find it and re-upload.

Upload it yet?

passive · 14-02-2009 01:08AM

Not a shop, exactly. But a few years back I was drinking with friends in Zanzibar, for somebody's birthday, methinks. Someone put a piece of wrapping paper in with one of the candles (yup, birthday, I guess) and it started burning really high. This amused us for a while, until someone noticed a couple of security guards walking over...

yes, that's my hand... Jumped up quickly to talk to bouncers, explained that it was a mistake and we were good, pleasant people, and that I was sorry, etc, etc, etc. Was allowed to stay in the end!

frag420 · 14-02-2009 01:19AM

A few years ago myself and my ex were up in the big smoke for a gig. We spent the day shoppin and hangin around the city waitin for some friends to turn up. Anyway we ended up in Ann Summers havin a wee look. While down the back of the shop i was checkin out the mags/dvds when my ex picked up a big vibrator and started to wave it around in front of me. I told her to put it back before we got chucked out. So she reached up and placed it back on the shelf where it all of a sudden came alive and started vibrating. the next thing i know two more came alive and started dancing across this glass shelf before jumpin like lemmings to the floor where there was an almighty crash, vibrators and batteries all over the place. Shocked I looked around to find my ex had scarpered and i was standing alone surrounded by broken vibrators and everyone in the shop staring at me with their jaws on the floor!!Found the ex outside the shop pissing herself with laughter.

The_Minister · 14-02-2009 01:19AM

That's class.

EDIT: Not you, I meant Passive.

2nd EDIT: Passive, the video of yours in the selection afterwards is brilliant. What was the occasion?

Xiney · 14-02-2009 01:22AM

One time, after fixing the computer at work, my boss (middle aged, somewhat socially awkward Irish bachelor) said his laptop was really slow and would I mind taking a look?

So I said sure thing. I needed to download a program and I forgot the web address so I started to google: "free..."

At that stage the auto complete comes up with "free sex videos"

I was just like, uh... and the boss said "that must be the virus I have on there, putting things like that into my computer"

Yes. I'm sure it is.

twentysomething · 14-02-2009 01:32AM

Worked in my local shop way back when and was stacking 2L bottles of 7up when the boss approaches. i was opening the plastic containing the bottles when i nicked one of the bottles with the stanley blade. it pretty much exploded out of the little hole, Cue the boss, the floor, the ceiling, the shelves and the fridges getting covered in high pressured 7up! i stood there completely dry and mortified and proceeded to laugh like a crazy person...was def a highlight of my time there!

Armin_Tamzarian · 14-02-2009 10:44AM

I did cause one other accident in a large retail store, which shall rename nameless for legal reasons.

I was in the queue at the tills with a few mates, eyeing up this young wan.
Now you know those big massive racks that they have at the end of each aisle, near the tills?
Well I was sort of leaning up against one of these, trying to look nonchalant.
Ever so slowly this thing started to move without be noticing until it reached the point where gravity took over and it went crashing toward the floor at an enormous rate.
Unfortunately there was a middle aged woman right in the path of this thing.
She saw it at the last second and half raised an arm in defence and her with a look of pure terror on her face.

Well anyway, she was squashed on the floor underneath this thing.
People were coming over to help, I was rooted to the spot in terror.
Nobody, not even my mates had noticed that it was me who caused the catostrophe.
The woman was rescued and taken away in an ambulance.
I remember reading in the local paper a year or so later about a woman who got crushed by a dangerous shelving unit in ***, she received something like £20,000 in compo so my guilt was lifted slightly.

i_love_toast · 14-02-2009 06:46PM

where i work were always having trouble with a family of roma gypsies shoplifting.So a while back one of the lads see's this one stealing.she goes up to the til to pay for a few oranges and he asks for the other stuff she has hidden.she denies it and throw a load of change on the table with the oranges and an argument breaks out.she spits at him and goes to walk out of the shop.as she does this he goes"ya little b*tch" and picks up one of the oranges and lobs it at head and ends up knocking her over.everyone in the shop burst out laughing!hilarious stuff we still have it on tape!

Seillejet · 14-02-2009 06:53PM

Not a shop this but a sports club. I work in Insurance and was informed of a claim where the claimant was using the toilet and a hand came from either side of the cubicle and took the guys runners as he was mid flow if you will. I just cracked up lauhing when told.

14-02-2009 10:49PM

When i was about 14 I really fancied a lad that worked in quinnsworth (lets call him John), so I used to go in quite a bit to have a gawk at him.

One day, trying to convince my "friends" that I was cool I smoked a couple of cigarettes and then headed in to stalk "john" I suddenly wasn't feeling so good as a result of the ciggies and literally threw my guts up in the middle of the shop - queue the manager on the tanoy "John, please clear up a spillage on aisle 3" I've never been so mortificated in my life

Don't think he found me very sexy right then!

Overature · 14-02-2009 10:54PM

i was parked outside sony somewhere and a plasma tv fell into my boot, imagine my surprise when i found it later

wilson10 · 14-02-2009 11:03PM

Overature wrote: »

i was parked outside sony somewhere and a plasma tv fell into my boot, imagine my surprise when i found it later

You must have been parked at the back of a lorry

punchdrunk · 15-02-2009 01:14AM

used to work in Game on dawson st,way back!
anyways for some reason we got a load of promo skateboards in
(must have been with some electronics arts promo or something)
so after the shop closed one of the lads Gav,sound bloke but a bit of a poshysunbedmetrosexual type,
anyways he trys to convince us he can use the thing!
strangley we all fail to inform him the floor was only polished the previous day or too...
now it's a pretty long shop were talkin easily 30ft here
anyways gav runs the full length of the store and jumps Beijing Olympics style from about five feet away onto the skateboard,which promptly escapes from under his feet and hits the door,retainers and everything are flying as he cracks his arse off the floor followed swiftly by his head
queue us all pissing ourselves and watching the replay in slo-mo for weeks
he also earned the new monkier
"tony hawks"

johnboysligo · 15-02-2009 02:55AM

used to work in a computer shop at the counter.

In walks a man is his late 30s with his laptop tucked under his arm. now this guys been in before many times over the past week or two buying printer ink and semingly random bits and bobs and has built up a bit of a friendship with my boss also in his 30s.
today is diffrent today he needs files off his laptop for a presentation and he starts explaining that when the laptop is started up it opens up loads of web pages and he cant connect to his office network and blah blah.
Anyway my boss takes the laptop off him and says dont worry ill look after you.

I think because our repair guy had loads of pc's to fix my boss decides he will do this one and get it ready himself. About an hour later with about 5 virus scans done the laptop is as clean as a whistle and running fine being a bit nosie my boss has a we look round his friends web history.
Bascially this guy got all his viruses from porn sites (as you do) gay porn sites (as some of you do) nothing shocking there hes into men, then we hit on his google auto complete searches
coming out
men looking for men
balding men (my boss is balding)
men in their 30s (my boss is in his 30s)
how to come out to someone youve just met (hes just met my boss)

by now my boss doesnt think this is all that funny and his face goes from a smile to a bit of a frown as he slowly shuts down the laptop and closes the lid.
I ask whats wrong while laughing at what i know is coming
my boss then says
He has invited me a night out him...... and his wife.

Aodan83 · 15-02-2009 03:06AM

johnboysligo wrote: »

used to work in a computer shop at the counter.

In walks a man is his late 30s with his laptop tucked under his arm. now this guys been in before many times over the past week or two buying printer ink and semingly random bits and bobs and has built up a bit of a friendship with my boss also in his 30s.
today is diffrent today he needs files off his laptop for a presentation and he starts explaining that when the laptop is started up it opens up loads of web pages and he cant connect to his office network and blah blah.
Anyway my boss takes the laptop off him and says dont worry ill look after you.

I think because our repair guy had loads of pc's to fix my boss decides he will do this one and get it ready himself. About an hour later with about 5 virus scans done the laptop is as clean as a whistle and running fine being a bit nosie my boss has a we look round his friends web history.
Bascially this guy got all his viruses from porn sites (as you do) gay porn sites (as some of you do) nothing shocking there hes into men, then we hit on his google auto complete searches
coming out
men looking for men
balding men (my boss is balding)
men in their 30s (my boss is in his 30s)
how to come out to someone youve just met (hes just met my boss)

by now my boss doesnt think this is all that funny and his face goes from a smile to a bit of a frown as he slowly shuts down the laptop and closes the lid.
I ask whats wrong while laughing at what i know is coming
my boss then says
He has invited me a night out him...... and his wife.

i lol'd:D

ShaneU · 15-02-2009 03:37AM

A guy was leaning up against the customer service desk as he was moving up the queue (he was facing away from the desk) When he got to the small gate where the staff walk through he leaned over and went head over heels over the gate, the girl behind the desk and his girlfriend were both laughing uncontrollably.

I watched it on the security cameras later, we put a sticker on the tape and labelled it "Del Boy"

holland2008 · 18-03-2009 06:32PM

Funniest accident you've seen...

I work in a large interiors shop and one day a lady came in to look around.

I happened to notice her as she had a large tin of paint (she must of
bought it next door in DIY shop) with her, it looked to be weighing her down. I was walking towards her to offer some assistance when (in slow mo now!!!) the handle of the tin snaps, the tin starts to fall, then roll (with no seal on it) and then before I knew it a puddle had formed of bright RED paint all over the carpet. The customer started to shriek, followed by shout, followed very closely by tears!! Was hilarious to see a grown woman FREAKIN out so much. She got down on her hands n knees and started to clean it up with her pocket sized kleenax tissues!! needless to say this didnt help as the paint was gushing in every direction.

My manager came onto the scene and the customer asked her for towels. Fair play to the customer she spent a solid hour trying to mop it up!

That was few months ago there is stil a stain bout 8 ft long and the smell was horrific for two wks.
Was worth the laugh I got outta it. .

Iv plenty more stories but would like to hear some of yours?

RATM · 18-03-2009 06:35PM

This accident really shouldn't make me laugh but it always does

Funniest accident you've seen/done Merge

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