Door-to-door b*stards

cherryghost · 11-02-2009 11:47AM

I regularly get:

"Hi there, just wondering if you would like to buy some tickets in support of St.Vincent De Pauls?"

No! Now GTFO!!

Normally I would, but theses guys were asking for 50 quid a ticket.

RVD420 · 11-02-2009 12:40PM

Confab wrote: »

Has anyone else seen those cable f*ckers?

Yep OP, these douchebags (or one of them) called to our door late last year. It was a Saturday afternoon and a few of us were watching a match on sky sports. Door rings and there's this one aussie guy there bombarding me with questions.

"Do you have digital". "What package?" "movies? Would you like movies mate!?" "Sports...you a sports fan mate?"

I was after a few cans but I shoulda really asked him for id, cos he seemed like a total chancer to me.

I listened to his waffling for around 2 minutes...he seemed to be going around in circles. First of all he offered a reduced price on a sky digital package, then he said "We" (presumably Sky) "are selling all our gear cheap if you want to buy it".

I am a user of "The Box" too so I didn't want to get into anything with him in case he was trying to rumble me. I used the effect of the aforementioned "few cans" and started talking drunken rubbish to him.

He hit the bricks fairly lively and never heard from / about them till now. I live in the D9 area. I'd really like to know what they're up to cos the guy who called to the door looked nothing like a door-to-door sales guy, he looked more like an aussie beach bum trying his luck.

Biggins · 11-02-2009 12:51PM

mkdon05 wrote: »

Its the Eircom phonewatch fellas i cant stand. 2 of them call the other night and start their spiel. One of them is obviously the smooth talker and the other looked like someone who just witnessed their folks at it!...(Close Door)

There is usually just one.

In that case when they called to you, one was probably a trainee to see how it is done. After a few times of the more professional doing it, the trainee that night might be allowed a go if he feels comfortable.
If he is doing fine the other fella don't interrupt but if the trainee looks like he's losing the customer, the other chap subtly steps in and takes over.

Also be aware that in some cases, they carry different A4 sized coloured cards. They tell the people in the house something like... "Do you mind if I stick this in the window? Its just to let my other reps know where I am"
The card colour also lets his/her mates outside (in their group car targeting an area that night) that either he/she is doing fine or by use of another colour, that they are having problems closing a sale and needs help.
...and believe me, for nearly every question you can think of, they have a practised standard answer for most people.

Ainm · 11-02-2009 01:34PM

Our house is always being targetted by these f*ckers. We've had THREE in the last week or so!
Years ago mam had this really nervous dog who was terrified of strangers so everytime she saw salesmen-looking types coming down the drive she grabbed him by the collar and dragged him outside and screams at them that she'd let him loose if they didn't leave right away.
Course the dog would be barking like crazy and trying to get away, (only so he could hide under the hedge or something) but they always thought he was a vicious nutter out for their blood!

Sofiztikated · 11-02-2009 01:37PM

Had a pair of those lads, the smooth talker and the one that looks like you just sh][t in his rice crispies, but they were the religious ones!

It was a saturday afternoon, one of the few I was off, and just enjoying the nice weather, last may I think it was, when we had that day of sunshine.

I had a great waffle with them at the door, must have been there almost an hour, until herself had to shout at me that dinner was ready! Yapping about the jebus lad, and me explaining to them I'm not a believer, that I think that religion is a disease that the weak and old catch, stuff like that. Fun

Then later that day, one of those "art students travelling around Europe with whatever school" selling paintings was around, had a great chat with him, even got him a can of tuborg as it was sweltering! Didn't buy anything though.

A mates girlfriend is woeful though. Not able to say no at all. She has currently bought "Combined Insurance", 3 boxes of 5 postcards/chrimbo cards at a score each, i think its 3 pencil "sketches" that turned out to be photocopies for about a tenner each, pillows, duvets, a mattress :eek: , a bunch of Avon sh][te from the nigerian lady that they used to live beside who'd call twice a week for an order, and was about to hand over her credit card to someone for god knows what until I overheard her in the hallway, walked out, took it out of the lad's hands, said "No, thanks, don't need any crazy today," closed the door, went back into the sitting room and when he looked in at me, I closed one curtain so he couldn't see in, but we (me and the mate) could still see out.

She shouldn't be left on her own. So damn gullible. Paid around a $100 including P&P for a Lion King DVD from the states thats not region free on eBay, and she doesn't have a region free player. The P&P was around $40 on its own! But I digress.

Had the Combined Insurance lady around last night, tasty looking spanish chica, but at the time I was firing a gas drum into the back of the car to get a refill, and trying to finish a crafty fag without the OH knowing, and just had to tell her, "Not interested" "But you don't know the benefi.." "Listen, not interested, I'm busy, I have insurance, and its cold" then hopped into the car. I don't like being rude, but I said no, and damnit, I didn't give her an opening, so don't try to sell me sh][t I don't want.

jim o doom · 11-02-2009 02:04PM

Sofiztikated, yeah I had a similar weird and interesting waffle with a JW myself, explaining how all matter began and waffling about evolution and why I didn't believe in this god due, she was bang on, made some good points which I countered.. I was hungover to bejaysus and stoned, so it made me placid and talk, instead of telling them to eff off, which was good because it was a fun conversation

Gran Hermano · 11-02-2009 02:58PM

CCTV camera on hall door, if I don't recognise the caller I do not answer.
(Unless I'm expecting a delivery or such like).

abi2007 · 11-02-2009 08:14PM

In the last few weeks i've had a guy call trying to sell me paintings, a guy from trocar and a guy from a yellow coloured charity something to do with kids. Told them all I just lost my job and couldn't afford it.. although the guy from trocar looked at me strangely as i was in my work suit.. **** em, bad enough they hound ya in the street now they're knocking on your door.

d22ontour · 11-02-2009 08:19PM

RoundyMooney wrote: »

On another note, those pricks with the "Saev Teh Childeren!" clothing stickers are now getting regulation phunts up the hole anytime they call to Chez Roundy. My biggest problem is catching the shaven headed knapsack wearing vermin in the act.

Try getting up between 4-6am and you should encounter some.

:eek:

Sir Gallagher · 11-02-2009 08:38PM

Gran Hermano wrote: »

CCTV camera on hall door, if I don't recognise the caller I do not answer.
(Unless I'm expecting a delivery or such like).

You sound like a ropey b@stard.

Acacia · 11-02-2009 09:05PM

Confab wrote: »

Two Aussies come to the door last Thursday. 'Gday moit, have you got basic cable?' he asks. I told him that yes, we have. Naturally I wasn't going to tell him the truth, namely that we have The Box, mainly because he might've been from NTL or whatever.

Next thing he starts his spiel and practically elbows his way past me into the house! Being polite doesn't work, and eventually I'm force to yell 'WE DON'T F*CKING WANT ANY! NOW GET OUT!'

His 'no worries mate' was barely audible on the way out.

Anybody else dealt with these c*nts?

They are just trying to do their job (which is possibly the worst fcuking job on the planet)- they're not c*nts. Annoying, maybe. But not c*nts.

Busi_Girl08 · 11-02-2009 09:12PM

2 brilliant stories.

First is good auld Willie O'Dea, Limerick TD, he was doing his usual rounds, and mum started questioning him about why the gvt isn't doing anything about Animal Welfare, etc.
He kept kind of avoiding the questions, and mum said "You're not getting my vote until I get answers"
Then he responded "Stick your vote then", and then walked off.:eek:
He turned up again a few months later coming up to the elections n junk, I answered the door, there was the artillery of suits in front of him, and then him walking up the drive-way. Mum practically ran up the to the door, and said "No Willie!! I talked to you last year and you were very rude and wouldn't answer any of my questions. Get lost!!" And then she slammed the door in their faces

The only thing that would have made that better would be if his 'stach got stuck in the door:pac:

Another one, I swear to god it was pathetic. About 2 weeks before Christmas, 2 years ago. 2 girls, around 12/13 years old, they didn't have anything with them, they weren't collecting for anything, they weren't foreigners or travellers, just 2 girls walking round. I answered the door, and they started singing "Jingle Bells", rather half-heartedly at me. Dad then approached the door rather cautiously and bemusedly. They went on singing for another about 10 seconds, and Dad and I were just staring at them.
When they finished, they just stood there looking at us, I half expected one of them to hold out her hands or a little tin cup and shake it desperately.
Dad then just looked at them and said "Ye're a little early girls, aren't ye?"
Their faces went bright red, and they just kind of mumbled "Yeh, spose", then turned around, tails between their legs if they had them, and walked off.

We get some weird people in these parts. And this is one of the LEAST crazy places in Limerick!!:eek::eek:

IRISH RAIL · 11-02-2009 10:35PM

SKY people kept knocking on my door
mr sky: do you have sky?
me: come take a walk
we walk to the end of the frong garden where I point up to the dish on the roof
me: maybe you could save yourself a few hours work by looking at the fcuking chimneys before you ask stupid questions:rolleyes:

JangoFett · 11-02-2009 10:51PM

Biggins wrote: »

Priest came to my door once when I was in the kitchen. Pregnant (showing large) wife opened the door. He pushed her aside, trapping her between the wall and the door, squeezing her there till she fell down. I heard her collapse and the door bang.
I came out, saw him on the sofa demanding to know who lived in the house (we were new to the area), saw my wife on the ground in the hallway further down crying to me "he pushed me!"
Well that was it - priest or no priest - I smacked him, the fcuker!
The hard neck of him He refused to move! So I called the cops. Honest.
They know me well in a legal law abiding sense (in the cop station "'er we just had a call from XXXX") and they were here in a flash.
Just in time to see me throwing the fcuker by his collar out the door!
I sent in an official complaint to HQ in Armagh too!

Why was he demanding to know who lived in the house?

What a nutjob!

I had a couple of young traveller boys singing at my door the week before Christmas and while they were singing, putting NO effort into it, I was trying to say that I had no money for them and when they finsihed I said "Sorry guys but I don't have anything for ye" at which point one of them shouts "Ah go **** yerself ya four eyed cnut!". I reply "That's lovely, boys" and one of them starts throwin shapes at me, he must have been 11 like. Shut the door cuz whoever it was in the Hiace was eyeballing me!

Little feckers!

muletide · 11-02-2009 11:05PM

mkdon05 wrote: »

Its the Eircom phonewatch fellas i cant stand. 2 of them call the other night and start their spiel. One of them is obviously the smooth talker and the other looked like someone who just witnessed their folks at it!
-Were doing a really great deal this week
-I was offered that deal a few weeks ago by eircom and told them NO then
-but you cant be too carefull thes..................
-Listen save your breath for the next house (Close Door)

These pair of twats call the next night durin dinner

-Jesus, You 2 again
-Oh, did we already call here
- Yes you Fu*kin did, last night, and I told you to forget it.
-we dont have you crossed off our list.
-Believe me, I never forget a smarmy face! (Close Door)

Another guy called on night during a big match trying to sell something,
I hurredly told him i wasn't interested and told him I was watching the match, when he popped his head in to see the game on and sighed.
I felt sorry for him though, he obviously wanted to be somewhere watching the match too!

Had two of those phonewatch gobsh1tes last monday evening in the middle of my dinner.

Asked if I was interested in having phonewatch installed, I said nothing walked past them out of the house, turned in the driveway, looked up at my eircom phonewatch alarm box with the bright orange and blue "Phonewatch" logo, looked back at them.

It actually took them another 15 seconds to kop what I was doing - two fupping plebs standing in the snow with not a brain between them.

Eventually they realised - dopes

Terry · 11-02-2009 11:19PM

Trocaire chuggers last night.

Them: Hello. How are you?
Me: Fine, just fine.
I spot the trocaire logos
Listen. I'm not giving to charity. That's as polite as I'm going to be.
Them: Umm. Ok.
Me. Bye now.

Amalgam · 12-02-2009 12:47AM

It's Africa julep, how could you..

Terry · 12-02-2009 12:52AM

Amalgam wrote: »

It's Africa julep, how could you..

My first experience with chuggers was on the main street of Leixlip.
I'd just come into a crap load of money and was feeling charitable. I signed up to give them €10 a week. Sort of regretted not seeing the hot chugger around the corner first, but that's how things go.
I cancelled it after a year, so I've done my bit. The rest can piss off. I'm poor now.

IvySlayer · 12-02-2009 12:56AM

julep wrote: »

My first experience with chuggers was on the main street of Leixlip.
I'd just come into a crap load of money and was feeling charitable. I signed up to give them €10 a week. Sort of regretted not seeing the hot chugger around the corner first, but that's how things go.
I cancelled it after a year, so I've done my bit. The rest can piss off. I'm poor now.

Nope I'm poor, so I'll strip off for money :P

allybhoy · 12-02-2009 04:14AM

Busi_Girl08 wrote: »

2 brilliant stories.

First is good auld Willie O'Dea, Limerick TD, he was doing his usual rounds, and mum started questioning him about why the gvt isn't doing anything about Animal Welfare, etc.
He kept kind of avoiding the questions, and mum said "You're not getting my vote until I get answers"
Then he responded "Stick your vote then", and then walked off.:eek:
He turned up again a few months later coming up to the elections n junk, I answered the door, there was the artillery of suits in front of him, and then him walking up the drive-way. Mum practically ran up the to the door, and said "No Willie!! I talked to you last year and you were very rude and wouldn't answer any of my questions. Get lost!!" And then she slammed the door in their faces

The only thing that would have made that better would be if his 'stach got stuck in the door:pac:

Another one, I swear to god it was pathetic. About 2 weeks before Christmas, 2 years ago. 2 girls, around 12/13 years old, they didn't have anything with them, they weren't collecting for anything, they weren't foreigners or travellers, just 2 girls walking round. I answered the door, and they started singing "Jingle Bells", rather half-heartedly at me. Dad then approached the door rather cautiously and bemusedly. They went on singing for another about 10 seconds, and Dad and I were just staring at them.
When they finished, they just stood there looking at us, I half expected one of them to hold out her hands or a little tin cup and shake it desperately.
Dad then just looked at them and said "Ye're a little early girls, aren't ye?"
Their faces went bright red, and they just kind of mumbled "Yeh, spose", then turned around, tails between their legs if they had them, and walked off.

We get some weird people in these parts. And this is one of the LEAST crazy places in Limerick!!:eek::eek:

Lol good stories, especially the WOD 1, he sounds like a right jumped up toolbox, didnt he get in trouble last year for calling a couple a pair of c**nts in a pub last year?

I had a similar carol singing incident this year. It was a week b4 xmas and the bell went, so opened the door and there was a pair of little snotty nosed tracksuit wearing skuts only about 8 or 9 standing there singing Santa Claus is coming to town, but they werent too sure of the words. So i stood at the door and lit up a smoke whilst they were singing "He see's you when your sleeping da de da de...awake...da de da da ehh so be good for goodness sake" They stopped after that and i just looked at them for about 5seconds with a confused look on my face, then they started singing from the start again, I called my flatmate out and the two of us stood at the door and they sang the same song (with just the one verse!) three times! Eventually to put them out of there misery I gave them a fiver, got a "Tanks Mista, happy KRISAMUS" and they went on their merry way, im just sorry i didnt record it.

endasmail · 12-02-2009 09:53AM

had the legion of mary knocking my door last night
last week it was some dude trying to sell me photos
if its not crap coming through my letterbox its people looking for money
****ing sick of them

smodgley · 12-02-2009 10:10AM

a couple years ago had some callers to the door,they were girls of about 20-25, fine looking they were too. the wife invited them in, then they started their crap about life religion how to bring up kids etc, i asked them if they had much more to say they said yes so i said to them can they wait a few minutes, sure they said, sooooooo i said ok im ready now , are you ready, yes they replied good i said which of you is gonna blow me first,they ran outta the house, never to be seen again, wife was mortified, i was in stitches laughing, strangely they never came back:D

Diddler82 · 12-02-2009 10:23AM

I give Threshold €20 a month, out of fear one day I could end up homeless...got sold by a girl who really really cared about her job and looked like she was genuinely passionate about it.

mountainyman · 12-02-2009 10:34AM

Biggins wrote: »

Priest came to my door once when I was in the kitchen. Pregnant (showing large) wife opened the door. He pushed her aside, trapping her between the wall and the door, squeezing her there till she fell down. I heard her collapse and the door bang.
I came out, saw him on the sofa demanding to know who lived in the house (we were new to the area), saw my wife on the ground in the hallway further down crying to me "he pushed me!"
Well that was it - priest or no priest - I smacked him, the fcuker!
The hard neck of him He refused to move! So I called the cops. Honest.
They know me well in a legal law abiding sense (in the cop station "'er we just had a call from XXXX") and they were here in a flash.
Just in time to see me throwing the fcuker by his collar out the door!
I sent in an official complaint to HQ in Armagh too!

Did any of these things ever happen?

Fulton Crown · 12-02-2009 11:32AM

dollybird09 wrote: »

little off point but still relevant to what OP is talking about...

friend's mum feels sorry for everyone!!! had a guy knock on the door and ask for money for a hostel and she told him to wait a second, closed door and poured some freshly made soup into a flask for him instead of giving him money. he thanked her repeatedly before setting on his way.... but before leaving the driveway, poured the soup all over her car..... I presume he wasn't really all that hungry or cold.....

Mossy Monk wrote: »

She should have hunted him down and slit his throat. that would learn him.

White_Feather wrote: »

Prick

Youv' convinced me - give me back my fcukin soup ..:eek:

lost marbles · 12-02-2009 11:53AM

a salesman calls to a house .rings the bell and the door is opened by a fortheen year old .
this lad is wearing his dads dressing gown ,holding a cigar in one hand and a glass of brandy in the other .
"excuse me son are your parents at home "
"WTF do you think " says the lad

anplaya · 12-02-2009 11:57AM

english speaky no.
then close the door.

Cuddlesworth · 12-02-2009 12:09PM

Intercom rings,

"Hello I'm from (insert random company name), I would like to speak to you about (crap)."

"Do you have a code for the door?"

"No, but we.....", "No? Then f*ck off"

Their are real benefits to living in a small apartment complex. I have had to turf a few of the idiots back outside when they try to follow me in.

Jesus Juice · 12-02-2009 05:39PM

A lad was just at the door trying to sell logs while i was reading this thread!

Admittedly he had a thick Limerick accent,was driving a white transit van and had an ear-ring so i didnt buy any but it was the thought that counts!!

Jesus Juice · 12-02-2009 05:41PM

Diddler82 wrote: »

I give Threshold €20 a month, out of fear one day I could end up homeless...got sold by a girl who really really cared about her job and looked like she was genuinely passionate about it.

Ah, you see your problem is you care too much!:pac:

Door-to-door b*stards

Comments