I'm in shock-im a girl and my guy friend fancies me

foxylaydee · 02-02-2009 08:14PM #1

hi

i think my male best friend fancies me. Im in complete shock. I wasnt expecting it at all. I dont know what to do. I dont want it to ruin our friendship. I like him as a friend, but nothing more.

Cheers for any feedback or comments..

From
oneshockedgirl..

omb0wyn5ehpij9 · 02-02-2009 08:15PM

What makes you think he fancies you?

PrettyInPunk · 02-02-2009 08:23PM

Its not that big a deal

omb0wyn5ehpij9 · 02-02-2009 08:25PM

PI = Personal Issues

If he does fancy you, it's not such a big deal. Just let him know you are interesed in being friends and nothing more

foxylaydee · 02-02-2009 08:27PM

no its not a big deal, but im just in shock after what he said. He basically said in a nice way that he wants me in bed. Normally, hes a real gentleman. All though my name suggests that im a "foxylay" im not a s* l*u*t.
And ya, i know hes a guy- most guys only think about getting girls into bed

spinandscribble · 02-02-2009 08:28PM

is it possible he was drunk when he posted that? or he was just flirting for fun?

foxylaydee · 02-02-2009 08:34PM

ugh, i dont know what to do, im confused. x

omb0wyn5ehpij9 · 02-02-2009 08:36PM

Being confused over it is fine, just dont tar us all with the same brush

! If i was in your position, i would either wait and see if he says something else about it, or else just tell him straight out that you are not interested in anything more than friendship!

02-02-2009 08:37PM

I think it is way easier to say no to that, without anyone losing face...than to I like you.

Rhyme · 02-02-2009 08:37PM

Don't do anything. If he makes the same push, talk to him about it, explain your side.

MJOR · 02-02-2009 08:46PM

Just tell him.... if he mentions it again just say "ha ha you've two chances of getting me in the sack hahahahha" and hope he gets the message

foxylaydee · 02-02-2009 08:50PM

thank you for your comments.

foxylaydee · 02-02-2009 08:51PM

ahh! thats a bit harsh!

Pen1987 · 02-02-2009 10:48PM

Dont say that "two chances" comment. Fook sake you'll break the blokes heart.

Make sure you're not touching subconciously. Dont flirt with him. Give it a week. Don't talk to him about issues in your lovelife.

Be considerate.

02-02-2009 10:50PM

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

foxylaydee · 02-02-2009 10:59PM

no thats not like my friend at all..

02-02-2009 10:59PM

Nonsense.

omb0wyn5ehpij9 · 02-02-2009 11:00PM

Rubbish

Lady · 02-02-2009 11:13PM

Tell him that then, and if you really don't want anything to ever happen tell him you think of him as a brother, that will stop him in his tracks

Terry · 03-02-2009 12:09AM

Are you shocked because you secretely liked him too, or is it because you have no interest in him in that way?

If it's the first one and you love him, then run to him.
If it's the second, then sit him down and tell him in as nice a way as possible that you just want to remain friends. Under no circumstances should you say something like maybe some time in the future we could get together. Just not now. That'll just piss him off.

GirlInterrupted · 03-02-2009 12:11AM

I don't believe that's true, or at least I don't want to believe it.

I had a similar situation to the OP when a male friend of six years suddenly moved the goalposts. The friendship never was the same, and in a small way I felt sort of defrauded that he'd harboured feelings I was unaware of for so long, while I thought we were good friends who could tell each other anything.

If the OP's friend has developed feelings for her, she should be kind, but clear, he can't help how he feels.

MaryCat! · 03-02-2009 12:13AM

Its a toughy! He's your friend so you obviously dont want to hurt him yeah? Wait and see if he makes a really forward move and then confront him. Dont do it before then as you may be misreading the signs

pisslips · 03-02-2009 12:18AM

I don't get it why can't a man tell you he'd like to sleep with you, in a nice way......What the hell is wrong with that?!
Better than him lieing and skulkin around and both of you knowing and you using him for attention and him just being a pussy.

It's funny some people become attarcted the more familiar they are with someone while others become totally unattracted as the person becomes too human and flawed for them or else they're more interested in the gratification of being loved than actually having physical sex.

fonpokno · 03-02-2009 12:31AM

Utter tosh.

Sprouts · 03-02-2009 02:25AM

Guys don't have 'friends' that are girls, just being honest here now so dont attack me, unless you're an incredibly ugly girl then there's no way the guy wont have thought about a no pants dance at some stage.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 03-02-2009 02:53AM

I have female mates where neither of us are interested, but generally, I would agree.

03-02-2009 02:56AM

I think Pen1987 said it best and what julep said about "maybe in the future " hope is not a good thing to do .

I really have to disagree with you , men can be great friends with women.
You might have been brought up to think like that but it is not true to say that for every man .

It is a different story if the man / woman cannot accept just being friends, but if they can, then there is no reason they can't just be friends. Thinking about a " no pants dance " may happen , and I don't know about everyone, but I think about a lot of things, doesn't mean I will act upon every single urge I have , especially if I know it's not going to happen .

OP you said he's a gentleman , now if you tell him that you want nothing more , he can either walk away or accept your friendship , but either way it will save a lot of heartbreak just to say it outright and read Pen1987 post if you do decide to be friends .

milod · 03-02-2009 10:13AM

There seems to be a lot of idealism around the idea that members of the opposite sex can just be friends. It is of course possible, and does occur, but in my experience, it's rare. It's generally more likely that one or other party is concealing a secret desire to be 'with' their friend.

For those males who've been there and to give the OP a flavour of what's going on, here's something I found for ya... a workable definition of a woman's close male friend. If you've ever been there, you know…

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

cantdecide · 03-02-2009 11:05AM

Nothing you can do, IMO. He hasn't decided to have feelings for you. Being realistic, you are unlikely to retrieve your friendship but it may happen.

You have to be plump and plain yet considerate. Don't trivialise him with the 'ha ha- not in a million years' type thing. You should be prepared to not see him for a long long time if need be. You must realise that to him, your old friendship is over...

LegacyUser · 03-02-2009 11:16AM

Yeah I can never figure out why girls or guys areso shocked when aclose friend wants to get a little friendlier.

Wagon · 03-02-2009 12:10PM

Just tell him you aren't interested. He'll either

(a) accept it and happily stay your friend, or
(b) he'll just say "fúck it, what'st he use?"

Be honest and tell him you have no interest whatsoever. None of this not rigth now bull****. That'll lead to option b and the good thing is it probably won't be permanant. He might just distance himself till he's over you and get back in touch when he's ready. You could let him down gently so you won't hurt his feelings and this'll lead to

(c) you telling him you aren't ready right now and only want to be friends and he'll cling on in hope and watch you get off with loads of different lads gradually getting more and more depressed and then he just gets sick of it and wants nothing to do with you and gives you a two fingered farewell.

I'm in shock-im a girl and my guy friend fancies me

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