I'm in shock-im a girl and my guy friend fancies me

foxylaydee

hi

i think my male best friend fancies me. Im in complete shock. I wasnt expecting it at all. I dont know what to do. I dont want it to ruin our friendship. I like him as a friend, but nothing more.

Cheers for any feedback or comments..

From
oneshockedgirl..

omb0wyn5ehpij9

What makes you think he fancies you?

PrettyInPunk

Its not that big a deal

omb0wyn5ehpij9

foxylaydee wrote: »

His comments..
Whats PI??

I wouldnt say im all that "foxy", its just a stupid name!

PI = Personal Issues

If he does fancy you, it's not such a big deal. Just let him know you are interesed in being friends and nothing more

foxylaydee

no its not a big deal, but im just in shock after what he said. He basically said in a nice way that he wants me in bed. Normally, hes a real gentleman. All though my name suggests that im a "foxylay" im not a s* l*u*t.
And ya, i know hes a guy- most guys only think about getting girls into bed

spinandscribble

foxylaydee wrote: »

no its not a big deal, but im just in shock after what he said. He basically said in a nice way that he wants me in bed. Normally, hes a real gentleman. All though my name suggests that im a "foxylay" im not a s* l*u*t.
And ya, i know hes a guy- most guys only think about getting girls into bed

is it possible he was drunk when he posted that? or he was just flirting for fun?

foxylaydee

ugh, i dont know what to do, im confused. x

omb0wyn5ehpij9

foxylaydee wrote: »

ugh, i dont know what to do, im confused. x

Being confused over it is fine, just dont tar us all with the same brush ! If i was in your position, i would either wait and see if he says something else about it, or else just tell him straight out that you are not interested in anything more than friendship!

I think it is way easier to say no to that, without anyone losing face...than to I like you.

Rhyme

Don't do anything. If he makes the same push, talk to him about it, explain your side.

MJOR

Just tell him.... if he mentions it again just say "ha ha you've two chances of getting me in the sack hahahahha" and hope he gets the message

foxylaydee

thank you for your comments.

foxylaydee

ahh! thats a bit harsh!

Pen1987

Dont say that "two chances" comment. Fook sake you'll break the blokes heart.

Make sure you're not touching subconciously. Dont flirt with him. Give it a week. Don't talk to him about issues in your lovelife.

Be considerate.

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

foxylaydee

no thats not like my friend at all..

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

Nonsense.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Deleted User wrote: »

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

Rubbish

Lady

foxylaydee wrote: »

I dont want it to ruin our friendship. I like him as a friend, but nothing more.

Tell him that then, and if you really don't want anything to ever happen tell him you think of him as a brother, that will stop him in his tracks

Terry

Are you shocked because you secretely liked him too, or is it because you have no interest in him in that way?

If it's the first one and you love him, then run to him.
If it's the second, then sit him down and tell him in as nice a way as possible that you just want to remain friends. Under no circumstances should you say something like maybe some time in the future we could get together. Just not now. That'll just piss him off.

GirlInterrupted

Deleted User wrote: »

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

I don't believe that's true, or at least I don't want to believe it.

I had a similar situation to the OP when a male friend of six years suddenly moved the goalposts. The friendship never was the same, and in a small way I felt sort of defrauded that he'd harboured feelings I was unaware of for so long, while I thought we were good friends who could tell each other anything.

If the OP's friend has developed feelings for her, she should be kind, but clear, he can't help how he feels.

MaryCat!

Its a toughy! He's your friend so you obviously dont want to hurt him yeah? Wait and see if he makes a really forward move and then confront him. Dont do it before then as you may be misreading the signs

pisslips

I don't get it why can't a man tell you he'd like to sleep with you, in a nice way......What the hell is wrong with that?!
Better than him lieing and skulkin around and both of you knowing and you using him for attention and him just being a pussy.

It's funny some people become attarcted the more familiar they are with someone while others become totally unattracted as the person becomes too human and flawed for them or else they're more interested in the gratification of being loved than actually having physical sex.

fonpokno

Deleted User wrote: »

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

Utter tosh.

Sprouts

Guys don't have 'friends' that are girls, just being honest here now so dont attack me, unless you're an incredibly ugly girl then there's no way the guy wont have thought about a no pants dance at some stage.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Deleted User wrote: »

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

I have female mates where neither of us are interested, but generally, I would agree.

cHaTbOx

I think Pen1987 said it best and what julep said about "maybe in the future " hope is not a good thing to do .

Sprouts wrote: »

Guys don't have 'friends' that are girls, just being honest here now so dont attack me, unless you're an incredibly ugly girl then there's no way the guy wont have thought about a no pants dance at some stage.

I really have to disagree with you , men can be great friends with women.
You might have been brought up to think like that but it is not true to say that for every man .

It is a different story if the man / woman cannot accept just being friends, but if they can, then there is no reason they can't just be friends. Thinking about a " no pants dance " may happen , and I don't know about everyone, but I think about a lot of things, doesn't mean I will act upon every single urge I have , especially if I know it's not going to happen .

OP you said he's a gentleman , now if you tell him that you want nothing more , he can either walk away or accept your friendship , but either way it will save a lot of heartbreak just to say it outright and read Pen1987 post if you do decide to be friends .

milod

There seems to be a lot of idealism around the idea that members of the opposite sex can just be friends. It is of course possible, and does occur, but in my experience, it's rare. It's generally more likely that one or other party is concealing a secret desire to be 'with' their friend.

For those males who've been there and to give the OP a flavour of what's going on, here's something I found for ya... a workable definition of a woman's close male friend. If you've ever been there, you know…

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

cantdecide

Nothing you can do, IMO. He hasn't decided to have feelings for you. Being realistic, you are unlikely to retrieve your friendship but it may happen.

You have to be plump and plain yet considerate. Don't trivialise him with the 'ha ha- not in a million years' type thing. You should be prepared to not see him for a long long time if need be. You must realise that to him, your old friendship is over...

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Usually if a girl has a guy friend, he fancies them or vice versa.

Yeah I can never figure out why girls or guys areso shocked when aclose friend wants to get a little friendlier.

Wagon

Just tell him you aren't interested. He'll either

(a) accept it and happily stay your friend, or
(b) he'll just say "fúck it, what'st he use?"

Be honest and tell him you have no interest whatsoever. None of this not rigth now bull****. That'll lead to option b and the good thing is it probably won't be permanant. He might just distance himself till he's over you and get back in touch when he's ready. You could let him down gently so you won't hurt his feelings and this'll lead to

(c) you telling him you aren't ready right now and only want to be friends and he'll cling on in hope and watch you get off with loads of different lads gradually getting more and more depressed and then he just gets sick of it and wants nothing to do with you and gives you a two fingered farewell.

Wibbs

milod wrote: »

There seems to be a lot of idealism around the idea that members of the opposite sex can just be friends. It is of course possible, and does occur, but in my experience, it's rare. It's generally more likely that one or other party is concealing a secret desire to be 'with' their friend.

For those males who've been there and to give the OP a flavour of what's going on, here's something I found for ya... a workable definition of a woman's close male friend. If you've ever been there, you know…

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

Good one. IMHO In most cases IME, the woman knows instinctively it's going on but they deny it to themselves. Naturally, it's to her advantage to do so. She'll get the non commital ego boost, which we all like. She gets a certain angle on men, by having a tame one around. She may be getting something from her "friend" emotionally, that her lover doesn't give her. She may even see them as a fallback. Now regardless of the reason I've seen women make sure they keep the guy in play by giving him unconcsious signals he's in with a chance to keep him hooked. This is not always the case in these dynamics and it's not always black and white, but it's a common one, especially with younger or more insecure women. Before anyone says "oh but hes my friend", well I would look on it this way; if I have a friend where my presence in her life, is hurting her or stopping her from finding someone and growing and she can't detach from me? Well I'll detach from her. Yes I may lose her friendship for a time, but she gains more from being free to find someone for herself. My loss doesn't come into it.

Now does this mean I think "bad, bad ladies"? Nope. In each case like this the guy is enabling it. Yes he may have temptation, but he can choose to walk at any time. It's down to him. If he doesn't tell her how he feels, well then that's his look out. If he does and gets a knockback and still sticks around, well then that's his lookout too.

For the record I have women mates, close women mates and there's no undercurrent of sex going on and never was.

OP give him space. Tell him how you feel. He's a nice bloke but just not your type and you wouldn't be his and you're better off as mates. Ask him to take a break from each other. A couple of months and see where that takes you both.

LegacyUser

The way I see it, he did the right thing in telling you - if he didn´t he´d be living a lie and acting like a total gimp, i.e. pretending to be an uninterested friend when he isn´t. I think you´ve got to respect him for his honesty.
Maybe your friendship can´t be the same again but it´s better than a false friendship (even if you didn´t see it as such, that´s what it was). It´s not a big deal if he fancies you, no, there´s no reason why you dhouldn´t continue to be friends if you´re both comfortable with it, but if you´re not interested be very, very clear about it.
As for friends of the opposite sex not being possible, i´ve heard that from someone who works as a sex therapist. personally though I feel i do have a few purely platonic female friends. maybe they secretly fancy me but i doubt it

MrsMcSteamy

In the same situation for the last year. Whilst out at a party a male friend whilst drunk admitted he had fancied me for ages and wanted something to happen between us. I told him straight away that whilst i appreciated what he was saying to me that i only saw him as a friend and that this would not change. I also thought maybe the alcohol had alot to do with it as he was very drunk. However the following day he sent me a text and confirmed his feelings for me again. I would like to point out this friend went out with my sister years ago and i have know him since i was about 12 so i have only ever seen him in a brotherly light and i love him to death but have no feelings towards him in that way. I thought the best thing to do was give him space but not ignore him to an extent that he felt bad about being honest with me. I have tried to allow him the time to move on but a year on i am still in the same place, every once in a while i will get a text from him telling me he loves me and would love for things to happen between us Don't know how this will work out in the end but here's hoping all will work out ok. For the op all i can say is be honest with him about how you feel about him and don't give him any false hope that you might change your mind in the future.

aoibhebree

OP, can I ask what age you are? As you get older, you might find that this is a problem that is bound to crop up occasionally if you are close friends with members of the opposite sex. It is only as big a problem as you make it. If you value your friendship, just don't make this into some massive issue when it isn't one.

Húrin

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

I had a similar situation to the OP when a male friend of six years suddenly moved the goalposts. The friendship never was the same, and in a small way I felt sort of defrauded that he'd harboured feelings I was unaware of for so long, while I thought we were good friends who could tell each other anything.

Did it never occur to you that for most of the six years the man was genuinely a friend, but then developed attraction to you immediately prior to making a move?

foxylaydee

thank you for all your great advice! i really appreciate it. Id rather not be specific about my age- lets just say im between 20 and 30. (just in case) anyway, i was just wondering what does OP stand for?

foxylaydee

Húrin wrote: »

Did it never occur to you that for most of the six years the man was genuinely a friend, but then developed attraction to you immediately prior to making a move?

i agree.. maybe he liked you as a friend and then suddenly realised, actually i would like to be more than a friend..

its hard to know tho..

CO19

foxylaydee wrote: »

i was just wondering what does OP stand for?

Original Poster

foxylaydee

ahh, thanks