Cowen - Its coming To A TV Near You...

phasers · 24-01-2009 10:10AM

They should show Schindler's list or something else about people really suffering, then stick the "We're F*cked" speech in at the end. Everyone would feel slightly better then

javaboy · 24-01-2009 10:35AM

It's Cowen not Cowan. Know thine enemy.

cooperla · 24-01-2009 10:51AM

I think a national address would be a good idea in theory, but not in this case.

It seems that anything the government says has a best before date of less than a month.

Anglo Irish will be grand, no wait, it won't

Our finances are bad, no wait, they're alot worse than we thought.

So, unless the first few minutes of the speech has something along the lines of ... all us politicians have agreed to a 10-20% pay cut ... I'm not interested.

junkyard · 24-01-2009 01:44PM

They'll probably come up with a weekly Cowen show on RTE and have George Lee as his sidekick telling us how bad things are going to get or even a big brother kind of thing in the dail and we could ring in and vote them out and as least be rid of them in a few weeks.:D

junkyard · 24-01-2009 01:46PM

cooperla wrote: »

I think a national address would be a good idea in theory, but not in this case.

It seems that anything the government says has a best before date of less than a month.

Anglo Irish will be grand, no wait, it won't

Our finances are bad, no wait, they're alot worse than we thought.

So, unless the first few minutes of the speech has something along the lines of ... all us politicians have agreed to a 10-20% pay cut ... I'm not interested.

Or a live link up to our ministers who are having a think in in the Bahamas and will be there until they can think of something at the taxpayers expence of course.

deadhead13 · 24-01-2009 01:51PM

Looking forward to being uninspired.

ninebeanrows · 24-01-2009 02:02PM

He's just going to announce massive pay cuts, tax rises.

Call on us to take it on the chin for our country.

24-01-2009 02:08PM

doesn't sound good

mikom · 24-01-2009 02:09PM

A sneak preview of the recession instructional video to accompany Brian Cowens address to the nation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg9nVYo0VOs

Duck and cover everybody.

Pen1987 · 24-01-2009 02:22PM

Will Bryan Dobson be training him on how to behave on camera like he did with little ol' Bertie?

RTE impartiality. +1

Biggins · 24-01-2009 02:32PM

Mr Cowan straightens his tie.

Lights, camera, action...

Ladies and gentlemen, crackheads, winos and Irish Times readers, I address you tonight to help try and explain what your open and ever friendly government is going to do in these on going moments of national crises.

If I may take a minute beforehand though, I'd like to mention that it was not our fault. We had nothing to do with overspending, throwing your hard earned cash away on useless projects and even crappier e-voting machines for example. It was all the fault of the opposition in not catching us out and helping us in covering up *cough* - sorry I mean diverting your attention enough away from such things, to other matters that ye can continue in-fight about and take your eyes off the real issues.
I wish to state for the record that every person in Fianna Fail firmly believes that they are totally innocent and I as an impartial, forthright and honest leader must agree.

I see no reason why the public are calling for Fianna Fail members to see the inside of a jail but in an effort to accommodate such thinking, I can announce that next week, I, myself will see the inside of one as I take my monthly junket trip. This time I am getting the usual VIP treatment as I view Rikers island in San Francisco before I go and get a photo opportunity with new president Obama just in time before the next general election - one that I will be calling soon when you least expect it - but enough of that good news of our future re-election...

Tonight, I can announce that there is a new tax department. Thank you. I can hear you clapping from home right now.
The new tax department will help formulate new ideas of where the present comfortable ministers can instigate new tax placements. In other words the new tax department will - with you directly in mind - seek new and possibly some old areas where we can slap on another tax charge. We thought we had reached our limit when we introduced a tax for parking your cars at work (and gotten away with it) but I am reliably told that there are still some items that we have missed. Rest assured, we will find these missing items and adjust the damage to your hand held cash, credit cards and bank accounts accordingly.

Excuse me for a second... as I am making this announcement on camera while returning from last months junket, I just have to take a second to adjust my airline seatbelt as the thick meat stakes covered in chasseur sauce are having their expanding effect on my waistline in this plush seat. It really is quite terrible here in first class but I am doing it in your name and just for you all at home!

...but to continue...

I know you are all worried that soon everyone will be out of jobs. Trust me - this will NOT happen. I can guarantee you this. Your elected ministers will never be out of work! Their poor paid jobs will continue to go on and on and inspire you as they do to this very day.
Let there be no one person in this country that can say "we are all going to be unemployed".
Many government offices are working towards keeping themselves where they are and maintaining their under paid wages.
In fact next month I intend to hire another 1,000 civil servants to help discuss what else new object we can all erect in Dublins capital to make the place look good for my political record - sorry - I mean, for the sake of the country.

I have to go now - my mammy says its my nap time - but I just want you to know before I land in six hours time, that I am working tirelessly towards all our future.
Thank you for tuning in and allowing me to interrupt the cheap programming of RTE and their reality junk.
I must nod off now and use this time to dream up some more creative methods to grab some cash - for you of course!

Ta-ta for now and I shall speak to you soon with an update.

Good night folks...

Camera turns off...
(but microphone still on)

"Do ya think the muppets swallowed it all?"

"Why not sir... they've swallowed everything else so far..."

Riamfada · 24-01-2009 02:33PM

Can we force the government to take leaving certificate buisness classes and sit the exams in June. That would be wonderful. LIFO imo

WoollyRedHat · 24-01-2009 03:45PM

Wouldn't be a bad idea to give them lessons in money mangement alright. Although I fear the only questions that may be asked are: " And how can be exploit that to the best of our ability without anyone having a clue we're screwing them"

A degree in honest business practices might help alright.

So will the address be coming from Cowen's lovely nice office, with fine expense items around him? I can picture him tasting cavier and other fine foods, while advising us all at the same time, everyone needs to pull our weight. For him, perhaps it is literal.

Indulgence is key, while being completely unaware of their hypocrisy.

nyarlothothep · 24-01-2009 04:53PM

I predict a riot

Vadrefjorde · 24-01-2009 07:03PM

I hope there is a riot..

galwayrush · 24-01-2009 07:07PM

There's always a silver lining, worse if it was Willie ( Chemical Ali ) O' Dea making the speech.

He writes some drivel in the Sunday Independant.:rolleyes:

Biggins · 25-01-2009 03:19PM

So his coming speech will more than likely include the following:

* 5% cut in earnings for everyone across the board (those that are pay regulated) - 10% cut for those over 50,000 a year.

* Yet another tax levy on gratuity payments to retiring public sector workers.

* A three-year public sector pay freeze.

* Drastic cuts to the public sector pensions.

It can be summed up in one line.
"If there is money there to be grabbed - he is going to snatch it from you and feck you if you don't like it!"

News item: http://www.independent.ie/national-news/cowen-to-stake-all-on-public-pay-deal-1613944.html

ART6 · 25-01-2009 06:54PM

And a few pleas for patriotism -- don't shop over the border. Pay your taxes. Buckle down and show what the Irish can do--

I remember an old song:

"Come all ye young rebels
And list what I sing.
For the love of one's country is terrible thing.
It banishes fe-ar with the speed of a flame.
And it make us all part of the patriot game."

Oh well, I apologise for that. I'm sure the government doesn't mean it that way.

*Is knowing rebel songs a bannable offense nowadays? If so I humbly withdraw this post.*

ejmaztec · 25-01-2009 07:10PM

I don't reckon he's going to address the nation. He's going to be hosting the Lotto and Winning Streak programmes. Next Saturday, by pure coincidence, four of his minister pals will be trying to spin the wheel, while their families will be waving placards in the audience. "Good luck bitch" will be on one of them in crayon.

The deficit will be sorted in no time - and we'll still pay for it.

Hagar · 25-01-2009 07:55PM

Aidric wrote: »

There isn't half enough transparency when it come to politicians despite their title of public servant.

There's plenty of transparancy all right.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the Emporer Taoiseach is wearing no clothes.

Daftendirekt · 25-01-2009 08:40PM

Hagar wrote: »

There's plenty of transparancy all right.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the Emporer Taoiseach is wearing no clothes.

Christ, Hagar. That's a mental image I did NOT need.

galwayrush · 25-01-2009 08:44PM

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Christ, Hagar. That's a mental image I did NOT need.

I threw up my dinner, all i could see was a naked Cowen sitting beside a naked Hearney on glass chairs warning us that things may get worse.
How much ****ing worse could it be to that image.:eek:

Biggins · 25-01-2009 08:56PM

galwayrush wrote: »

I threw up my dinner, all i could see was a naked Cowen sitting beside a naked Hearney on glass chairs warning us that things may get worse.
How much ****ing worse could it be to that image.:eek:

You could have imagined them on top of each other naked!

galwayrush · 25-01-2009 09:03PM

Biggins wrote: »

You could have imagined them on top of each other naked!

Yes, and that copulation spawned Stephen the recession.:D

Sleipnir · 25-01-2009 09:04PM

Weathercheck wrote: »

He's just going to announce massive pay cuts, tax rises.

Call on us to take it on the chin for our country.

I'm willing to do so long as I get paid more than 100k, have about 40k in unvouched-for expenses, can hire my entire family as "secertaries" and work a few hours out of the week

Biggins · 25-01-2009 09:11PM

Sleipnir wrote: »

I'm willing to do so long as I get paid more than 100k, have about 40k in unvouched-for expenses, can hire my entire family as "secretaries" and work a few hours out of the week

So you have opted to stand your election then next time around? Why not, lets all do it!
Meet ya in the Dail bar.

galwayrush · 25-01-2009 09:15PM

Biggins wrote: »

Meet ya in the Dail bar.

The Dail Bar is in Galway.:D

dr.bollocko · 25-01-2009 09:20PM

Biggins wrote: »

So you have opted to stand your election then next time around? Why not, lets all do it!
Meet ya in the Dail bar.

We could call the party "Serious business." With all the different fora we have all the bases covered. Minister for Airsoft, mustard, beerguts and receding hair, Fashion, Soccer... it would be great. And cos we'd all be working for the government we'd be on the gravy train able to post on boards all day.
Day one: Unanimous vote to increase the speed of Dail broadband.
Day two: Unanimous vote that Javaboy has to go and get the popcorn.

darkman2 · 26-01-2009 01:58AM

I have been reliably informed that Brian Cowen will not be making a speech to the nation this week and will not be doing anything "out of the ordinary"...which presumably means more indecisiveness.

But he will once the decisions are made.

Biggins · 26-01-2009 02:09AM

darkman2 wrote: »

I have been reliably informed that Brian Cowen will not be making a speech to the nation this week and will not be doing anything "out of the ordinary"...which presumably means more indecisiveness.

But he will once the decisions are made.

According to reports he's put his speech on hold till he can pacify some of the unions.
If they were to become the back bones of the stink that is going to come when his words are broadcast, the unions would help to push the government out of office.
Thus if he likes it or not (NOT!), he has been trying to silence - just enough - any major organisational voices that will undoubtedly speak up against him.

He knows every trick in the book - he was taught well by his previous dodgy masters.

The TV speech WILL come if not this week - then next week. He HAS asked for the broadcast time.
I personally am going to be busy on street protests after that.
If you hear of anyone chained to the railings of the Dail in protest in the near future - that could be me! SERIOUSLY!
(If anyone wants to join me on that day - let me know!)

Cowen - Its coming To A TV Near You...

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