Cowen - Its coming To A TV Near You...

Biggins

Sorry - its bad news.



TAOISEACH Brian Cowen is preparing to address the nation about the depth of our economic problems.
Mr Cowen is likely to seek airtime on RTE and may go on television early next week to talk of the extent of the problem.

It would be the first time since Charles Haughey's infamous live television address that a Taoiseach has sought television time.
It was also learned today that the Taoiseach will go ahead with public service pay cuts -- with or without union approval.


Full story here: http://www.herald.ie/national-news/cowen-to-address-nation-with-latest-rescue-plan-1612164.html

deleriumtremens

"we are living way beyond our means"


/continues riding around his estate on horseback

TestTransmission

And what exactly is your point

banshee_bones

The Government is understood to be seeking pay cuts of up to 10pc


FOR THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????

WOULDNT THAT BE LOVELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




(taste the sarcasm please!)

mike65

...the figures which are just now becoming available to us show one thing very clearly. As a community we are living away beyond our means...we have been living at a rate which is simply not justifiable by the amount of goods and services we are producing. To make up the difference we have been borrowing enormous amounts of money, borrowing at a rate which just cannot continue. A few simple figures will make this very clear...we will just have to reorganise government spending so that we can only undertake those things we can afford...

(Charvet shirts)

Biggins

deleriumtremens wrote: »

"we are living way beyond our means"

/continues riding around his estate on horseback

Aye, with his expensive shirts bought by cheques given to Charlie by some youngish finance minister called Ahern.

---

I want to know in advance when he is on - if only so that I can switch over/off.
I know there will be bad news - we all know there is going to be bad news...
- but do we have to have it served upon us by Cowan lecturing us while he's currently paid more in wages than any other European country leader!

Hypocrisy indeed!

Omnipresence

Mr. Cowan needs to address the nation asap...

1) To explain where the hell he has been the last while (i mean come on !)
2) To really drill home to people in denial (i.e. all the unions etc) what a ****-storm is on the way...

I mean this could be a reality that none of these people seem to grasp:
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/finance/2009/0113/1231738220759.html

We're only about 5 months into this and houses are down 40% already (they are in my area (38% to be exact) so its pretty reasonable that another year of this and that article will ring true...

If the unions and everyone in pay "deals" don't budge it wont matter anyway as the companies they work for will go bust and they will be arguing over 10% of nothing... someone really needs to drill home this to them asap.

-a-

galwayrush

His address can be summarised in two lines,

We're ****ed.
It's not my fault.

Biggins

galwayrush wrote: »

His address can be summarised in two lines,

We're ****ed.
It's not my fault.

True but there should be a third line.

We're ****ed.
It's not my fault
Form an orderly line - I'm going to take what money you have left.

Captain Darling

Biggins wrote: »

True but there should be a third line.

We're ****ed.
It's not my fault
Form an orderly line - I'm going to take what money you have left.

Tax hikes. 60 cent in the Euro anyone?

dr.bollocko

Lets just hope that for one brief second we can form one single voice that rings out a message loud and clear thanks to this inspiring live address from the democratically elected leader of our nation.

"FUCK OFF!"

Aidric

Nothing wrong with the Taoiseach addressing the nation in this time of woe. There isn't half enough transparency when it come to politicians despite their title of public servant.

Senna

Hope its not at tea time, couldn't look at his pig ugly face while eating.

Biggins

Senna wrote: »

Hope its not at tea time, couldn't look at his pig ugly face while eating.

The idea of him sqeaking while your eating your bacon - yuch - that would turn you off your dinner!

He will choose a time around 8/9. More than likely nine. Give a day or two days notice -giving him time to rehearse his speech and tweak it as much as possible to avoid F.F. taking any blame whatsoever for their major/minor role in our recession.

Senna

Biggins wrote: »

The idea of him sqeaking while your eating your bacon - yuch - that would turn you off your dinner!

He will choose a time around 8/9. More than likely nine. Give a day or two days notice -giving him time to rehearse his speech and tweak it as much as possible to avoid F.F. taking any blame whatsoever for their major/minor role in our recession.

Will their be an interpreter so English speakers can listen?:D

Biggins

Senna wrote: »

Will their be an interpreter so English speakers can listen?:D

Yes if they can translate bullcrap!

Slidey

Our leader Bow before him ye groveling mortals

ejmaztec

Senna wrote: »

Hope its not at tea time, couldn't look at his pig ugly face while eating.

We all knew that things were going to turn ugly for all of us. In a few weeks time we're all going to look like him. :eek:

galwayrush

ejmaztec wrote: »

We all knew that things were going to turn ugly for all of us. In a few weeks time we're all going to look like him. :eek:

I hope that's methaphorically speaking, even so, it's one ****ing scary image.:eek:

deleriumtremens

slideways wrote: »

Our leader Bow before him ye groveling mortals

Actually, does anybody else think he lost a bit of weight? I saw him talking on tv3 news and he looked like he lost a bit. Maybe the nob nation skit cut him deep!

galwayrush

deleriumtremens wrote: »

Actually, does anybody else think he lost a bit of weight? I saw him talking on tv3 news and he looked like he lost a bit. Maybe the nob nation skit cut him deep!

Anyone who talks that much crap has to loose weight, ****'s got to come from somewhere.

Just when you thought RTE programming couldn't get any worse :rolleyes:

I can image what he will say, all the unpatriotic people that shop up north are to blame, me and my government are on top of things and doing all we can to help, etc.... yada, yada :rolleyes:

What he should be saying:

I and my government have messed up, I'm not fit to do my job and I'm stepping down as Taoiseach and getting out of politics.

Ruu_Old

It'll happen like the Simpsons garbage man episode.

Cowan: It's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made, you're screwed thank you bye.
(music starts playing)

Cow Moolester

Biggins wrote: »

Aye, with his expensive shirts bought by cheques given to Charlie by some youngish finance minister called Ahern.

---

I want to know in advance when he is on - if only so that I can switch over/off.
I know there will be bad news - we all know there is going to be bad news...
- but do we have to have it served upon us by Cowan lecturing us while he's currently paid more in wages than any other European country leader!

Hypocrisy indeed!

The British PM is the highest paid country leader followed by the German PM

Biggins

Cow Moolester wrote: »

The British PM is the highest paid country leader followed by the German PM

Population ratio-wise to earnings + perks.
Someone will say what paper it was last week but they did a a 3 day exposure on wages and showed he's €70,000 better off apparently.

As for the perks...

HALF of all TDs will have claimed more than the industrial wage in expenses last year, once final figures are calculated.

The job of every TD officially came with a six-figure pay packet for the first time last year, but of course, most, if not all, were already earning well over €100,000, when allowances and expenses were factored in.

The taxpayer is now forking out nearly €100,000 in unvouched expenses for TDs everyday they attend the Dail.

Unlike practically every other worker in the State, the elected representatives do not have to provide receipts proving they spent the money.

And the majority of backbench TDs receive allowances on top of their basic pay for service as chairs, vice-chairs or whips on one of the 20 Oireachtas committees.

This means that the average expenses claimed by TD during the first 10 months of 2008 amounted to €39,905 each -- €6,000 more than the average industrial wage.

On top of this, the country's 60 senators claimed almost €3m between January and November last year.

The generous agreement which allows them to claim lavish expenses is unsurprisingly set by the Oireachtas which they run.

Mileage, overnight allowances and office costs are all payable unvouched.

Just for showing up, TDs who live within 15 miles of Leinster House are entitled to €61.33 in travel and subsistence. Those who live 16 miles and further away are given €139.67 for overnight expenses.

Each TD is also provided with €40,090 to employ an office secretary, although recent Freedom of Information requests have shown that many hire family members.

An analysis of expense claims for the first 10 months of last year shows that TDs claimed a whopping €6.5m, when the Dail sat for just 68 days. That works out at €95,588 for every day the Dail was in session.

On top of this, allowances received for chairing Oireachtas committees are pensionable.

Other bonuses include office equipment and stationery, a free parking space in Leinster House and free postage of 21,000 envelopes a year.

Government Ministers are also entitled to "walking around money". The €240-a-week is paid to reimburse them for money spent acting as a Minister.

The special tax-free expense was not reduced when Ministers agreed to a 10pc pay cut in the October budget.

And that is before you factor in overseas travel.

Last year, the Herald revealed how in just eight month, TDs and senators (excluding the Taoiseach and Government ministers), spent over half a million euro on overseas travel.

Some 115 of the public representatives bagged junkets to destinations including Australia, Washington, India, Egypt, Mexico and even Kazakhstan.

Source: http://www.herald.ie/national-news/td-expenses-worth-more-than-average-wage-1593304.html

noel farrell

you get what you vote for :rolleyes:

994

I hope he shouts "My people! I have failed you! There is only one thing I can do to maintain honour!" *commits harakiri with katana*

Senna

Anyone think he'll announce a 'cunning plan'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bristol/content/images/2008/05/21/baldrick_203x300.jpg

Biggins

Senna wrote: »

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bristol/content/images/2008/05/21/baldrick_203x300.jpg

This week its a pheasant - next week its us peasants!

lostexpectation

/cowan you don't understnad how bad the economic crisis is

will you tell us and the details of the deals you've made with the banks

/cowan no

dtwhaler

The majority of Irish politicians only seem to be in it to line their own pockets. The post from biggins with all the details is the first time I've actually had any idea where all my tax goes to. It aint the health service ... you have to pay for that. It aint education ..... you have to pay for that. It aint the roads .... Europe paid for that then the Government tolls you on the new roads. I honestly dont know how they get away with what they do.

Why dont they start making up some of the deficit by taking Ahern and Haughey's estates to court to get back the millions they have ripped off from the country.

phasers

They should show Schindler's list or something else about people really suffering, then stick the "We're F*cked" speech in at the end. Everyone would feel slightly better then

javaboy

It's Cowen not Cowan. Know thine enemy.

cooperla

I think a national address would be a good idea in theory, but not in this case.

It seems that anything the government says has a best before date of less than a month.

Anglo Irish will be grand, no wait, it won't

Our finances are bad, no wait, they're alot worse than we thought.

So, unless the first few minutes of the speech has something along the lines of ... all us politicians have agreed to a 10-20% pay cut ... I'm not interested.

junkyard

They'll probably come up with a weekly Cowen show on RTE and have George Lee as his sidekick telling us how bad things are going to get or even a big brother kind of thing in the dail and we could ring in and vote them out and as least be rid of them in a few weeks.:D

junkyard

cooperla wrote: »

I think a national address would be a good idea in theory, but not in this case.

It seems that anything the government says has a best before date of less than a month.

Anglo Irish will be grand, no wait, it won't

Our finances are bad, no wait, they're alot worse than we thought.

So, unless the first few minutes of the speech has something along the lines of ... all us politicians have agreed to a 10-20% pay cut ... I'm not interested.

Or a live link up to our ministers who are having a think in in the Bahamas and will be there until they can think of something at the taxpayers expence of course.

deadhead13

Looking forward to being uninspired.

ninebeanrows

He's just going to announce massive pay cuts, tax rises.

Call on us to take it on the chin for our country.

doesn't sound good

mikom

A sneak preview of the recession instructional video to accompany Brian Cowens address to the nation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg9nVYo0VOs

Duck and cover everybody.

Pen1987

Will Bryan Dobson be training him on how to behave on camera like he did with little ol' Bertie?


RTE impartiality. +1

Biggins

Mr Cowan straightens his tie.

Lights, camera, action...

Ladies and gentlemen, crackheads, winos and Irish Times readers, I address you tonight to help try and explain what your open and ever friendly government is going to do in these on going moments of national crises.

If I may take a minute beforehand though, I'd like to mention that it was not our fault. We had nothing to do with overspending, throwing your hard earned cash away on useless projects and even crappier e-voting machines for example. It was all the fault of the opposition in not catching us out and helping us in covering up *cough* - sorry I mean diverting your attention enough away from such things, to other matters that ye can continue in-fight about and take your eyes off the real issues.
I wish to state for the record that every person in Fianna Fail firmly believes that they are totally innocent and I as an impartial, forthright and honest leader must agree.

I see no reason why the public are calling for Fianna Fail members to see the inside of a jail but in an effort to accommodate such thinking, I can announce that next week, I, myself will see the inside of one as I take my monthly junket trip. This time I am getting the usual VIP treatment as I view Rikers island in San Francisco before I go and get a photo opportunity with new president Obama just in time before the next general election - one that I will be calling soon when you least expect it - but enough of that good news of our future re-election...

Tonight, I can announce that there is a new tax department. Thank you. I can hear you clapping from home right now.
The new tax department will help formulate new ideas of where the present comfortable ministers can instigate new tax placements. In other words the new tax department will - with you directly in mind - seek new and possibly some old areas where we can slap on another tax charge. We thought we had reached our limit when we introduced a tax for parking your cars at work (and gotten away with it) but I am reliably told that there are still some items that we have missed. Rest assured, we will find these missing items and adjust the damage to your hand held cash, credit cards and bank accounts accordingly.

Excuse me for a second... as I am making this announcement on camera while returning from last months junket, I just have to take a second to adjust my airline seatbelt as the thick meat stakes covered in chasseur sauce are having their expanding effect on my waistline in this plush seat. It really is quite terrible here in first class but I am doing it in your name and just for you all at home!

...but to continue...

I know you are all worried that soon everyone will be out of jobs. Trust me - this will NOT happen. I can guarantee you this. Your elected ministers will never be out of work! Their poor paid jobs will continue to go on and on and inspire you as they do to this very day.
Let there be no one person in this country that can say "we are all going to be unemployed".
Many government offices are working towards keeping themselves where they are and maintaining their under paid wages.
In fact next month I intend to hire another 1,000 civil servants to help discuss what else new object we can all erect in Dublins capital to make the place look good for my political record - sorry - I mean, for the sake of the country.

I have to go now - my mammy says its my nap time - but I just want you to know before I land in six hours time, that I am working tirelessly towards all our future.
Thank you for tuning in and allowing me to interrupt the cheap programming of RTE and their reality junk.
I must nod off now and use this time to dream up some more creative methods to grab some cash - for you of course!

Ta-ta for now and I shall speak to you soon with an update.

Good night folks...

Camera turns off...
(but microphone still on)

"Do ya think the muppets swallowed it all?"

"Why not sir... they've swallowed everything else so far..."

Riamfada

Can we force the government to take leaving certificate buisness classes and sit the exams in June. That would be wonderful. LIFO imo

WoollyRedHat

Wouldn't be a bad idea to give them lessons in money mangement alright. Although I fear the only questions that may be asked are: " And how can be exploit that to the best of our ability without anyone having a clue we're screwing them"


A degree in honest business practices might help alright.


So will the address be coming from Cowen's lovely nice office, with fine expense items around him? I can picture him tasting cavier and other fine foods, while advising us all at the same time, everyone needs to pull our weight. For him, perhaps it is literal.

Indulgence is key, while being completely unaware of their hypocrisy.

nyarlothothep

I predict a riot

Vadrefjorde

I hope there is a riot..

galwayrush

There's always a silver lining, worse if it was Willie ( Chemical Ali ) O' Dea making the speech.

He writes some drivel in the Sunday Independant.:rolleyes:

Biggins

So his coming speech will more than likely include the following:

* 5% cut in earnings for everyone across the board (those that are pay regulated) - 10% cut for those over 50,000 a year.

* Yet another tax levy on gratuity payments to retiring public sector workers.

* A three-year public sector pay freeze.

* Drastic cuts to the public sector pensions.

It can be summed up in one line.
"If there is money there to be grabbed - he is going to snatch it from you and feck you if you don't like it!"

News item: http://www.independent.ie/national-news/cowen-to-stake-all-on-public-pay-deal-1613944.html

ART6

And a few pleas for patriotism -- don't shop over the border. Pay your taxes. Buckle down and show what the Irish can do--

I remember an old song:

"Come all ye young rebels
And list what I sing.
For the love of one's country is terrible thing.
It banishes fe-ar with the speed of a flame.
And it make us all part of the patriot game."

Oh well, I apologise for that. I'm sure the government doesn't mean it that way.

*Is knowing rebel songs a bannable offense nowadays? If so I humbly withdraw this post.*

ejmaztec

I don't reckon he's going to address the nation. He's going to be hosting the Lotto and Winning Streak programmes. Next Saturday, by pure coincidence, four of his minister pals will be trying to spin the wheel, while their families will be waving placards in the audience. "Good luck bitch" will be on one of them in crayon.

The deficit will be sorted in no time - and we'll still pay for it.

Hagar

Aidric wrote: »

There isn't half enough transparency when it come to politicians despite their title of public servant.

There's plenty of transparancy all right.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the Emporer Taoiseach is wearing no clothes.