Woman doublespeak

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 12:34PM

Berty wrote: »

I tell her to have sip of wet concrete and toughen the fvck up.

*the following she says in a whiney voice

"I have cramps, I have a headache, Im bloaty"

I ignore her and tell her that cleaning will take her mind off it.

Ah you see she's not putting enough effort in. You have to have the knack to get the boy all flustered and run out to do your bidding just to get away from the talk. Tried and tested for me!

Blackpitts · 23-01-2009 12:35PM

OK guys, these are few rules but very VERY important:

* When a woman says “Yes” that means “ No “
* When a woman says “No” that means “ Yes “
* When a woman says “Maybe” that means “ No “
* When a woman says “I'm sorry” that means “ You'll be sorry"
* When a woman says “We need” that means “ I want “
* When a woman says “It's your decision “that means “ My correct decision should be obvious by now “
* When a woman says “ Do what you want “that means “ You'll pay for this later “
* When a woman says “We need to talk “that means “ I need to complain “
* When a woman says “Sure go ahead “that means” I don't want you to “
* When a woman says “I'm not upset “that means “ Of course I'm upset, you moron “
* When a woman says “This kitchen is so inconvenient “that means “ I want a new house “
* When a woman says “I want new curtains” that means “ carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper “
* When a woman says “I heard a noise “that means “ I noticed you were almost asleep “
* When a woman says “Do you love me? “that means “ I'm going to ask for something expensive “
* When a woman says “ How much do you love me? “ that means “ I did something today you're going to hate “
* When a woman says “I'll be ready in a minute “ that means “ Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV “
* When a woman says “You have to learn to communicate” that means “ Just agree with me “
* When a woman says “Are you listening to me!? “ that means “Too late, you're dead “

23-01-2009 12:44PM

Generally if a woman asks me if her arse looks big in something, I would say yes if it does.. She asked me a question and I'm not going to lie.

giddybootz · 23-01-2009 12:44PM

Blackpitts wrote: »

OK guys, these are few rules but very VERY important

They are brilliant!!

And true.....read them, learn them, live them!!!!

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 12:49PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Generally if a woman asks me if her arse looks big in something, I would say yes if it does.. She asked me a question and I'm not going to lie.

hmmm but if we were to tell the truth, should we tell the truth to men when they ask questions about size aswell?? Men dont want to hear the brutal truth either! :cool:

23-01-2009 12:51PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

hmmm but if we were to tell the truth, should we tell the truth to men when they ask questions about size aswell??:cool:

Sure, why not.

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 12:53PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Sure, why not.

Whereabouts in the bog are you from boneyaresbogman, I'm a fellow bogger, we're a dying breed

Berty · 23-01-2009 12:55PM

What about women saying

Im a 14 in River Island but Im a 10 in Pennys.

Buying a baggy cotton pyjamas in Pennys as a 10 is not the same as a pencil skirt in River Island.

You are a 14 but possibly a 16 trying desperately to squeeze into a 14.

Bloody fatties

23-01-2009 12:57PM

I should probably explain;

If a woman's arse looks big enough in something for me to notice that it does indeed look big, then I would rather be honest and hurt their feelings for a few minutes than give them false hope and have them walk around with everyone seeing just how big their arse looks.

Oh, and I'm from Galway.

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 12:58PM

Berty wrote: »

What about women saying

Im a 14 in River Island but Im a 10 in Pennys.

Buying a baggy cotton pyjamas in Pennys as a 10 is not the same as a pencil skirt in River Island.

You are a 14 but possibly a 16 trying desperately to squeeze into a 14.

Bloody fatties

Well you cant say you're not a straight talking man Berty!

"Here Berty is my a*se big in this?"
"Yes you fat a*sed b*tch".

23-01-2009 01:00PM

Berty wrote: »

What about women saying

Im a 14 in River Island but Im a 10 in Pennys.

Buying a baggy cotton pyjamas in Pennys as a 10 is not the same as a pencil skirt in River Island.

You are a 14 but possibly a 16 trying desperately to squeeze into a 14.

Bloody fatties

In some rare cases this is true. Different brands have completely different sizes. It's even the same for guys, usually just regards to pants though.

The Master · 23-01-2009 01:03PM

I came home the other night and the missus was watching one of those
shoite reality TV programmes

She asked me "Who do you reckon will get knocked out first?"

So I answered honestly "You, I'm turning over to the football"

Oh and yes I am now single

Berty · 23-01-2009 01:05PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Well you cant say you're not a straight talking man Berty!

"Here Berty is my a*se big in this?"
"Yes you fat a*sed b*tch".

I would never say that to any woman least of all my Financee but I did once say after she told me of the River Island Pennys story, "of course you are and patted her on the head". :rolleyes: :cool:

Deleted User wrote: »

In some rare cases this is true. Different brands have completely different sizes. It's even the same for guys, usually just regards to pants though.

Definately. Abercrombie and Fitch for men is the biggest offender in tops. They are muscle fit for a start and if you are medium you must buy Large and so on.

Tommy hilfiger jeans are strange also. I have two pairs of different jeans both of which are differently fitting although the same size, supposedly.

Roadend · 23-01-2009 01:08PM

Jaysus lads, ye are after turning into women in just 3 pages, sheesh

Quazzie · 23-01-2009 01:09PM

Berty wrote: »

"Does this dress make my a*s look big?

Only logical answer is:

"No, but your arse makes the dress look big! Wasn't that a size 10 on the hanger?"

not yet · 23-01-2009 01:09PM

Who gives a fcuk what makes them happy, or what they mean when they say blah blah blah. it's all just backround noise anyway.

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 01:10PM

The Master wrote: »

I came home the other night and the missus was watching one of those
shoite reality TV programmes

She asked me "Who do you reckon will get knocked out first?"

So I answered honestly "You, I'm turning over to the football"

Oh and yes I am now single

Ha that reminded me of the guy i work with. If you ask him 'What are you up to tonight' he will say 'I'll be MADE to watch whatever reality show is on at the time'. He was huffing and groaning about it but there was no question of him actually saying he didnt want to watch it to her. well whipped there?

me and my bf thankfully dont disagree that much about the telly, but i did mention to him once about getting two tvs, and he was horrifed and said 'thats the beginning of the end!!!' men are nuts sometimes aswell!

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 01:11PM

not yet wrote: »

Who gives a fcuk what makes them happy, or what they mean when they say blah blah blah. it's all just backround noise anyway.

Single notyet?

Berty · 23-01-2009 01:13PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

me and my bf thankfully dont disagree that much about the telly, but i did mention to him once about getting two tvs, and he was horrifed and said 'thats the beginning of the end!!!' men are nuts sometimes aswell!

Her Tv begins at 7:30 pm and ends whenever Big brother is over. Im either on the laptop at the other side of the room or watch a DVD or PS3 upstairs.

Let her watch her stories.

Captain Darling · 23-01-2009 01:13PM

Anybody ever fall into the old 'I'm fine' trap. It usually occurs when you say you're heading to the pub with the lads and you ask the other half 'are you ok with that?'

When she says 'I'm fine.' She's not actually fine, it means you're probably going to be going solo on the sex front for a while, until you spend a day getting dragged around fcuking shops buying sh1te for her until all is forgiven.

That tit for tat crap can really wear ya down, If you've a problem with something fcuking say it. Maybe thats why i dumped her ass.

Bitter? Moi? :pac:

not yet · 23-01-2009 01:15PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Single notyet?

No funny enough....I'm In a loving,caring, passionate relationship!!!

But thanks for asking.

Quazzie · 23-01-2009 01:15PM

Captain Darling wrote: »

Anybody ever fall into the old 'I'm fine' trap. It usually occurs when you say you're heading to the pub with the lads and you ask the other half 'are you ok with that?'

When she says 'I'm fine.' She's not actually fine, it means you're probably going to be going solo on the sex front for a while, until you spend a day getting dragged around fcuking shops buying sh1te for her until all is forgiven.

That tit for tat crap can really wear ya down, If you've a problem with something fcuking say it. Maybe thats why i dumped her ass.

Bitter? Moi? :pac:

I just go to the pub and make sure to have the row when I'm drunk and home from the pub. Its easier to fall asleep as she rambles on that way. After a while she stopped saying she was fine, but I still go.

Silverfish · 23-01-2009 01:16PM

Wow, the amount of men who can't get a woman they've something in common with ....

Have to wonder why men stay in these relationships. No backbone?
:pac:

Lu Tze · 23-01-2009 01:16PM

I would never say that to any woman least of all my Financee but I did once say after she told me of the River Island Pennys story, "of course you are and patted her on the head". :rolleyes: :cool:

Your lucky to have a financee as your other half... Lad of leisure?

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 01:17PM

Captain Darling wrote: »

Anybody ever fall into the old 'I'm fine' trap. It usually occurs when you say you're heading to the pub with the lads and you ask the other half 'are you ok with that?'

When she says 'I'm fine.' She's not actually fine, it means you're probably going to be going solo on the sex front for a while, until you spend a day getting dragged around fcuking shops buying sh1te for her until all is forgiven.

That tit for tat crap can really wear ya down, If you've a problem with something fcuking say it. Maybe thats why i dumped her ass.

Bitter? Moi? :pac:

Its true. I dont know why we dont just say what we mean. It just feels so much better to say 'Im FINE!!!!!!' and to be thinking vengously 'You should KNOW I'm not fine, I shouldnt have to tell you ya b*stard!' ah the ould contrariness

kittensoft1984 · 23-01-2009 01:18PM

Silverfish wrote: »

Wow, the amount of men who can't get a woman they've something in common with ....

Have to wonder why men stay in these relationships. No backbone?
:pac:

I was just thinking that! Why are half of you in relationships????

I for one am always straight and to the point. Ive learned the hard way!

midlandsmissus · 23-01-2009 01:22PM

kittensoft1984 wrote: »

I was just thinking that! Why are half of you in relationships????

I for one am always straight and to the point. Ive learned the hard way!

To be honest I think these are things in most relationships, (Of course im not speaking for everyone), I think men also dont say what they mean, or what they want to hear, albeit in a different way to women.

*Women are contrary.
*Men need their egos constantly stroked.

As long as the good outweighs the bad, thats what matters.

Captain Darling · 23-01-2009 01:22PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Its true. I dont know why we dont just say what we mean. It just feels so much better to say 'Im FINE!!!!!!' and to be thinking vengously 'You should KNOW I'm not fine, I shouldnt have to tell you ya b*stard!' ah the ould contrariness

Men are not mind readers.

Wimminz! Figure that sh1t out!!!! Its not rocket science.:D

Berty · 23-01-2009 01:26PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

*Men need their egos constantly stroked.

Thats true but try this example.

Woman gets her hair done and heads home. If anybody of the male species, be it husband, boyfriend, child, brother or father neglects to notice than 1cm of hair was removed and that you changed your colour from blonde shade 1 to blonde shade 2 then the world ends and off she goes in a fit.

"Nobody ever notices me, you get your hair done and you put on your best clothes BUT NOBODY NOTICES!".

Jesus women. I get my hair cut every 3-4 weeks for €12 and nobody every notices except for my fiancee's step brother for some reason.

Blitzkrieger · 23-01-2009 01:35PM

Berty wrote: »

Her Tv begins at 7:30 pm and ends whenever Big brother is over.

They should re-schedule the soaps so they don't clash with Champions League kick off times at 7:45. There'd be a lot less arguments.

Oh - and "**** this, I'll watch it in the pub." is apparantly not a good solution. I wonder why I've been single for so long.....

Woman doublespeak

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