Woman doublespeak

midlandsmissus

My male friend told me this story about his girlfriend yesterday to emphasise how women never say what they really mean, and that ya basically cant win with women. I had to laugh when i heard it, because I admit I do it myself sometimes, but I only realised when he pointed it out to me!

heres his story


Him and Sarah were meant to be going to Sarah's sister's party when all of a sudden he got free tickets to a match on the same night.
He told sarah that he had these tickets and really wanted to go, to which Sarah replied 'do whatever makes you happy'. He said okay and went off to the match. He came back to find Sarah furious with him for going. He said 'But you SAID it was alright to go', to which Sarah replied 'NO! I said do what makes you happy! What SHOULD have made you happy was coming with me to my sister house not going to the game!!!!! Furious row.

So basically when a woman says 'do what you want' it means 'what you want should be what I want, and if it's not you're dead!'

Men, has your gf ever done this to you?
Women have you ever done this to your bf?

Please share....

Quazzie

My wife spends most of the time in the kitchen where she should be, so we don't talk that much

helimachoptor

Actually I had a pretty similar thing happen to me.

Was meant to be going out with the Gf and her friends, ended up getting tickets for a concert.

"If you want to go to it, just go, I dont mind" so off I went and then the next day she was angry!

women... clear as mud!

Mena

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Sarah replied 'do whatever makes you happy'.

If he didn't pick up on that one I'm afraid he has a looooooong way to go

themadchef

Aww thats just us messin' with yer heads!

Wait till we get our hands on your finances

4zn76tysfajdxp

I don't think she was angry because he went to the match. I'd say she was just hurt that he would break off plans with her so rapidly, and probably felt like he cares more about "the match" than keeping a promise with her. Think about it, if she told him he had to attend the party she would still be the bad guy in this scenario. Either way she was in an awkward position.*







*Or not. I'm probably wrong. Please bear in mind that I don't know anything.

CreepingDeath

The OP has to learn that wimmin consider any guys events as a luxury, time off for good behaviour that have to be earned.
It's a bit like time off in your job, your holiday request is given only if it doesn't conflict with any her priorities.

LeahBaby

I so don't do that!!!
I let my bf do what he likes.

I do however hide valuables of his, for no related reason.

themadchef

LeahBaby wrote: »

I let my bf do what he likes.

Did no one give you the hand book?

Lucky guy... that's a very broad statement

LeahBaby

themadchef wrote: »

Did no one give you the hand book?

Lucky guy... that's a very broad statement

Oh sorry I meant to say.

I let my bf do what I like.

CreepingDeath

Ah sure, with any luck maybe Obama will reverse all the feminist progress made over the last 50 years.

It's definitely time for change

midlandsmissus

Another one was:

different male friend told me this one...

he wanted to go out with his friends. was living with his gf.

the gf said 'FINE!!! GO OUT THEN!' and stomped off.

The lad, using all his slowly gained knowledge about his gf, successfully interpreted this as her meaning she would be really pissed off if he went out.

So he stayed in. They had a row later about an unrelated thing, and he threw in the fact that she wouldnt even let him go out with his friends without getting pissed off.

she turned on him and said 'what are you on about! sure I SAID YOU COULD GO OUT!!!

he said he tried to say 'em no you didnt you roared that at me and i knew you'd be severely pissed off if i went' but in the end he said he gave up, and knew when he was beat

Abi

Just do the opposite of everything we say.


Yes means no, and no means yes. No matter how much she may protest, its just a test.

giddybootz

LeahBaby wrote: »

I let my bf do what I like.

yeah how have they not got this yet....when we say " do what you like" we actually mean "do what we like or suffer"

when we say "it's up to you" we actually mean "it's up to you...to make us happy"
and so on and so forth!!

Now that you have cracked our code go forth and be happy with your wimmenz!!!

CreepingDeath

Abigayle wrote: »

Just do the opposite of everything we say.

Yes means no, and no means yes. No matter how much she may protest, its just a test.

Unless it goes to trial.

Loopy

venus and mars

jim o doom

*thanks lucky stars for plain speaking non controlling fiancee*

Saint_Mel

Yep, been there. When Ireland played Germany in Croker I was looking forward to the game for ages. Then, the night before I had a massive row with my girlfriend. Next day, just as I was setting off for Dublin she came over to say we should talk about it. Truth be told the arguement was now at the back of my mind as I was off to the game. I said we'd talk when I got back as I was running late and had to collect a few lads on the way.
"Well if the game is so important, head off" was her comment ... it was, so I did.

Got back that evening to a furious girlfriend who was still in shock that Ithought a match more important than the relationship.

My thinking was that I was going to be wrong and get yelled at no matter what I did ... so might aswell get to have a bit of enjoyment at the match before it all kicked off

midlandsmissus

good man jim o doom! God she must have you well whipped to say that!:D

jim o doom

midlandsmissus wrote: »

good man jim o doom! God she must have you well whipped to say that!:D

lol not quite - despite being partially whipped (all men are to some extent) I have managed to garner the accolade of "least whipped" amongst my attached mates.
That being said most of my mates are so whipped that they don't even argue anymore.. they just wait for the decision from the boss lady

Abi

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Unless it goes to trial.

Did my funneh go wrong? you were sposed to read between the lines

[/woman]

midlandsmissus

Abigayle wrote: »

Did my funneh go wrong? you were sposed to read between the lines

[/woman]

It's all right Abigayle I understood ya! He's only a man, give him time!

Hagar

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Sarah replied 'NO! I said do what makes you happy! What SHOULD have made you happy was coming with me to my sister house not going to the game!!!!!

Loose Sarah now or face life as a lapdog. Be a man. Grow a pair.

Abi

midlandsmissus wrote: »

It's all right Abigayle I understood ya! He's only a man, give him time!

:pac:


*high fives*

Berty

Why cant women be as straight minded as men?

Why, only last night my GF asked me "Does this dress make my a*s look big?"

I said " not as much as the other one you just had on"


Ask a direct question get.....................

midlandsmissus

Berty wrote: »

Why cant women be as straight minded as men?

Why, only last night my GF asked me "Does this dress make my a*s look big?"

I said " not as much as the other one you just had on"


Ask a direct question get.....................

Ah Berty my man, let me help you out there.

If a woman EVER asks you this, the ONLY correct answer is:

"No it doesn't. Your bum is gorgeous and definitely not big".

Deviate from this at your own peril. :-)

What she is really doing there is not asking you whether her bum looks big in something, but she is looking for reassurance that her bum is small and she is not getting fat.

Now go forth my son and use this wisdom well!

jim o doom

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Ah Berty my man, let me help you out there.

If a woman EVER asks you this, the ONLY correct answer is:

"No it doesn't. Your bum is gorgeous and definitely not big".

Deviate from this at your own peril.

LOL - I find a better way to go is, "The dress doesn't at all, but yer bum does" Cue shocked face and me laughing followed by a big hug & an "ah you know I'm only messing I always do that!"

Berty

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Ah Berty my man, let me help you out there.

If a woman EVER asks you this, the ONLY correct answer is:

"No it doesn't. Your bum is gorgeous and definitely not big".

Deviate from this at your own peril.

I have never said that anyway. My life would not be worth living........... well at least for 24 hours.

How about when a woman asks you

"Whats on the TV?" which invariably means switch over to something I want to watch and not my usual answer:

"a lot of fvcking dust".


Every single day my GF gives me the remote control and says here you put something on BUT in fact I have to surf the channels until I find something SHE wants to watch.

Thank god we have two TV's

Roadend

Berty wrote: »

Thank god we have two TV's

Put them on top of each other and put what you want to watch on one of them with the volume sligllty louder. Remove the batteries from the remote for the TV with her programme on. Sit back and enjoy her getting into a frenzy trying to turn her tv up.

midlandsmissus

Berty wrote: »

I have never said that anyway. My life would not be worth living........... well at least for 24 hours.

How about when a woman asks you

"Whats on the TV?" which invariably means switch over to something I want to watch and not my usual answer:

"a lot of fvcking dust".


Every single day my GF gives me the remote control and says here you put something on BUT in fact I have to surf the channels until I find something SHE wants to watch.

Thank god we have two TV's

To be honest if I ever want my own way I just mention the time of the month.(Can be used at most times of the month if you factor in pms) The boyfriend gets so confused and bewildered that he usually does what I want to get me to stop talking about it. (Great tip ladies). This is usually used to get him to go to the shop for me or something like that. Actually I feel a bit bad now writing about it, but not bad enough not to do it again!!

Berty

midlandsmissus wrote: »

To be honest if I ever want my own way I just mention the time of the month.(Can be used at most times of the month if you factor in pms) The boyfriend gets so confused and bewildered that he usually does what I want to get me to stop talking about it. (Great tip ladies). This is usually used to get him to go to the shop for me or something like that. Actually I feel a bit bad now writing about it, but not bad enough not to do it again!!

I tell her to have sip of wet concrete and toughen the fvck up.

*the following she says in a whiney voice

"I have cramps, I have a headache, Im bloaty"

I ignore her and tell her that cleaning will take her mind off it.

midlandsmissus

Berty wrote: »

I tell her to have sip of wet concrete and toughen the fvck up.

*the following she says in a whiney voice

"I have cramps, I have a headache, Im bloaty"

I ignore her and tell her that cleaning will take her mind off it.

Ah you see she's not putting enough effort in. You have to have the knack to get the boy all flustered and run out to do your bidding just to get away from the talk. Tried and tested for me!

Blackpitts

OK guys, these are few rules but very VERY important:

* When a woman says “Yes” that means “ No “
* When a woman says “No” that means “ Yes “
* When a woman says “Maybe” that means “ No “
* When a woman says “I'm sorry” that means “ You'll be sorry"
* When a woman says “We need” that means “ I want “
* When a woman says “It's your decision “that means “ My correct decision should be obvious by now “
* When a woman says “ Do what you want “that means “ You'll pay for this later “
* When a woman says “We need to talk “that means “ I need to complain “
* When a woman says “Sure go ahead “that means” I don't want you to “
* When a woman says “I'm not upset “that means “ Of course I'm upset, you moron “
* When a woman says “This kitchen is so inconvenient “that means “ I want a new house “
* When a woman says “I want new curtains” that means “ carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper “
* When a woman says “I heard a noise “that means “ I noticed you were almost asleep “
* When a woman says “Do you love me? “that means “ I'm going to ask for something expensive “
* When a woman says “ How much do you love me? “ that means “ I did something today you're going to hate “
* When a woman says “I'll be ready in a minute “ that means “ Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV “
* When a woman says “You have to learn to communicate” that means “ Just agree with me “
* When a woman says “Are you listening to me!? “ that means “Too late, you're dead “

Generally if a woman asks me if her arse looks big in something, I would say yes if it does.. She asked me a question and I'm not going to lie.

giddybootz

Blackpitts wrote: »

OK guys, these are few rules but very VERY important

They are brilliant!!

And true.....read them, learn them, live them!!!!

midlandsmissus

Deleted User wrote: »

Generally if a woman asks me if her arse looks big in something, I would say yes if it does.. She asked me a question and I'm not going to lie.

hmmm but if we were to tell the truth, should we tell the truth to men when they ask questions about size aswell?? Men dont want to hear the brutal truth either! :cool:

midlandsmissus

midlandsmissus wrote: »

hmmm but if we were to tell the truth, should we tell the truth to men when they ask questions about size aswell??:cool:

Sure, why not.

midlandsmissus

Deleted User wrote: »

Sure, why not.

Whereabouts in the bog are you from boneyaresbogman, I'm a fellow bogger, we're a dying breed

Berty

What about women saying

Im a 14 in River Island but Im a 10 in Pennys.

Buying a baggy cotton pyjamas in Pennys as a 10 is not the same as a pencil skirt in River Island.

You are a 14 but possibly a 16 trying desperately to squeeze into a 14.

Bloody fatties

I should probably explain;

If a woman's arse looks big enough in something for me to notice that it does indeed look big, then I would rather be honest and hurt their feelings for a few minutes than give them false hope and have them walk around with everyone seeing just how big their arse looks.

Oh, and I'm from Galway.

midlandsmissus

Berty wrote: »

What about women saying

Im a 14 in River Island but Im a 10 in Pennys.

Buying a baggy cotton pyjamas in Pennys as a 10 is not the same as a pencil skirt in River Island.

You are a 14 but possibly a 16 trying desperately to squeeze into a 14.

Bloody fatties

Well you cant say you're not a straight talking man Berty!

"Here Berty is my a*se big in this?"
"Yes you fat a*sed b*tch".

Berty

Berty wrote: »

What about women saying

Im a 14 in River Island but Im a 10 in Pennys.

Buying a baggy cotton pyjamas in Pennys as a 10 is not the same as a pencil skirt in River Island.

You are a 14 but possibly a 16 trying desperately to squeeze into a 14.

Bloody fatties

In some rare cases this is true. Different brands have completely different sizes. It's even the same for guys, usually just regards to pants though.

The Master

I came home the other night and the missus was watching one of those
shoite reality TV programmes

She asked me "Who do you reckon will get knocked out first?"

So I answered honestly "You, I'm turning over to the football"

Oh and yes I am now single

Berty

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Well you cant say you're not a straight talking man Berty!

"Here Berty is my a*se big in this?"
"Yes you fat a*sed b*tch".

I would never say that to any woman least of all my Financee but I did once say after she told me of the River Island Pennys story, "of course you are and patted her on the head". :rolleyes: :cool:

Deleted User wrote: »

In some rare cases this is true. Different brands have completely different sizes. It's even the same for guys, usually just regards to pants though.

Definately. Abercrombie and Fitch for men is the biggest offender in tops. They are muscle fit for a start and if you are medium you must buy Large and so on.

Tommy hilfiger jeans are strange also. I have two pairs of different jeans both of which are differently fitting although the same size, supposedly.

Roadend

Jaysus lads, ye are after turning into women in just 3 pages, sheesh

Quazzie

Berty wrote: »

"Does this dress make my a*s look big?

Only logical answer is:

"No, but your arse makes the dress look big! Wasn't that a size 10 on the hanger?"

not yet

Who gives a fcuk what makes them happy, or what they mean when they say blah blah blah. it's all just backround noise anyway.

midlandsmissus

The Master wrote: »

I came home the other night and the missus was watching one of those
shoite reality TV programmes

She asked me "Who do you reckon will get knocked out first?"

So I answered honestly "You, I'm turning over to the football"

Oh and yes I am now single

Ha that reminded me of the guy i work with. If you ask him 'What are you up to tonight' he will say 'I'll be MADE to watch whatever reality show is on at the time'. He was huffing and groaning about it but there was no question of him actually saying he didnt want to watch it to her. well whipped there?

me and my bf thankfully dont disagree that much about the telly, but i did mention to him once about getting two tvs, and he was horrifed and said 'thats the beginning of the end!!!' men are nuts sometimes aswell!

midlandsmissus

not yet wrote: »

Who gives a fcuk what makes them happy, or what they mean when they say blah blah blah. it's all just backround noise anyway.

Single notyet?

Berty

midlandsmissus wrote: »

me and my bf thankfully dont disagree that much about the telly, but i did mention to him once about getting two tvs, and he was horrifed and said 'thats the beginning of the end!!!' men are nuts sometimes aswell!

Her Tv begins at 7:30 pm and ends whenever Big brother is over. Im either on the laptop at the other side of the room or watch a DVD or PS3 upstairs.

Let her watch her stories.

Captain Darling

Anybody ever fall into the old 'I'm fine' trap. It usually occurs when you say you're heading to the pub with the lads and you ask the other half 'are you ok with that?'

When she says 'I'm fine.' She's not actually fine, it means you're probably going to be going solo on the sex front for a while, until you spend a day getting dragged around fcuking shops buying sh1te for her until all is forgiven.

That tit for tat crap can really wear ya down, If you've a problem with something fcuking say it. Maybe thats why i dumped her ass.

Bitter? Moi? :pac: