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Why are single 30+ women portrayed as 'desperate'?

24567…10

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  • #32
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,291 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    ntlbell wrote: »
    It's not exclusive to women tho....

    Men can feel the same...
    True for many.
    The body is changing and unless you're working very hard at it from a physical point of view things aren't getting any better.
    This is the bit I disagree with tbh. It's not that much work, unless you have a medical condition. It really isn't. If you're prone to putting on the pounds, well eat less and move more. Not rocket science. If you want to look better then walk more, get involved socially more, be fit and be active. Challenge yourself physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Do that and degeneration slows down. We're talking about ones 30's here for gods sake, not ones 60's. There is no reason why how you look and feel at 25 should not be damn close to how you look and feel at 35. If you cant fit into clothes you wore at 25 then somethings amiss. Yes many women who have kids can lose their figure and not get it back too easily or at all, but beyond that men and women who look podgy and old at 35 have no one to blame but their own life choices. For the record I am not nor have ever been a gym bunny nazi, but you don't have to go that far.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #33
    DutchStudent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24 ✭DutchStudent


    seahorse wrote: »

    So for the women reading this who’ve ever found themselves single in their thirties: did anything change at this age for you or have single thirties women been unjustifiably labeled? And for the men who’ve dated women of all ages: did you enjoy those relationships or was there any discernable difference in dating thirties+ women that would lead you to believe there’s any substance to the ‘desperate’ perception?

    welll i live in the Netherlands but here i hear al lot that guys love womens in there thirties they are independent. Each guy is diverent so ;) desperate is girl who lisents to people who say that kind of stuff


  • #34
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Wibbs wrote: »
    True for many.

    This is the bit I disagree with tbh. It's not that much work, unless you have a medical condition. It really isn't. If you're prone to putting on the pounds, well eat less and move more. Not rocket science. If you want to look better then walk more, get involved socially more, be fit and be active. Challenge yourself physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Do that and degeneration slows down. We're talking about ones 30's here for gods sake, not ones 60's. There is no reason why how you look and feel at 25 should not be damn close to how you look and feel at 35. If you cant fit into clothes you wore at 25 then somethings amiss. Yes many women who have kids can lose their figure and not get it back too easily or at all, but beyond that men and women who look podgy and old at 35 have no one to blame but their own life choices. For the record I am not nor have ever been a gym bunny nazi, but you don't have to go that far.

    lol wibbs

    sorry I didn't mean to say all 30+ are all fat heffers ;)

    I just mean when you're reaching middle 30's etc things are happening for many beyond their control...

    wrinkles appearing grey hair i'm not saying that's a problem or should be but it's often perceived to be....


  • #35
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    CDfm wrote: »
    I honestly cant see why women of thirty think they are unattractive. Its a social construct maybe to do with childbirth deaths and risks years ago.
    Perhaps this fear of all ages beyond 29 harks back to hundreds of years ago when one's 30s actually was old age.
    seahorse wrote: »
    I think if a thirty-something woman is buying into the idea that she's less worthy now than she was ten years ago then she cant have done the emotional maturing you'd expect over that span of time.
    Indeed seahorse but those women exist - plenty of them.
    ntlbell wrote: »
    It's not exclusive to women tho....

    Men can feel the same...

    The body is changing and unless you're working very hard at it from a physical point of view things aren't getting any better.

    Men start to spread, they might be finding grey hair's or the baldness is kicking in or a bit of a turkey neck etc
    I think that's more applicable to people in their 40s and older...
    if you were very attractive in your twenties this can be a huge bashing to your self confidence and self esteem but if you were always fairly average or a bit of a minger then this won't affect you as much as it would if you were a bit of a stunner..

    If you have counted previously on your good looks and physical attractivness to "catch" men and they're starting to vanish rightly or wrongly it will cause a bit of anxiety i'm sure
    Well I agree that must suck for extremely beautiful women. As Joan Collins once said: "The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer".


  • #36
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,291 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    ntlbell wrote: »
    lol wibbs

    sorry I didn't mean to say all 30+ are all fat heffers ;)

    I just mean when you're reaching middle 30's etc things are happening for many beyond their control....
    Naw gotcha:D but I would say that the things that are happening out of your control are dwarfed by the things that are in your control. Goes double for men tbh. Men have more collagen in their skin, so wrinkles are less of a problem and even if they have a few, no big deal. Same goes for grey hair or even baldness. Women go for both. Some men go bald at 21, so its no excuse as such. Men have generally less bodyfat, more muscle and although testosterone declines it does so slowly and you can reduce that decline massively. A guy who weight lifts at 45 is gonna be pumpin more testosterone than a blobby sofa boy at 25. I do think you have to catch it early though. A lot easier to drop two stones than 6.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



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  • #37
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Dudess wrote: »

    I think that's more applicable to people in their 40s and older...

    probably when it really starts to be noticeable to others...

    but most of my friends in their early to mid 30's are moaning about something..

    bit of grey the receding hair line, lines under the eyes etc etc...

    maybe i pal with a bunch of super fast aging freaks


  • #38
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,291 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Dudess wrote: »
    Perhaps this fear of all ages beyond 29 harks back to hundreds of years ago when one's 30s actually was old age.
    Yes and no. In medieval times maybe, but then again people did live to pretty good ages throughout history. More died in childhood of course, but looking back at even the famous of history and there's a fair few old types. More among the men and the wealthy, though Elisabeth the 1st of Britain lived to be 70 AFAIR. More women would have died in childbirth, so maybe it was the reverse of today with more older men knocking around. Romans could expect 70 as a normal age.

    The beyond 29 thing could well come from the much earlier age of marriage in the past. Most would have been hitched well by 20, often to much older men too. So to a Roman say, a woman of 29 would have had a few kids by that stage and be middle aged.

    I think that's more applicable to people in their 40s and older...
    Well it was, I think recently more and more are getting "middle aged spread" in their 20's men and women.
    Well I agree that must suck for extremely beautiful women. As Joan Collins once said: "The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer".
    :D Good quote.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #39
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    I'm 30 and don't have a single wrinkle or crow's foot... the trade-off though is white hairs since the age of 17... :(


  • #40
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    ntlbell wrote: »
    probably when it really starts to be noticeable to others...

    but most of my friends in their early to mid 30's are moaning about something..

    bit of grey the receding hair line, lines under the eyes etc etc...

    maybe i pal with a bunch of super fast aging freaks
    Some people seem to kinda WANT to go on as if they're ancient too though.


  • #41
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,291 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    ntlbell wrote: »
    but most of my friends in their early to mid 30's are moaning about something..

    bit of grey the receding hair line, lines under the eyes etc etc...
    :eek: really? Bloody hell. That's a bit mad ted.
    maybe i pal with a bunch of super fast aging freaks
    Or moaners:D I do strongly believe its as much psychological as anything. I'm not so sure that can be learned though. I think you either feel that or you don't. If you're stuck in a rut or even worse if you defined yourself by the notion of your "best years" and they're behind you, you will look and act and be older. I've no doubt about that and I've seen that at different ages in my mates. Some are now actually happy they're "middle aged". They didn't quite feel right as young men.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



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  • #42
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Wibbs wrote: »
    :eek: really? Bloody hell. That's a bit mad ted.
    Or moaners:D

    vain fu*kers ;)


  • #43
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    seahorse wrote: »
    Desperate to involve themselves with a man, or so we’re told; and is there any substance to the accusation, really, is what I’m asking?

    In my 30 years on this earth, I have met a lot of desperate women aged 30+.

    They exist. It's not a myth.


  • #44
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Dudess wrote: »
    there's a view prevalent that women older than 29 are old and past it and unattractive and unlovable and undesirable

    A lot of women over 30 are unattractive (don't take care of themselves properly) which would make them undesirable when compared to a 23 year old... but I disagree that they're unlovable. That's fairly harsh.

    There are a lot of extremely attractive older women though - Janeane Garofalo, Maria Bello, etc.

    IMO when an "older" woman takes care of herself, she is way more attractive than a younger woman.


  • #45
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    In my 30 years on this earth, I have met a lot of desperate women aged 30+.

    They exist. It's not a myth.

    I've met desperate women aged 17+ 20+ 30+ 40+

    I've met perfectly happily single independent women aged 17+ 20+ 30+ 40+ 50+ 60+ 80+!

    the fact they exist is not in question.


  • #46
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    A lot of women over 30 are unattractive (don't take care of themselves properly) which would make them undesirable when compared to a 23 year old... but I disagree that they're unlovable. That's fairly harsh.

    There's a lot of women all ages who are unattractive and don't take care of themselves properly there is undesirable women in all age groups including ealry 20's


  • #47
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    ntlbell wrote: »
    There's a lot of women all ages who are unattractive and don't take care of themselves properly there is undesirable women in all age groups including ealry 20's

    Women in their 20's have "youth" on their side (less wrinkles, etc.), and generally don't carry the same amount of weight as a woman in her 30's.

    Of course there will be exceptions.


  • #48
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    A lot of women over 30 are unattractive (don't take care of themselves properly) which would make them undesirable when compared to a 23 year old
    If that 23-year-old takes care of herself also...
    AARRRGH wrote: »
    Women in their 20's have "youth" on their side (less wrinkles, etc.), and generally don't carry the same amount of weight as a woman in her 30's.

    Of course there will be exceptions.
    A bit harsh to call those women who look good in 30s "exceptions" surely?

    And really, there's not actually that much of a difference between women in the first half of their 30s and women in the second half of their 20s. It's all relative too. To people in their 40s, women in their 30s have youth on their side...


  • #49
    Ginny
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    Dudess wrote: »
    I'm 30 and don't have a single wrinkle or crow's foot... the trade-off though is white hairs since the age of 17... :(
    Same here, pisses my sister off no end when people think she's the eldest.
    As for white hairs I found my first a few weeks ago, no biggie as I was getting my hair dyed that day anyways :D.
    As for the marriage and kids thing, its something I'd like eventually, and being the only single non pregnant friend in a group of about 10 its constantly pushed in my face, but its not something I need now, jaysus that would scare the crap out of me.
    Women are their own worst enemy though, I'm only with someone a few months and some girls have already asked would he be proposing this Christmas, which would be terrifying TBH. Now if I was in my early 20s there's no way they'd be thinking engagement after a couple of months, and rightly so.


  • #50
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Since we are speaking in such sweeping generalisations, I have noticed among my peers in their 30s, both men and women, although I think the men are worse to be frank, that they are either in stunningly good shape or an absolute heretical disgrace to anything remotely aesthetic.

    Once people hit their 30s they tend to have stopped smoking, eat better, calm down on the partying, and get into shape, that is after they hit their late 20s when things went downhill.


  • #51
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Dudess wrote: »
    If that 23-year-old takes care of herself also...

    Hang on - are we trying to say a 23 year old who doesn't take care of herself will look the same as a 33 year old who doesn't take care of herself?

    That's just silly, as a 23 year old is younger so will likely be less fat, have less wrinkles, and in general just look younger and healthier.

    Dudess wrote: »
    A bit harsh to call those women who look good in 30s "exceptions" surely?

    I was trying to say, in general, younger women look better than older women, but there are exceptions.

    Dudess wrote: »
    And really, there's not actually that much of a difference between women in the first half of their 30s and women in the second half of their 20s. It's all relative too. To people in their 40s, women in their 30s have youth on their side...

    I can see the difference...

    Btw, I'm 30. I'm not some teenager who thinks "old" people are gross. :o


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  • #52
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    a 23 year old is younger so will likely be less fat, have less wrinkles, and in general just look younger and healthier.
    Of course, but you just said "a 23-year-old". There are 23-year-olds who are hugely overweight and don't look after themselves.

    And what's this "older women" lark about? Thought that referred to women in their 40s at least...


  • #53
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Funny isn't it esp when the vast majority of posters who are in thier late 20s and 30s that post about wanting and needing to find someone are blokes.


  • #54
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Funny isn't it esp when the vast majority of posters who are in thier late 20s and 30s that post about wanting and needing to find someone are blokes.

    What are you judging that on PI threads?


  • #55
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Dudess wrote: »
    Of course, but you just said "a 23-year-old". There are 23-year-olds who are hugely overweight and don't look after themselves.

    Ah come on... obviously I was not comparing a slim 33 year old with an obese 23 year old.

    In general, assuming no massive weight changes or disfigurations, a person looks better at 23 than at 33.

    In my opinion, and I know this opinion is commonly shared, women's looks fade pretty quickly as they progress through their 30's.

    Dudess wrote: »
    And what's this "older women" lark about? Thought that referred to women in their 40s at least...

    In the context of boards.ie, a woman in her 30's is "older".

    I'm not attacking you btw. I'm just being realistic.


  • #56
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Funny isn't it esp when the vast majority of posters who are in thier late 20s and 30s that post about wanting and needing to find someone are blokes.

    I agree there are a lot of male boards.ie users with a lot of issues, but that's a completely different topic.


  • #57
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    I agree there are a lot of male boards.ie users with a lot of issues, but that's a completely different topic.

    Are you trying to say that boards.ie attracts lonely needy nerdy types who know more about pings and pongs than lycra and thongs?

    :eek::eek::eek:


  • #58
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    ntlbell wrote: »
    Are you trying to say that boards.ie attracts lonely needy nerdy types who know more about pings and pongs than lycra and thongs?

    :eek::eek::eek:

    Got it in one. :)

    On a serious note, the number of boards.ie users with some sort of physical/mental issue just amazes me. Is this "normal" or does boards.ie just attract those sort of people? I'm hoping it's the latter...

    /Sorry to go off topic


  • #59
    nomorebadtown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 634 ✭✭✭nomorebadtown


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Funny isn't it esp when the vast majority of posters who are in thier late 20s and 30s that post about wanting and needing to find someone are blokes.
    welcome to the internet. population: single men.


  • #60
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,287 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    Got it in one. :)

    On a serious note, the number of boards.ie users with some sort of physical/mental issue just amazes me. Is this "normal" or does boards.ie just attract those sort of people? I'm hoping it's the latter...

    /Sorry to go off topic

    I think it's a bit like what we were discussing earlier..

    The world in general is full of lunatics....

    They're on the bus...they're sitting beside you at the cinema, drinking beside you in the pub but it's only in the global playgrounds of these here tinternerts do you have to put up with actually listening and interacting with them..


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  • #61
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    Got it in one. :)

    On a serious note, the number of boards.ie users with some sort of physical/mental issue just amazes me. Is this "normal" or does boards.ie just attract those sort of people? I'm hoping it's the latter...

    /Sorry to go off topic

    Tbh that only seems to be the case over the last year or so.


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