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Worst christmas cracker jokes?

  • 23-12-2008 02:48PM
    #1
    jiltloop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,287 ✭✭✭


    The jokes you love to hate, what are the worst christmas cracker jokes you have ever encountered? Examples below:

    What athlete is the warmest in winter? A long jumper.

    What's ET short for? Cos he's only got little legs.

    What do you call man with a pole through his leg? Rodney. (haha I actually like that one!)


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Eoin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,283 ✭✭✭✭Eoin


    jiltloop wrote: »
    What's ET short for? Cos he's only got little legs.

    I hate myself for laughing at that.


  • #3
    Bluscreendream
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 199 ✭✭Bluscreendream


    Why do mechanics sleep under cars?

    Because they like to get up oiley in the morning. :rolleyes:


  • #4
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,094 ✭✭✭Wurly


    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    Cliff.

    :pac:


  • #5
    jiltloop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,287 ✭✭✭jiltloop


    Why was Santa's little helper so depressed? Cos he had low elf-esteem.


  • #6
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    What did one snowman say to the other?

    Have an ice day.

    What did one snowman say to the other?

    Can you smell carrots.

    What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

    Snowballs.


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  • #7
    Eoin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,283 ✭✭✭✭Eoin


    What's wrong with me - I'm still giggling at some of these.


  • #8
    jiltloop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,287 ✭✭✭jiltloop


    eoin wrote: »
    What's wrong with me - I'm still giggling at some of these.

    I think most people secretly like sh!t jokes, I know I do. Here's another:

    Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!


  • #9
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    Tri wrote: »
    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    Cliff.

    What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

    Doug


    What do you call a man with no spade on his head?

    Douglas


    What do you call a man who has been buried for a hundred years?

    Pete


  • #10
    Fajitas!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,624 ✭✭✭✭Fajitas!


    What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the ocean?

    Bob.

    Why can't you play pranks on snakes.

    Because you can't pull their legs.


  • #11
    jrodd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43 ✭jrodd


    LOL

    Awesome thread dudes!!


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  • #12
    Quazzie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 30,565 ✭✭✭✭Quazzie


    Whats pink and fluffy... - Pink fluff

    Whats blue and fulffy.... - Pink fluff holding its breath


  • #13
    Quazzie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 30,565 ✭✭✭✭Quazzie


    Q. Whats blue and no longer fits




    A. A dead epileptic!


  • #14
    lisbon_lions
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 517 ✭✭✭lisbon_lions


    What do you call a dog with brass balls and no hind legs?

    Sparky


  • #15
    RxQueen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,821 ✭✭✭RxQueen


    whats brown and sticky ? a stick

    why didnt the skeleton as the girl on a date?? cause he had no guts


    what do you call a lady in the middle of a tennis court?? annette


  • #16
    ericl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭ericl


    Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other.

    Can you smell carrots.


  • #17
    Quazzie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 30,565 ✭✭✭✭Quazzie


    Q. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

    A. Christopher Walken.


  • #18
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    ericl wrote: »
    Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other.

    Can you smell carrots.

    WTF?!?

    STOP RIPPING OFF MY JOKES

    :mad::mad:


  • #19
    Drummerboy08
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,090 ✭✭✭✭Drummerboy08


    Wht do you call a woman between two houses?

    Elaine.

    Whats red and bad for your teeth?

    A brick.


  • #20
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    what's brown and rhymes with snoop?


    Dr. Dre


  • #21
    ericl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭ericl


    Des wrote: »
    WTF?!?

    STOP RIPPING OFF MY JOKES

    :mad::mad:

    Sorry Des. :o

    Q. How do you catch a gay mouse?

    A. With a puffycat.


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  • #22
    Jumpy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    What is red and smells like blue paint?







    red paint.


  • #23
    Pigwidgeon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,590 ✭✭✭Pigwidgeon


    what do you call cheese that isn't yours?
    nacho cheese


  • #24
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,567 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    What has a an empty brewery and knackered kangaroo have in common?


    ...both are out of hops. :rolleyes:


    Sorry... (hangs head in shame) :o


  • #25
    destroyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 723 ✭✭✭destroyer


    what do you call a girl with one leg ??........ eileen

    what do you call a girl with no legs ??......... noleen


  • #26
    jiltloop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,287 ✭✭✭jiltloop


    What's black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.


  • #27
    destroyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 723 ✭✭✭destroyer


    Whats the difference between a duck?

    One of his legs is both the same.


  • #28
    destroyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 723 ✭✭✭destroyer


    Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insominiac..?

    He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog.

    Not actually from a christmas cracker but hey it should be.


  • #29
    antodeco
    Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,718 ✭✭✭✭antodeco


    What do you call a girl with no legs, running through a field of strawberries?

    A jammy c*nt!


  • #30
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    antodeco wrote: »
    ...no legs...running

    :confused:

    FAIL!


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  • #31
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    I feel so dirty reading and laughing at this :(


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