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Worst christmas cracker jokes?

jiltloop · 2008-12-23 13:48:43

The jokes you love to hate, what are the worst christmas cracker jokes you have ever encountered? Examples below: What athlete is the warmest in winter? A long jumper. What's ET short for? Cos he's only got little legs. What do you call man with a pole through his leg? Rodney. (haha I actually like that one!)

23-12-2008 1:48pm

#1

jiltloop

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The jokes you love to hate, what are the worst christmas cracker jokes you have ever encountered? Examples below:

What athlete is the warmest in winter? A long jumper.

What's ET short for? Cos he's only got little legs.

What do you call man with a pole through his leg? Rodney. (haha I actually like that one!)

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#2 23-12-2008 1:53pm

Eoin

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jiltloop wrote: »

What's ET short for? Cos he's only got little legs.

I hate myself for laughing at that.

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#3 23-12-2008 1:58pm

Bluscreendream

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Why do mechanics sleep under cars?

Because they like to get up oiley in the morning. :rolleyes:

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#4 23-12-2008 1:59pm

Wurly

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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

:pac:

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#5 23-12-2008 2:03pm

jiltloop

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Why was Santa's little helper so depressed? Cos he had low elf-esteem.

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#6 23-12-2008 2:09pm

_blank_

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What did one snowman say to the other?

Have an ice day.

What did one snowman say to the other?

Can you smell carrots.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

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#7 23-12-2008 2:13pm

Eoin

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What's wrong with me - I'm still giggling at some of these.

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#8 23-12-2008 2:15pm

jiltloop

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eoin wrote: »

What's wrong with me - I'm still giggling at some of these.

I think most people secretly like sh!t jokes, I know I do. Here's another:

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

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#9 23-12-2008 2:16pm

_blank_

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Tri wrote: »

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug

What do you call a man with no spade on his head?

Douglas

What do you call a man who has been buried for a hundred years?

Pete

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#10 23-12-2008 2:21pm

Fajitas!

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the ocean?

Bob.

Why can't you play pranks on snakes.

Because you can't pull their legs.

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#11 23-12-2008 2:25pm

jrodd

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LOL

Awesome thread dudes!!

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#12 23-12-2008 2:26pm

Quazzie

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Whats pink and fluffy... - Pink fluff

Whats blue and fulffy.... - Pink fluff holding its breath

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#13 23-12-2008 2:28pm

Quazzie

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Q. Whats blue and no longer fits

A. A dead epileptic!

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#14 23-12-2008 2:32pm

lisbon_lions

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What do you call a dog with brass balls and no hind legs?

Sparky

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#15 23-12-2008 2:36pm

RxQueen

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whats brown and sticky ? a stick

why didnt the skeleton as the girl on a date?? cause he had no guts

what do you call a lady in the middle of a tennis court?? annette

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#16 23-12-2008 2:37pm

ericl

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Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other.

Can you smell carrots.

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#17 23-12-2008 2:38pm

Quazzie

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Q. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

A. Christopher Walken.

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#18 23-12-2008 2:46pm

_blank_

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ericl wrote: »

Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other.

Can you smell carrots.

WTF?!?

STOP RIPPING OFF MY JOKES

:mad::mad:

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#19 23-12-2008 2:53pm

Drummerboy08

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Wht do you call a woman between two houses?

Elaine.

Whats red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

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#20 23-12-2008 2:53pm

The Bollox

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what's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

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#21 23-12-2008 3:02pm

ericl

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Des wrote: »

WTF?!?

STOP RIPPING OFF MY JOKES

:mad::mad:

Sorry Des.

Q. How do you catch a gay mouse?

A. With a puffycat.

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#22 23-12-2008 3:17pm

Jumpy

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What is red and smells like blue paint?

red paint.

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#23 23-12-2008 3:21pm

Pigwidgeon

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what do you call cheese that isn't yours?
nacho cheese

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#24 23-12-2008 3:24pm

Biggins

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What has a an empty brewery and knackered kangaroo have in common?

...both are out of hops. :rolleyes:

Sorry... (hangs head in shame)

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#25 23-12-2008 3:33pm

destroyer

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what do you call a girl with one leg ??........ eileen

what do you call a girl with no legs ??......... noleen

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#26 23-12-2008 3:35pm

jiltloop

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What's black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.

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#27 23-12-2008 3:40pm

destroyer

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Whats the difference between a duck?

One of his legs is both the same.

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#28 23-12-2008 3:46pm

destroyer

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Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insominiac..?

He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog.

Not actually from a christmas cracker but hey it should be.

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#29 23-12-2008 3:51pm

antodeco

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What do you call a girl with no legs, running through a field of strawberries?

A jammy c*nt!

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#30 23-12-2008 3:53pm

_blank_

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antodeco wrote: »

...no legs...running

FAIL!

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#31 23-12-2008 3:53pm

Professey Chin

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I feel so dirty reading and laughing at this

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#32 23-12-2008 3:55pm

antodeco

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Des wrote: »

FAIL!

Obviously the 'jammy' part escaped you

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#33 23-12-2008 3:57pm

_blank_

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antodeco wrote: »

Obviously the 'jammy' part escaped you

No, but a person with no legs can't run.

The joke makes no sense.

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#34 23-12-2008 4:00pm

Donald-Duck

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antodeco wrote: »

Obviously the 'jammy' part escaped you

I think she'd be more like dragging herself along though not running

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#35 23-12-2008 4:05pm

Mmcd

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Q2002 wrote: »

Whats pink and fluffy... - Pink fluff

Whats blue and fulffy.... - Pink fluff holding its breath

Whats green and fluffy?

Sick Pink Fluff

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick!

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#36 23-12-2008 4:08pm

_blank_

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Mmcd wrote: »

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick!

Already in the thread tbh

What's pink and fluffy?

me burd

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#37 23-12-2008 4:09pm

antodeco

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Des wrote: »

No, but a person with no legs can't run.

The joke makes no sense.

But they also said white men cant jump. Woody Harrelson showed them!

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#38 23-12-2008 4:11pm

Rosedale6

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Why did the snooker player need the toilet?

So he could pot the brown.

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#39 23-12-2008 5:08pm

Mmcd

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Des wrote: »

Already in the thread tbh

What's pink and fluffy?

me burd

Ye sorry
Only noticed that when it was too late

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#40 23-12-2008 5:16pm

Shacklebolt

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Q2002 wrote: »

Whats pink and fluffy... - Pink fluff

Whats blue and fulffy.... - Pink fluff holding its breath

Whats orange and fluffy.... Pink fluff that wet itself.

A man walks into a bar.
His alcoholism is slowly tearing his family apart (Not a cracker joke!)

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#41 23-12-2008 5:20pm

Quazzie

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Shacklebolt wrote: »

A man walks into a bar.
His alcoholism is slowly tearing his family apart (Not a cracker joke!)

I don't often make a new post to say thanks but that joke made me nearly pi$$ myself.. Well done and thanks!

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#42 23-12-2008 5:28pm

Darragh29

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To a bird...

"Sorry, can I ask you a question???"...

Bird: "Yeah, g'wan???"

"Is your sirname Jacobs?"...

Bird: "No, why???"

"'Cos I think your a bleedin' cracker!"....

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#43 23-12-2008 5:29pm

Darragh29

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Best one I ever read...

"Ancient Chinese Proverb: Man who walk through door sideways, always going to Bangkok..."!!! :D:D:D:D

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#44 23-12-2008 5:40pm

big b

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What did they call Bambi when it was struck blind?

No idea

And when it walked blindly into the road & was killed?

Still no idea

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#45 23-12-2008 5:56pm

Donny5

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big b wrote: »

What did they call Bambi when it was struck blind?

No idea

And when it walked blindly into the road & was killed?

Still no idea

I bet you thought posting that was a bright eyed deer.

Why did Mary McAleese go to the ice cream parlour?
She wanted an uachtaráin reoite.

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