Is a big wedding day important to you?

Pighead · 16-12-2008 10:43AM #1

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.

Ahhh yes, some lovely words there from an unknown source about the true meaning of a wedding day.

Pighead thinks it's fair to say that most ladies dream of the whole perfect white wedding in a big church surrounded by friends and family followed by a reception in a nice hotel with plenty of good food and wine for all.

But what if the man of your dreams was uneasy with the sheer expense of it all and suggested that you get married in a registry office and have a quiet do afterwards with a few family and friends. Would you be totally against the idea or would it not really bother you having to forsake all the bells and whistles of a big day out?

Nevyn · 16-12-2008 10:46AM

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead thinks it's fair to say that most ladies dream of the whole perfect white wedding in a big church surrounded by friends and family followed by a reception in a nice hotel with plenty of good food and wine for all.

That sounds hellish and too much drama.

Pighead wrote: »

But what if the man of your dreams was uneasy with the sheer expense of it all and suggested that you get married in a registry office and have a quiet do afterwards with a few family and friends. Would you be totally against the idea or would it not really bother you having to forsake all the bells and whistles of a big day out?

Why not have it on her birthday that way it is that and the wedding anniversary on the same day, so much less hassle, and then a birthday party
after wards and do the surprise we got married.

OR better yet go away on holidays and come back married.

Puddleduck · 16-12-2008 10:48AM

I think huge weddings are for those that love to be the center of attention. I personally wouldnt want a huge gathering of people, and I certainly wouldnt want to spend stupid amounts of money on one day.

Pighead · 16-12-2008 10:51AM

Thaedydal wrote: »

Better yet so away on holidays and come back married.

Miss Piggy's cousin done that last year. She'd been together with her fella for 15 or so years and had two kids. They planned a trip to Florida, inviting both sets of parents but not telling them of their wedding plans. The first the parents knew about it was when they were driven to the registry office by their couple to be. The grooms 7 year old son acted as his best man. Lovely day by all accounts.

panda100 · 16-12-2008 10:52AM

My sister did the whole white wedding thing,I couldnt imagine anything worse. Everyone was so stressed ,she was bossing us all around, and there was so many arguments over the littlest stupid things, not to mention an enormous financial burden.

So I've decided that If I ever do get married it will in my back garden in Limerick with only close family and friends. Oh and Il be giving myself away and none of these 'have and to hold' vows. Most people I know who have got married arent religous at all and all got married in an RC church,its a bit hypocritical If you ask me.

John Mason · 16-12-2008 10:55AM

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

Clars1909 · 16-12-2008 11:00AM

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

I'm getting married next year and a huge elaborate wedding is my idea of a nightmare. I'm having a smallish wedding in Italy, but I've been to so many huge weddings the last few years, feel like I'm in the minority in my crowd, wanting a quiet do!
That said, you can go too far in the opposite direction as well, someone working in the same compnay as me(not a direct friend) got married last week in his lunch hour! Registry office job - you'd think he could have taken the full day at least!

Baybay · 16-12-2008 11:01AM

Puddleduck wrote: »

I think huge weddings are for those that love to be the center of attention.

Not necessarily. When we decided on the traditional wedding, it was because we wanted the day to be about more than just us. As in, we both felt it was important for our families and friends to play a large part in our celebration. This meant, for us, that more than just our expectations had to be considered so there was a church and a hotel reception etc.

Having said that, and having really enjoyed the day, if I was to get married again, I think I would have the occasion about us only - if only for the sake of contrast!!

Pighead · 16-12-2008 11:19AM

Would Pighead be right in saying that the big expensive wedding isn't actually that expensive what with the tendency for people to give the happy couple cash rather than toasters nowadays? Lets say 200 people at a wedding. Each person gives say 50 quid (100 for a couple), that's 10 grand and probably half your wedding paid for. Is that right or is Pighead speaking nonsense. Having never been married he could well be.

cuckoo · 16-12-2008 11:35AM

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

Colin's going to have to become an old school Mormon then and embrace bigamy, 'cos i've designs on him for my wedding day.

Clarkson, however, is all yours if that's the way you decide to go!

Pighead wrote: »

Would Pighead be right in saying that the big expensive wedding isn't actually that expensive what with the tendency for people to give the happy couple cash rather than toasters nowadays? Lets say 200 people at a wedding. Each person gives say 50 quid (100 for a couple), that's 10 grand and probably half your wedding paid for. Is that right or is Pighead speaking nonsense. Having never been married he could well be.

The last few weddings I've been at it's been 100e singleton/200e couple. Not too sure how I feel about writing a cheque as a gift - it's convenient but I think i'd prefer a smaller day and to give the couple something more personal. It's a bit of a conspiracy of awkward - they don't do a gift registry, you send out feelers to the family/best man/etc to see if there's anything they want and get back "ah, no, sure, whatever" - which is code for 'Cold, hard cash please'. Maybe there should just be a ticket price printed on the wedding invitation.

If i ever get married i intend to have a day that I (and colin farrell) are comfortable paying for ourselves, and then pick a charity for the guests to donate to. In my (occasional) day dreaming moments i like to imagine the pair of us pledging our love under a tree somewhere, surrounded by friends and family...and then a barbeque. Naturally, Irish weather has nothing to do with this fantasy.

While the cliche is that women dream of the Big White Wedding, I know some men who want the traditional big day as well, with the first dance, speeches, etc.

Zaph · 16-12-2008 12:05PM

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

Does Des know this?

Friends of mine got engaged last week. He's the sort of guy who doesn't even like going to other people's weddings because of all the fuss, so for him a small affairs with a dozen of their closest family members would suit him grand. However they will be doing the full church and hotel gig because he knows that that's what she expects on her wedding day. He's now commenced the inevitable losing battle to keep the numbers down.

Malari · 16-12-2008 12:13PM

Isn't it funny that most people know women who do want the EWW (Expensive White Wedding) but so far no-one here has claimed to have that desire! Actually these wedding threads tend to be mostly full of women who don't want to get married in the traditional way, which is reassuring in that I am not alone!

I never wanted the EWW and ideally (or as Pink Fluffy Bunny said, in my imagination) would get married in secret and tell everybody afterwards, but when I really think about it, I just don't want to be married at all.

stovelid · 16-12-2008 12:21PM

Anything less than 350 guests is peasant stuff tbh.

Baby4 · 16-12-2008 12:39PM

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Diamond007 · 16-12-2008 12:40PM

Id like the traditional wedding! Not a big, white dress though.

Your all so cynical:P

John Mason · 16-12-2008 12:44PM

Diamond007 wrote: »

Id like the traditional wedding! Not a big, white dress though.

Your all so cynical:P

why are we cybnical? and if want a traditional wedding you shouldnt be wearing white. this was tradition was only brought in with queen victoria

Pighead · 16-12-2008 12:47PM

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

why are we cybnical? and if want a traditional wedding you shouldnt be wearing white. this was tradition was only brought in with queen victoria

What colour would you wear then if you were to marry? Pighead hopes for Des' sake it isn't yellow.

“Married in white, you will have chosen all right. Married in grey , you will go far away. Married in black, you will wish yourself back. Married in red, you’ll wish yourself dead. Married in blue, you will always be true. Married in pearl, you’ll live in a whirl. Married in green, ashamed to be seen, Married in yellow, ashamed of the fellow. Married in brown, you’ll live out of town. Married in pink, your spirits will sink.”

LolaDub · 16-12-2008 12:49PM

Fashion advice from pighead in the ladies lounge? :eek: Well i never!

Iago · 16-12-2008 12:55PM

Neither my wife or I wanted a big day or the stress and messing that goes with it so we got married last year in a registry office. 16 guests (immediate family and best mates) and had a fantastic day and night.

It was so relaxed, everybody was able to interact with nobody being left out. Wouldn't change a thing about it.

Malari · 16-12-2008 01:00PM

Diamond007 wrote: »

Id like the traditional wedding! Not a big, white dress though.

Your all so cynical:P

Cynical? No, just expressing personal preference.

Zaph · 16-12-2008 01:07PM

Pighead wrote: »

What colour would you wear then if you were to marry? Pighead hopes for Des' sake it isn't yellow.

If you've seen the Halloween beers pics I think you'll agree that it's des who's more likely to get married in yellow

Pighead · 16-12-2008 01:12PM

:eek: That is the most disturbing thing Pighead has seen this week! And I say that having watched Saw last night.

Curlypinkie · 16-12-2008 01:17PM

I would be against weddings in general but if the potential OH insisted my dream day would be:

Simple dress, barefoot in garden, flowers in hair. Nice small reception for the closest family and friends. Home made food, or everyone brings something small to eat.

Das Kitty · 16-12-2008 01:25PM

We had a traditional wedding. It was lovely to share it with those close to us. The only stress and drama we had came from immediate family, who would have been even at a small affair.

The reception is basically just a big party and ours was brilliant craic.

It needn't cost the earth either, the list of things that are actually necessary to constitute a traditional wedding is very small.

fits · 16-12-2008 01:38PM

The traditional white wedding does not have to mean stress and drama and bridezilla. Some people want to share their day and have a big day out. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I cant say I've ever dreamed much about what my ideal wedding would be like. Not generally comfortable with being the centre of attention tbh but I really dont know what I'd do.

Ginny · 16-12-2008 01:51PM

I absolutely hate the thoughts of everyone looking at me walk up an aisle. If I ever get married it will be a civil cermony with friends and family, none of this second cousins being invited lark.
If I get married the day will be about the actualy wedding, not seeing how much we can stupidly spend on favours etc....

Baybay · 16-12-2008 01:59PM

Baby4 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I tend to think of after parties as dreadful things that turn weddings into league tables of who's more important than who.

16-12-2008 02:06PM

I hate big weddings. They're such a waste of money. I went to my cousin's wedding last year, must have cost over 30 grand, who really needs all those silly 'details'? I'd sooner put that money towards a house, or a big round the world trip or something else that lasted longer than a few hours. I'm not a fan of being the centre of attention and I get stressed out easily though, so I don't think I'm the type to plan a big white wedding anyway.

Having said that, I wouldn't be happy with a registry office job either. I'd like to get married outdoors, in a beautiful garden with stunning views, or on a beach, then have a nice meal with close family and people I actually like.

pow wow · 16-12-2008 02:17PM

Myself and himself on a beach with close friends/immediate family and barbecue and a crate of cold beer. For me it's the people who make the day, not the surroundings. I couldn't bear 200 people I barely know complaining about the beef being tough or the dj being trashy.

JaneyMc · 16-12-2008 02:22PM

ellscurr wrote: »

Myself and himself on a beach with close friends/immediate family and barbecue and a crate of cold beer. For me it's the people who make the day, not the surroundings. I couldn't bear 200 people I barely know complaining about the beef being tough or the dj being trashy.

+1.

As far as I'm concerned, I only want my nearest and dearest there.

LolaLuv · 16-12-2008 02:28PM

I kinda doubt I'll get married because commitment scares me waaaaaay too much, but assuming I someday get over those fears I'd like a white dress but different reception. I don't care at all about appearances or everything looking fancy, I only care that people share in the commitment my husband and I make to each other, eat great food, and get absolutely smashed. It's supposed to be a celebration, so the #1 thing ought to be having fun, imo.

Also, I don't want gifts. I hate gift-giving occasions, they're so lame. But it'd be nice to do something like bring a toy to be donated to underprivileged children or something.

Is a big wedding day important to you?

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