Is a big wedding day important to you?

Pighead

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.

Ahhh yes, some lovely words there from an unknown source about the true meaning of a wedding day.

Pighead thinks it's fair to say that most ladies dream of the whole perfect white wedding in a big church surrounded by friends and family followed by a reception in a nice hotel with plenty of good food and wine for all.

But what if the man of your dreams was uneasy with the sheer expense of it all and suggested that you get married in a registry office and have a quiet do afterwards with a few family and friends. Would you be totally against the idea or would it not really bother you having to forsake all the bells and whistles of a big day out?

Nevyn

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead thinks it's fair to say that most ladies dream of the whole perfect white wedding in a big church surrounded by friends and family followed by a reception in a nice hotel with plenty of good food and wine for all.

That sounds hellish and too much drama.

Pighead wrote: »

But what if the man of your dreams was uneasy with the sheer expense of it all and suggested that you get married in a registry office and have a quiet do afterwards with a few family and friends. Would you be totally against the idea or would it not really bother you having to forsake all the bells and whistles of a big day out?

Why not have it on her birthday that way it is that and the wedding anniversary on the same day, so much less hassle, and then a birthday party
after wards and do the surprise we got married.

OR better yet go away on holidays and come back married.

Puddleduck

I think huge weddings are for those that love to be the center of attention. I personally wouldnt want a huge gathering of people, and I certainly wouldnt want to spend stupid amounts of money on one day.

Pighead

Thaedydal wrote: »

Better yet so away on holidays and come back married.

Miss Piggy's cousin done that last year. She'd been together with her fella for 15 or so years and had two kids. They planned a trip to Florida, inviting both sets of parents but not telling them of their wedding plans. The first the parents knew about it was when they were driven to the registry office by their couple to be. The grooms 7 year old son acted as his best man. Lovely day by all accounts.

panda100

My sister did the whole white wedding thing,I couldnt imagine anything worse. Everyone was so stressed ,she was bossing us all around, and there was so many arguments over the littlest stupid things, not to mention an enormous financial burden.

So I've decided that If I ever do get married it will in my back garden in Limerick with only close family and friends. Oh and Il be giving myself away and none of these 'have and to hold' vows. Most people I know who have got married arent religous at all and all got married in an RC church,its a bit hypocritical If you ask me.

John Mason

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

Clars1909

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

I'm getting married next year and a huge elaborate wedding is my idea of a nightmare. I'm having a smallish wedding in Italy, but I've been to so many huge weddings the last few years, feel like I'm in the minority in my crowd, wanting a quiet do!
That said, you can go too far in the opposite direction as well, someone working in the same compnay as me(not a direct friend) got married last week in his lunch hour! Registry office job - you'd think he could have taken the full day at least!

Baybay

Puddleduck wrote: »

I think huge weddings are for those that love to be the center of attention.

Not necessarily. When we decided on the traditional wedding, it was because we wanted the day to be about more than just us. As in, we both felt it was important for our families and friends to play a large part in our celebration. This meant, for us, that more than just our expectations had to be considered so there was a church and a hotel reception etc.

Having said that, and having really enjoyed the day, if I was to get married again, I think I would have the occasion about us only - if only for the sake of contrast!!

Pighead

Would Pighead be right in saying that the big expensive wedding isn't actually that expensive what with the tendency for people to give the happy couple cash rather than toasters nowadays? Lets say 200 people at a wedding. Each person gives say 50 quid (100 for a couple), that's 10 grand and probably half your wedding paid for. Is that right or is Pighead speaking nonsense. Having never been married he could well be.

cuckoo

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

Colin's going to have to become an old school Mormon then and embrace bigamy, 'cos i've designs on him for my wedding day. Clarkson, however, is all yours if that's the way you decide to go!

Pighead wrote: »

Would Pighead be right in saying that the big expensive wedding isn't actually that expensive what with the tendency for people to give the happy couple cash rather than toasters nowadays? Lets say 200 people at a wedding. Each person gives say 50 quid (100 for a couple), that's 10 grand and probably half your wedding paid for. Is that right or is Pighead speaking nonsense. Having never been married he could well be.

The last few weddings I've been at it's been 100e singleton/200e couple. Not too sure how I feel about writing a cheque as a gift - it's convenient but I think i'd prefer a smaller day and to give the couple something more personal. It's a bit of a conspiracy of awkward - they don't do a gift registry, you send out feelers to the family/best man/etc to see if there's anything they want and get back "ah, no, sure, whatever" - which is code for 'Cold, hard cash please'. Maybe there should just be a ticket price printed on the wedding invitation.

If i ever get married i intend to have a day that I (and colin farrell) are comfortable paying for ourselves, and then pick a charity for the guests to donate to. In my (occasional) day dreaming moments i like to imagine the pair of us pledging our love under a tree somewhere, surrounded by friends and family...and then a barbeque. Naturally, Irish weather has nothing to do with this fantasy.

While the cliche is that women dream of the Big White Wedding, I know some men who want the traditional big day as well, with the first dance, speeches, etc.

Zaph

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

The only people at my imaginary wedding is my future husband, (Jermey Clarkson or Colin Farrell, i havent decided yet) and two unknown witnesses

Does Des know this?


Friends of mine got engaged last week. He's the sort of guy who doesn't even like going to other people's weddings because of all the fuss, so for him a small affairs with a dozen of their closest family members would suit him grand. However they will be doing the full church and hotel gig because he knows that that's what she expects on her wedding day. He's now commenced the inevitable losing battle to keep the numbers down.

Malari

Isn't it funny that most people know women who do want the EWW (Expensive White Wedding) but so far no-one here has claimed to have that desire! Actually these wedding threads tend to be mostly full of women who don't want to get married in the traditional way, which is reassuring in that I am not alone!

I never wanted the EWW and ideally (or as Pink Fluffy Bunny said, in my imagination) would get married in secret and tell everybody afterwards, but when I really think about it, I just don't want to be married at all.

stovelid

Anything less than 350 guests is peasant stuff tbh.

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

Diamond007

Id like the traditional wedding! Not a big, white dress though.

Your all so cynical:P

John Mason

Diamond007 wrote: »

Id like the traditional wedding! Not a big, white dress though.

Your all so cynical:P

why are we cybnical? and if want a traditional wedding you shouldnt be wearing white. this was tradition was only brought in with queen victoria

Pighead

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

why are we cybnical? and if want a traditional wedding you shouldnt be wearing white. this was tradition was only brought in with queen victoria

What colour would you wear then if you were to marry? Pighead hopes for Des' sake it isn't yellow.

“Married in white, you will have chosen all right. Married in grey , you will go far away. Married in black, you will wish yourself back. Married in red, you’ll wish yourself dead. Married in blue, you will always be true. Married in pearl, you’ll live in a whirl. Married in green, ashamed to be seen, Married in yellow, ashamed of the fellow. Married in brown, you’ll live out of town. Married in pink, your spirits will sink.”

LolaDub

Fashion advice from pighead in the ladies lounge? :eek: Well i never!

Iago

Neither my wife or I wanted a big day or the stress and messing that goes with it so we got married last year in a registry office. 16 guests (immediate family and best mates) and had a fantastic day and night.

It was so relaxed, everybody was able to interact with nobody being left out. Wouldn't change a thing about it.

Malari

Diamond007 wrote: »

Id like the traditional wedding! Not a big, white dress though.

Your all so cynical:P

Cynical? No, just expressing personal preference.

Zaph

Pighead wrote: »

What colour would you wear then if you were to marry? Pighead hopes for Des' sake it isn't yellow.

If you've seen the Halloween beers pics I think you'll agree that it's des who's more likely to get married in yellow

Pighead

:eek: That is the most disturbing thing Pighead has seen this week! And I say that having watched Saw last night.

Curlypinkie

I would be against weddings in general but if the potential OH insisted my dream day would be:

Simple dress, barefoot in garden, flowers in hair. Nice small reception for the closest family and friends. Home made food, or everyone brings something small to eat.

Das Kitty

We had a traditional wedding. It was lovely to share it with those close to us. The only stress and drama we had came from immediate family, who would have been even at a small affair.

The reception is basically just a big party and ours was brilliant craic.

It needn't cost the earth either, the list of things that are actually necessary to constitute a traditional wedding is very small.

fits

The traditional white wedding does not have to mean stress and drama and bridezilla. Some people want to share their day and have a big day out. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I cant say I've ever dreamed much about what my ideal wedding would be like. Not generally comfortable with being the centre of attention tbh but I really dont know what I'd do.

Ginny

I absolutely hate the thoughts of everyone looking at me walk up an aisle. If I ever get married it will be a civil cermony with friends and family, none of this second cousins being invited lark.
If I get married the day will be about the actualy wedding, not seeing how much we can stupidly spend on favours etc....

Baybay

Baby4 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I tend to think of after parties as dreadful things that turn weddings into league tables of who's more important than who.

I hate big weddings. They're such a waste of money. I went to my cousin's wedding last year, must have cost over 30 grand, who really needs all those silly 'details'? I'd sooner put that money towards a house, or a big round the world trip or something else that lasted longer than a few hours. I'm not a fan of being the centre of attention and I get stressed out easily though, so I don't think I'm the type to plan a big white wedding anyway.

Having said that, I wouldn't be happy with a registry office job either. I'd like to get married outdoors, in a beautiful garden with stunning views, or on a beach, then have a nice meal with close family and people I actually like.

pow wow

Myself and himself on a beach with close friends/immediate family and barbecue and a crate of cold beer. For me it's the people who make the day, not the surroundings. I couldn't bear 200 people I barely know complaining about the beef being tough or the dj being trashy.

JaneyMc

ellscurr wrote: »

Myself and himself on a beach with close friends/immediate family and barbecue and a crate of cold beer. For me it's the people who make the day, not the surroundings. I couldn't bear 200 people I barely know complaining about the beef being tough or the dj being trashy.

+1.

As far as I'm concerned, I only want my nearest and dearest there.

LolaLuv

I kinda doubt I'll get married because commitment scares me waaaaaay too much, but assuming I someday get over those fears I'd like a white dress but different reception. I don't care at all about appearances or everything looking fancy, I only care that people share in the commitment my husband and I make to each other, eat great food, and get absolutely smashed. It's supposed to be a celebration, so the #1 thing ought to be having fun, imo.

Also, I don't want gifts. I hate gift-giving occasions, they're so lame. But it'd be nice to do something like bring a toy to be donated to underprivileged children or something.

metaoblivia

I never really put much thought into how I'd want my wedding to be. I always figured I'd cross that bridge if I ever came to it. Small, medium, large wedding: I have no preference. A lot of that will depend on finances available at the time. If there's no money, I'm all for eloping and going to a registry office (or Vegas). If there's money to spare, why not throw a huge party for family and friends? I don't need to be the center of attention, but I certainly don't mind it. And if it's somewhere in between, then that's fine too.

barbiegirl

We got married earlier this year and had a great day. We went to Italy, invited everyone we wanted to be there, 120 people came with us, good friends and family. Those who couldn't come were not made feel bad, those who came we really appreciated it. We picked somewhere with a range of accomodation, lots of things for people to do, and somewhere we felt they would enjoy. It was a great day, great food, wine, I had the my dress and I did walk down the aisle in a RC chouch, cause that was important to me. Everyone has a dream of what they want, some big, some small, but most importantly it must be what you both want.

GirlInterrupted

A big wedding isn't important at all, marraige is.

A small ceremony, civil, with just the immediate family and the closest of friends would be perfect, followed by a party later for everyone else.

She Devil

OH MY GOD GIRLS DID YE NOT DREAM OF THIS DAY FOR LIKE EVER????

I can not wait to get married, my OH has said the day is all about me His job is to pick the music (i trust him with that)
We are getting married in a castle where i live. Unfortunately it only sits 80 people and we want more friends than family that we never see. So that is going to be awkward but after that its going to be fab, i am going to wear a big white dress and my bridesmaids are going to be fab!
I do know that my OH and I will be crying all day long because the day is going to be fantastic just what we want. Its going to be the cheesiest wedding ever but we are into cheese we love each other and we arent afraid to show it.

<edit> I am not engaged yet but we have talked enough about it. As soon as he asks me i am off to book the venue.

jellie

id be more concerned about having the right man than the right wedding day...

when i was with my ex i knew church weddings were never an option (religious issues) so my daydream wedding was off on some amazing beach, wearing a simple but GORGEOUS white dress, with immediate family only (instead of every aunt/uncle/cousin etc) & close friends. ceremony on the beach followed by a nice dinner somewhere & lots of tropical cocktails..

& i didnt think id thought about it that much lol

Malari

She Devil wrote: »

OH MY GOD GIRLS DID YE NOT DREAM OF THIS DAY FOR LIKE EVER????

We are getting married in a castle where i live.

You live in a castle? Well, that explains the princess/happily ever after fantasies

Nevyn

She Devil wrote: »

OH MY GOD GIRLS DID YE NOT DREAM OF THIS DAY FOR LIKE EVER????

No.

ferdi

She Devil wrote: »

OH MY GOD GIRLS DID YE NOT DREAM OF THIS DAY FOR LIKE EVER????

I can not wait to get married, my OH has said the day is all about me His job is to pick the music (i trust him with that)
We are getting married in a castle where i live. Unfortunately it only sits 80 people and we want more friends than family that we never see. So that is going to be awkward but after that its going to be fab, i am going to wear a big white dress and my bridesmaids are going to be fab!
I do know that my OH and I will be crying all day long because the day is going to be fantastic just what we want. Its going to be the cheesiest wedding ever but we are into cheese we love each other and we arent afraid to show it.

<edit> I am not engaged yet but we have talked enough about it. As soon as he asks me i am off to book the venue.

fits

^ I dont think thats very fair. Each to their own.

Stheno

Thaedydal wrote: »

No.

+1

SeekUp

I used to dream of the big day being literally a big day.

Now that I'm all kinds of older and wiser (:rolleyes:), I still want a traditional wedding, albeit not filled with people who I haven't seen since I was 10 years old. That just seems a bit silly to me - you spend more time greeting everyone and tending to them than enjoying yourself! Granted, the big wedding planning has gotten out of control . . . some people just get so wrapped up in the pageantry of it all, and once you start dealing with people in the wedding business, I'd be willing to bet that more than a few people get pushed into things that they don't want/don't need/can't afford.

You can do it without spending a load of money, and the money that you do spend can be spread around a bit (instead of favors, donating the money to a charity, or donating the flowers after the wedding to a local hospital/nursing home, etc.).

What is important to me is that both people getting married are equally happy with how they're going to get married. Because the truth of the matter is, it might be the case that the only time both sets of families and friends are together will be at your wedding and at your funeral -- and one of those times, you can't join in the fun.

Pighead

Pighead wrote:

Pighead thinks it's fair to say that most ladies dream of the whole perfect white wedding in a big church surrounded by friends and family followed by a reception in a nice hotel with plenty of good food and wine for all.

Not here.

But what if the man of your dreams was uneasy with the sheer expense of it all and suggested that you get married in a registry office and have a quiet do afterwards with a few family and friends. Would you be totally against the idea or would it not really bother you having to forsake all the bells and whistles of a big day out?

If I ever get married, I would 1. definitely not have it in a church (not being christian) and 2. definitely not spend a large amount and 3. definitely not invited a huge amount of people.
If the hypothetical guy wanted a big wedding, he'd be the one doing the forsaking.

OH MY GOD GIRLS DID YE NOT DREAM OF THIS DAY FOR LIKE EVER????

I can not wait to get married, my OH has said the day is all about me His job is to pick the music (i trust him with that)
We are getting married in a castle where i live. Unfortunately it only sits 80 people and we want more friends than family that we never see. So that is going to be awkward but after that its going to be fab, i am going to wear a big white dress and my bridesmaids are going to be fab!
I do know that my OH and I will be crying all day long because the day is going to be fantastic just what we want. Its going to be the cheesiest wedding ever but we are into cheese we love each other and we arent afraid to show it.

<edit> I am not engaged yet but we have talked enough about it. As soon as he asks me i am off to book the venue.

/headdesk
To say I must be your complete opposite would be putting it lightly.

bills

The whole big wedding day would not be my thing at all. I would like something very different from the church & typical hotel reception. I think that has been done to death & is a bit boring. I know i will be off in a plane to somewhere exotic hopefully!!

SarcasticFairy

I've never dreamed of the big white wedding, however I've several friends who have looked at me like I have 10 heads when I've said this.

IF I get married, I want a small ceremony, with close friends, and family we actually know. I imagine it in the evening, and no where near a church. There will be none of this "giving me away" business, we will walk in together and leave together. For me, it's not about the ceremony, it's about the right guy.

Also, I fail to see how a big day out, being nice to people you barely know and only invited so they wouldn't be offended, shows everyone how much you love your partner. At most weddings I've been at, the couple have separated [on the day, not divorced...] and run around making sure this, that and the other are okay, even though the day is supposed to be about them. I don't expect people to be stuck at the hip or anything, but like I said, how does this show how much you love eachother?

Prefer something small and intimate tbh.

spinandscribble

my ideal wedding: beach, field or something outdoors. just my best friends and close family. no emphasis on religion. lots of food and drink in a tent. it would have to be a warm day, i guess. something small and inexpensive. abroad would be lovely but that would make it into a big wedding price wise.

Jemmy

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

A big wedding isn't important at all, marraige is.

A small ceremony, civil, with just the immediate family and the closest of friends would be perfect, followed by a party later for everyone else.

Exactly what GI said, sounds perfect.

The cermony I want to be small with close family & friends, it's all about the love between two people. (corny I know )

Then a big session for everyone and anyone else after!

marti101

Id just go to Vegas thats been my dream.All i have to do is get him there kicking and screaming.Either that pigghead has just gone up in my book.:D

Lorrs33

I would be happy with a registry office to be honest. If my family weren't hopeless at showing up for weddings, then I'd have mine in Westland Row Church. My sister has booked a wedding in New York and I hate how it seems that it's more about the wedding than about marrying her boyfriend and father of her child.

I'd love to elope, but my mam would hit me

hussey

a few of my friends got married over the last few years, 4 couples got married in a church - and yet of the 8 involved only 1-2 is remotely a church goer
the others are very much a wedding, funeral & christmas mass attendees.
I never really get that.

In australia you invite everyone to the ceremony and only the people you like to the afters/reception and it is standard to pay for all drinks.
which usually works out anywhere between 50-100euro per head for food and all you can drink (wine & beer)

ChewChew

I have never dreamed of the big white wedding. I have never dreamed of a wedding full stop. so nope. Wont be getting married. EVAR!