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Commenting on pics - enough is enough

1246

Comments

  • #92
    LightningBolt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,639 ✭✭✭LightningBolt


    Yeah just a bit lol!

    I know it's harmless and my opinion would be entirely different if it was in another forum, it's just that as a few people pointed out this place was set up for the women to get away from all the usual stuff on boards so why should it be allowed to surface in here if it was set up to avoid it. Oh and I'd be against banning comments completely.

    Does that make sense?


  • #93
    PrettyInPunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 843 ✭✭✭PrettyInPunk


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Personally, I would equate putting a picture up on the internet to wearing a low cut top, don't bitch and whine is someone stares because deep down inside that's exactly what you want.

    *edit* IMO:)

    Hit the nail on the head there.


  • #94
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    i don't see the problem tbh. the thread exists. if individual problematic posts appear they are dealt with by the mods, and rightly so. if someone is afraid of being judged/sized up/other appropriate term then they shouldn't post a picture. or go out in public. we do this every day of our lives, it's not malicious, it's instinct.

    i say leave it as it is. or change it to no posts without a picture, to make the mods job a bit easier.


  • #95
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Mirror wrote: »
    if someone is afraid of being judged/sized up/other appropriate term then they shouldn't post a picture.


    Why should we have to be judged or sized up? Why can't we post our pics for other members to see without being clumsily hit on or objectified? This doesn't happen in other forums, not even in BGRH where the 'Wimmins of BRGH' thread is pretty much specifically for ogling purposes... the atmosphere in that thread is much less sinister and pervy.

    I'm sorry, but the whole Nyom Awards thing tipped me over the edge. It appears that some of the male members of this forum think that tLL exists as a space for them to come and 'appreciate' the women, and that's putting in nicely. As if we're all just sitting around in here waiting to be courted. That's not what the forum is for, but that's what it's rapidly turning into.

    There are, of course, male members who actively participate and are part of the 'community', but they're beginning to be dwarfed by the number of men who are coming in to look at the pretty ladies, and the picture thread is just a symptom of this.


  • #96
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    shellyboo wrote: »
    Why should we have to be judged or sized up? Why can't we post our pics for other members to see without being clumsily hit on or objectified? This doesn't happen in other forums, not even in BGRH where the 'Wimmins of BRGH' thread is pretty much specifically for ogling purposes... the atmosphere in that thread is much less sinister and pervy.

    I'm sorry, but the whole Nyom Awards thing tipped me over the edge. It appears that some of the male members of this forum think that tLL exists as a space for them to come and 'appreciate' the women, and that's putting in nicely. As if we're all just sitting around in here waiting to be courted. That's not what the forum is for, but that's what it's rapidly turning into.

    There are, of course, male members who actively participate and are part of the 'community', but they're beginning to be dwarfed by the number of men who are coming in to look at the pretty ladies, and the picture thread is just a symptom of this.
    you've taken one sentence and used it out of context. i'm not condoning the "sleaze", i'm simply saying that if it bothers one, one should not post a picture. and with all due respect, the lads are not alone in this behavior, there are certain female posters that have a good drool over the guys on the other thread as well.
    now i'm not going to start into a debate over who's worse or who said what etc., but at least i'm talking generally towards fixing it. obviously you can't imagine that the ladies thread is going to be acted upon while the lads thread remains as is? never going to happen. i say lump them together into one thread and make it absolutely no chat, even with a picture, like KYN in AH, considering this is one of the higher traffic forums these days.

    apologies for grammar/typos etc., i haven't slept.


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  • #97
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    Has anyone actually reported the pervy posts?

    I am thinking probably not 'cos the girls love the attention. there are some photos put up here just for the males of the site.

    if you dont like the thread dont go in to it.

    if someone posts a comment directed at THEIR photo and they dont like, it should be up that poster to report the comment.


  • #98
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    Has anyone actually reported the pervy posts?

    I am thinking probably not 'cos the girls love the attention. there are some photos put up here just for the males of the site.

    if you dont like the thread dont go in to it.

    if someone posts a comment directed at THEIR photo and they dont like, it should be up that poster to report the comment.
    quoted for truth.

    and might i add, there's a mod of boards with a yearly award for "most lickable" i believe..


  • #99
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Mirror wrote: »
    quoted for truth.

    and might i add, there's a mod of boards with a yearly award for "most lickable" i believe..

    That has nothing to do with how you look. From what i have seen most of the people nominated for that don't even have pics up on the site. I've been nominated, but only because i taste like delicious candy.

    As has already been pointed out, yes, sleazing = bad. But the question remains, have the sensibilities of our poor maidens really been placed under duress or is it just annoying the rest of us to see the comments?

    Also, i don't think the argument that the girls were doing the same in the Lads thread holds up. Or at the very least the same argument applies to it, where are the reported posts?


  • #100
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Dragan wrote: »
    That has nothing to do with how you look. From what i have seen most of the people nominated for that don't even have pics up on the site. I've been nominated, but only because i taste like delicious candy.

    As has already been pointed out, yes, sleazing = bad. But the question remains, have the sensibilities of our poor maidens really been placed under duress or is it just annoying the rest of us to see the comments?

    Also, i don't think the argument that the girls were doing the same in the Lads thread holds up. Or at the very least the same argument applies to it, where are the reported posts?
    it wasn't an argument as such, i'm not trying to swing the pendulum back, but get it to rest in the middle. as i said in my first post in this thread, i don't see the big deal. if individual posts are OTT, they should be reported and dealt with, but i think this is a mountain out of a molehill tbh


  • #101
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Mirror wrote: »
    you've taken one sentence and used it out of context. i'm not condoning the "sleaze", i'm simply saying that if it bothers one, one should not post a picture.

    I'm saying that the situation should not exist in order for it to bother anyone. It doesn't exist in other forums, so why here? Because we allow it to. So we should stop it.

    Also, for the record, I haven't posted a pic recently and it still bothers me. I would like to be able to see what my fellow posters look like without having to sift through reams of sleaze in order to do so. And it's not just in that thread, the same attitude is spilling over into the rest of the forum.
    Mirror wrote: »
    And with all due respect, the lads are not alone in this behavior, there are certain female posters that have a good drool over the guys on the other thread as well.

    Granted.
    Mirror wrote: »
    I say lump them together into one thread and make it absolutely no chat, even with a picture, like KYN in AH, considering this is one of the higher traffic forums these days.

    I completely agree.


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  • #102
    homerun_homer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,043 ✭✭✭homerun_homer


    Maybe this has been suggested before, and I'm not sure what everyones thoughts would be but how about if you were to make a comment you would have to post another picture.
    This means if people feel so strongly about commenting (and I mean in the sense of either a good/non-sleazy compliment, or a question to a previous poster or whatever) then they have to compromise by posting another pic. It'll definitely weed out the random crap comments.


  • #103
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,120 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    shellyboo wrote: »
    ...This doesn't happen in other forums, not even in BGRH where the 'Wimmins of BRGH' thread is pretty much specifically for ogling purposes... the atmosphere in that thread is much less sinister and pervy...

    Probably because they'd be told to cop on and knock it off!

    TBH I think that the threads (Whether they are combined or not) should become "No posts without a photo (OF YOURSELF!!! - Nod to nocturnal forum there with the random night pics!!!)" and possibly keeping all the off-topic banter to the Nangers bar, like the BGRH bar thread, or the Body Mod off topic banter thread.

    I know as a lad, when I come in here and look in the pics, it's to find out what the posters look like, similar with the other pic threads in the other forums. There are a large number of lads who post here who are the same, unfortunately we seem to be getting overshadowed by the lads who come to "check out" the ladies.


  • #104
    dfx-
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 15,772 Mod ✭✭✭✭dfx-


    Can someone explain how the stalker-ing, the comments and the rating stops in a post only with a picture format? As I've said before - if it's another KYN, there's no point in the thread, in my opinion. Removing the chat is akin to anti-social moderation..'Thou shall not talk!' seems to be the opposite ethos to the forum to date.

    A mountain of a molehill indeed.


  • #105
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Personally, I would equate putting a picture up on the internet to wearing a low cut top, don't bitch and whine is someone stares because deep down inside that's exactly what you want.

    *edit* IMO:)

    Big difference from someone having a look and someone commenting how they'd love to blow a load on your cleavage.

    There have been several times that the BGRH mods have considered closing and deleting the Ladies thread due to
    perving. It has been strictly moderated as it tends not to be regular posters but people who breeze into to the forum for an oggle. I think there has to be standard and a tone set and posts which do not stick to that need to be removed and posters spoken to.


  • #106
    Lockstep
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,026 ✭✭✭Lockstep


    I'm not trying to be smart here but is there anyone here was on the recieving end of the sleaze/followed around on Boards etc and is calling for a radical change for the strucute of the pic commenting?


  • #107
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    dfx- wrote: »
    'Thou shall not stalk!'

    Fixed your post.

    No-one's saying that people should not be allowed to compliment pictures. But there are posts in there that are blatantly predatory. I am itching to link to ones that have set off warning bells for me but I don't want to single out individual posters because I feel it's a problem with the whole attitude of the thread rather than certain individuals.

    But there are a lot of 'I would' type comments in there that are completely and totally unnecessary. The thread is NOT there so that men can judge how doable we are. That's not what picture threads are for in other forums, why the hell should we put up with it in here? Just because it's all women and we're 'asking for it' by putting our pics up? Please.
    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Big difference from someone having a look and someone commenting how they'd love to blow a load on your cleavage.

    You are amazing. Best analogy ever.

    kickoutthejams wrote: »
    I'm not trying to be smart here but is there anyone here was on the recieving end of the sleaze/followed around on Boards etc and is calling for a radical change for the strucute of the pic commenting?

    I'd be surprised if anyone was comfortable admitting it, to be honest. I haven't been on the receiving end of anything, I'm just observing behaviour that makes me uncomfortable.


  • #108
    dfx-
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 15,772 Mod ✭✭✭✭dfx-


    There's 3,900 odd posts between the two threads - of course there's going to be the predatory posts that you can link to as much as there will be questions on where you got the knitted cardigan or where a tattoo was done. Just like in the real world tm. I'm sure you'll find posts about the weather too. I'm sure I could find examples of people turning on those who post deliberately negative comments too.

    Do you just want to highlight the negatives of some of the thread and punish everyone for that? And selectively highlight at that..

    So there is a situation of people not wanting to admit it happens to them, not wanting to report the posts, posts they're not comfortable about regarding pictures of other people who haven't said anything but the entire thread and the overwhelming social ethos should be still overturned?

    Some people have a problem with any comment in the thread that isn't a picture. Some people have a problem with the comments. Some people have a problem with repetitive pictures. Some people have a problem because it isn't the standard KYN format. Some people have a problem with specific posters. Some people have a problem with the problems. Some people have solutions to their problem which conflicts with a possible solution to someone else's problem. And no doubt, some have a problem with pictures posted on the third day of June in a leap year.

    The easiest thing is to leave it be.


  • #109
    Lockstep
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,026 ✭✭✭Lockstep


    shellyboo wrote: »
    I'd be surprised if anyone was comfortable admitting it, to be honest. I haven't been on the receiving end of anything, I'm just observing behaviour that makes me uncomfortable.

    Fair enough but unless these people are willing to stand up and talk about it, I'd say it runs the risk of people just getting offended on their behalf.


  • #110
    metaoblivia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,256 ✭✭✭metaoblivia


    Just to add in my two cents, I've posted a few pictures in the LL thread, and gotten comments - even the odd pm here or there - and I'm not put off by it. The overwhelming majority of comments are in good fun. I think that allowing no comments would take a lot of fun out of the thread and make it quite dull and lifeless. Maybe requiring each post to have a picture would be a good compromise.


  • #111
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    dfx- wrote: »
    The easiest thing is to leave it be.

    Oh, well in that case. Mods, you can all go home! It's easier just not to deal with it! :rolleyes: Please. If we took this attitude to everything then the site would be a nightmare.

    dfx- wrote: »
    There's 3,900 odd posts between the two threads - of course there's going to be the predatory posts that you can link to as much as there will be questions on where you got the knitted cardigan or where a tattoo was done. Just like in the real world tm.

    No-one has given me a good reason as to why it's ok to have predatory posts in the Ladies Lounge, but nowhere else on boards. I think it might be tied into this idea of "Oh well if you put your pic up you're asking to be judged". No, you're not... you're just trying to be part of the community. That's how it is in other forums, why not here?

    Why should looks and judging have anything to do with it? Why should flirting have anything to do with it? If any of the comments such as 'I would' or 'I'm single' came up in a thread outside of tLL the posters would be reprimanded for flirting. We're constantly reminded that this is not a dating site, yet it's ok for men to come into a women's forum and leer and drool and chat up the chicks because they're "asking for it". :mad:
    dfx- wrote: »
    I'm sure you'll find posts about the weather too. I'm sure I could find examples of people turning on those who post deliberately negative comments too.

    There's nothing wrong with posting about the weather (apart from the fact that it's OT and boring as all hell), or pulling people up on blatant flamebaiting and trolling. There is definitely something wrong with men using tLL as a platform in which they objectify women. But apparently we're asking for it by daring to show our faces, so I guess that's ok?

    And if it's not objectification, it's flirting... which is banned more or less from every other forum on the site. Including this one.

    From the charter:

    "It is a place primarily for Women or any other user to post without fear of being out numbered by a majoritively mysogynistic viewpoint."

    "Anyone posting.. How you doin.. or such like drool and/or using the place as a singles meeting stop.. will be banned for two weeks."

    "NO DEMANDING PICS OF LL POSTERS, THIS WILL BE MET WITH A BAN, NO WARNINGS."

    dfx- wrote: »
    Do you just want to highlight the negatives of some of the thread and punish everyone for that? And selectively highlight at that..

    It's not a punishment. Those who make a valid contribution to the threads (those who post pics) will still take part, and those who come to merely ogle will have to be content to do just that, or alternatively they'll have to cut the sleazy comments and take part by posting a pic.


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  • #112
    dfx-
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 15,772 Mod ✭✭✭✭dfx-


    metaoblivia wrote: »
    The overwhelming majority of comments are in good fun. I think that allowing no comments would take a lot of fun out of the thread and make it quite dull and lifeless.

    In a nutshell :)


  • #113
    Lockstep
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,026 ✭✭✭Lockstep


    shellyboo wrote: »
    Oh, well in that case. Mods, you can all go home! It's easier just not to deal with it! :rolleyes: Please. If we took this attitude to everything then the site would be a nightmare.
    Would it not make more sense to give the mods discretion as to what is predatory/sleazy or not? They are moderating this forum for a reason (knowing the ropes)


    shellyboo wrote: »
    No-one has given me a good reason as to why it's ok to have predatory posts in the Ladies Lounge, but nowhere else on boards. I think it might be tied into this idea of "Oh well if you put your pic up you're asking to be judged". No, you're not... you're just trying to be part of the community. That's how it is in other forums, why not here?
    I don't think many people would advocate predatory posts in the Ladies Lounge.
    shellyboo wrote: »
    Why should looks and judging have anything to do with it? Why should flirting have anything to do with it? If any of the comments such as 'I would' or 'I'm single' came up in a thread outside of tLL the posters would be reprimanded for flirting. We're constantly reminded that this is not a dating site, yet it's ok for men to come into a women's forum and leer and drool and chat up the chicks because they're "asking for it". :mad:
    Again, this should be up to the discretion of the mods. Anyone coming on here looking to score needs to get out a bit more. There are many lovely people, male and female, on this forum but posting drooling bollix is pointless. Rather than a blanket ban on anything at all flirtatious, the mods should have the say as to wheter something is on or not. Banter:fine. Stalkerish/sleazy behavious:No.


    shellyboo wrote: »
    There's nothing wrong with posting about the weather (apart from the fact that it's OT and boring as all hell), or pulling people up on blatant flamebaiting and trolling. There is definitely something wrong with men using tLL as a platform in which they objectify women. But apparently we're asking for it by daring to show our faces, so I guess that's ok?
    I'd say that the men objectifying women here are a slim minority. Most of the posts I've seen around here are savage (Dragan and Cormie's photography shots being an example)
    I really have seen few examples of what I'd say are the Ladies Lounge being used a hookup forum.

    As you've stated yourself, you have never been the target of this objectification. However, Metaoblivia has and she still sees the basic format of the forum being a good thing.
    shellyboo wrote: »
    And if it's not objectification, it's flirting... which is banned more or less from every other forum on the site. Including this one.

    From the charter:

    "It is a place primarily for Women or any other user to post without fear of being out numbered by a majoritively mysogynistic viewpoint."

    "Anyone posting.. How you doin.. or such like drool and/or using the place as a singles meeting stop.. will be banned for two weeks."

    "NO DEMANDING PICS OF LL POSTERS, THIS WILL BE MET WITH A BAN, NO WARNINGS."
    RIght, so let the mods enforce this when they view a post as overstepping the line.



    I think it;d be a much better idea for the Ladies Lounge to have a flexible attitude to this. Imposing rigid rules on such a broad forum wouldn't be the solution IMHO.


  • #114
    challengemaster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,925 ✭✭✭✭challengemaster


    Oh for christs sake. Generally everything said is all in fun, and I'm reading through this and starting to see this forum becoming a dull fun-less board, where any bit of craic/having a laugh is stomped out because one person might find it derogatory. Personally, I see this forum as a female dominated space - it's a ladies place for chilling on boards where ladies rule. But it's also a very funny place at times. There's room for both light hearted and serious discussion here, and thats what makes it a great forum.

    Lads are doing what lads always do. They're passing comments on beautiful women. It happens on the streets, it happens in real life, and every time a beautiful woman walks past two lads, they will look, and they will comment to eachother. It happens. It'd probably happen on bebo too if your pics were up there. It's just the nature of guys.

    Some women will be flattered, some not so much.. But don't go and destroy what a great light-hearted factor this forum over it.

    Also, in regards to letting mods decide what is sleazy/not - Mods are all different, hold different moral views and all have different personalities, as do the users of the forum. Yes, they're in charge of the forum for a reason, but that doesn't mean that they know what X person thinks about Y being said about them. The mod might find it derogatory, while X may find it a compliment, or funny/light hearted. Thats where the difficulty comes in. If people have problems with posts, there's the report post button(there for a reason), or you can PM mods.

    That's speaking from experience - I got an infraction before for _HELPING_ someone, I made a light hearted comment aswell, and the mod thought I was jeering the user. Even though he thanked me after, and replied in an equally light-hearted manner... That's just as an example of what I mean.

    My point is - This is The Ladies Lounge. Following from the name, you'd expect it's a relaxed mood forum, no? Don't kill off that aspect of it. I'd hate to see it become the 'SRS LADIES R SRS' forum.

    Also, Remember people.
    internet-serious-business-cat.jpg
    (incase you didn't get it, i added that to make a point. Doesn't always have to be serious here!)


  • #115
    LightningBolt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,639 ✭✭✭LightningBolt


    How dare you post a picture in a thread complaining about pictures....


  • #116
    challengemaster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,925 ✭✭✭✭challengemaster


    shellyboo wrote: »
    And if it's not objectification, it's flirting... which is banned more or less from every other forum on the site. Including this one.

    From the charter:

    "It is a place primarily for Women or any other user to post without fear of being out numbered by a majoritively mysogynistic viewpoint."

    "Anyone posting.. How you doin.. or such like drool and/or using the place as a singles meeting stop.. will be banned for two weeks."

    "NO DEMANDING PICS OF LL POSTERS, THIS WILL BE MET WITH A BAN, NO WARNINGS."

    I've never seen you complain about flirting being banned before when it was you or thaed flirting with one another. Double standards?


  • #117
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    challengemaster wrote: »
    I've never seen you complain about flirting being banned before when it was you or thaed flirting with one another. Double standards?


    I've never been asked to stop... if I was, I would. If I knew I was offending someone, I would stop.

    However, me and Thaed flirting is obviously going to be viewed in a more, shall we say, lighthearted way because we're both women (and ZOMG, lezbeens secks!!1!1!). That IS double standards... but not my double standards.

    I would have no issue with being asked to stop if the rules are starting to be enforced. If that means that I can't flirt with Thaed or anyone else then I won't flirt with them. No big deal. I don't need to flirt with people to enjoy the forum. What I'm taking from this thread is that maybe some people do?


  • #118
    challengemaster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,925 ✭✭✭✭challengemaster


    I just think it's a little hypocrytic to flirt away yourself then complain if other people do it. Just my opinion there, though!


  • #119
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    challengemaster wrote: »
    I just think it's a little hypocrytic to flirt away yourself then complain if other people do it. Just my opinion there, though!


    I wasn't aware that I was 'flirting away'. I'd say it's happened maybe once? Twice? In this forum at least. It's happened more in the chat thread in the Noc forum; because, as SDooM said, their rules are more relaxed in there.

    I see your point, though... it would be hypocritical if I was in the Lads' thread, chatting up all the men, demanding pictures from them, pressuring them into posting, and starting threads about how the men deserve to be evaluated and appreciated based solely on their looks - which is actually what I'm complaining about. I don't see this kind of thing as flirting, I see it as unnecessary and in some cases predatory behaviour, that AT BEST could be perceived as flirting... which is actually banned anyway.

    I'm not against flirting when it's flirting... but if the above behaviour is to be classified as 'a bit of harmless flirting', then I most certainly am against it.


  • #120
    Red Hand
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,983 ✭✭✭Red Hand


    shellyboo wrote: »
    I've never been asked to stop... if I was, I would. If I knew I was offending someone, I would stop.

    However, me and Thaed flirting is obviously going to be viewed in a more, shall we say, lighthearted way because we're both women (and ZOMG, lezbeens secks!!1!1!). That IS double standards... but not my double standards.

    But one or both could be bisexual/lesbian for real?


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  • #121
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    It seems some of the boys dont' know the difference between a compliment and leering.


This discussion has been closed.
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