Girl offering sex, not sure what to do

LegacyUser · 22-11-2008 07:50AM #1

Well... the title of this thread pretty much sums the story up.

But for those who want the long version....

Met a girl about a year ago. We were at a book signing at Easons. Had similar interests (obviously) and got on pretty well.

Generally speaking, im a very, very, very shy person. Very. So it was more my friend that was talking to her (she was with her boyfriend) and I'd chime in whenever necessary (i usually keep my input into conversations limited).

Anyway... Somehow added her on MSN (i think my friend got her msn address, and i got it off him, but can't remember, not too important anyway) and we talked on there for a while.

We got on well on msn and arranged to meet up (in a friend kinda way. She had still got her boyfriend of 7 years). She never really expressed an interest in me, and i never really did in her either (although she's very, erm, 'busty', so i did make the occasional joke about that).

Anyway, yada, yada, yada, skip to a few weeks ago and in a conversation on MSN she says she wants to.. you know.

I'm a bit surprised and dont really know what to say, and assume its either someone else using her PC taking the piss, or she's having a laugh. Turns out its her, and shes actually serious. I kinda want to go ahead and do it (or do her, to be more specific) but i cower out of it. Partly because i think she may be using me to end her relationship (by getting caught with me accidentally on purpose) as she expressed a few times in the conversation that she wasn't very happy.

Skip to today and she's broken up for two months. Her offer is still there. She looks great. She's a really nice person. Who wouldn't do her?

... Me, apparently.

Back story for me; I don't have many friends (Kinda like social anxiety disorder, so don't get out much), im horribly overweight, not very experienced at sex (still a virgin, although have recieved oral sex) and generally have a very pessimistic attitude about things (aren't i a catch :rolleyes: )

So.. although I'd love to go ahead and do this with her, everytime i think about it, i think of her being much too use to sex with her former 7-year boyfriend, me being incredibly nervous (what with the lack of experience, being overweight and generally clumsy) and both of us putting on the worst sexual act ever performed by mankind.

So, i pose a question to you, Mr. and Ms. boards posters... What would you do?

1. Go for it.

Pros: Great sex, both see each other more and get on better, confidence, memory to look back on and something i can brag to myself about (also opens the window of opportunity to do more things with her in general)

Cons: Horrible sex, shattered confidence, general awkwardness whenever in her company again (i should point out its incredibly rare that i'd actually see her in person, probably 4 times a year if even that), potentially ruined sex-life and possibility of adapting an attitude of indifference for sex (and a love for porn :P )

or

2. Forget about it

Pros: Continue living as I am. Remain friendly with her.

Cons: A lot of "what if" thoughts in my head for a while. I know i'll have to go through a similar phase again in the future at some point in time.

I obviously haven't covered all of the pros/cons of it, but im sure its all pretty easy to understand.

So, put yourself in my shoes. She likes me (i've no idea why, i dont look good at all)and i like her, but going ahead with this could lead to one of the most (if not the most) embarrassing moments of my life) but could also be great. If i dont go for it, nothing gained, nothing lost.

What Would Boards Do?

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 22-11-2008 08:46AM

When you say you are overweight, how so? Obese or chubby? I consider myself fat, yet nobody else seems to think so. Are you being too... what's the word... critical of yourself? Maybe this girl doesn't see you as being overweight at all...

I would normally say, feck it, go for it and enjoy your intimate time with her

but I will offer some advice and hope it helps you somewhat.

There are a few things to take into consideration. After 7 years being together 2 months is not such a long breakup. Maybe she has a high sexdrive and confides in you. Therefore she feels safe having sex with you? Eh, kinda hard to explain.

If you guys are good friends then is that something you guys would keep going afterwards? I often wounder is sex, or a relationship worth ruining a frienship over? One half of me thinks yea, the other half thinks no.

You need to do what is best for you, either take the opportunity or continue the way things are. Will you regret it? Losing her as a mate, or missing out on this chance. What is more important.

I would talk to her about this too, express your concerns. To an extent, don't go into it too much. Eg,

"Are you sure you are ok with this? I mean I do value our friendship and I hope this doesn't interfere with what we have" Or something like that.

I forgot to mention, sex is great even if you make a mess of things. From my experience, it doesn't matter if you are a pro or not. Both parties should enjoy it as much as possible. It will not go horribly wrong. I was the same mate, and guess what. It went ok. Not great, but not bad either...

Manic Moran · 22-11-2008 08:47AM

What Would Boards Do?

Well, being a modern heterosexual male of loose morals, this particular boardsie would reply to the woman and go on a date.

NTM

Steve.Pseudonym · 22-11-2008 08:52AM

Brother, go for it. If you keep running you'll be running forever, better to try and see how things work out than to hide. I understand your reservations about how you look, but she likes something about you, just go on the strength of that. Besides, we all think we're worse looking than we are. Don't worry about being terrible in bed, there are plenty of people out there who are shíte at it who have had plenty of experience, and conversely people who are good without all that much. Do it. Wait no longer. Go now, this very moment.

wasper · 22-11-2008 08:53AM

odd_situation wrote: »

Well... the title of this thread pretty much sums the story up.

But for those who want the long version....

Met a girl about a year ago. We were at a book signing at Easons. Had similar interests (obviously) and got on pretty well.

Generally speaking, im a very, very, very shy person. Very. So it was more my friend that was talking to her (she was with her boyfriend) and I'd chime in whenever necessary (i usually keep my input into conversations limited).

Anyway... Somehow added her on MSN (i think my friend got her msn address, and i got it off him, but can't remember, not too important anyway) and we talked on there for a while.

We got on well on msn and arranged to meet up (in a friend kinda way. She had still got her boyfriend of 7 years). She never really expressed an interest in me, and i never really did in her either (although she's very, erm, 'busty', so i did make the occasional joke about that).

Anyway, yada, yada, yada, skip to a few weeks ago and in a conversation on MSN she says she wants to.. you know.

I'm a bit surprised and dont really know what to say, and assume its either someone else using her PC taking the piss, or she's having a laugh. Turns out its her, and shes actually serious. I kinda want to go ahead and do it (or do her, to be more specific) but i cower out of it. Partly because i think she may be using me to end her relationship (by getting caught with me accidentally on purpose) as she expressed a few times in the conversation that she wasn't very happy.

Skip to today and she's broken up for two months. Her offer is still there. She looks great. She's a really nice person. Who wouldn't do her?

... Me, apparently.

Back story for me; I don't have many friends (Kinda like social anxiety disorder, so don't get out much), im horribly overweight, not very experienced at sex (still a virgin, although have recieved oral sex) and generally have a very pessimistic attitude about things (aren't i a catch :rolleyes: )

So.. although I'd love to go ahead and do this with her, everytime i think about it, i think of her being much too use to sex with her former 7-year boyfriend, me being incredibly nervous (what with the lack of experience, being overweight and generally clumsy) and both of us putting on the worst sexual act ever performed by mankind.

So, i pose a question to you, Mr. and Ms. boards posters... What would you do?

1. Go for it.

Pros: Great sex, both see each other more and get on better, confidence, memory to look back on and something i can brag to myself about (also opens the window of opportunity to do more things with her in general)

Cons: Horrible sex, shattered confidence, general awkwardness whenever in her company again (i should point out its incredibly rare that i'd actually see her in person, probably 4 times a year if even that), potentially ruined sex-life and possibility of adapting an attitude of indifference for sex (and a love for porn :P )

or

2. Forget about it

Pros: Continue living as I am. Remain friendly with her.

Cons: A lot of "what if" thoughts in my head for a while. I know i'll have to go through a similar phase again in the future at some point in time.

I obviously haven't covered all of the pros/cons of it, but im sure its all pretty easy to understand.

So, put yourself in my shoes. She likes me (i've no idea why, i dont look good at all)and i like her, but going ahead with this could lead to one of the most (if not the most) embarrassing moments of my life) but could also be great. If i dont go for it, nothing gained, nothing lost.

What Would Boards Do?

Number 1 option, Let her wear you down in bed. You might even like it.
Seriously you should grasp this opportunity.

ShawnRaven · 22-11-2008 09:00AM

Let me get this straight, loose woman calling you for a service?
Dear diary... JACKPOT!

Nah seriously, no such thing as bad sex on your first time. Try and slip it into a conversation prior to it that you've never done it before unless you really feel confident.

Then if she's happy with the deed, then you can drop the bombshell on her and really f*cking surprise her!

I'd go for it, If it's NSA, It has to happen sometime and the more you put it off, the more you're torturing yourself. Unless you actually like her and want something serious out of it then put it off for a few weeks.

Good luck!

mikemac · 22-11-2008 09:01AM

I didn't read the entire post, just the title

Go for it!

hungryhippo · 22-11-2008 09:15AM

Fill your boots mate. You are worried because you are inexperienced, but the only way to gain experience is having a bash. What's the worst that can happen? You need to pop your cherry.

Overheal · 22-11-2008 09:36AM

Im thinking that if the virgin thing is an issue for you, then go for it - then it wont bother you anymore. right? right.

Fajitas! · 22-11-2008 09:39AM

Go for it

If you've got your concerns, you seem to be good enough friends to tell her about them. And if she had a problem with you being overweight, she wouldn't be offering sex. Simple as.

Kya1976 · 22-11-2008 09:44AM

Just go for it dude, you'll love it lots

Wibbs · 22-11-2008 11:14AM

Do something basically. While there is an oft reported trend of eating too much nowadays, IMHO there's an equal trend of people thinking too much. Stop knocking it back and forth in your head and make a decision. How to figure which one? In a case like this(and others) the one that scares you the most. That's the one that'll cause growth. If it comes to it, wear a condom.

Lets play spot the decision I think you should go for. Lets say it goes badly wrong in the sack, real worse case scenario stuff? So? You've done something new, your life experience has been added to and you've learned something. That can't be bad. If you think your way around this until nothing happens? Well then nothing has changed. I know which way I would go. You will regret far more the things undone than those done.

marti101 · 22-11-2008 11:51AM

Go for it she obviously likes something about you/And the only e=way you will gain experience is to go for it,she sounds clued enough in that if you confide in her im sure she will understand.If its losing your virginity and your nervous thats alright everybody is but once you get the hang of it you ll be wondering why you wasted all those years.I hope it goes well and well enjoy.:D

chump · 22-11-2008 12:14PM

Do it,

but maybe you should also do something about your social anxiety and overweight issue

af_thefragile · 22-11-2008 04:59PM

You could go for it.
Her boyfriend is gonna end up hating you for his life, but well, if she likes you more, maybe she can be happier with you...

Its really upto you. I don't think you'll really regret any decision you make.

Mr. Presentable · 22-11-2008 05:08PM

Go for it. You'll never regret taking the chance half as much as you'll regret not taking it.

LegacyUser · 22-11-2008 05:09PM

Hello again all.

Selena Orange Ash wrote:

When you say you are overweight, how so? Obese or chubby? I consider myself fat, yet nobody else seems to think so. Are you being too... what's the word... critical of yourself? Maybe this girl doesn't see you as being overweight at all...

Oh, I'm definitely overweight. I'm big. Don't know if I'd be obese or not, but I'm definitely big.

Selena Orange Ash wrote:

If you guys are good friends then is that something you guys would keep going afterwards? I often wounder is sex, or a relationship worth ruining a frienship over? One half of me thinks yea, the other half thinks no.

As i say, we aren't exactly the closest of friends. But i don't think it'd ruin our friendship anyway (although im sure lots of people thought that and it happened anyway)

Selena Orange Ash wrote:

I would talk to her about this too, express your concerns. To an extent, don't go into it too much. Eg,

"Are you sure you are ok with this? I mean I do value our friendship and I hope this doesn't interfere with what we have" Or something like that.

She's aware of my concerns. As i said, the offer came up a few weeks ago, and i cowered out of it (but at least i was honest and acknowledged i was cowering out of it :P )

Selena Orange Ash wrote:

I forgot to mention, sex is great even if you make a mess of things. From my experience, it doesn't matter if you are a pro or not. Both parties should enjoy it as much as possible. It will not go horribly wrong. I was the same mate, and guess what. It went ok. Not great, but not bad either...

Well i'll most certainly take that into consideration. Thanks for the reply.

ShawnRaven wrote:

no such thing as bad sex on your first time. Try and slip it into a conversation prior to it that you've never done it before unless you really feel confident.

She knows i've never done it before. She's very open where sex is concerned. I kind of am, too. Although it doesn't really come up in conversation with people much or anything. I'm not ashamed of being a virgin or anything (if i was i'd never have made this thread).

ShawnRaven wrote:

Unless you actually like her and want something serious out of it then put it off for a few weeks.

I don't think she likes me in that 'long term' kinda way at all. I think this offer, probably stands... I don't know why actually. Probably out of sympathy. I can understand I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than it really is, and i realise all of you experienced guys are probably sitting reading this thinking "what the f*ck is this guy on?", but i dont really know what to think about it.

Wibbs wrote: »

If it comes to it, wear a condom.

No offence, but thats more common sense than anything, really, isn't it?

Wibbs wrote:

Lets play spot the decision I think you should go for. Lets say it goes badly wrong in the sack, real worse case scenario stuff? So? You've done something new, your life experience has been added to and you've learned something. That can't be bad. If you think your way around this until nothing happens? Well then nothing has changed. I know which way I would go. You will regret far more the things undone than those done.

You make a good point. Its kinda the same feel as the rest of posts.

So everyones is pretty much all for going for it then? Where are the women of this board?

chump wrote: »

but maybe you should also do something about your social anxiety and overweight issue

I should. But its much easier said than done.

Thanks for the help so far guys.

RKDus · 22-11-2008 05:24PM

So a hot girl with big tits wants to have sex with you, and you don't know what to do? Dude, this is a no brainer. Stop worrying and over-complicating things.

You obviously have low self confidence, so try to have more faith in your own opinion and attach more importance to the things you want, and less to what others want (relatively speaking). I know thats easy to say and hard to do, so try just "pretending" to be really confident. Other people mostly won't notice the difference, and you will be training yourself to be confident for real.

Good luck!

starn · 22-11-2008 05:31PM

You have massily overthought this thing. Either way make a descion on it in by the end of today.
Pro Your no longer a virgin( Which seems your main gripe) and have a new relationship to boot

Con: You toss what ifs thru yor head for the next twenty years.

I dodnt care which on e you chose. Just decide

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 22-11-2008 05:32PM

chump wrote: »

Do it,

but maybe you should also do something about your social anxiety and overweight issue

Nothing wrong about being over weight, but I will say one thing, it could benifit your confidence if you get fit and tackle it. Only if YOU see it as being a problem. Nobody else.

starn · 22-11-2008 05:32PM

and its not that odd a situation

Tar.Aldarion · 22-11-2008 05:38PM

I won't be able to help you without pictures of her.
Anyway yeah, why wouldn't you tbh.

wallycool · 22-11-2008 05:44PM

We are all here for a good time and not that long either. What does it matter what she thinks of you , you go and enjoy yourself and beat it into her :pac:

Húrin · 22-11-2008 06:14PM

odd_situation wrote: »

So, i pose a question to you, Mr. and Ms. boards posters... What would you do?

1. Go for it.

Pros: Great sex, both see each other more and get on better, confidence, memory to look back on and something i can brag to myself about (also opens the window of opportunity to do more things with her in general)

Cons: Horrible sex, shattered confidence, general awkwardness whenever in her company again (i should point out its incredibly rare that i'd actually see her in person, probably 4 times a year if even that), potentially ruined sex-life and possibility of adapting an attitude of indifference for sex (and a love for porn :P )

or

2. Forget about it

Pros: Continue living as I am. Remain friendly with her.

Cons: A lot of "what if" thoughts in my head for a while. I know i'll have to go through a similar phase again in the future at some point in time.

I obviously haven't covered all of the pros/cons of it, but im sure its all pretty easy to understand.

So, put yourself in my shoes. She likes me (i've no idea why, i dont look good at all)and i like her, but going ahead with this could lead to one of the most (if not the most) embarrassing moments of my life) but could also be great. If i dont go for it, nothing gained, nothing lost.

What Would Boards Do?

There are more than two options!

How about 3. Meet up and talk to her?

I think it's quite suspect that she didn't even ask you out. She just asked for sex on the internet, it's weird. You should try to find out why... attacking her ex-boyfriend may be a motive, and you shouldn't get involved in that.

Diarmey · 22-11-2008 06:20PM

I didn't read the entire post, just the title

Go for it!

Right on brother...:cool:

Sinfonia · 22-11-2008 06:28PM

Let's lose this pessimism:

odd_situation wrote: »

Cons: Horrible sex /It's still sex, and it can only get better/, shattered confidence /Don't LET it bother you, and you'll find that it won't/, general awkwardness whenever in her company again (i should point out its incredibly rare that i'd actually see her in person, probably 4 times a year if even that /So no big problem there then/), potentially ruined sex-life and possibility of adapting an attitude of indifference for sex (and a love for porn :P ) /Absolute bollocks to be honest: potentially ruined sex-life? You confess to currently having none - build one!/

or

2. Forget about it

Pros: Continue living as I am. Remain friendly with her. /Bo-ring/

Cons: A lot of "what if" thoughts in my head for a while. I know i'll have to go through a similar phase again in the future at some point in time. /Exactly. Grab life by the balls/

In short, get over yourself and do it.

Darragh29 · 22-11-2008 06:29PM

odd_situation wrote: »

Well... the title of this thread pretty much sums the story up.

But for those who want the long version....

Met a girl about a year ago. We were at a book signing at Easons. Had similar interests (obviously) and got on pretty well.

Generally speaking, im a very, very, very shy person. Very. So it was more my friend that was talking to her (she was with her boyfriend) and I'd chime in whenever necessary (i usually keep my input into conversations limited).

Anyway... Somehow added her on MSN (i think my friend got her msn address, and i got it off him, but can't remember, not too important anyway) and we talked on there for a while.

We got on well on msn and arranged to meet up (in a friend kinda way. She had still got her boyfriend of 7 years). She never really expressed an interest in me, and i never really did in her either (although she's very, erm, 'busty', so i did make the occasional joke about that).

Anyway, yada, yada, yada, skip to a few weeks ago and in a conversation on MSN she says she wants to.. you know.

I'm a bit surprised and dont really know what to say, and assume its either someone else using her PC taking the piss, or she's having a laugh. Turns out its her, and shes actually serious. I kinda want to go ahead and do it (or do her, to be more specific) but i cower out of it. Partly because i think she may be using me to end her relationship (by getting caught with me accidentally on purpose) as she expressed a few times in the conversation that she wasn't very happy.

Skip to today and she's broken up for two months. Her offer is still there. She looks great. She's a really nice person. Who wouldn't do her?

... Me, apparently.

Back story for me; I don't have many friends (Kinda like social anxiety disorder, so don't get out much), im horribly overweight, not very experienced at sex (still a virgin, although have recieved oral sex) and generally have a very pessimistic attitude about things (aren't i a catch :rolleyes: )

So.. although I'd love to go ahead and do this with her, everytime i think about it, i think of her being much too use to sex with her former 7-year boyfriend, me being incredibly nervous (what with the lack of experience, being overweight and generally clumsy) and both of us putting on the worst sexual act ever performed by mankind.

So, i pose a question to you, Mr. and Ms. boards posters... What would you do?

1. Go for it.

Pros: Great sex, both see each other more and get on better, confidence, memory to look back on and something i can brag to myself about (also opens the window of opportunity to do more things with her in general)

Cons: Horrible sex, shattered confidence, general awkwardness whenever in her company again (i should point out its incredibly rare that i'd actually see her in person, probably 4 times a year if even that), potentially ruined sex-life and possibility of adapting an attitude of indifference for sex (and a love for porn :P )

or

2. Forget about it

Pros: Continue living as I am. Remain friendly with her.

Cons: A lot of "what if" thoughts in my head for a while. I know i'll have to go through a similar phase again in the future at some point in time.

I obviously haven't covered all of the pros/cons of it, but im sure its all pretty easy to understand.

So, put yourself in my shoes. She likes me (i've no idea why, i dont look good at all)and i like her, but going ahead with this could lead to one of the most (if not the most) embarrassing moments of my life) but could also be great. If i dont go for it, nothing gained, nothing lost.

What Would Boards Do?

This is my 2 cent's worth...You worry too much!

FionnMatthew · 22-11-2008 06:40PM

Please, everyone, don't jump on me. I see a really homegenous collection of pieces of advice, a lot of which I rather seriously disagree with, and want to throw my POV out there, just in case it's more appropriate to the situation.

With this:

Sinfonia wrote: »

Let's lose this pessimism:
It's still sex, and it can only get better
Don't LET it bother you, and you'll find that it won't
Potentially ruined sex-life? You confess to currently having none - build one!
In short, get over yourself and do it.

, This:

ShawnRiven wrote:

Nah seriously, no such thing as bad sex on your first time.

And this:

Selena Orange Ash wrote:

I forgot to mention, sex is great even if you make a mess of things.Both parties should enjoy it as much as possible. It will not go horribly wrong. I was the same mate, and guess what. It went ok. Not great, but not bad either...

... I most unequivocally disagree. My first time was one of the most utterly demeaning experiences of my life, and something it took me months to recover from, psychologically. It was not "great," not by a long shot, and this really isn't a matter of my interpretative attitude to it. I've come to enjoy sex since then - but it was harder to go back to sex after that experience than having it for the first time.

Some people take a long time to prepare themselves for sexual experiences. It's a very powerful sort of experience, especially for a certain sort of person. Like taking certain kinds of drugs, there are ways to be responsible, and ensure that you'll be safe, and comfortable. Your needs might differ considerably from the next person, too. For me, the most important thing was an atmosphere of trust - something that, given the OP's worries, doesn't sound particularly likely here. It takes a while to build that up, and takes mutual patience and understanding in equal measures.

It took me a long time to find those conditions, and someone who was right for that. I have to say, the experience of sex is something better foregone without those conditions. It can be great fun, and can improve over time and with experience, but it really isn't the experience of heaven it's cracked up to be. It's profoundly unsatisfying if you build it up in your head until it's the holy grail. It's just another nice thing to do. It's different to other nice things. But it's not really any better. You are biologically determined to regard it, before the event as something that is superimportant. It seems as if it is the best thing in the world to seek. But it doesn't ever really pay off. You'll always just want more sex, in the same way. I think it's prudent to regard that biological drive with a certain amount of healthy skepticism and restraint. Holistically, there are far more important things to seek. No big deal.

But, and this is important, it can be a really big deal if it happens in the wrong way, especially for thoughtful, sensitive people. It's a big emotional risk zone. You're naked - with another person who you might not really know - emotionally vulnerable, as well as in other ways - you don't know exactly what you're doing, have all sorts of doubts - and this is a category of experience completely alien to you. The risk of emotional damage is telescoped. Any hurt caused in such an environment can cause lasting effects. It could make you feel much worse about a lot of the things you worry about.

nipplenuts wrote: »

Go for it. You'll never regret taking the chance half as much as you'll regret not taking it.

IMO, it's better not to take the sorts of risks that come naturally to many others, because, for me, the psychological side-effects of those risks were much harder to just shrug off. I really, really still regret taking that risk. I'm not a risk taker, and it is conspicuous to me that the biggest risk I ever took (emotionally) was the one I most regret. Risk taking, for certain psychologies, can be an emotional liability, and for such a person, is the worst possible way to conduct your affairs. If you are prone to depression, the best thing you can do is have some stability in your life, understand how to regulate your commitments and actions, and try and keep on even keel. This is incompatible with lurching from one risk to another, having to deal with the consequences of bad decisions, while, granted, enjoying the benefits of those decisions that turned out well by no more than chance, and having very little rational control over the external conditions which are so important to your happiness.

This doesn't mean not being with her. It does mean taking your time, and to hell with it if she doesn't want to move at your pace - because you are important too, and, let's face it - while "losing it" it might seem important to you - it really isn't. It really, really, really isn't. There are vast swathes of more important things in life than just sex. It can be a nice accessory, nothing better.

wibbs wrote:

Lets say it goes badly wrong in the sack, real worse case scenario stuff? So? You've done something new, your life experience has been added to and you've learned something. That can't be bad.

hungryhippo wrote:

What's the worst that can happen?

Really bad things can happen. The trauma of even nonviolent sexual experiences is something more commonly reported and complained of by women, but it is something which can effect men too.

None of us here (I hope) would object to the idea that minors should not be exposed to sexual experiences, because of the psychological effects that this can have on them. This is an acknowledgment of how psychologically powerful sexual experience is.

I say that some people, though mature in a great many other ways, can be comparable to a minor in terms of their receptivity to sexual experience. What can go wrong in such a situation is comparable, therefore, to what can go wrong with a minor (although it's probably regarded with far less sympathy by those for whom sexual experience is a frivilous pleasure.) Long lasting, deep seated psychological effects, which can effect your social aptitude, your sexual appetite and development, and your emotional life. Big stuff. Don't make little of that.

Darragh29 wrote: »

This is my 2 cent's worth...You worry too much!

wibbs wrote:

there's an equal trend of people thinking too much.

I don't agree with this. In my experience, the people who think too much are the people who need to do so, because they just aren't satisfied with the level of control over their lives and personal circumstances that not "thinking too much" would leave them with. There are certain social/cultural rites we are expected to enact without pause or reflection which, if we were to think about it, really aren't that attractive.

For years, the abuse of alcohol was something I felt uneasy about, but which my friends told me I was "thinking too much about." But, really, I wasn't. Because drinking represents that same loss of control over actions and personal identity which I fear, and have good, rational cause to fear. The abuse of alcohol is widespread in our culture, and it is considered a social norm. But when I look out into the street, I see people whose rational agency is compromised weekly by that social norm - and this is just not something I would want to relinquish. And hence, I don't believe that the thinking which leads me to "deprive myself" of the "wonderful social niceties" of alcohol abuse (as opposed to the gastronomical pleasures of foodstuffs and beverages containing alcohol) is an example of "thinking too much." And likewise, I don't believe the sort of cautiousness which I adhered to, following my traumatic mistake at the close of my virginity was a case of "overthinking it" either, since it brought me the only experience of sex that I would have ever wanted to have.

wibbs wrote:

Stop knocking it back and forth in your head and make a decision. How to figure which one? In a case like this(and others) the one that scares you the most. That's the one that'll cause growth. If it comes to it, wear a condom.

Or don't wear a condom? If THAT'S the decision that scares you most, right? Because unplanned pregnancy will cause growth too, and won't, therefore, be a rash or irresponsible thing for someone to do if he cares about the specific course his life shoud take.

Marksie · 22-11-2008 06:47PM

FionnMatthew wrote: »

Or don't wear a condom? If THAT'S the decision that scares you most, right? Because unplanned pregnancy will cause growth too, and won't, therefore, be a rash or irresponsible thing for someone to do if he cares about the specific course his life shoud take.

Or dont think about penetrative sex on the first time

(take condoms just in case though).

First night disasters happen because people think they will happen they make them a self fulfilling prophecy.

Same idea applies here as in any performance issue scenario.
There is so much pressure put on penetrative sex that it casues the issue.
Get away from it..... first night nerves can be circumvented neatly enough by having a great time and using all the non-penetrative skills at ones disposal.
It can be much more intense and pleasurable than just haveing penetrative sex, so lift that one out of the whole equation by thinking outside of the box.

Blow both your minds before you even think of entering her.

FionnMatthew · 22-11-2008 06:53PM

Just to be clear, I think condoms are totally in order. Heck, wear two!

I was just trying to show the absurdity of the "do what scares you most" line of thinking.

Darragh29 · 22-11-2008 06:54PM

@FionnMatthew

If you spent that much time thinking about everything you did you or didn't do, you would get absolutely nothing done. I used to be like this to a lesser degree, always analysing things to death and what I found one day was that by the time I had finished analysing something or broading over it, whatever opportunity that had been there and I had become fixated with studying and understanding, had actually passed me by and moved on!

Make a decision and stick to it! It might ultimately be the right decision. It might ultimately also be the wrong decision, if it is, learn the lesson and move on. If it isn't, enjoy!

Girl offering sex, not sure what to do

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