Meeting the parents.

Wurly · 24-09-2008 12:50AM

Jeebus wrote: »

The last time I met them it was sprung on my completely by surprise. I was essentially dressed up as Kurt ****ing Cobain at the time, all of my clothes were ripped, I was red-eyed from a session the same night and....ugh...it didn't go too badly I suppose as I was not talking much due to nervousness and hangover, but...my first impression probably wasn't up to much.

So I am trying to forget about it, and counting this time as the first time, in the vain hope that I can swing things in my favour this time !

Leave the ripped clothes at home... Invest in a bottle of optrex and some breath mints. Problem solved.

Zaph · 24-09-2008 01:04AM

Dave! wrote: »

Wear a clown costume. Nobody likes a person who takes themselves too seriously.

Dear god no, do NOT wear a clown costume. A lot of people have a phobia about clowns and it would be just your luck that her mother is one of them. The last thing you want to do is cause the poor woman to end up on tranquilisers. Now a monkey costume, on the other hand, everyone loves monkeys...

andrew · 24-09-2008 01:06AM

Bring up topics such as abortion, pre marital sex and child abuse.Take a liberal stance. Catholics love talking about that sorta thing.

Darragh29 · 24-09-2008 01:07AM

Dave! wrote: »

Remember not to hog all the weed for yourself. Share. People like generosity.

Be sure to put her father's mind at ease by telling him that you use ultra-safe condoms.

Wear a clown costume. Nobody likes a person who takes themselves too seriously.

Compliment her mother. Women like when you tell them they have nice breasts.

Also bring a few lines of Coke to share with her auld boy off the kitchen table, that'll get the male bonding started off!

:D:D

Darragh29 · 24-09-2008 01:09AM

Take a few tips from Mike Strutter!!!

Ross_Mahon · 24-09-2008 01:42AM

Listen up focker...do not tell them your atheist, find out what the old mans interests are, act and speak like a gentleman, Should be clear sailing then.

AlanAhern · 24-09-2008 01:53AM

Your best bet is to relieve yourself before you go there and store the contents on your ear in a "something about mary" style. Then Conversation will be dirested toward that instead of other awkward questions!

Jigsaw · 24-09-2008 01:58AM

Forget the ****e you are listening to. Cut your hair and look like a proper man. None of this aul scene sh1te. Make yourself desireable. Don't wear a suit, just cut your hair, have a shave and wear a nice smart open necked shirt with a pair of trousers and shoes then use some personality. Concentrate on the dad - try to bond with him to an extent. Howevert if you insist upon looking like some failed indie musician you will balls it up. As you get older you come to realise you can like all sorts of music but you don't have to dress like a twat to appreciate it.

People who wear skinny jeans should be machine gunned into the sea.

Duiske · 24-09-2008 02:11AM

Thoie wrote: »

If you don't have a beard - shave properly. If you have a beard - trim it nicely and make sure it looks clean. Wash your hair, get a trim to neaten the ends if it's straggly. Shake father's hand firmly, but don't try break his fingers. If you're not driving, accept a drink if it's offered, don't get drunk. Wear underwear (in case there's an inspection). Read the paper/watch the news beforehand so that if they bring up something current you're not left staring blankly. When asked the inevitable "what do you do?", have an answer ready that isn't "y'know, not much, a bit of this, a bit of that - let's hope the dole office don't find out".

Avoid dirty jokes at the dinner table unless you can reenact them with items of food. Don't sprawl, but try not to look like there's a poker up your ass. If there's a poker up your ass, try not to let them know that it's there.

Offer to help clear the table. Try not to smack mother's ass while doing so. If you're in a restaurant don't offer to clear the table. Avoid politics and religion. Try not to be hungover. Don't smoke in the house unless you're handed an ashtray. If you have to smoke outside, try not to set fire to the cat.

Awful pity I did not read this about 8 years ago.

You could even add a couple of things. Do not tell their other daughter that she will be pretty when she lose's the puppy fat and never, under any circumstances, talk about abortion. Ever !!

SnowMonkey · 24-09-2008 02:16AM

Jigsaw wrote: »

People who wear skinny jeans should be machine gunned into the sea.

i would like to agree on this point. But its ok if youve got a pair of dunks :P and a mullet....

actully there was a dude in work with a mullet one day his bird was fit, but it looked like he spent more time in the mirrior then she did .....

Agent Smith · 24-09-2008 02:45AM

Say your a cop working undercover to stop puppy molesters

everyone likes puppys, Right?

javaboy · 24-09-2008 03:24AM

i-bloodhound wrote: »

Meet The Parents - great movie.

Everyone's entitled to an opinion. Just not that particular opinion.

4zn76tysfajdxp · 24-09-2008 08:41AM

Sleep with your girlfriend's mother, any sexual tension between you will evaporate and you'll finally have something in common with her father.

SEPT 23 1989 · 24-09-2008 08:54AM

drink gallons of cider and ruby port

thelordofcheese · 24-09-2008 09:47AM

Jeebus wrote: »

tl;dr - How do I impress the girlfriends parents ?

Why, are you planning on screwing them too?

Varkov · 24-09-2008 10:06AM

Leave a dead thrush on the doorstep. If questioned, explain it's a gift for the family.

Wagon · 24-09-2008 10:32AM

Jigsaw wrote: »

Forget the ****e you are listening to. Cut your hair and look like a proper man. None of this aul scene sh1te. Make yourself desireable.

What is he trying to shag the parents now as well?

Don't wear a suit, just cut your hair, have a shave and wear a nice smart open necked shirt with a pair of trousers and shoes then use some personality.

Excellent, now they'll think he's gay.

Concentrate on the dad - try to bond with him to an extent.

Refer to point above.

Howevert if you insist upon looking like some failed indie musician you will balls it up. As you get older you come to realise you can like all sorts of music but you don't have to dress like a twat to appreciate it.

Maybe he just likes wearing baggy jeans and hoodies...?
Just a thought.

People who wear skinny jeans should be machine gunned into the sea.

Bravo. Bet the parents will love that.

OP, you can have a car, good income, direction in life and a career but still be a tosser. You seem alright, just be yourself. Have a shave and don't be hungover cos i've made that mistake in the past too. Just be polite.

Silenceisbliss · 24-09-2008 10:36AM

remember to check out her mums tits...cop a good feel when shes not looking... remember, ur GF might end up the same .....

24-09-2008 10:44AM

Funnily enough my new GF met the family there last night for the first time. Went well but I ended up getting pissed and I am a sad panda today

Fratton Fred · 24-09-2008 11:11AM

Thoie wrote: »

If you don't have a beard - shave properly. If you have to smoke outside, try not to set fire to the cat.

If you have a beard, shave it off. If my daughter brought home a bearded hippie she would be grounded for the next thirty years. Oh, don't smoke unless they do and only when they do. Full stop

Silenceisbliss wrote: »

remember to check out her mums tits...cop a good feel when shes not looking... remember, ur GF might end up the same .....

Good point, your girlfriend may end up like her mother, so if the old dear is 35 stone cut and run.

Find out what team the old man likes, then brush up on them. everyone likes talking about their team whther its football, rugby or GAA. Bring the mother some flowers as well, its rude to turn up empty handed.

Silenceisbliss · 24-09-2008 11:20AM

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Good point, your girlfriend may end up like her mother, so if the old dear is 35 stone cut and run..

or harpoon the yoke and sell her carcus as bluber, (also, the GF might be a possible future investment....)

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Find out what team the old man likes, then brush up on them tell him theres a convention for that team at the local pub at the minute....everyone likes talking about their team whther its football, rugby or GAA. Bring the mother some flowers absinth as well, its rude to turn up empty handed.

might get lucky

mother daugther sandwich FTW!

stovelid · 24-09-2008 11:27AM

Jeebus wrote: »

tl;dr - How do I impress the girlfriends parents ?
!

Are you good looking?

Try and drop the hand on her ma when nobody is around.

Dudess · 24-09-2008 11:32AM

An excellent strategy, but it would probably depend on how attractive the ma is.

I'm pretty sure it would work on my mam - I'm not joking.

24-09-2008 11:36AM

Dudess wrote: »

An excellent strategy, but it would probably depend on how attractive the ma is.

I'm pretty sure it would work on my mam - I'm not joking.

:eek:

junior_apollo · 24-09-2008 11:37AM

Jeebus wrote: »

Ah you know, they didn't whip out the "So what do you want to do with your life?" "Whats are your ambitions?" type questions that everyone has to bull****e through.

****. Maybe she was.

<BLANK>

Fratton Fred · 24-09-2008 11:43AM

Dudess wrote: »

An excellent strategy, but it would probably depend on how attractive the ma is.

I'm pretty sure it would work on my mam - I'm not joking.

I like you more with every post i read.:o

do you like football and can you knock up a good curry by any chance

stovelid · 24-09-2008 11:43AM

Dudess wrote: »

An excellent strategy, but it would probably depend on how attractive the ma is.

I'm pretty sure it would work on my mam - I'm not joking.

Doing anything this weekend?

junior_apollo · 24-09-2008 11:44AM

Fratton Fred wrote: »

I like you more with every post i read.:o

do you like football and can you knock up a good curry by any chance

Perhaps she isn't suggesting her ma is hot... perhaps its just that her ma is easy or desperate...?

junior_apollo · 24-09-2008 11:45AM

junior_apollo wrote: »

Perhaps she isn't suggesting her ma is hot... perhaps its just that her ma is easy or desperate...?

Scratch that... easy and desperate wins over hot anyday...

anniehoo · 24-09-2008 11:50AM

OP you must've done something half-way right the first time you met them, otherwise the dad wouldve chained her to the house rather than let her see ya again!

Meeting the parents.

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