Pictures of Ex-Girlfriend

RedXIV · 10-09-2008 04:13PM

ozzyoh wrote: »

Well, assuming. OK then, I'm presuming he doesn't think about his mother in a sexual way

He probably doesn't about his ex either, hence her being his ex

Don't you hate logic

Overheal · 10-09-2008 04:13PM

Victor wrote: »

One girl I went our with is a small time commercial model. Should I tear the posters off buses and burn them?

Should your other half delete the back-ups from his digital camera and burn his negatives?

Mrs. Tayto?! :eek:

OP I have another suggestion: why not take your own photos of you and the boyfriend?

DenMan · 10-09-2008 04:14PM

Hi OP

Being honest I would be with ozzyoh on this one. It is clear to a lot of us that it is affecting you. It should because you are now a couple. The thought of seeing your bf with his ex up on the wall constantly must be a unsettling/upsetting for you. Speaking from experience my gf when I lived in the UK kept photos of us together in her house after we broke up. It did affect her bf and I could feel that. I got to know him pretty well and we became good buddies (gigs etc) I asked her about the pics and she said she wanted to keep them up because we went through a lot together and helped each other when we were individully going through our own personal problems. That may/may not be different to your situation OP.

I know me and Red have posted vey similarly here on Personal Issues but sorry buddy saying "different strokes for different folks" would only apply to individuals and the last time I checked the OP is in a relationship and right now it affects both parties. Hope it works out for you both.

Solarball10 · 10-09-2008 04:16PM

RedXIV wrote: »

He probably doesn't about his ex either, hence her being his ex

Don't you hate logic

Ex meaning that he did once have feelings like that towards her.
And plus, yes, it's in the past. Why would he still have pics of them together up on the wall?

I quite like logic

RedXIV · 10-09-2008 04:21PM

ozzyoh wrote: »

Ex meaning that he did once have feelings like that towards her.
And plus, yes, it's in the past. Why would he still have pics of them together up on the wall?

I quite like logic

The past dictates who you are today. nobody is unchanged by this lone fact. You may not like it lass but even your OH has had a past, no doubt a sexual one even if it wasn't expressed physically, but all those experiences have cultivated him into the person you know today. There's a difference between acknowledging the past and pining for it, photos on a wall (especially when its a guy, he probably doesn't even see them anymore) doesn't indicate a desire to go back, it may even be a reminder of lessons learned? There ya go OP, he could be using the pictures to remind himself how lucky he is now

Edit: It was bounch to happen Denman, we couldn't stay on the same wavelength for ever people would assume it was one person behind two of us

beth-lou · 10-09-2008 04:24PM

Can I ask how long you are together?
When I first met my hubby he had a photo of his ex beside his bed. That bugged me a lot. The reason it did was because he only started to rent the house a few weeks after we got together and the placing of his ex in a photo on her own beside the bed was deliberate and I felt he still had some feelings for her.

I never said a word about it though. The reason being, that ours was anew relationship and I knew that in time if we developed into something more he would eventually put it away. And also I had lots of old stuff from old boyfriends in a box inmy room. Just sentimental stuff. It didn't really mean anything. So if you're relationship is new, give it time and you will replace her.
If it's been a while maybe he's forgotten and doesn't notice them. Do as RED IXV siggested adn joke about putting yours there. If you're together a while.
It's totally natural to feel a little twinge of jealousy. It's how you handle it that matters.

Solarball10 · 10-09-2008 04:24PM

Doesn't bother me if my OH had a sexual past - what would bother me is having to see evidence of it every time I walked down his hall!

RedXIV · 10-09-2008 04:27PM

ozzyoh wrote: »

Doesn't bother me if my OH had a sexual past - what would bother me is having to see evidence of it every time I walked down his hall!

I think we'll have to agree to disagree, i'll apparently never sway you and you'll never sway me.

but by god we'd make a horrible couple

beth-lou · 10-09-2008 04:30PM

I think there comes a time in every relationship if you are really settling in together that it is time to put the stuff from your past away and start building a future together. I think it's silly really to have a couple who are married with pictures of their ex's on the walls. It's just silly.

Solarball10 · 10-09-2008 04:48PM

RedXIV wrote: »

I think we'll have to agree to disagree, i'll apparently never sway you and you'll never sway me. but by god we'd make a horrible couple

No we wouldn't....ah we could do this for ages, lol!

Fair enough (but I'm right)

haligh · 10-09-2008 04:54PM

it's one thing being aware that your OH has had a past, it's another thing to have to see it happy and smiley in front of you when you've had a bad day/a tough period/are not feeling your best or most attractive, or a thousand other things.

I couldn't do that to my boyfriend and I would consider it unfair if he did it to me - I guess it's a good thing we're on the same wavelength about it.

ChocolateSauce · 10-09-2008 05:02PM

I have home made porn of me and my ex girlfriend. They're a part of my history and I would never delete them. Rest assured, having them in no way means he is attached to her or that he doesn't value you. You're just being jealous and a little paranoid.

LG26 · 10-09-2008 05:05PM

Hi Guys

Thanks for your replies. We are together 8 months. As I said it doesn't bother me about the group pics as it's in a collage and at the end of the day it is his past.

What bothers me is the ones on the stairs of the two of them. I have been in realationships aswell and yes we all have history, but in my opinion why would you even want pics around of just "You & the EX" if it's over, if I was to keep photos around of just me and my ex it would be because I wasn't over them.

And in fairness the comment about the Mother, i think maybe you have your own issue to battle

RedXIV · 10-09-2008 05:06PM

LG26 wrote: »

And in fairness the comment about the Mother, i think maybe you have your own issue to battle

*ouch* that stung

LG26 · 10-09-2008 05:10PM

Sorry but ya kinda deserved that one

Wibbs · 10-09-2008 05:32PM

Keep on topic folks.

LG26 · 10-09-2008 05:33PM

ha ha ha thanks Wibbs

pookie82 · 10-09-2008 05:58PM

Well just my two cents but I think that having pictures of himself and his ex on the wall, just the two of them, is ridiculous. You're eight months into a relationship, not eight weeks, and you say it's his own place. If i was calling around to my boyfriend on a daily basis I wouldn't want his ex staring at me every time I used the stairs.

If he wants to keep memories of her then fine, no harm, it's his past and all that. But let him keep them in an album. He can take them out every now and again and glance through and reminisce but I think it's really bad form to hang his ex on the walls of his house and expect you not to pass comment or care.

Instead of dropping hints or beating around the bush, why don't you just tell him that it bothers you to have to look at them together every time you come over. tell him that you appreciate that he has a past etc but ask him to keep his memories of the person who came before you private. If he has a problem with that you need to question where you're going.

God I can't imagine hanging framed pics of me and an ex in my house on the walls and expecting a new boyfriend of 8 months not to care about it. It's just OTT in my book.

And as for the comment about her being an ex therefore he couldn't possibly have sexual feelings for her anymore - have you read half of the personal issues in here??? Having an ex does not, unfortunately, mean that there can't and won't be any feelings left.

citeal · 10-09-2008 06:23PM

OP, I think its completely inappropriate & inconsiderate. As soon as I got serious with my last boyfriend, I did a quick check around the place to make sure none of that stuff visible, its grand put away in a box or something but framed photo of them behaving as a couple out on the shelf is just insensitive.

LG26 · 10-09-2008 06:56PM

Thanks for that because with some of the comments on here i thought i was turning physco or something. The ones on the stairs are the ones that bother me because they are of the two of them when they went travelling, again I know they are sentinmental but I don't think thats the point.

He has other group photos with her in them that dont bother me at all it's just the ones with the two of them. There are also pics of his ex with other friends in them but not my boyfriend, should I be bothered with any pics of her in them??

My head is pretty wrecked over it and he is can tell there is something wrong with me.

kizzyr · 10-09-2008 08:23PM

LG26 wrote: »

Thanks for that because with some of the comments on here i thought i was turning physco or something. The ones on the stairs are the ones that bother me because they are of the two of them when they went travelling, again I know they are sentinmental but I don't think thats the point.

He has other group photos with her in them that dont bother me at all it's just the ones with the two of them. There are also pics of his ex with other friends in them but not my boyfriend, should I be bothered with any pics of her in them??

My head is pretty wrecked over it and he is can tell there is something wrong with me.

Group photos are one thing but photos of the two of them only would be a total no no for me. If some of the picture are of the time he traveled surely he must have some of just scenery etc and they should fulfill the nostalgia perfectly.
You say he knows that there is something wrong with you, just tell him. He may be a tool to keep the photos around but sometimes men just don't think and don't realise that things like that upset their girlfriend. He may be perfectly willing ( should be really) to take them down and be mortified that he never thought about what they would do to you. If he argues the toss with you then he is quite simply a tosser.

P.S. slightly OT now but when I started going out with my boyfriend 9 years ago his mum had a photo of him and his last girlfriend proudly displayed in the sitting room. She kept it there for 3 years just in case we didn't work out and she wouldn't have to fill the space!

kraggy · 10-09-2008 08:47PM

citeal wrote: »

OP, I think its completely inappropriate & inconsiderate. As soon as I got serious with my last boyfriend, I did a quick check around the place to make sure none of that stuff visible, its grand put away in a box or something but framed photo of them behaving as a couple out on the shelf is just insensitive.

I agree with this.

Anyone on here who says it wouldn't bother them in the slightest is either lying or pure stone mad. There has to be at least some level of discomfort seeing pics of JUST your current partner and his/her ex in the house that you intend to be frequenting in the future as part of the new relationship.

I don't think it's fair. I actually think it's insensitive. And anyone on here who puts their hand on their heart and say "nah, wouldn't bother me in the slightest" must have the name Gandhi.

OP, don't feel like a psycho at all. A lot of righteous, moral-throwing antics in this place and I'd bet my bottom dollar a lot of the advice given on these boards is not always adhered to by the offerers in their own lives.

The idea above about jokingly asking "where's my picture?" is a good move. Try that and leave it with him for a while. That way you're making a point but not causing confrontation.

He'd want to wake up that lad. What happens when ye get married? Will the pictures be on the wall of your house? What'll the visitors think? They'll think he's like The General servicing two sisters or something.

Good luck with it anyway.

LG26 · 10-09-2008 09:01PM

Thanks for that. Think I am just gonna mention it casually and see what his reaction is. I agree that he's a bloke and it may not have crossed his mind cause he can be kinda like that.

Its just that even one of his guy mates mentioned it to me and that then got me thinking even more than it did before. Im just anxious about how to approach it.

Glad to see there's some normal people out there that this would actually bother. Fair Play to those that it wouldn't bother but kizzyr and kraggy I think you are dead right thanks so much......

MCMLXXXIII · 10-09-2008 09:34PM

OK, well here's a thought:
After some "finding myself" I started dating a guy, and still had a picture on the wall of my bedroom of myself and a girl I dated about 2 years before (still a good friend). After a while he mentioned that he didn't like seeing me and an ex (even though it was clearly obvious that there was no possible chance of us getting back togeter...ever) all the time and wanted to know why I hadn't taken down the picture yet.
I told him that I just hadn't had anyone that deserved a new picture on my wall.

The next day I went to work, and when I came home there was a nice photo album with many of my pictures (with friends, ex, family, etc), some of which I had before and others that were printed from digital cam. The old pics were replaced with new pics of me and newer friends, and in the same place as my ex - a new pic of me and my new OH.

Just like you said though - mention it and see what his reaction is.
I didn't give permission to do this per sé, but I did appreciate the new photo album and updated pictures. Some of my friends were offended for me, while others agreed with the whole thing. I'm a pretty easy-going bloke though.

Aurora Borealis · 11-09-2008 08:41AM

I think displaying the very coupley ones is a tad insensitive and you should just say it out straight to him or give him a picture of the two of ye and tell him the ones on his stairs are out of date and need replacing.. I don't think you need to jump to the conclusion that he's not over her or anything. I wouldn't however be so quick to get him to replace the group pics. He is allowed a past.

I've pictures of ex's none of whom I feel so much as a flutter for now but I'll always keep them because it's all part of my past. I've seen pictures of their ex's with every partner I've had and though obviously you look at them with a twinge of hmm what did they have.... you know it's in the past because you're the one there looking at them.

So in short I think you have a point. I wouldn't like majorly coupley ones on display either but expect them to be there somewhere. That's only natural.

LG26 · 11-09-2008 09:02AM

Oh yeah I have no issue with him having a past, I still have photos etc of exs but they are away in albumns in boxes not out on display. The group ones I wouldn't even mention it's more the coupley ones.

Just gonna make a breezy comment one of the days and see what he says because we do have loads of our first holiday and of other things etc.

humanji · 11-09-2008 09:07AM

OP, you say you're not insecure, but you obviously are if you have a problem with these photos. But that's not really a big deal. Very few people can see photos of their OH and their ex and not feel a pang of jealousy, I know I would.

As it bothers you, just say it to him straight out. Don't try and beat about the bush. You're in a relationship with him, and should be able to communicate easaily enough. I'm sure he'll have no problem taking them down. Just remember though, your OH is entitled to have any sort of photo he wants in HIS house, so it's possible he'll say no. Some here will see this as him being an insensitive <bleep>, but in the end it's still up to him to take them down or not.

Oh, and if a girl replaced my old photos with ones of her, I'd not only dump her, but get a pre-emptive restraining order. That's a bit too psycho for a lot of people, so I'd suggest not going with that idea for the moment.

LG26 · 11-09-2008 09:10AM

Oh i'd never just replace them, im not that bad haha. It has only bothered me the last few weeks never did before. Idunno make im liking him a more now and thats why it's bothering me.

Ah it'll sort itself out i suppose.

humanji · 11-09-2008 10:10AM

lol, ah bless, sounds like love

Seriously though, just say it to him. The chances are they'll be taken down.

Aurora Borealis · 11-09-2008 10:12AM

God no don't replace them :eek: :eek:
My suggestion was get some of the two of you together and suggest he might want to replace them himself in a lighthearted way if you don't want to ask him straight out. I agree though that you should be able to talk to him openly if it's bothering you. I know I'd prefer my bf to tell me straight out because I could be blissfully unaware otherwise.

Pictures of Ex-Girlfriend

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