noisy bitch

dade · 15-08-2008 11:28AM #1

right lads and lasses of AH

i have this neighbour and she is a noisy bitch. and i don't mean the auld sex grunts and headboard banging or the shouts of glee from surprise butt sex. i mean doors banging, screaming arguments with the OH and music blaring at all hours day or night, if it was half decent i wouldn't mind so much but by Christ 5AM Saturday morning and the locomotion is not something i want to hear through the floorboards.

I have tried the friendly knocking at the door and politely asking her to lower it a little, i have even tried the politely knocking and telling her to STFU. on each occasion i was told to **** off as the door was slammed in my face. i have tried the hammering on the floor, making as much noise as possible, jumping up and down at ungodly hours (the joys of timber framed apartments) and even retaliated early in the mornings when i know shes had a party the night before, left the stereo on speakers pointing at the floor above her bedroom and left the apartment for 4 hours so i wouldn't have to listen to it. all to no avail. I even tried the formal make a complaint to the management company. so two years of her crap and I'm asking the good users of AH for so ideas on how to deal with this little annoying cùnt.

now no solutions like chloroform or surprise butt sex coz in all seriousness i wouldn't ride her with Snypers she's that septic looking.

Epic Tissue · 15-08-2008 11:31AM

leaky floorboards

Spud83 · 15-08-2008 11:32AM

Well since you asked in after hours and not accommodation and property I would say take a dump right outside their front door.

dade · 15-08-2008 11:33AM

alanmurphy83 wrote: »

Well since you asked in after hours and not accommodation and property I would say take a dump right outside their front door.

hence why i asked in AH, the funnier the better

starflake · 15-08-2008 11:35AM

Simple solution. Call the guards. we have neighnours just like that shouting and playing music really loud late at night. we just call the guards everytime and that sorts it out. Eventually they will take the hint and STFU for good

biggus · 15-08-2008 11:36AM

There are enviromental noise limits that can be enforced by law. Councils used a DB meter . check out enviromental health and safety noise enforcement , they're light health inspectors but for noise instead of food. SDcc have one , her name is Catherine Gavin

vestanpance · 15-08-2008 11:36AM

Any chance of you being invitied to one of these parties? If so, sneak in a nice big salmon and hide it somewhere, hot press or something like that.

seamus · 15-08-2008 11:38AM

Put down wooden floors and walk around your house in steel-soled cowboy boots (with a spur preferably). Then buy a drumkit. Then hire an insomniac drum teacher to give you lessons at 2am.

dade · 15-08-2008 11:39AM

starflake wrote: »

Call the guards.

tried it they said it they could do nothing about it as it was a "civil" matter

chin_grin · 15-08-2008 11:39AM

Or you could arrive one night in a Garda uniform. Gain the trust knock on the door ask to inspect the premises. When you're inside, close the door behind you pull out the machete you've hidden down your trousers (not a euphemism) and hack her to pieces? Whatever you want to do after that is of your own volition.

Dunno, just a thought.

biko · 15-08-2008 11:41AM

Burn the place to the ground, oh wait...

missingtime · 15-08-2008 11:41AM

Propose to her.

dade · 15-08-2008 11:41AM

seamus wrote: »

Put down wooden floors and walk around your house in steel-soled cowboy boots (with a spur preferably). Then buy a drumkit. Then hire an insomniac drum teacher to give you lessons at 2am.

there ya go that's more like it. well I'm the balls of 17 stone (fat fùcker i know) put big boots on and jumped up (nearly putting my head through my ceiling) and slammed down on the floor. i even heard a muffled "**** what was that" friom her livingroom. sadly that only kept them quiet for a week

dr.bollocko · 15-08-2008 11:41AM

If you had a number of residents complaining about one specific incident, perhaps mentioned the possibitily of drugs there or something the guards would do more to help.
Any other neighbours sleep ruined by this bitch?
She throws some jammin parties though I have to say. I will call up the next time I'm there.

Anti · 15-08-2008 11:42AM

1. Shit in a paper bag.
2. place bag infront of neighbours door, and set on fire.
3. Knock door.
4. Run like **** !

dade · 15-08-2008 11:43AM

dr.bollocko wrote: »

If you had a number of residents complaining about one specific incident, perhaps mentioned the possibitily of drugs there or something the guards would do more to help.
Any other neighbours sleep ruined by this bitch?
She throws some jammin parties though I have to say. I will call up the next time I'm there.

yes she does, i just never get invited :-(

the person below her complained constantly to her own landlord (not teh gee bags) he did nothing about it so she moved out. other than that everyone else claims not to hear it.

Spud83 · 15-08-2008 11:43AM

dr.bollocko wrote: »

If you had a number of residents complaining about one specific incident, perhaps mentioned the possibitily of drugs there or something the guards would do more to help.
Any other neighbours sleep ruined by this bitch?
She throws some jammin parties though I have to say. I will call up the next time I'm there.

even better plant drugs in their apartment and then call the guards.

Dragan · 15-08-2008 11:44AM

Head down to Woodies and get a big thing of wood glue. I mean a BIG ****ing pack of that ****. Next time you know she is asleep go down and glue her front door to the frame.

It won't help but it WILL be hilarious.

LouOB · 15-08-2008 11:46AM

1. Earplugs
2. Love the leaky floorboards - try to re-enact the 'flake' advert
3. At exactly 11pm at night find the electricity switch for the apt block and switch to OFF. If you are having these problems am sure other people are in the same complex. Warn the people you like/know and prepare for the giggles upstairs in the quietness

chin_grin · 15-08-2008 11:46AM

Anti wrote: »

1. Shit in a paper bag.
2. place bag infront of neighbours door, and set on fire.
3. Knock door.
4. Run like **** !

Eh, how about you just head over there knock on the door. She opens giving you a scowl like you just shot one in her eye. Take out a giant rubber dildo (eh, where/how you get one is up to you) and beat her to death with it. OR boil some oil in a pan, knock and throw it in her face? No? Too violent? Too far? Shucks.

Dunno, just a thought.

Ourlad · 15-08-2008 11:48AM

Dragan wrote: »

Head down to Woodies and get a big thing of wood glue. I mean a BIG ****ing pack of that ****. Next time you know she is asleep go down and glue her front door to the frame.

It won't help but it WILL be hilarious.

brilliant

egan007 · 15-08-2008 11:50AM

Guards won't do anything anymore - instructions from the top.

COntact your county council, they have procedures.

FX Meister · 15-08-2008 11:54AM

Locate her esb fuse in the distribution panel and take it out. That's her sorted for a few days. I've had to do this once and the problem never happened again.

15-08-2008 11:55AM

Get the address and GPS coordinates for her flat.
Send anonymous note to US Dept of Homeland Security that your neighbor plans to sh*t on the White House lawn.
The Dept of Homeland Security will classify this as a potential terrorist act
People with black body armour will suddenly show after midnight someday
She will be renditioned to Gitmo and waterboarded for several years
Problem solved.

Overheal · 15-08-2008 11:58AM

gards will be forced to respond if you suggest that the loud noise and door slamming is signs of domestic violence.

im not very good at the revenge game: too aware that most tactics will only work against you later. however, sugar + petrol tank = fun car times. a good awl tire slash would do em no harm either. but really i like the power pulling idea. Except dont simply remove it, replace it with an otherwise dud fuse so it will take them days to figure it out

jester77 · 15-08-2008 11:58AM

Move to Leitrim and get a house in an isolated field!
The only sounds you'll hear is the local sheep getting surprise butt sex every now and again!

dr.bollocko · 15-08-2008 11:59AM

Overheal wrote: »

gards will be forced to respond if you suggest that the loud noise and door slamming is signs of domestic violence.

im not very good at the revenge game: too aware that most tactics will only work against you later. however, sugar + petrol tank = fun car times. a good awl tire slash would do em no harm either. but really i like the power pulling idea.

I dunno if sugaring the tank works as well as it does in the movies as far as I know.
Mythbusters did something on it maybe?
Yeah the revenge game is a bitch. The other party always has to up the ante, unless, of course, they do not know who has taken vengeance.

dr.bollocko · 15-08-2008 12:00PM

jester77 wrote: »

Move to Leitrim and get a house in an isolated field!
The only sounds you'll hear is the local sheep getting surprise butt sex every now and again!

It's not a surprise for the sheep. They love it so they do. Why do u think so many of them are in Leitrim?!

4zn76tysfajdxp · 15-08-2008 12:00PM

Chewing gum on the door handle, maybe?

I dunno, I've never had to commit revenge before...

Overheal · 15-08-2008 12:04PM

or if you can somehow disable their hot water. just for laughs.

Wazdakka · 15-08-2008 12:04PM

Elsie Tart Smallness wrote: »

Chewing gum on the door handle, maybe?

I dunno, I've never had to commit revenge before...

Pffft obviously

Dragan wrote: »

Head down to Woodies and get a big thing of wood glue. I mean a BIG ****ing pack of that ****. Next time you know she is asleep go down and glue her front door to the frame.

It won't help but it WILL be hilarious.

noisy bitch

Comments