Married/engaged in early 20's

Chinafoot · 09-08-2008 01:09AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Thats alot of pressure for a relationship to withstand in a short space of time. They must be well met.

Lol, you don't know them.

Moonbaby wrote: »

I completely disagree with the idea that living together gives a marraige a better chance.

Well we'll have to agree to disagree there. You only ever really know someone once you've lived with them.

OPENROAD · 09-08-2008 01:09AM

33 and have no intention at this stage of getting married

Publin · 09-08-2008 01:14AM

gogo wrote: »

On a side note, our wedding cost over 30k (and that was by cutting corners) - the nicest part - the mass - which was overwhelming, touching and stills makes me cry when I watch the dvd.:o
You know how much the church cost - nothing. a couple of euros for alter boys, etc, money for music, it was the rest which had my cheque book running for cover.
And just when you get the wedding out of the way...
... your expected to have a gaggle of kids running after you, as I have none, people think there is something wrong with me. Keep getting asked if i'm 'ok' .It never ends...

No kids yet?? :eek: Is everything ok?

Seeing as how you mention the mass part of it. Should probably add this to the controversial opinions thread, but I believe people who don't regularly attend church shouldn't be allowed to get married in one.

I think the excuse of people not getting married because they can't afford it is a bit of a cop out. As you say, the actual getting married part isn't costly at all, it's the meal and p*ss up after. Couples would be better off using the money for a deposit for a house/apartment IMO.

dlofnep · 09-08-2008 01:15AM

my parents have been dating since they were 16 and are married nearly 30 years. who cares what age people get married or engaged at?

09-08-2008 01:20AM

Chinafoot wrote: »

You only ever really know someone once you've lived with them.

Maybe somepeople have terrible people skills, or wear blinkers when in love.
Or simply move in together before they get to know each other.

But I can catagorically state from my expierence that statement isn't true.

gogo · 09-08-2008 01:23AM

Publin wrote: »

No kids yet?? :eek: Is everything ok?

Seeing as how you mention the mass part of it. Should probably add this to the controversial opinions thread, but I believe people who don't regularly attend church shouldn't be allowed to get married in one.

I've been lurking around the 'trying to concieve' thread just in case.

Agreed with your church point, think its hypocritical, my local parish have recently stopped christenings unless the parents are regular church goers.
Friends of mine are getting married next year and are presently "church scouting", they don't go to their local church and so are looking for the best looking one for pictures etc, drives me mad.
My parish priest made us pick our own prayers for the mass booklet and we had to tell him why we picked them and what meaning we felt they had and what bearing the meaning had on us. made it much more special i think.

gogo · 09-08-2008 01:26AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Maybe somepeople have terrible people skills, or wear blinkers when in love.
Or simply move in together before they get to know each other.

But I can catagorically state from my expierence that statement isn't true.

on the fence with this one, seen it from both points of view, lived with my oh for 6 months or so before we got married, nearly killed him and his smelly socks, dirty dishes, football/soccer/golf/hurling gear everywhere, but if its going to work, it will work, either way.

Chinafoot · 09-08-2008 01:27AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Maybe somepeople have terrible people skills, or wear blinkers when in love.
Or simply move in together before they get to know each other.

But I can catagorically state from my expierence that statement isn't true.

Like I said, agree to disagree. In your opinion it isn't true, in my opinion it is.

Living together takes a lot of compromise and in some cases it can lead to the break up of the relationship. In my opinion it is a far more sensible decision to live with someone first and be completely sure before you stick a ring on your finger and make a very big commitment.

09-08-2008 01:37AM

The women I know who chose to live with their boyfriends, are making big commitments.
Making career and location decisions. Buying property and otherwise tying themselves financially. Having children.
If I was going to make decisions like that, I'd want to feel that there was a mutual decision to work a relationship for the long haul.

Publin · 09-08-2008 01:43AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

The women I know who chose to live with their boyfriends, are making big commitments.
Making career and location decisions. Buying property and otherwise tying themselves financially. Having children.
If I was going to make decisions like that, I'd want to feel that there was a mutual decision to work a relationship for the long haul.

Interesting point. These are the kind of people that really baffle me that I was referring to previously. Going out for years and years. They buy a house and live together, have every intention of spending the rest of their lives with one another, have a child or two but... won't get married cos they're "too young"

what difference does it make if they wait 1/2/3/4/5 years, the intention is to get married once they hit this magic age which they've subjectively picked for no good reason. They are essentially married but without the benefits.

09-08-2008 01:53AM

Publin wrote: »

Interesting point. These are the kind of people that really baffle me that I was referring to previously. Going out for years and years. They buy a house and live together, have every intention of spending the rest of their lives with one another, have a child or two but... won't get married cos they're "too young" what difference does it make if they wait 1/2/3/4/5 years, the intention is to get married once they hit this magic age which they've subjectively picked for no good reason. They are essentially married but without the benefits.

Personally I don't think marraige is a must. But I don't see any reason against it if you have commited to a life partnership.
Some of my friends vehemently deny that they have made any such decision to stay with a person. Despite being so commitmented.
That I don't understand.

Phlann · 09-08-2008 02:07AM

Bizarre. I'm in my mid-20s and I don't know of a single person from my year who's married. Although I think one girl might be engaged.

ChewChew · 09-08-2008 03:13PM

Out of all my friends, the first one is getting married in 4 weeks time. She's 26. some of my friends have kids but none are married yet and still most of us are single. nothing to panic about everyone is different. my sister got married when she was 24. personally, I couldn't be doing with marraige!!

shenanigans1982 · 09-08-2008 04:21PM

Phlann wrote: »

Bizarre. I'm in my mid-20s and I don't know of a single person from my year who's married.

Same here although the majority of them seem to have kids and some are having them like its going outta fashion.

Raskolnikov · 09-08-2008 04:34PM

PillyPen wrote: »

The idea of getting married before 30 really does nauseate me.

I'm surprised that so many people (particularly females) are revulsed by marrying before 30. Surely if you meet the right person and it feels right, there's absolutely no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't marry?

Piste · 09-08-2008 04:55PM

Personally I can't see why anyone would NOT get married, think of the tax credits! The delicious, delicious tax credits!

The Real B-man · 09-08-2008 05:09PM

Piste wrote: »

Personally I can't see why anyone would NOT get married, think of the tax credits! The delicious, delicious tax credits!

Tax credits vs not living your life? plenty of time to get married!

Friends of mine are engaged hes 21 shes 19 both first loves bit weird tbh! but different strokes!

Piste · 09-08-2008 05:35PM

How does getting married = not living your life?

It's like that bit in Mama Mia when

they decide not to get married after all despite being in love because they want to travel together

, as if you can't have both!

People seem to be against having their cake and eating it too

beertons · 09-08-2008 06:01PM

I met my OH a few years ago at a gig. Started dating in January, moved in together in June, and can't wit for the day I walk down the aisle with her. We want to buy a house first, and location and price are the key issues at the moment. Moving in with your OH is class, nothing to be scared about, a constant smile before sleep and in the morning. We haven't rushed anything, things just fell into place with us really quickly.

Although, she does say that her clock is ticking.......she's 32, I'm a little bit younger.

AlmightyCushion · 09-08-2008 06:17PM

snickerpuss wrote: »

I just couldn't spend loads of money on a wedding.

*rubs eyes in disbelieve*

*rubs eyes again*

It seems that you are the only sane woman left on this god forsaken planet.

snickerpuss · 09-08-2008 07:07PM

Why thank you AlmightyCushion, I had a sneaking suspicion I was...

bills · 09-08-2008 07:11PM

most of the people in my age group 25-30 are not engaged/married so definetely dont think its the norm & im from down the country ( we aint that different you know)

Pinknails · 14-08-2008 01:14AM

I'm 22 and getting married in 2010 my man is 21.
I'm not from the country although they say Swords is the country!!!
But when you find the right person I don't think it matters what age you are just that you love that person more than anything else in the world and want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Alarums · 15-08-2008 03:18PM

I got married 2 weeks ago, I'm 33, she's 25, so I'm hoping her needs in 5 years time are pretty much the same as they are now, or I'm screwed. Anybody know which number I call to apply for the juicy tax credits?

RuailleBuaille · 15-08-2008 03:29PM

I agree it's diferent strokes for different folks and each to their own but IMHO I think getting married at 23 is MENTAL! When you marry someone, you promise to be with that person for the rest of your life (laughable in itself) so why do it so young?
I think it's the 'settled' thing that scares me The thoughts of not being able to do what I want, when I want, where I want is horrible to me. I love my OH, together 5 years but I have no intention of cementing ourselves into a lifelong promise at my age (27). I have lots I want to see and do, marriage seems like the end for me. All that sensible shit, no thanks!

Tan Princess · 15-08-2008 03:32PM

Piste wrote: »

Personally I can't see why anyone would NOT get married, think of the tax credits! The delicious, delicious tax credits!

You don't get much in the way of tax credits unless one of you is not working though right?

DenMan · 15-08-2008 03:34PM

I sometimes meet people from my school and some of them are happily married while others rushed into it too early and now regret their previous hastily made decision. If it feels right for the couple involved then they should go for it.

lady_fifi · 15-08-2008 04:20PM

Just said I'd jump in here, I'm 24(and a graduate) have my own house about a year. Going out with a my man about a a year and a half...we got engaged last week and plan to go to vegas to do the deed in December

We are ready for it and know this is for keeps so not bothered about being young. We couldn't be happier... kids won't be coming for another few years though...not in much of a rush there

hunnybunny · 15-08-2008 04:44PM

I'm surprised that so many people (particularly females) are revulsed by marrying before 30. Surely if you meet the right person and it feels right, there's absolutely no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't marry?

I was engaged at 20. Stupidest decision I ever made. Thank god we broke up before we made it official. My independence and longing for freedom broke us up!

People were really shocked when I told them especially college mates. Now I look back and wonder what was I on.

One of the reasons for staying with him was that so I could own my house (they d never give me a mortgage as a single :mad: sooo unfair) Then I realised thats just pure stupidity. I d have my house but I d be stuck with him! I also wanted security and he was a catch. In fact he was Mr Perfect but why wasnt I happy? Too young and strong minded!

Im 24 and its ME-time!:) I want to travel, study and buy a house of my own. Volunteer and read and be completely self indulgent! I need to go abroad to do that and thats exactly what I will do. (They won t give me a mortgage as a single woman in Ireland. I was advised to buy in with someone, thats the only way people my age can get in) So Im moving to a country where I can buy a house by myself!

My Lithuanian friend is married since she was 18. She now has 2 kids and shes my age. She feels sorry for me not being married or having kids. I feel sorry for her being stuck at home with 2 screaming toddlers, demanding husband and a mind numbingly boring shop job.
I ve got my degree, my job, my freedom, money. I can travel and spend what I like on myself. I think I ve got the better life. I love my friend but her life is my worst nightmare. Thats why I broke off my own engagement as I realised I would be throwing away all I ever wanted. My independence and freeedom to do what I want.

I cannot wait to have my independence for at least another 5 years. The rate Im going at I reckon I ll be 29 before I even think of mariage.

I just think Im way too independent to tie myself down. I don t think I really knew myself well enough when I met my (ex) fiance at 19. Now at 24 I have a much better idea of where I am going and what I want from life!

DenMan · 15-08-2008 04:55PM

Hi hunnybunny

Like you I foolishly got engaged when I was younger and luckily enough we didn't go ahead with it. I got away with it. It is one of those things you look back on and ask yourself "what was I thinking". She was a nice girl. Go and enjoy yourself and as someone who has lived (and worked abroad) it is a fantastic thing to do. Going back to Uni soon and will end up living abroad, that's for sure. Taking Spanish lessons.

Married/engaged in early 20's

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