Married/engaged in early 20's

Claire121

To follow on from the 'single people' thread, I recently joined Bebo (yes I know it's juvenile and I'm about 5 years late on the bandwagon) and was shocked to find out that the majority of people I went to school with are engaged or already married! I felt a moment of depression/panic, as I only turned 23 in June and tend to think of myself as having loads of time to do everything I want before getting married. Only one of my friends here in Dublin is close to being engaged and everyone thinks she's mental. Is this just a country thing? I never even thought about getting married at this age, just seems so so young! :eek:

dade

shotgun weddings maybe

CountingCrows

The smaller/quieter the town, the younger people get engaged.

LouOB

I got a warm glow of smugness afew weeks ago when I seen a girl who was a right cow to me in school in a shopping centre. She had gained 2+stone, big fleece jumper, pushing around a screaming toddler in a trolley with her mother.
I was in the shop getting 'snacks' for a poker party with BF carrying the basket - smugness glow (am well aware this wont last forever and bask in the rays while I can)

Wazdakka

23 I woulda said is a bit early allright..
From what I can see from my mates anyway..its between 25 and 30 that all the madness starts..
Was at the first Wedding of the group there a few weeks ago.. but more on the way.

Damn ppl making me feel old and single :mad:

GrumPy

LouOB wrote: »

I got a warm glow of smugness afew weeks ago when I seen a girl who was a right cow to me in school in a shopping centre. She had gained 2+stone, big fleece jumper, pushing around a screaming toddler in a trolley with her mother.
I was in the shop getting 'snacks' for a poker party with BF carrying the basket - smugness glow (am well aware this wont last forever and bask in the rays while I can)

Hehe, nothing like seeing someone like that when you knew they were always going down that road.

Vegeta

Claire121 wrote: »

To follow on from the 'single people' thread, I recently joined Bebo (yes I know it's juvenile and I'm about 5 years late on the bandwagon) and was shocked to find out that the majority of people I went to school with are engaged or already married! I felt a moment of depression/panic, as I only turned 23 in June and tend to think of myself as having loads of time to do everything I want before getting married. Only one of my friends here in Dublin is close to being engaged and everyone thinks she's mental. Is this just a country thing? I never even thought about getting married at this age, just seems so so young! :eek:

Fear of the shelf maybe

do you have a pet cat and want another

have you been known to smell of cat piss?

seamus

Certainly in my experience, people living outside of cities do seem to get married much earlier. Perhaps it's a combination of a more tight-knit community (a settled feeling) and having your family close to you to put the pressure on. In Dublin, you don't really have the community thing, in fact most of us have to travel a bit to meet our friends and family, so there's less compulsion to "settle".

I'm 26 and engaged and we're the first out of all of our friends of the same age. Most of them aren't even close to that point.

It's reckoned that the age thing is cyclical though and each generation does the opposite of their parents. My parents got married young (well 23, which was lateish back then), my grandparents got married late (28), my great-grandparents got married young, etc.

So our kids will probably all be getting hitched around 20-25. In the sticks they'll be getting married at 17.

Doop

Im 24 have a large group of friends and none of them are married or engaged, some would be heading down that road with long term partners, etc, i only know of one 'aquatance' (havent seen him in a yr or 2) who is engaged, theres nothing wrong with it but i would be surprised with people our age getting married!

my 2c!

Fyi bebo is cr*p, facebook is king (and yes i have profiles on both, really need to grow up!))

Claire121

Nope not shotgun weddings, these are big planned weddings, they're all building houses and the works! My sister says they've nothing better to do Maybe it is the fact it's a small town and small pool of partners choose from? I tend to think there's a whole world out there, I don't know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing, couldn't imagine settling down at 23. Scary stuff!!!!

Dudess

Yeah it depends on the community, but even at that, 23 seems particularly young. People I know from rural areas in Cork say there's a major "settling down" culture all right, but more like from 25 on.

Don't worry OP, you've absolutely nothing to panic about. I'm 30 and out of my circle of friends, one couple are settled (he's nearly 31, she's 29) and that's because they have a child. Before she got pregnant they weren't even living together.

here.from.day.1

You'd be surprised how many people stick down they're married or engaged on that thing, just if they have been going out with some one for a good while, or even if they're single!

connundrum

I'm 24 and engaged. All going well I'll be married before I'm 26.

That said I'll be the first one out of my school and college class to get married afaik.

Different strokes for different folks tbh.

Femelade

i'm not too sure if its a country thing, i'm from the country, and out of my group of school friends only 2 got married at 28.
Out of my boyfriends circle of friends, one one of them is married, and the rest of them are between 30 - 35.

tribulus

If things stay the same I'll probably be married in about 5 years or so lol so I'd be 27/28.

Maybe it's just this generation has more money and opportunities than their parents did so want to spend more time traveling and arseing about in college before they get serious.

faceman

Different strokes for different folks i guess. I suppose that people with childhood sweethearts would be quicker to get spliced than us normal folk?

tribulus

faceman wrote: »

Different strokes for different folks i guess. I suppose that people with childhood sweethearts would be quicker to get spliced than us normal folk?

Lol, yeah those freaks are always getting married earlier :pac:

dade

Claire121 wrote: »

Nope not shotgun weddings,

well if it was the back of nowhere in the US i'd say it was for the sex

kelle

When I went to my 10 year school reunion in 1998, only 2 of us married out of a class of 120 (that included myself) and 2 were parents (not including myself). I was 28 then. Now our 20 year reunion is being planned and nearly everybody is married with children.

barbiegirl

In my early twenties I looked at my debs group photo and like the op the vast majority of the girls were engaged, buying houses, getting married etc. Now in my early 30's I know a lot of them never made the altar including me!!). It's just the done thing I think, you go out with someone for so long and then the next thing is to be engaged, then married. Sometimes they don't sit back til it's too late to make sure they are marrying for the right reason. I did thank god and moved on.
Remember as well in a small town it's much harder to split with someone as you will always run into them, they're new girl etc etc.
That said sometimes it works my sister met her oh at 14, engaged at 18, first son at 23, married at 25, now at 31 still happy with her man.
Don't panic, my best years were after 23 :-) Met Mr Barbie at 29, 33 now and getting married in 2 1/2 weeks. Enjoy your life and just let the others live theirs how they want to.

Gran Hermano

As already mentioned I agree it's a rural versus urban difference.

There is also a difference amongst those who have attended university
and those who have entered the workplace straight after school, with
graduates marrying later on average.

Claire121

It could maybe just be a Northern thing, because I don't know anyone down here getting engaged so young, even in small towns! Marriage just seems so grown up! I'm with the BF 2 years and not even THINKING about getting engaged, I'd say he's pretty relieved! :P

taidghbaby

i dont see what the problem is!

get married 21/23....have a few sprogs, get divorced 10/15 yrs later and start again.....is this not what the celtic tiger was all about :rolleyes:

KnifeWRENCH

Both my Mam and my sister were 23 when they got married (in 1981 and 2005 respectively.) It is young, but I don't think it's too young. If they're happy settling down, then why not?

suzziebee

My older sister got married at 21 everybody said she was mad but 2 years on they are still strong
i guess they just knew that they were meant to be together as one.

Crumble Froo

meh, im practically married and im only 20. have moved across the world to live with him, and have absolutely no reason or intention to leave him anytime soon. working on getting residency now. never dreamt twould happen me, but woo, about time i struck lucky

JangoFett

Claire121 wrote: »

To follow on from the 'single people' thread, I recently joined Bebo (yes I know it's juvenile and I'm about 5 years late on the bandwagon) and was shocked to find out that the majority of people I went to school with are engaged or already married! I felt a moment of depression/panic, as I only turned 23 in June and tend to think of myself as having loads of time to do everything I want before getting married. Only one of my friends here in Dublin is close to being engaged and everyone thinks she's mental. Is this just a country thing? I never even thought about getting married at this age, just seems so so young! :eek:

My cousin, who's 26, just got married, his bride is about 26 as well.
My brother, 25, just got engaged to a 23 year old. I think they're all mad, but its their thing I guess

I'm completely against marriage anyway, waste of money, a wedding can cost up to €40,000, and that, is insanity. Thats a downpayment on a freakin house like!!

A_M101

I've been noticing a huge backlash towards younger weddings of late. is that getting all fashionable or something?

Dudess

I don't think there's a backlash, more surprise and puzzlement at the fact people would choose to do this so young when there's no rush. Of course marriage doesn't stop you from going travelling, pursuing further studies etc (although you could be in quite a bit of debt for a while after the wedding)... but babies and a mortgage do.

Claire121 wrote: »

It could maybe just be a Northern thing, because I don't know anyone down here getting engaged so young, even in small towns! Marriage just seems so grown up! I'm with the BF 2 years and not even THINKING about getting engaged, I'd say he's pretty relieved! :P

Actually, a girl I know from County Tyrone was telling me when she was 22 (two years ago) that several of her friends were engaged. That's only one town in the North though.

square_igloo wrote: »

Both my Mam and my sister were 23 when they got married (in 1981 and 2005 respectively.) It is young, but I don't think it's too young.

Depends on the person. It certainly would have been too young for me.

If they're happy settling down, then why not?

Agreed.

Creamy Goodness

it's going to be a long long time before i even think of getting married. so many things to do first.

Dudess

I suppose it's a case of letting the heart rule the head - and most of us are guilty of doing that at some stage.

Claire121

Actually, a girl I know from County Tyrone was telling me when she was 22 (two years ago) that several of her friends were engaged. That's only one town in the North though.

Can I ask what town? Cos that's where I'm from! Is there something in the water in Tyrone?

I wouldn't be surprised if it were one or two people, the ones who've been going out with their other half for 7-8 years and decide to tie the knot, but it's literally MOST of my class. There's nothing wrong with it at all but it's just scary to think I'm old enough to be doing the same. I don't feel anywhere near ready or mature enough to do the whole house, mortgage and kids thing. I'm not particularly immature, it's not like I spend my life going out on the p*ss but I feel like there's so much more left to do. I've already lived abroad and all but it isn't out of my system yet at all, I want to go to many more places and do many more things before I settle down. But then I never did intend to stay in that town and don't see myself ever going back, so my mentality is probably vastly different to people who were/are happy there.

Terry

Three of my friends were married over the last couple of years. They are all in their late 20's/ Early 30's. I don't know anyone who was married in their early 20's.

Dudess

Claire121 wrote: »

Can I ask what town? Cos that's where I'm from! Is there something in the water in Tyrone?

Mental! It's either Omagh or somewhere near it.

I think there comes a point in any relationship where you to **** or get off the pot.

It makes a hell of alot more sense to get married and settle at that age Than it does to start making commitments, sacrifices, and making serious life changing choices on the basis of living with someone.

shenanigans1982

I think a lot of people do it because other people are expecting them to do it.

I am 26 and have been with my girlfriend since I was 18 and I dread seeing all of my family at Christmas and family occassions because we constantly get the questions about wedding, kids etc to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. Even the ones that have been with their OH longer than I have think it's great to get in on the act. Also every time we go away somewhere everybody expects us to be engaged. Maybe if we keep disappointing them it will stop but I doubt it.

I have no desire to get married but my girlfriend seems keen on the idea and I would probably go through with it for her but have no intention of rushing into it.

jvc

I have 2 weddings coming up soon. One lad is 21 the other is 22! I cant understand it tbh. They will be stuck with them long enough!:D

StormWarrior

I'm 24 and absolutely nowhere near ready for marriage. My last boyfriend was constantly hinting that he would propose and I made it quite clear that that idea did not fill me with relish. I don't think I'll ever be ready for kids. I only have one friend who's married (because she got pregnant and has another on the way.) My friends have been having kids one by one since we were 18 though! And all of them say they wish they had waited at least 10 years. I am happy being free and single and I intend to remain this way for years yet!

useful_contacts

suzziebee wrote: »

My older sister got married at 21 everybody said she was mad but 2 years on they are still strong
i guess they just knew that they were meant to be together as one.

im 23 in October- met my fiance when i was 18- got engaged 4 months later, and now nearly 5 years later dont even want to THINK about a wedding for at least another 5 years, why people get married at 21 ill never know

no offence 2 ur sis

Clytus

I got married at 25..and had my son at 29. I suppose it depends on circumstance. Iv been with my missus since we were both 20 (11 years now),and bought our first house when we were 23...once your settled into a long term relationship and have done some of the grown up things..like buying a house together it just kinda makes sense to do the next thing on the "list".

kowloon

Know of people in their early twenties who married and settled down, some before they had kids. Also know of people with kids who refuse to get married or live together because of state benefits.
I'm going to wait for a while longer until the women are more desperate and I seem more appealing .

snickerpuss

I started going out with my OH when I was 15 and I'm now 22 (he's 23) and I have no desire to get married or engaged. The thought actually makes me feel queasy. Bleh. If we ever did get married we'd literally be going out for at least a decade.

Where I'm from it's pretty normal to have a few kids by now or at least be engaged so I think I'm sticking out as an oddity at the moment.

Nightwish

Quite a few of the people I went to school with are married (I'm 25 btw) and even people who are younger than me. It does freak me out a little, but I do know that if I were in a position to get married I would. My little sister bought a house with her boyfriend when she was 21 and she's got no intention of getting married despite the hints her mother in law keeps dropping.

ninty9er

I'm 21, not much of a ladies man, never had a girlfriend, but would like to be married before 25/26 (I know I kinda need to get finding some people).

I'd like to be married before I have kids and have them all gone through college (if they wish) before I hit retirement age. That realistically gives a 15 year window between 25-40 to have kids.

Financially though, doing that would be painful as I'll most likely train as an accountant when I finish college, which a a below minimum wage job for 3 years landing me at 24 with a minimum wage job and no savings.

I've thought about this way too much. Myself and friends have even had gthe conversation, even one couple in the group are the youngest and practically married.

I DEFINITELY NEED TO GET OUT MORE

Publin

seamus wrote: »

Certainly in my experience, people living outside of cities do seem to get married much earlier.

And usually to one of their relatives :pac:.

useful_contacts wrote: »

im 23 in October- met my fiance when i was 18- got engaged 4 months later, and now nearly 5 years later dont even want to THINK about a wedding for at least another 5 years, why people get married at 21 ill never know

no offence 2 ur sis

I don't really get why peope going out 5 years + aren't married tbh. Always struck me as weird. You're practically married anyway IMO.

snickerpuss

Maybe they can't afford to? Going out with the other half 6 and a half years and we can't even afford to live together (both in college)

sprinkles

It always strikes me as weird that people automatically assume you should get married. If it weren't for the tax incentives I wouldn't even dream of it.

Getting married isn't about money.
I'd much rather have the piece of paper and what it signifies than the day out.

Epic Tissue

Different strokes for different folks!

Publin

Fair enough if you can't afford it, I suppose you would want the "big day" as opposed to just getting the official papers with a registry office ceremony and a weekend in a B&B

Sprinkles: Why would you NOT get married?? If you're going out that long I mean...

sprinkles

I really don't see the point. If you love someone why do you need a piece of paper to prove it? Maybe I'll feel different when pressured into it but at the mo I can't see myself ever standing at the alter.

EDIT: @Moonbaby - the day spent with family and friends would mean more to me than the cert anyday. Life is about memories, not certificates.... imo.

This thread scares the bejaysus outta me. anything under 30 is pure madness!