Married/engaged in early 20's

Claire121 · 08-08-2008 05:21PM

Actually, a girl I know from County Tyrone was telling me when she was 22 (two years ago) that several of her friends were engaged. That's only one town in the North though.

Can I ask what town? Cos that's where I'm from! Is there something in the water in Tyrone?

I wouldn't be surprised if it were one or two people, the ones who've been going out with their other half for 7-8 years and decide to tie the knot, but it's literally MOST of my class. There's nothing wrong with it at all but it's just scary to think I'm old enough to be doing the same. I don't feel anywhere near ready or mature enough to do the whole house, mortgage and kids thing. I'm not particularly immature, it's not like I spend my life going out on the p*ss but I feel like there's so much more left to do. I've already lived abroad and all but it isn't out of my system yet at all, I want to go to many more places and do many more things before I settle down. But then I never did intend to stay in that town and don't see myself ever going back, so my mentality is probably vastly different to people who were/are happy there.

Terry · 08-08-2008 05:26PM

Three of my friends were married over the last couple of years. They are all in their late 20's/ Early 30's. I don't know anyone who was married in their early 20's.

Dudess · 08-08-2008 05:49PM

Claire121 wrote: »

Can I ask what town? Cos that's where I'm from! Is there something in the water in Tyrone?

Mental! It's either Omagh or somewhere near it.

08-08-2008 07:07PM

I think there comes a point in any relationship where you to **** or get off the pot.

It makes a hell of alot more sense to get married and settle at that age Than it does to start making commitments, sacrifices, and making serious life changing choices on the basis of living with someone.

shenanigans1982 · 08-08-2008 07:38PM

I think a lot of people do it because other people are expecting them to do it.

I am 26 and have been with my girlfriend since I was 18 and I dread seeing all of my family at Christmas and family occassions because we constantly get the questions about wedding, kids etc to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. Even the ones that have been with their OH longer than I have think it's great to get in on the act. Also every time we go away somewhere everybody expects us to be engaged. Maybe if we keep disappointing them it will stop but I doubt it.

I have no desire to get married but my girlfriend seems keen on the idea and I would probably go through with it for her but have no intention of rushing into it.

jvc · 08-08-2008 08:47PM

I have 2 weddings coming up soon. One lad is 21 the other is 22! I cant understand it tbh. They will be stuck with them long enough!:D

StormWarrior · 08-08-2008 08:54PM

I'm 24 and absolutely nowhere near ready for marriage. My last boyfriend was constantly hinting that he would propose and I made it quite clear that that idea did not fill me with relish. I don't think I'll ever be ready for kids. I only have one friend who's married (because she got pregnant and has another on the way.) My friends have been having kids one by one since we were 18 though! And all of them say they wish they had waited at least 10 years. I am happy being free and single and I intend to remain this way for years yet!

useful_contacts · 08-08-2008 08:56PM

suzziebee wrote: »

My older sister got married at 21 everybody said she was mad but 2 years on they are still strong
i guess they just knew that they were meant to be together as one.

im 23 in October- met my fiance when i was 18- got engaged 4 months later, and now nearly 5 years later dont even want to THINK about a wedding for at least another 5 years, why people get married at 21 ill never know

no offence 2 ur sis

Clytus · 08-08-2008 08:57PM

I got married at 25..and had my son at 29. I suppose it depends on circumstance. Iv been with my missus since we were both 20 (11 years now),and bought our first house when we were 23...once your settled into a long term relationship and have done some of the grown up things..like buying a house together it just kinda makes sense to do the next thing on the "list".

kowloon · 08-08-2008 09:42PM

Know of people in their early twenties who married and settled down, some before they had kids. Also know of people with kids who refuse to get married or live together because of state benefits.
I'm going to wait for a while longer until the women are more desperate and I seem more appealing

.

snickerpuss · 08-08-2008 10:44PM

I started going out with my OH when I was 15 and I'm now 22 (he's 23) and I have no desire to get married or engaged. The thought actually makes me feel queasy. Bleh. If we ever did get married we'd literally be going out for at least a decade.

Where I'm from it's pretty normal to have a few kids by now or at least be engaged so I think I'm sticking out as an oddity at the moment.

Nightwish · 08-08-2008 11:31PM

Quite a few of the people I went to school with are married (I'm 25 btw) and even people who are younger than me. It does freak me out a little, but I do know that if I were in a position to get married I would. My little sister bought a house with her boyfriend when she was 21 and she's got no intention of getting married despite the hints her mother in law keeps dropping.

ninty9er · 09-08-2008 12:12AM

I'm 21, not much of a ladies man, never had a girlfriend, but would like to be married before 25/26 (I know I kinda need to get finding some people).

I'd like to be married before I have kids and have them all gone through college (if they wish) before I hit retirement age. That realistically gives a 15 year window between 25-40 to have kids.

Financially though, doing that would be painful as I'll most likely train as an accountant when I finish college, which a a below minimum wage job for 3 years landing me at 24 with a minimum wage job and no savings.

I've thought about this way too much. Myself and friends have even had gthe conversation, even one couple in the group are the youngest and practically married.

I DEFINITELY NEED TO GET OUT MORE

Publin · 09-08-2008 12:27AM

seamus wrote: »

Certainly in my experience, people living outside of cities do seem to get married much earlier.

And usually to one of their relatives :pac:.

useful_contacts wrote: »

im 23 in October- met my fiance when i was 18- got engaged 4 months later, and now nearly 5 years later dont even want to THINK about a wedding for at least another 5 years, why people get married at 21 ill never know

no offence 2 ur sis

I don't really get why peope going out 5 years + aren't married tbh. Always struck me as weird. You're practically married anyway IMO.

snickerpuss · 09-08-2008 12:32AM

Maybe they can't afford to? Going out with the other half 6 and a half years and we can't even afford to live together (both in college)

sprinkles · 09-08-2008 12:34AM

It always strikes me as weird that people automatically assume you should get married. If it weren't for the tax incentives I wouldn't even dream of it.

09-08-2008 12:35AM

Getting married isn't about money.
I'd much rather have the piece of paper and what it signifies than the day out.

Epic Tissue · 09-08-2008 12:37AM

Different strokes for different folks!

Publin · 09-08-2008 12:37AM

Fair enough if you can't afford it, I suppose you would want the "big day" as opposed to just getting the official papers with a registry office ceremony and a weekend in a B&B

Sprinkles: Why would you NOT get married?? If you're going out that long I mean...

sprinkles · 09-08-2008 12:40AM

I really don't see the point. If you love someone why do you need a piece of paper to prove it? Maybe I'll feel different when pressured into it

but at the mo I can't see myself ever standing at the alter.

EDIT: @Moonbaby - the day spent with family and friends would mean more to me than the cert anyday. Life is about memories, not certificates.... imo.

This thread scares the bejaysus outta me. anything under 30 is pure madness!

snickerpuss · 09-08-2008 12:40AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Getting married isn't about money.
I'd much rather have the piece of paper and what it signifies than the day out.

Yep I agree. I worked with a chick who was 22 like myself, had just bought a house and already spent €40,000 on her wedding. Everytime she mentioned it I felt a little queasy.

I just couldn't spend loads of money on a wedding. I'm happy to have something small and special. I'd rather spend money on a great honeymoon.

09-08-2008 12:46AM

sprinkles wrote: »

I really don't see the point. If you love someone why do you need a piece of paper to prove it? Maybe I'll feel different when pressured into it but at the mo I can't see myself ever standing at the alter.

EDIT: @Moonbaby - the day spent with family and friends would mean more to me than the cert anyday. Life is about memories, not certificates.... imo.

This thread scares the bejaysus outta me. anything under 30 is pure madness!

My babymaking equipment is not available to the rental market.
Simple as.

LolaLuv · 09-08-2008 12:46AM

sprinkles wrote: »

This thread scares the bejaysus outta me. anything under 30 is pure madness!

Haha, QFT! I don't understand young marriages either. I'm 24, from rural Pennsylvania, and I'd say most of the people I graduated from high school with are at least engaged. Many have 1 or 2 kids, are married, and some are even getting divorced already. I don't understand it at all, but I think it must be a rural area thing. People from areas like mine don't see the world that exists outside of this shithole, don't realize the opportunities they're missing by getting married early, and therefore don't see it as a stifling thing. The idea of getting married before 30 really does nauseate me.

Publin · 09-08-2008 12:47AM

sprinkles wrote: »

I really don't see the point. If you love someone why do you need a piece of paper to prove it? Maybe I'll feel different when pressured into it but at the mo I can't see myself ever standing at the alter.

This thread scares the bejaysus outta me. anything under 30 is pure madness!

Well, as you said, tax reasons for one, and also the statement you're making i.e. you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person.

Just strikes me as a bit odd when people are going out years and years and don't get married. Bah, maybe it's just me

.

sprinkles · 09-08-2008 12:48AM

Sorry perhaps took Moonbaby up wrong - I also don't see the point in spending ridiculous money on entertaining half relative you haven't met since you were a toddler. A friend of mine from work had the right idea. Off to Italy with him for a week and instead of presents he just asked his closest friends (and hers of course) and family to come with them. Small wedding out there and off on holidays for 2 weeks after it. If I'm doing it, it'll be something like that.

Chinafoot · 09-08-2008 12:56AM

Next door neighbour is 24 and she got married just after christmas. They've been together about 7 years.

Friend from college is 22 and she got married 2 weeks ago. They've been together less than 2 years and were engaged after 5 months.

The latter example baffles me. Way too soon. Personally I think you should live with your partner for a few years before making that commitment.

09-08-2008 01:02AM

2 years is plenty of time.

gogo · 09-08-2008 01:02AM

I've been married three years now, was 26 at time, and felt really young, but with my oh 10 years and we finally could afford it, so it seemed like the natural step. On our marriage course they were two eighteen year olds, who were unable to hold a conversation together, going out one year and only met up at the weekends, ffs have these people no parents?
i think you need to have some sort of maturity to make the decision, I believe marriage is for life and those two have probably split up by now. i could have given them they're odds at the time.
On a side note, our wedding cost over 30k (and that was by cutting corners) - the nicest part - the mass - which was overwhelming, touching and stills makes me cry when I watch the dvd.:o
You know how much the church cost - nothing. a couple of euros for alter boys, etc, money for music, it was the rest which had my cheque book running for cover.
And just when you get the wedding out of the way...
... your expected to have a gaggle of kids running after you, as I have none, people think there is something wrong with me. Keep getting asked if i'm 'ok' .It never ends...

Chinafoot · 09-08-2008 01:03AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

2 years is plenty of time.

Not when the majority of that time has been spent focusing solely on organising the big day....oh and living together for a whole 9 months. It'll be 2 years in October.

09-08-2008 01:06AM

Chinafoot wrote: »

Not when the majority of that time has been spent focusing solely on organising the big day....oh and living together for a whole 9 months. It'll be 2 years in October.

Thats alot of pressure for a relationship to withstand in a short space of time. They must be well met.

I completely disagree with the idea that living together gives a marraige a better chance.

Married/engaged in early 20's

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