Married/engaged in early 20's

Claire121 · 08-08-2008 12:28PM #1

To follow on from the 'single people' thread, I recently joined Bebo (yes I know it's juvenile and I'm about 5 years late on the bandwagon) and was shocked to find out that the majority of people I went to school with are engaged or already married! I felt a moment of depression/panic, as I only turned 23 in June and tend to think of myself as having loads of time to do everything I want before getting married. Only one of my friends here in Dublin is close to being engaged and everyone thinks she's mental. Is this just a country thing? I never even thought about getting married at this age, just seems so so young! :eek:

dade · 08-08-2008 12:30PM

shotgun weddings maybe

CountingCrows · 08-08-2008 12:31PM

The smaller/quieter the town, the younger people get engaged.

LouOB · 08-08-2008 12:31PM

I got a warm glow of smugness afew weeks ago when I seen a girl who was a right cow to me in school in a shopping centre. She had gained 2+stone, big fleece jumper, pushing around a screaming toddler in a trolley with her mother.
I was in the shop getting 'snacks' for a poker party with BF carrying the basket - smugness glow (am well aware this wont last forever and bask in the rays while I can)

Wazdakka · 08-08-2008 12:32PM

23 I woulda said is a bit early allright..
From what I can see from my mates anyway..its between 25 and 30 that all the madness starts..
Was at the first Wedding of the group there a few weeks ago.. but more on the way.

Damn ppl making me feel old and single :mad:

GrumPy · 08-08-2008 12:33PM

LouOB wrote: »

I got a warm glow of smugness afew weeks ago when I seen a girl who was a right cow to me in school in a shopping centre. She had gained 2+stone, big fleece jumper, pushing around a screaming toddler in a trolley with her mother.
I was in the shop getting 'snacks' for a poker party with BF carrying the basket - smugness glow (am well aware this wont last forever and bask in the rays while I can)

Hehe, nothing like seeing someone like that when you knew they were always going down that road.

Vegeta · 08-08-2008 12:35PM

Claire121 wrote: »

To follow on from the 'single people' thread, I recently joined Bebo (yes I know it's juvenile and I'm about 5 years late on the bandwagon) and was shocked to find out that the majority of people I went to school with are engaged or already married! I felt a moment of depression/panic, as I only turned 23 in June and tend to think of myself as having loads of time to do everything I want before getting married. Only one of my friends here in Dublin is close to being engaged and everyone thinks she's mental. Is this just a country thing? I never even thought about getting married at this age, just seems so so young! :eek:

Fear of the shelf maybe

do you have a pet cat and want another

have you been known to smell of cat piss?

seamus · 08-08-2008 12:35PM

Certainly in my experience, people living outside of cities do seem to get married much earlier. Perhaps it's a combination of a more tight-knit community (a settled feeling) and having your family close to you to put the pressure on. In Dublin, you don't really have the community thing, in fact most of us have to travel a bit to meet our friends and family, so there's less compulsion to "settle".

I'm 26 and engaged and we're the first out of all of our friends of the same age. Most of them aren't even close to that point.

It's reckoned that the age thing is cyclical though and each generation does the opposite of their parents. My parents got married young (well 23, which was lateish back then), my grandparents got married late (28), my great-grandparents got married young, etc.

So our kids will probably all be getting hitched around 20-25. In the sticks they'll be getting married at 17.

Doop · 08-08-2008 12:35PM

Im 24 have a large group of friends and none of them are married or engaged, some would be heading down that road with long term partners, etc, i only know of one 'aquatance' (havent seen him in a yr or 2) who is engaged, theres nothing wrong with it but i would be surprised with people our age getting married!

my 2c!

Fyi bebo is cr*p, facebook is king (and yes i have profiles on both, really need to grow up!))

Claire121 · 08-08-2008 12:36PM

Nope not shotgun weddings, these are big planned weddings, they're all building houses and the works! My sister says they've nothing better to do

Maybe it is the fact it's a small town and small pool of partners choose from? I tend to think there's a whole world out there, I don't know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing, couldn't imagine settling down at 23. Scary stuff!!!!

Dudess · 08-08-2008 12:46PM

Yeah it depends on the community, but even at that, 23 seems particularly young. People I know from rural areas in Cork say there's a major "settling down" culture all right, but more like from 25 on.

Don't worry OP, you've absolutely nothing to panic about. I'm 30 and out of my circle of friends, one couple are settled (he's nearly 31, she's 29) and that's because they have a child. Before she got pregnant they weren't even living together.

here.from.day.1 · 08-08-2008 12:50PM

You'd be surprised how many people stick down they're married or engaged on that thing, just if they have been going out with some one for a good while, or even if they're single!

connundrum · 08-08-2008 12:53PM

I'm 24 and engaged. All going well I'll be married before I'm 26.

That said I'll be the first one out of my school and college class to get married afaik.

Different strokes for different folks tbh.

Femelade · 08-08-2008 12:59PM

i'm not too sure if its a country thing, i'm from the country, and out of my group of school friends only 2 got married at 28.
Out of my boyfriends circle of friends, one one of them is married, and the rest of them are between 30 - 35.

tribulus · 08-08-2008 01:09PM

If things stay the same I'll probably be married in about 5 years or so lol so I'd be 27/28.

Maybe it's just this generation has more money and opportunities than their parents did so want to spend more time traveling and arseing about in college before they get serious.

faceman · 08-08-2008 01:13PM

Different strokes for different folks i guess. I suppose that people with childhood sweethearts would be quicker to get spliced than us normal folk?

tribulus · 08-08-2008 01:14PM

faceman wrote: »

Different strokes for different folks i guess. I suppose that people with childhood sweethearts would be quicker to get spliced than us normal folk?

Lol, yeah those freaks are always getting married earlier :pac:

dade · 08-08-2008 01:49PM

Claire121 wrote: »

Nope not shotgun weddings,

well if it was the back of nowhere in the US i'd say it was for the sex

kelle · 08-08-2008 01:56PM

When I went to my 10 year school reunion in 1998, only 2 of us married out of a class of 120 (that included myself) and 2 were parents (not including myself). I was 28 then. Now our 20 year reunion is being planned and nearly everybody is married with children.

barbiegirl · 08-08-2008 02:02PM

In my early twenties I looked at my debs group photo and like the op the vast majority of the girls were engaged, buying houses, getting married etc. Now in my early 30's I know a lot of them never made the altar including me!!). It's just the done thing I think, you go out with someone for so long and then the next thing is to be engaged, then married. Sometimes they don't sit back til it's too late to make sure they are marrying for the right reason. I did thank god and moved on.
Remember as well in a small town it's much harder to split with someone as you will always run into them, they're new girl etc etc.
That said sometimes it works my sister met her oh at 14, engaged at 18, first son at 23, married at 25, now at 31 still happy with her man.
Don't panic, my best years were after 23 :-) Met Mr Barbie at 29, 33 now and getting married in 2 1/2 weeks. Enjoy your life and just let the others live theirs how they want to.

Gran Hermano · 08-08-2008 02:07PM

As already mentioned I agree it's a rural versus urban difference.

There is also a difference amongst those who have attended university
and those who have entered the workplace straight after school, with
graduates marrying later on average.

Claire121 · 08-08-2008 02:08PM

It could maybe just be a Northern thing, because I don't know anyone down here getting engaged so young, even in small towns! Marriage just seems so grown up! I'm with the BF 2 years and not even THINKING about getting engaged, I'd say he's pretty relieved! :P

taidghbaby · 08-08-2008 02:19PM

i dont see what the problem is!

get married 21/23....have a few sprogs, get divorced 10/15 yrs later and start again.....is this not what the celtic tiger was all about :rolleyes:

KnifeWRENCH · 08-08-2008 02:48PM

Both my Mam and my sister were 23 when they got married (in 1981 and 2005 respectively.) It is young, but I don't think it's too young. If they're happy settling down, then why not?

suzziebee · 08-08-2008 02:51PM

My older sister got married at 21 everybody said she was mad but 2 years on they are still strong
i guess they just knew that they were meant to be together as one.

Crumble Froo · 08-08-2008 02:57PM

meh, im practically married and im only 20. have moved across the world to live with him, and have absolutely no reason or intention to leave him anytime soon. working on getting residency now. never dreamt twould happen me, but woo, about time i struck lucky

JangoFett · 08-08-2008 02:58PM

Claire121 wrote: »

To follow on from the 'single people' thread, I recently joined Bebo (yes I know it's juvenile and I'm about 5 years late on the bandwagon) and was shocked to find out that the majority of people I went to school with are engaged or already married! I felt a moment of depression/panic, as I only turned 23 in June and tend to think of myself as having loads of time to do everything I want before getting married. Only one of my friends here in Dublin is close to being engaged and everyone thinks she's mental. Is this just a country thing? I never even thought about getting married at this age, just seems so so young! :eek:

My cousin, who's 26, just got married, his bride is about 26 as well.
My brother, 25, just got engaged to a 23 year old. I think they're all mad, but its their thing I guess

I'm completely against marriage anyway, waste of money, a wedding can cost up to €40,000, and that, is insanity. Thats a downpayment on a freakin house like!!

A_M101 · 08-08-2008 03:00PM

I've been noticing a huge backlash towards younger weddings of late. is that getting all fashionable or something?

Dudess · 08-08-2008 04:08PM

I don't think there's a backlash, more surprise and puzzlement at the fact people would choose to do this so young when there's no rush. Of course marriage doesn't stop you from going travelling, pursuing further studies etc (although you could be in quite a bit of debt for a while after the wedding)... but babies and a mortgage do.

Claire121 wrote: »

It could maybe just be a Northern thing, because I don't know anyone down here getting engaged so young, even in small towns! Marriage just seems so grown up! I'm with the BF 2 years and not even THINKING about getting engaged, I'd say he's pretty relieved! :P

Actually, a girl I know from County Tyrone was telling me when she was 22 (two years ago) that several of her friends were engaged. That's only one town in the North though.

square_igloo wrote: »

Both my Mam and my sister were 23 when they got married (in 1981 and 2005 respectively.) It is young, but I don't think it's too young.

Depends on the person. It certainly would have been too young for me.

If they're happy settling down, then why not?

Agreed.

Creamy Goodness · 08-08-2008 04:57PM

it's going to be a long long time before i even think of getting married. so many things to do first.

Dudess · 08-08-2008 05:19PM

I suppose it's a case of letting the heart rule the head - and most of us are guilty of doing that at some stage.

Married/engaged in early 20's

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