Howeya-isms

IvaBigWun · 31-07-2008 09:30PM

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

I love that story. Promise its true????:D

GI in rare dumb blonde moment! :eek:

rstans · 31-07-2008 09:59PM

This is one I overheard myself here in Limerick. Outside McDonalds of a Saturday afternoon, a shower of Moyrosstitutes (ladies from the fine suburb of Moyross), all wearing tracksuits and stillettoes and pushing prams.
One had just recently had a baby and the others were all admiring said little chap. The usual comments were passed, "aaah, he's gorgeous, he's just like his daddy etc" when Proud Mammy pipes up with "Yeah, and you should see the langer on him!"
I damn near pi***d meself in the middle of O'Connell Street.

antodeco · 31-07-2008 10:08PM

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead was on a bus once doing the moderate level crossword in one of the Sunday papers. Got stuck on 4 across "To tar everyone with the same brush", ten letters.

Dirty rotten stinkin howya in a dirty rotten stinkin tracksuit who was sitting in the seat behind, tapped Pighead on the shoulder and in the dirtiest rottenist stinkin Dublin accent uttered "generalise". "Cheers bud" said Pighead. And with that the crossword was done. Will never forget it.

Pity the answer was "stereotype"!!!

Ross_Mahon · 31-07-2008 10:20PM

I was walking past two scanger girls hanging about the shops

Asho- "Have ye got a smoke mister?"
Me- "No sorry, I don't smoke"
Asho- "I WASNT ASKIN YE IF YOU SMOKED, I WAS ASKING DID U HAVE ONE!"
Me- "Why the **** would i have a smoke if i don't smoke"
Mary- "The cheek of him!"

They always have something to say...

sam34 · 31-07-2008 10:29PM

antodeco wrote: »

Pity the answer was "stereotype"!!!

excellent!
and the post of the day goes to....

msg11 · 01-08-2008 03:00AM

Dunno if this fits in here.

But had a customer in the other day; Looking for the tin foil

.

the skag"alllllrrriiii mann, where de ye keep ta tin foil?"

me "it is down here, I will bring you too it"

I knew what he was using it for, Decide to try some light conversation! :pac:

me "so what type of cake are ye baking?"

the skag "

"

Absolutely priceless.

Some images too join the thread...

Snopp dogg

BraziliaNZ · 01-08-2008 03:46AM

so do they still wear tracksuits in Dublin?

Xavi6 · 01-08-2008 03:57AM

My mate (a fellow boardsie) told me this story.

Not sure anyone remembers but a while back some looper was threatening to hang himself off the side of the Liffey in town. My mate's Dad is a copper and was down there.

Anyway, they were tryin to calm your man down and get him to come off the edge and were communicationg via mobile phone. It was right outside the four courts and coincidentally some skanger was being taken in for a trial. He surveyed the scene and shouted over, "Here garda, if he jumps can I've his phone?"!

Classic!

Captain Ginger · 01-08-2008 09:55AM

A PD election poster with the rather voluptuous Mary Harney. The slogan beside her picture was "Don't throw it all away".
Someone had altered it to say "Don't throw it all away... I'll eat it"

Leeby · 01-08-2008 12:33PM

I visited a friend in James Hospital a few weeks ago and was sitting at the Luas stop waitin to head back into town. There's this little shelter thing where the local junkies hang out, there was two of them in there at the time when a group of little kids (maybe 10 years old) come along and start throwing stones at the shelter.

One of the junkies came out and started hurling abuse at them so they threw stones at him and chanted "JUNKIES OUT! JUNKIES OUT!".

One of the kids got a little close and the junkie made a grab at him shoutin "c'mere ya bollix an' I'll give ye a smack!!"

The little kid narrowly avoided his grab and legged it off shoutin "I'm not the one who needs his smack!! hahahaha!!"

stovelid · 01-08-2008 12:51PM

Not really a howeya-ism (whatever that is) but the best one I've heard of was on a bus to Tallaght, quite soon after 9/11. A Arab fella was sitting at the front of the bus with a heavily pregnant woman who had some kind of Muslim headdress on, not a burkha but enough to make it hard to see her face properly.

Two junkies were getting off, pretty wasted, and one of them said something like alright Osama to the guy and patted him unnecessarily hard on the lap. A row broke out, and one of the junkies spat at them (:()and said something along the lines of why don't you go home. To which the Muslim girl stood up, pushed aside the headdress and screamed something like I AM AT' BLEEDIN HOME, RI! in a 100% Dublin accent.

Honey-ec · 01-08-2008 01:00PM

Guy I used to go out with in the dim and distant past worked in the 9th Lock petrol station in Clondalkin. Knacker comes in, "Stoaaarry, bud, have ye got anny of dem cowboy crips???"

Rancheros.

leninbenjamin · 01-08-2008 01:06PM

Neesa wrote: »

This isn't mine but I'll share

An American family group had just arrived in Ireland at Shannon when one of their little kids went missing. After an immediate frantic but fruitless search the Grandad burst out with - “Don’t worry! The kid can’t get off the island!”

the amount of yanks who think this. here's a another. some relatives of a neighbour who ran a B&B in Dingle had this one to say:

An American party arrives in Dublin airport. they ring up the B&B to confirm their booking and at the end of the conversation the American goes "We'll be down in 20 minutes as soon as we get out of the airport".

She broke down on the phone apparently when they told how long it would take to get there. How can people do that?

John Mason · 01-08-2008 01:18PM

Probably not a right stupid but people are stupid

I had a lady on the phone in work screaming at me because money she was supposed to have received hadnt come through.

i look at the computer and it left our bank account three weeks previously.

I read the account number out to her, that she she had sent us in.

She started going nuts saying she wanted in another account and how was she supposed to know the money was going to go in to that account.

i explained to her, that she had filled in the bank details with that account number. she replied "i knew i did but then i changed my mind and i want it in the other account"

i had to ask her if she thought i telepathaic, how in gods name am i supposed to know she changed her mind !!!!!!!!!!!

WindSock · 01-08-2008 01:30PM

I always remember this one from that website:

2 skangers male and female walk into a chipper and the man says;-

'wha' r ye havin'?

-'a snack box'

'yer not havin a snack box'

-'i fookin am'

'yer noh, now wha are ye havin?

-'Get me a bleedin snack box or yer not gettin yer hoel tonigh.

The man turns around to the person behind the counter:

'Two snack boxes, ple-ase'

Gone West · 01-08-2008 01:47PM

irishbird wrote: »

Probably not a right stupid but people are stupid

I had a lady on the phone in work screaming at me because money she was supposed to have received hadnt come through.

i look at the computer and it left our bank account three weeks previously.

I read the account number out to her, that she she had sent us in.

She started going nuts saying she wanted in another account and how was she supposed to know the money was going to go in to that account.

i explained to her, that she had filled in the bank details with that account number. she replied "i knew i did but then i changed my mind and i want it in the other account"

i had to ask her if she thought i telepathaic, how in gods name am i supposed to know she changed her mind !!!!!!!!!!!

Thats just a boring story of somebody's menial job, not a howya-ism.
Windsock, that was a good one

syklops · 01-08-2008 01:59PM

Standing on Mainstreet in blackrock having a smoke, a white stretched limo pulls up, and the door opens and I get a look inside. Champagne, telly on and about eight or nine skangers inside in their finery blinged out to the max. One individual jumps out of the car and says to the others:

"Jaysus! Im dying for a bleedin slash!"

I laughed so much I got the hiccups!

balon · 01-08-2008 02:00PM

Was in a chipper on Collins Ave on a Sunday night after closing time in Kitty Kiernan's. While waiting for our order a chap more than worthy of BGRH brethrenship orders a salad burger and chips. Guy behind the counter goes back and returns saying he had no tomatoes. Fine. Comes back again to say no lettuce, when the customer very loudly goes 'Do I look like I'm here for the fookan green stuff!'

AshTrollyDolly · 04-08-2008 05:15AM

at the time of the whole lisbon treaty vote, there was a massive campaign sign of the man of the northside, Mr. Ahern. Anyway this poster was against someones railings on clonliffe road....someone had drawn a bubble conversation coming outta berties mouth sayin... "I won it on de horses"....hilarious!!!!

Fishyfreak · 04-08-2008 11:09AM

A gang of skangers standing on a street corner, a little fat kid is spotted by the gang and the start to shuffle and wait for him to walk by.

The kid is weighed down by two bags of shopping and is waddling down the street, as he passes the skangers one of them says "Yaaa liiitle faaahh F*ckerrrrr".

The kid as cool as can be stops in his tracks, calmly places his two shopping bags on the ground and replies:

"I'm only this fat 'cos everytime I ride your ma she gives me a slice of cake".

Original skanger is speechless, rest of the skangers erupt into laughter and kid picks up his bags and walks on. Brilliant!

Kernel · 04-08-2008 03:13PM

Jumpy wrote: »

Obviously a fake. No bus driver would be educated enough to know who Quasimodo was.

You shouldn't base your perceptions on intelligence on what job a person does. There are people with extremely high IQ's working ****ty factory jobs.

IvaBigWun · 04-08-2008 03:16PM

Fishyfreak wrote: »

A gang of skangers standing on a street corner, a little fat kid is spotted by the gang and the start to shuffle and wait for him to walk by.

The kid is weighed down by two bags of shopping and is waddling down the street, as he passes the skangers one of them says "Yaaa liiitle faaahh F*ckerrrrr".

The kid as cool as can be stops in his tracks, calmly places his two shopping bags on the ground and replies:

"I'm only this fat 'cos everytime I ride your ma she gives me a slice of cake".

Original skanger is speechless, rest of the skangers erupt into laughter and kid picks up his bags and walks on. Brilliant!

Genius.

chem · 04-08-2008 04:03PM

local alco in town here (call him the one man gypsy wedding, cus he can close ever pub when he is out) He desided he had enough of life and put a shotgun into his mouth. Pulled the trigger and boom. He was that wasted that he shot out the side of his check and lived.

Same bloke has a bad temper while drunk. He was in the pub and started a fight with another bloke. Before the fists started flying. The alco said to the other lad. "I`ll F**Kin KILL YEA" to which the other fella replys "sure what are yea on about yea couldn`t even kill yourself":pac:

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 04-08-2008 04:12PM

On plane to Lanzarote, while plane was flying through cloud and the sound dimmed a bit, a tough how'ya voice comes from the seat behind me.

"Here - I think we've fvckin' stopped..."

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 04-08-2008 04:15PM

syklops wrote: »

Standing on Mainstreet in blackrock having a smoke, a white stretched limo pulls up, and the door opens and I get a look inside. Champagne, telly on and about eight or nine skangers inside in their finery blinged out to the max. One individual jumps out of the car and says to the others:

"Jaysus! Im dying for a bleedin slash!"

I laughed so much I got the hiccups!

And why do you think the limo pulled up so fast...?!

razorblunt · 04-08-2008 04:57PM

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

And why do you think the limo pulled up so fast...?!

Was in a Chinese Takeaway called The Great Wall in Cork, there a few months back and they had a massive painting of The Great Wall itself hanging, anyway these "waahs" as they're called in Cork come in. Gang of about 5, one of them sees the picture and says
"**** I always thought The Great Wall was, like, ya know....Great as in height"

Waah no 2: "Wha, you mean it isn't?"

Everyone got a good laugh out of it including the rest of their group and the lads themselves.

Howeya-isms

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