What age do you become "left on the shelf"?

Dudess · 02-07-2008 10:29PM

pwd wrote: »

35 for women. They'd really want to have an emotional attachment established for a while with a partner by then. They usually stop being able to have kids around that age and stop being physically attractive

In terms of kids, not necessarily. In terms of physical attractiveness, load of crap. With respect, don't buy into that rubbish.
As an age that women are apparently no longer capable of starting a relationship with someone, 35 is appallingly young. Such a shame that attitude still exists when people are healthier, fitter and living longer than ever.

Men don't go off in the same way. I'd imagine viagra has extended the average male shelf-life a good bit more too.

Social attitudes too - women are judged far more on their looks.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2008 11:11PM

Dudess wrote: »

In terms of kids, not necessarily.

That's potentially dangerous information to be giving out. I suggest you look at birth defect/mental illness statistics for women age 35 and over.

Wurly · 02-07-2008 11:29PM

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

OP my ma is gettin married next week and she's 92!! you've still got some time (but don't wait that long).
.

That is absolutely fabulous. Good for her. How sweet.:):):)

OP, everyone's life, circumstances and encounters are different. Therefore, there simply cannot be a universal cut off point.

Life is what you make it. If you convince yourself that it wont happen for you - guess what?!

Its natural what you're feeling but chill. You're only 27 after all.

Wibbs · 02-07-2008 11:41PM

For me it boils down to this; an good looking emotionally stable and sound 35 year old is a far better bet than an average looking emotionally screwy, harpy 25 year old. Simple as that. Also you're 27. That's not even close to old.

The reality is though that for whatever reasons(biology, society etc whichever) the potential dating pool of men will ease off quicker for women than men. Also let's be honest the potential dating pool of good men dwindles even more. Plus a 45 year old bloke will have way more opportunities than a 45 year old woman in general. Yes we all know exceptions, but in general that's the case.

That's in general, but in general is rarely worth a damn. It's a nice shorthand for the bloody obvious. That's about it, but it's not gospel for you. For the individual, man or woman. Live outside the general, while being a little mindful of it. Especially the pitfalls of wrongly buying into it. Do that and no matter what age you are you'll be happier for it. I can say that I know way more 25 year olds in bad relationships, than women who found love later. Same goes for men.

Dudess · 02-07-2008 11:47PM

Godalmighty11 wrote: »

That's potentially dangerous information to be giving out. I suggest you look at birth defect/mental illness statistics for women age 35 and over.

Oh please. You'd swear I said "all women of 35 will definitely have no problem conceiving and there are no risks of birth defect/mental handicap [not illness]". I simply said "not necessarily" to someone who made the ridiculous statement that women "usually stop being able to have kids around that age" which I believe is far more "potentially dangerous information to be giving out". Is it not correct that women aren't necessarily infertile at 35? (which is what was being discussed by the way, not the risk of birth defects/disability.) Are there not women out there who are having babies at 35?

pwd wrote: »

35 for women. They'd really want to have an emotional attachment established for a while with a partner by then.

Why?

Talliesin · 03-07-2008 12:00AM

You're on the shelf when the village matchmaker says "oy vey! at this age you want a husband?!".

If you don't live in a culture with village matchmakers, then this doesn't apply, and you're pretty much good to go until you die.

Godalmighty11 wrote: »

That's potentially dangerous information to be giving out. I suggest you look at birth defect/mental illness statistics for women age 35 and over.

Did you go by CIA life-expectancy figures and move to Andorra or the UN figures and move to Japan (I assume you did one or the other, since the statistical advantage that gives to life expectancy over living in Ireland or the UK is way bigger than the statistical advantage of having a baby before 35 over after 35).

Dudess · 03-07-2008 12:06AM

OP, did you honestly think someone was going to give you an actual number? How is that even logical? So if a woman is single still by a particular age, we are somehow capable of predicting her future (a partner-less one) because of her age?

Because that's what you're asking...

radioactiveman · 03-07-2008 12:23AM

OP you're still in your 20s this is not left on the shelf by any means (sure I'll take you out for dinner!)
(only joking:)

MissHoneyBun · 03-07-2008 01:17AM

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.

See!

Damzilla · 03-07-2008 01:20AM

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.

I'm 28. Recently single and have two cats. Should I be easing myself towards the nearest shelf?:D

MissHoneyBun · 03-07-2008 01:33AM

Damzilla wrote: »

I'm 28. Recently single and have two cats. Should I be easing myself towards the nearest shelf?:D

Easing yourself towards it? Yer already on it!

Damzilla · 03-07-2008 01:46AM

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

Easing yourself towards it? Yer already on it!

Oh dear.:D

Nevyn · 03-07-2008 01:51AM

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.

See!

Charming so better miserable with someone then happy on your own, what clap trap, a phrase about fish and bicycles comes to mind.

LegacyUser · 03-07-2008 01:56AM

No I don't think I was expecting an "age"

I was just interested in hearing a few opinions on the subject. After my last relationship I feel like I need at least a year off and people - in particular my mother have expressed concern and asked "Do you think that's wise.......at your age"

Now, I know that's my mother, who is from another generation, but she got married at 27 and has always said she was very old getting married etc.

My older sister is 30 and single for at least 4 years, she's always going on about being lonely and shes on every dating website you can imagine - I just don't want to be her in 3 years time - though we have absolutley nothing in common so i don't see it happening

John Mason · 03-07-2008 08:23AM

Jeeze, what era are we living in 1800's

i think everyone should take and a deep breath and calm down.

OP you are the only person who can decide when you have been left on the shelf

personally, i have been left on the shelf for about 10 years but tbh honest i love it up here, i can look down on everyone else and laugh at their silly misguided notions and ideas

_blank_ · 03-07-2008 08:40AM

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.

Are you really that stupid?

Are you?

A woman is fúcked if she hasn't bagged a man by the time she's 30?

Idiocy of the highest order.

What age are you? About 13 I'd say.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Wibbs · 03-07-2008 08:57AM

DesF tone it well down, or it's holiday time, you know the score.

irishbird wrote: »

i think everyone should take and a deep breath and calm down.

Good advice all around

How Strange · 03-07-2008 08:59AM

OP, IMO you're left on the shelf when you believe there is a a shelf and give up trying to have a fulfilling life as an individual and decide that your self worth and reason to be is tied up with having a man and being in a relationship.

Yes, it is difficult for a woman if she wants to have a child especially as you get into your 30's but sometimes you have to look at your life and realise that the conventional 'married with kids and mortgage' might not be in your life plan, accept that and have a full and meaningful life of your own doing things that you are passionate about - whatever those interests may be.

You're 27 so just get out there and live your life. Who knows if or when you'll meet someone to share your life with but most definitely don't start believing that bullsh1t that your worth as a woman is linked to being in a relationship and getting caught up in the marriage, babies thing.

The world is full of opportunities and the only limitations are the ones we place on ourselves.

And to the posters who said that women over 35 aren't attractive, I'd have to disagree. A confident woman of 35 is far more attractive then an insecure 25 stuck in a relationship because she's too terrified to be single.

Dudess · 03-07-2008 09:23AM

DesF wrote: »

Are you really that stupid?

Are you?

A woman is fúcked if she hasn't bagged a man by the time she's 30?

Idiocy of the highest order.

What age are you? About 13 I'd say.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

To be fair, I presume (and would hope) MissHoneyBun was only messing.

I think pwd truly does believe that shyte though about women from 35 on. Ironic really considering he posted these Jimi Hendrix lyrics as advice on another PI thread:

Well I am what I am thank god
Some people just dont understand
Well help them god
Find yourself first
And then your tool
Find yourself first
Dont you be no fool

Maybe those "doomed" single 35-year-old women are applying those lyrics to their lives...

Dudess · 03-07-2008 10:03AM

How Strange wrote: »

And to the posters who said that women over 35 aren't attractive, I'd have to disagree. A confident woman of 35 is far more attractive then an insecure 25 stuck in a relationship because she's too terrified to be single.

I don't think anyone said that though. I don't think anyone here could possibly be so stupid as to believe they know how attractive/unattractive every single 35-year-old woman is.

Although one person did say women start to lose their attractiveness at 35 which is fairly stupid all right.

MissHoneyBun · 03-07-2008 02:22PM

Des, darling I do apologise for offending you. I really had no idea you were a thirty year old woman. Now, if you relaxed there for a little minute you might see that, with all due respect to the OP, it's a pretty stupid question, hence my stupid answer! See? All better now?
Seriously though, it's lunacy to try and categorise people by anything -be it age, gender, race, what biscuits they like to dunk in their tea -it doesn't work! So whereas the OP may have been looking for a vox pop to ascertain the general consensus I think he/she would do well to bear in mind that what works for YOU and keeps you happy in life will work for those with your best intentions at heart. And anybody else just isn't worth it.

Karen_* · 03-07-2008 03:35PM

wondering wrote: »

No I don't think I was expecting an "age"

I was just interested in hearing a few opinions on the subject. After my last relationship I feel like I need at least a year off and people - in particular my mother have expressed concern and asked "Do you think that's wise.......at your age"

Now, I know that's my mother, who is from another generation, but she got married at 27 and has always said she was very old getting married etc.

My older sister is 30 and single for at least 4 years, she's always going on about being lonely and shes on every dating website you can imagine - I just don't want to be her in 3 years time - though we have absolutley nothing in common so i don't see it happening

OP you are always going to be better off single than wishing you were. Not everyone in a relationship is happy and not all relationships are happy and I'd rather be on my own than with someone who cheat or is verbally or physically abusive or drinking. Being in a relationship does not validate your existance.

Relatives are well meaning but do you really need to be taking their negativity on board? And you're not your sister. And not all single people are trawling the internet or bars looking for a partner.

I know coming out of a relationship is when you feel being alone the most and thats all thats wrong with you at the moment. You just can't see yourself with anyone else or how it will happen. But you never know whats around the corner.

An old aunt of mine always used to say to me at family weddings 'it'll be you next'! I returned the favour at the last funeral:D

Karen_* · 03-07-2008 03:37PM

So are we all agreed that 35 is the new 45?

And to clarify, is 35 still classified as being left on the shelf if you've already had a relationship or should we be referring to it as 'being put back on the shelf' or 'climbed back onto the shelf 'if we were the one that broke it off?

St_Crispin · 04-07-2008 05:25PM

People are going to lambast me for this but here goes....

There is such a thing as a shelf life. There's not a definitive age, but it does happen. As you get older it gets harder to meet single members of the opposite sex. And you have less in common with those that are younger than you. Plus there's the fact that the weird ones haven't married yet. So if weird unsociable types account for 10% of the population of 20 year olds. And half of the 20 year olds are married by the time their 30, then the weirdo's account for 20% of single 30 year olds. (those figures are obviously made up, but they're just to illustrate a point). And no, I'm not talking about people who are just different (they're generally more interesting anyway) or people who are socially awkward. I mean the genuine weirdo's. Bunny biolers and devients.

It's not impossible to meet someone. There are incidents I've heard of about people in their 50's getting married. It happens. But it's not the norm.
And it doesn't mean that the person in their 30's is unattractive, undesireable or not worth the effort. Just that it's harder as you get older to meet someone.

Marksie · 04-07-2008 06:12PM

TBH the oldedr you get the more life opens up if you choose it too, and really 27 is no age at all. But it all depends on personal persepctive and whether you feel that being married having 2.4 kids, dog, cat house and all that IS the sole reason for existence.

In short it becomes an issue because you make it one and close off to any opportunites. That shelf has been the cause of so many unhappy lives as to be untrue..as miss fluff says, panic buying doent mean you get the bargain you wanted.

Personally the only shelf i will be left on is the one holding the urn containing my ashes

Ickle Magoo · 04-07-2008 10:24PM

I'm going to my Auntie's first wedding next spring...she'll be 53...:)

MissHoneyBun · 04-07-2008 10:45PM

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'm going to my Auntie's first wedding

Are you expecting a second? :pac:

Ickle Magoo · 04-07-2008 10:48PM

If I'd said "I'm going to my Auntie's wedding..." it may have been her 2nd, 3rd, 4th & she had never been on the shelf or looking for a man. I said first to emphasise that she hadn't found Mr Right until now...:)

MissHoneyBun · 05-07-2008 01:27AM

Yeah yeah I gets it, just yankin yer chain

Tony Broke · 05-07-2008 01:43AM

These threads are a joke and so common.

What is up with people today thinking they are old when they are young?

You get idiots on here saying " I am getting on a bit at 23 ffs "

OP you are still a young woman at the peak of your powers, your 27 not 47 ffs.

What age do you become "left on the shelf"?

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