What age do you become "left on the shelf"?

LegacyUser · 02-07-2008 12:34AM #1

I'm 27 and i'm not worried yet..... but having spent a few years with someone i thought was my life partner when it all fell apart suddenly i notice most of my friends are engaged if not married and although i'm very deliberatley taking a decided break from men, i wonder if i'm going to miss the boat - i don't really tend to meet guys - i've no regrets about my other relationship ending but i'm a bit scared also.

Nevyn · 02-07-2008 03:17AM

Left the shelf in terms of a relationship, love and prolly marraige there is no age as to when those things are no longer an option for you in your life.

There is unfortunatly an age where having children is no longer an option for you and that can limit the range of possible partners in terms of a relationship.

No harm in taking a break what so ever if someone is intrested they will make the effort to get to know you and woo you.

The Sweeper · 02-07-2008 03:24AM

At what age do you become "left on the shelf?"

It happens the minute you think "I've been left on the shelf."

Dont be at yourself · 02-07-2008 03:29AM

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

MagicMarker · 02-07-2008 06:23AM

My Dad's getting married next year, he'll be 54.

Call Me Jimmy · 02-07-2008 06:33AM

OP my ma is gettin married next week and she's 92!! you've still got some time (but don't wait that long).

EDIT: Forgot to say, she can't have any more kids at her age obviously.

Carrigart Exile · 02-07-2008 06:33AM

OP, left on the shelf is a state of mind where you get so set in your own ways that you would be impossible to live with. So, never let that happen, you'll never be on the shelf.

TomMc · 02-07-2008 10:01AM

Only low brow (populist) women really think or act like that. The type that would do things for the sake of it or have to have what everyone else has to feel good about themselves. Where when they get to a certain age (mid 30's), the status of marriage or having children is more important (valued) than the person they are with. They live their lives in a dull, humdrum world with their proletarian minds, so appeal only to a lesser (undiscriminating) man. Most panic in their mid 30's, so 40yrs of age would appear to be the end zone so to speak.:rolleyes:

Once you have your health, everything else in life is something of a bonus. But grab life with both hands and be positive, with a good outlook and been grateful for what you have got. Live outside your comfort zone or you will end up in negative town.

Invest in yourself, don't put your salvation in everything else (outside of yourself). A women who is independent, has lots of diverse interests (hobbies, passions), keeps in shape with some physical exercise, has a zest for life with a sense of adventure, who isn't dependent on a relationship (although would value one and would only enter one for the right reasons) is TIMELESS.

MJOR · 02-07-2008 10:29AM

Well I don't think there is an age.... These days most women have kids later and get married when they are older.

Don't measure your life by your friends.... In my group ofr example we are all at different stages from single

to engaged --- to Long termers to married with and without kids

Don't worry....

barbiegirl · 02-07-2008 10:34AM

When I was 23 and broke up a long term relationship I got the comment "I'd hate to start again at your age", when I was 27 and the next 2.5 year relationship ended my autnt said "well that's that then", my reply in both cases was I'd prefer to be alone forever than settle for 2nd best :-) When I was 29 I met my current oh and we are getting married this summer. I firmly believe there is no such thing anymore, never settle for fear of being "left on the shelf", there are many guys out there, but as you get older everyone has baggage, including you, and you must learn to be more accepting of it.

Miss Fluff · 02-07-2008 10:42AM

I think one of the worst things someone can so as a knee-jerk reaction to this being "left on the shelf" perception is to panic buy. I see an increasing number of friends and acquaintences getting married because:

a. they have been in the same relationship for so many years that it seems marriage is the next logical or expected step without really giving marriage serious thought or

b. coming out of a long relationship in their late 20s and early 30s and convincing themselves that the next guy who comes along will serve the purpose for a husband

Consequently, I've seen a number of couples after a year realising they have made a really huge mistake.

As someone rightly pointed out, you will be "left on the shelf" if you believe that shelf exists in the first place. Learn to love yourself and your own company and then a man that DESERVES you (if it's meant to be) will hopefully sweep you off your feet, so enamoured is he with your fabulousness and high self-esteem. Snap out of this type of thinking OP, it won't do you any favours.

kowloon · 02-07-2008 10:46AM

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

That's me screwed so :eek:.

John Mason · 02-07-2008 10:46AM

Once you hit 27 that's it. its all over, all your friends and family are married.

then again it could be a state of mind, if you decided that the people on the internet told a certain age where you are left on the shelf and you believe them, thats the age you will be left on the shelf

kowloon · 02-07-2008 10:50AM

irishbird wrote: »

Once you hit 27 that's it. its all over, all your friends and family are married.

then again it could be a state of mind, if you decided that the people on the internet told a certain age where you are left on the shelve and you believe them, thats the age you will be left on the shelf

WTF! :eek: You're supposed to be comforting the OP not freaking me out with thoughts of dying alone!

John Mason · 02-07-2008 10:51AM

kowloon wrote: »

WTF! :eek: You're supposed to be comforting the OP not freaking me out with thoughts of dying alone!

i told her it was a state of mind, you decide if and when you are left on the shelf and not to listen to internet people

sheesh :rolleyes:

MonkeyWrench · 02-07-2008 10:54AM

I think being on the shelf is a state of mind to be honest. If a woman portrays herself as being on the shelf then this is a major turnoff as signals of desperation come through in her personality.

It usually comes about as a persons closest friends are settling down and getting married and they get paranoid about being single the rest of their lives, but this is and should be just a short term thing.

Colonel_McCoy · 02-07-2008 10:56AM

you need to relax.................27 is not left on the shelf, I am 29 and certainly dont feel it. Either do my friends who range from 27 to 36 and the majority are single.

You dont need anybody else to make you feel happy, once you are happy with yourself then things will change.

WilmaRidesAgain · 02-07-2008 10:57AM

TomMc wrote: »

Only low brow (populist) women really think or act like that. The type that would do things for the sake of it or have to have what everyone else has to feel good about themselves. Where when they get to a certain age (mid 30's), the status of marriage or having children is more important (valued) than the person they are with. They live their lives in a dull, humdrum world with their proletarian minds, so appeal only to a lesser (undiscriminating) man. Most panic in their mid 30's, so 40yrs of age would appear to be the end zone so to speak.:rolleyes:

Once you have your health, everything else in life is something of a bonus. But grab life with both hands and be positive, with a good outlook and been grateful for what you have got. Live outside your comfort zone or you will end up in negative town.

Invest in yourself, don't put your salvation in everything else (outside of yourself). A women who is independent, has lots of diverse interests (hobbies, passions), keeps in shape with some physical exercise, has a zest for life with a sense of adventure, who isn't dependent on a relationship (although would value one and would only enter one for the right reasons) is TIMELESS.

AMEN TO THAT!

"left on the shelf" .....OP.....CRINGE! This is not the 1950's....life is not a competition, dont do stuff cos your friends do it, you will end up very unhappy.

Choose life, not the Ken husband and the 2.5 kids, semi-d and 2 cars.......well choose that if you want it, but loads do "choose" that and then discover.......they dont...want it, that is!

Wibbs · 02-07-2008 11:05AM

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I think one of the worst things someone can so as a knee-jerk reaction to this being "left on the shelf" perception is to panic buy. I see an increasing number of friends and acquaintences getting married because:

a. they have been in the same relationship for so many years that it seems marriage is the next logical or expected step without really giving marriage serious thought or

b. coming out of a long relationship in their late 20s and early 30s and convincing themselves that the next guy who comes along will serve the purpose for a husband

Consequently, I've seen a number of couples after a year realising they have made a really huge mistake.

How right you are. I saw that happen with so many people women in the majority when they hit their 30's. Baaaaad plan. With a few notable exceptions it was somewhat of a mistake. One mate of mine who did meet someone really good for, used to ask herself the question, "would I be with this guy if I was 23". She knew it was a bit basic a question, but she also knew rightly that she shouldn't settle just because she was a decade older.

As someone rightly pointed out, you will be "left on the shelf" if you believe that shelf exists in the first place. Learn to love yourself and your own company and then a man that DESERVES you (if it's meant to be) will hopefully sweep you off your feet, so enamoured is he with your fabulousness and high self-esteem. Snap out of this type of thinking OP, it won't do you any favours.

Bingo.

metamorphic · 02-07-2008 11:08AM

who the? what the?

27 is a great age, such a range to choose from. Feasibly you chould go as low as 18

or as high as.......... what ever you like.

being in my late 20s also I know how you feel about all your friends disappearing into relationships, but seriously, not the end of the world by any means at all.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2008 01:43PM

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

Ha ha lol...it's cake and only a metaphore in fairness! I'm 35 and I've been told my "cake" tastes better than it ever has, so take that Nekkidman! OP don't be worrying...I was in a long termer until I was 29 and am "starting again" with someone at 35 yrs old...don't worry about other people's values, value yourself, and there'll be plenty of men interested. You're very young. You'll meet someone. (Just be very choosy who you let have your cake and eat it!!)

Dudess · 02-07-2008 01:52PM

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

Yeah cuz they'd really find Angelina Jolie (33) and Charlize Theron (33) unappetising. Presumably that metaphor only applies to women too... Whoever thinks like that is a dick.

TomMc wrote: »

Only low brow (populist) women really think or act like that. The type that would do things for the sake of it or have to have what everyone else has to feel good about themselves. Where when they get to a certain age (mid 30's), the status of marriage or having children is more important (valued) than the person they are with. They live their lives in a dull, humdrum world with their proletarian minds, so appeal only to a lesser (undiscriminating) man. Most panic in their mid 30's, so 40yrs of age would appear to be the end zone so to speak.:rolleyes:

Once you have your health, everything else in life is something of a bonus. But grab life with both hands and be positive, with a good outlook and been grateful for what you have got. Live outside your comfort zone or you will end up in negative town.

Invest in yourself, don't put your salvation in everything else (outside of yourself). A women who is independent, has lots of diverse interests (hobbies, passions), keeps in shape with some physical exercise, has a zest for life with a sense of adventure, who isn't dependent on a relationship (although would value one and would only enter one for the right reasons) is TIMELESS.

Jesus Christ, apart from your snobbish generalisations, I'd agree with you, but the "low brow", "populist", "proletarian" stuff? What a load of crap. I know plenty of middle-class, educated, open-minded women who buy into all that left-on-the-shelf sh1t. I agree though, people (who aren't from generations born prior to the 50s) who think like that are usually fairly stupid - but irrespective of class or educational background.

barbiegirl wrote: »

When I was 23 and broke up a long term relationship I got the comment "I'd hate to start again at your age"

Oh my god, that person is actually stupid.

when I was 27 and the next 2.5 year relationship ended my autnt said "well that's that then"

Oh wow, I'd have lost it with her. When I was 25, my mate who was also 25 was talking about our other friend who was 28 and single - going on with that same crap of "I'd hate to be 28 and single" and I was just wondering what the hell she was on about. Next thing, the 28-year-old walked in saying she had heard everything and absolutely floored the other girl. Can't say I blamed her either. The 28-year-old is now 33 and engaged to a lovely guy who's absolutely nuts about her. The girl who was talking about her is now 30 and single two years - her relationship ended after nearly four years at the very age she was dreading... 28. And she has had an absolutely great time over the past two years.
Maybe people are raised to believe that crap. I hadn't even become aware of it until certain people I knew started talking like that, but their parents probably instilled it into them. The idea that people (women really) will never meet anyone in their 40s is very silly, 30s is ludicrous and 20s... is just plain dumb.

IanCurtis · 02-07-2008 02:11PM

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah cuz they'd really find Angelina Jolie (33) and Charlize Theron (33) unappetising.

...and singletons Jennifer Aniston (39) and Kylie Minogue (40)

Marcus.Aurelius · 02-07-2008 02:38PM

I would honestly think 55 is where I would feel a bit left on the shelf, but TBH I wouldn't panic much until I was well into my 40s or 50s.

But maybe its a male thing! The eastern european women are mad into early marriages, (20s) and start to freak out in their late 20s early 30s.

Probably, there's no such thing as too late. I don't intend on worrying for at least another 30 years. And you don't owe yourself or anyone else a rushed marriage/relationship!

JuliusCaesar · 02-07-2008 04:03PM

Just because most people settle down in their late 20s/early 30s, doesn't mean everyone does. I've got great single women friends - in their 40s and 50s, all having a ball. None of them feels left "on the shelf" and they do have the occasional relationship or dating, as well as having a mixed circle of friends. (Older women seem to cope better with singledom than older men, for some reason)

TomMc · 02-07-2008 05:08PM

Dudess wrote: »

Jesus Christ, apart from your snobbish generalisations, I'd agree with you, but the "low brow", "populist", "proletarian" stuff? What a load of crap. I know plenty of middle-class, educated, open-minded women who buy into all that left-on-the-shelf sh1t. I agree though, people (who aren't from generations born prior to the 50s) who think like that are usually fairly stupid - but irrespective of class or educational background.

People who think about having a "Shelf-life", tend to be the types who think that life should be like the romantic fairytales you were fed as a child, the real world is very different. The sort who have a lack of imagination and no doubt are influenced by Hello Magazine weddings et al, therefore low-brows.

A proletarian mind is one stuck in the dull and the humdrum and the mundane things in life. It has nothing to do with social class. People can have different standards of day to day living & possessions in monetary terms (may be) but with the same fundamental mentality. You are what you own or perceive to own, your lifestyle, not much more and all that nonsense. With no sense of ones own true self. Been middle-class, educated or open-minded doesn't mean you are cultured, emotionally/spiritually intelligent or philosophical as todays coarse Ireland highlights better than most.

As Socrates put it an unexamined life is a life not worth living. If people took time out to discover themselves they wouldn't live lives dictated by other (narrow minded) peoples opinions. Instead been open to what lies ahead, allowing whatever is to be to be, living a life with spontaneity, originality and individuality.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2008 06:52PM

Thanks for all your replies.....Like i said I'm not worried yet. I suppose what i was really getting at was the children thing. I love kids and it's very important to me that I have them.

I appreciate the importance of ensuring you do that with the right person which is why i'm glad my old relationship is over, i'm sure it's not something worth stressing over

teaman35 · 02-07-2008 07:11PM

Hi OP

Dont worry too much,
I saw some programme last night about age differences and there was a 30yr old married to a 74yr old woman.
Not that im suggesting you go down that route of course :eek:

but it gives you an idea that age is just a number, and if your happy with yourself thats the main thing !

god i wish i was only 27 again ! :P
ah them were the days...

pwd · 02-07-2008 07:30PM

35 for women. They'd really want to have an emotional attachment established for a while with a partner by then. They usually stop being able to have kids around that age and stop being physically attractive - guess it makes sense the two are linked. Of course if someone loves you they'll probably be physically attracted to you regardless. So it's longer for women with attractive personalities. Bit of a shock to the system for once-beautiful but dull or unpleasant single women in their mid thirties I'd say.

Men don't go off in the same way. I'd imagine viagra has extended the average male shelf-life a good bit more too.

ntlbell · 02-07-2008 07:52PM

irishbird wrote: »

i told her it was a state of mind, you decide if and when you are left on the shelf and not to listen to internet people

sheesh :rolleyes:

Why would she listen to you!

You're only an internet people...

we have feelings to you know...

TEDDYBEAR90 · 02-07-2008 08:44PM

I dont think there is a specific age, i think you just notice being single more the older you get because the pool of people to choose from is smaller ! you may begin to notice more of your friends pairing off and moving in together , getting engaged and/or married at 27. its the bridget jones syndrome and women in particular notice this more because of biological clocks etc personally i'd prefer to be single or "left on the shelf" rather than be with someone just for the sake or it or for convenience. every day spent with the wrong person is a day less with the right person.:)

What age do you become "left on the shelf"?

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