What age do you become "left on the shelf"?

LegacyUser

I'm 27 and i'm not worried yet..... but having spent a few years with someone i thought was my life partner when it all fell apart suddenly i notice most of my friends are engaged if not married and although i'm very deliberatley taking a decided break from men, i wonder if i'm going to miss the boat - i don't really tend to meet guys - i've no regrets about my other relationship ending but i'm a bit scared also.

Nevyn

Left the shelf in terms of a relationship, love and prolly marraige there is no age as to when those things are no longer an option for you in your life.

There is unfortunatly an age where having children is no longer an option for you and that can limit the range of possible partners in terms of a relationship.

No harm in taking a break what so ever if someone is intrested they will make the effort to get to know you and woo you.

The Sweeper

At what age do you become "left on the shelf?"

It happens the minute you think "I've been left on the shelf."

Dont be at yourself

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

MagicMarker

My Dad's getting married next year, he'll be 54.

Call Me Jimmy

OP my ma is gettin married next week and she's 92!! you've still got some time (but don't wait that long).

EDIT: Forgot to say, she can't have any more kids at her age obviously.

Carrigart Exile

OP, left on the shelf is a state of mind where you get so set in your own ways that you would be impossible to live with. So, never let that happen, you'll never be on the shelf.

TomMc

Only low brow (populist) women really think or act like that. The type that would do things for the sake of it or have to have what everyone else has to feel good about themselves. Where when they get to a certain age (mid 30's), the status of marriage or having children is more important (valued) than the person they are with. They live their lives in a dull, humdrum world with their proletarian minds, so appeal only to a lesser (undiscriminating) man. Most panic in their mid 30's, so 40yrs of age would appear to be the end zone so to speak.:rolleyes:

Once you have your health, everything else in life is something of a bonus. But grab life with both hands and be positive, with a good outlook and been grateful for what you have got. Live outside your comfort zone or you will end up in negative town.

Invest in yourself, don't put your salvation in everything else (outside of yourself). A women who is independent, has lots of diverse interests (hobbies, passions), keeps in shape with some physical exercise, has a zest for life with a sense of adventure, who isn't dependent on a relationship (although would value one and would only enter one for the right reasons) is TIMELESS.

MJOR

Well I don't think there is an age.... These days most women have kids later and get married when they are older.

Don't measure your life by your friends.... In my group ofr example we are all at different stages from single

---

to engaged --- to Long termers to married with and without kids

Don't worry....

barbiegirl

When I was 23 and broke up a long term relationship I got the comment "I'd hate to start again at your age", when I was 27 and the next 2.5 year relationship ended my autnt said "well that's that then", my reply in both cases was I'd prefer to be alone forever than settle for 2nd best :-) When I was 29 I met my current oh and we are getting married this summer. I firmly believe there is no such thing anymore, never settle for fear of being "left on the shelf", there are many guys out there, but as you get older everyone has baggage, including you, and you must learn to be more accepting of it.

Miss Fluff

I think one of the worst things someone can so as a knee-jerk reaction to this being "left on the shelf" perception is to panic buy. I see an increasing number of friends and acquaintences getting married because:

a. they have been in the same relationship for so many years that it seems marriage is the next logical or expected step without really giving marriage serious thought or

b. coming out of a long relationship in their late 20s and early 30s and convincing themselves that the next guy who comes along will serve the purpose for a husband

Consequently, I've seen a number of couples after a year realising they have made a really huge mistake.

As someone rightly pointed out, you will be "left on the shelf" if you believe that shelf exists in the first place. Learn to love yourself and your own company and then a man that DESERVES you (if it's meant to be) will hopefully sweep you off your feet, so enamoured is he with your fabulousness and high self-esteem. Snap out of this type of thinking OP, it won't do you any favours.

kowloon

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

That's me screwed so :eek:.

John Mason

Once you hit 27 that's it. its all over, all your friends and family are married.

then again it could be a state of mind, if you decided that the people on the internet told a certain age where you are left on the shelf and you believe them, thats the age you will be left on the shelf

kowloon

irishbird wrote: »

Once you hit 27 that's it. its all over, all your friends and family are married.

then again it could be a state of mind, if you decided that the people on the internet told a certain age where you are left on the shelve and you believe them, thats the age you will be left on the shelf

WTF! :eek: You're supposed to be comforting the OP not freaking me out with thoughts of dying alone!

John Mason

kowloon wrote: »

WTF! :eek: You're supposed to be comforting the OP not freaking me out with thoughts of dying alone!

i told her it was a state of mind, you decide if and when you are left on the shelf and not to listen to internet people

sheesh :rolleyes:

MonkeyWrench

I think being on the shelf is a state of mind to be honest. If a woman portrays herself as being on the shelf then this is a major turnoff as signals of desperation come through in her personality.

It usually comes about as a persons closest friends are settling down and getting married and they get paranoid about being single the rest of their lives, but this is and should be just a short term thing.

Colonel_McCoy

you need to relax.................27 is not left on the shelf, I am 29 and certainly dont feel it. Either do my friends who range from 27 to 36 and the majority are single.


You dont need anybody else to make you feel happy, once you are happy with yourself then things will change.

WilmaRidesAgain

TomMc wrote: »

Only low brow (populist) women really think or act like that. The type that would do things for the sake of it or have to have what everyone else has to feel good about themselves. Where when they get to a certain age (mid 30's), the status of marriage or having children is more important (valued) than the person they are with. They live their lives in a dull, humdrum world with their proletarian minds, so appeal only to a lesser (undiscriminating) man. Most panic in their mid 30's, so 40yrs of age would appear to be the end zone so to speak.:rolleyes:

Once you have your health, everything else in life is something of a bonus. But grab life with both hands and be positive, with a good outlook and been grateful for what you have got. Live outside your comfort zone or you will end up in negative town.

Invest in yourself, don't put your salvation in everything else (outside of yourself). A women who is independent, has lots of diverse interests (hobbies, passions), keeps in shape with some physical exercise, has a zest for life with a sense of adventure, who isn't dependent on a relationship (although would value one and would only enter one for the right reasons) is TIMELESS.

AMEN TO THAT!

"left on the shelf" .....OP.....CRINGE! This is not the 1950's....life is not a competition, dont do stuff cos your friends do it, you will end up very unhappy.

Choose life, not the Ken husband and the 2.5 kids, semi-d and 2 cars.......well choose that if you want it, but loads do "choose" that and then discover.......they dont...want it, that is!

Wibbs

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I think one of the worst things someone can so as a knee-jerk reaction to this being "left on the shelf" perception is to panic buy. I see an increasing number of friends and acquaintences getting married because:

a. they have been in the same relationship for so many years that it seems marriage is the next logical or expected step without really giving marriage serious thought or

b. coming out of a long relationship in their late 20s and early 30s and convincing themselves that the next guy who comes along will serve the purpose for a husband

Consequently, I've seen a number of couples after a year realising they have made a really huge mistake.

How right you are. I saw that happen with so many people women in the majority when they hit their 30's. Baaaaad plan. With a few notable exceptions it was somewhat of a mistake. One mate of mine who did meet someone really good for, used to ask herself the question, "would I be with this guy if I was 23". She knew it was a bit basic a question, but she also knew rightly that she shouldn't settle just because she was a decade older.

As someone rightly pointed out, you will be "left on the shelf" if you believe that shelf exists in the first place. Learn to love yourself and your own company and then a man that DESERVES you (if it's meant to be) will hopefully sweep you off your feet, so enamoured is he with your fabulousness and high self-esteem. Snap out of this type of thinking OP, it won't do you any favours.

Bingo.

metamorphic

who the? what the?

27 is a great age, such a range to choose from. Feasibly you chould go as low as 18 or as high as.......... what ever you like.

being in my late 20s also I know how you feel about all your friends disappearing into relationships, but seriously, not the end of the world by any means at all.

LegacyUser

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

Ha ha lol...it's cake and only a metaphore in fairness! I'm 35 and I've been told my "cake" tastes better than it ever has, so take that Nekkidman! OP don't be worrying...I was in a long termer until I was 29 and am "starting again" with someone at 35 yrs old...don't worry about other people's values, value yourself, and there'll be plenty of men interested. You're very young. You'll meet someone. (Just be very choosy who you let have your cake and eat it!!)

Dudess

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

In Japan, they use the metaphor of Christmas Cake.

Great up until the 25th (25 years old), but with each passing day (year), it's a little less appetising!

Yeah cuz they'd really find Angelina Jolie (33) and Charlize Theron (33) unappetising. Presumably that metaphor only applies to women too... Whoever thinks like that is a dick.

TomMc wrote: »

Only low brow (populist) women really think or act like that. The type that would do things for the sake of it or have to have what everyone else has to feel good about themselves. Where when they get to a certain age (mid 30's), the status of marriage or having children is more important (valued) than the person they are with. They live their lives in a dull, humdrum world with their proletarian minds, so appeal only to a lesser (undiscriminating) man. Most panic in their mid 30's, so 40yrs of age would appear to be the end zone so to speak.:rolleyes:

Once you have your health, everything else in life is something of a bonus. But grab life with both hands and be positive, with a good outlook and been grateful for what you have got. Live outside your comfort zone or you will end up in negative town.

Invest in yourself, don't put your salvation in everything else (outside of yourself). A women who is independent, has lots of diverse interests (hobbies, passions), keeps in shape with some physical exercise, has a zest for life with a sense of adventure, who isn't dependent on a relationship (although would value one and would only enter one for the right reasons) is TIMELESS.

Jesus Christ, apart from your snobbish generalisations, I'd agree with you, but the "low brow", "populist", "proletarian" stuff? What a load of crap. I know plenty of middle-class, educated, open-minded women who buy into all that left-on-the-shelf sh1t. I agree though, people (who aren't from generations born prior to the 50s) who think like that are usually fairly stupid - but irrespective of class or educational background.

barbiegirl wrote: »

When I was 23 and broke up a long term relationship I got the comment "I'd hate to start again at your age"

Oh my god, that person is actually stupid.

when I was 27 and the next 2.5 year relationship ended my autnt said "well that's that then"

Oh wow, I'd have lost it with her. When I was 25, my mate who was also 25 was talking about our other friend who was 28 and single - going on with that same crap of "I'd hate to be 28 and single" and I was just wondering what the hell she was on about. Next thing, the 28-year-old walked in saying she had heard everything and absolutely floored the other girl. Can't say I blamed her either. The 28-year-old is now 33 and engaged to a lovely guy who's absolutely nuts about her. The girl who was talking about her is now 30 and single two years - her relationship ended after nearly four years at the very age she was dreading... 28. And she has had an absolutely great time over the past two years.
Maybe people are raised to believe that crap. I hadn't even become aware of it until certain people I knew started talking like that, but their parents probably instilled it into them. The idea that people (women really) will never meet anyone in their 40s is very silly, 30s is ludicrous and 20s... is just plain dumb.

IanCurtis

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah cuz they'd really find Angelina Jolie (33) and Charlize Theron (33) unappetising.

...and singletons Jennifer Aniston (39) and Kylie Minogue (40)

Marcus.Aurelius

I would honestly think 55 is where I would feel a bit left on the shelf, but TBH I wouldn't panic much until I was well into my 40s or 50s.

But maybe its a male thing! The eastern european women are mad into early marriages, (20s) and start to freak out in their late 20s early 30s.

Probably, there's no such thing as too late. I don't intend on worrying for at least another 30 years. And you don't owe yourself or anyone else a rushed marriage/relationship!

JuliusCaesar

Just because most people settle down in their late 20s/early 30s, doesn't mean everyone does. I've got great single women friends - in their 40s and 50s, all having a ball. None of them feels left "on the shelf" and they do have the occasional relationship or dating, as well as having a mixed circle of friends. (Older women seem to cope better with singledom than older men, for some reason)

TomMc

Dudess wrote: »

Jesus Christ, apart from your snobbish generalisations, I'd agree with you, but the "low brow", "populist", "proletarian" stuff? What a load of crap. I know plenty of middle-class, educated, open-minded women who buy into all that left-on-the-shelf sh1t. I agree though, people (who aren't from generations born prior to the 50s) who think like that are usually fairly stupid - but irrespective of class or educational background.

People who think about having a "Shelf-life", tend to be the types who think that life should be like the romantic fairytales you were fed as a child, the real world is very different. The sort who have a lack of imagination and no doubt are influenced by Hello Magazine weddings et al, therefore low-brows.

A proletarian mind is one stuck in the dull and the humdrum and the mundane things in life. It has nothing to do with social class. People can have different standards of day to day living & possessions in monetary terms (may be) but with the same fundamental mentality. You are what you own or perceive to own, your lifestyle, not much more and all that nonsense. With no sense of ones own true self. Been middle-class, educated or open-minded doesn't mean you are cultured, emotionally/spiritually intelligent or philosophical as todays coarse Ireland highlights better than most.

As Socrates put it an unexamined life is a life not worth living. If people took time out to discover themselves they wouldn't live lives dictated by other (narrow minded) peoples opinions. Instead been open to what lies ahead, allowing whatever is to be to be, living a life with spontaneity, originality and individuality.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies.....Like i said I'm not worried yet. I suppose what i was really getting at was the children thing. I love kids and it's very important to me that I have them.

I appreciate the importance of ensuring you do that with the right person which is why i'm glad my old relationship is over, i'm sure it's not something worth stressing over

teaman35

Hi OP

Dont worry too much,
I saw some programme last night about age differences and there was a 30yr old married to a 74yr old woman.
Not that im suggesting you go down that route of course :eek:

but it gives you an idea that age is just a number, and if your happy with yourself thats the main thing !

god i wish i was only 27 again ! :P
ah them were the days...

pwd

35 for women. They'd really want to have an emotional attachment established for a while with a partner by then. They usually stop being able to have kids around that age and stop being physically attractive - guess it makes sense the two are linked. Of course if someone loves you they'll probably be physically attracted to you regardless. So it's longer for women with attractive personalities. Bit of a shock to the system for once-beautiful but dull or unpleasant single women in their mid thirties I'd say.

Men don't go off in the same way. I'd imagine viagra has extended the average male shelf-life a good bit more too.

ntlbell

irishbird wrote: »

i told her it was a state of mind, you decide if and when you are left on the shelf and not to listen to internet people

sheesh :rolleyes:

Why would she listen to you!

You're only an internet people...

we have feelings to you know...

TEDDYBEAR90

I dont think there is a specific age, i think you just notice being single more the older you get because the pool of people to choose from is smaller ! you may begin to notice more of your friends pairing off and moving in together , getting engaged and/or married at 27. its the bridget jones syndrome and women in particular notice this more because of biological clocks etc personally i'd prefer to be single or "left on the shelf" rather than be with someone just for the sake or it or for convenience. every day spent with the wrong person is a day less with the right person.:)

Dudess

pwd wrote: »

35 for women. They'd really want to have an emotional attachment established for a while with a partner by then. They usually stop being able to have kids around that age and stop being physically attractive

In terms of kids, not necessarily. In terms of physical attractiveness, load of crap. With respect, don't buy into that rubbish.
As an age that women are apparently no longer capable of starting a relationship with someone, 35 is appallingly young. Such a shame that attitude still exists when people are healthier, fitter and living longer than ever.

Men don't go off in the same way. I'd imagine viagra has extended the average male shelf-life a good bit more too.

Social attitudes too - women are judged far more on their looks.

LegacyUser

Dudess wrote: »

In terms of kids, not necessarily.

That's potentially dangerous information to be giving out. I suggest you look at birth defect/mental illness statistics for women age 35 and over.

Wurly

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

OP my ma is gettin married next week and she's 92!! you've still got some time (but don't wait that long).
.

That is absolutely fabulous. Good for her. How sweet.:):):)

OP, everyone's life, circumstances and encounters are different. Therefore, there simply cannot be a universal cut off point.

Life is what you make it. If you convince yourself that it wont happen for you - guess what?!

Its natural what you're feeling but chill. You're only 27 after all.

Wibbs

For me it boils down to this; an good looking emotionally stable and sound 35 year old is a far better bet than an average looking emotionally screwy, harpy 25 year old. Simple as that. Also you're 27. That's not even close to old.

The reality is though that for whatever reasons(biology, society etc whichever) the potential dating pool of men will ease off quicker for women than men. Also let's be honest the potential dating pool of good men dwindles even more. Plus a 45 year old bloke will have way more opportunities than a 45 year old woman in general. Yes we all know exceptions, but in general that's the case.

That's in general, but in general is rarely worth a damn. It's a nice shorthand for the bloody obvious. That's about it, but it's not gospel for you. For the individual, man or woman. Live outside the general, while being a little mindful of it. Especially the pitfalls of wrongly buying into it. Do that and no matter what age you are you'll be happier for it. I can say that I know way more 25 year olds in bad relationships, than women who found love later. Same goes for men.

Dudess

Godalmighty11 wrote: »

That's potentially dangerous information to be giving out. I suggest you look at birth defect/mental illness statistics for women age 35 and over.

Oh please. You'd swear I said "all women of 35 will definitely have no problem conceiving and there are no risks of birth defect/mental handicap [not illness]". I simply said "not necessarily" to someone who made the ridiculous statement that women "usually stop being able to have kids around that age" which I believe is far more "potentially dangerous information to be giving out". Is it not correct that women aren't necessarily infertile at 35? (which is what was being discussed by the way, not the risk of birth defects/disability.) Are there not women out there who are having babies at 35?

pwd wrote: »

35 for women. They'd really want to have an emotional attachment established for a while with a partner by then.

Why?

Talliesin

You're on the shelf when the village matchmaker says "oy vey! at this age you want a husband?!".

If you don't live in a culture with village matchmakers, then this doesn't apply, and you're pretty much good to go until you die.

Godalmighty11 wrote: »

That's potentially dangerous information to be giving out. I suggest you look at birth defect/mental illness statistics for women age 35 and over.

Did you go by CIA life-expectancy figures and move to Andorra or the UN figures and move to Japan (I assume you did one or the other, since the statistical advantage that gives to life expectancy over living in Ireland or the UK is way bigger than the statistical advantage of having a baby before 35 over after 35).

Dudess

OP, did you honestly think someone was going to give you an actual number? How is that even logical? So if a woman is single still by a particular age, we are somehow capable of predicting her future (a partner-less one) because of her age?

Because that's what you're asking...

radioactiveman

OP you're still in your 20s this is not left on the shelf by any means (sure I'll take you out for dinner!)
(only joking:)

MissHoneyBun

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.



See!

Damzilla

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.

I'm 28. Recently single and have two cats. Should I be easing myself towards the nearest shelf?:D

MissHoneyBun

Damzilla wrote: »

I'm 28. Recently single and have two cats. Should I be easing myself towards the nearest shelf?:D

Easing yourself towards it? Yer already on it!

Damzilla

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

Easing yourself towards it? Yer already on it!

Oh dear.:D

Nevyn

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.



See!

Charming so better miserable with someone then happy on your own, what clap trap, a phrase about fish and bicycles comes to mind.

LegacyUser

No I don't think I was expecting an "age"

I was just interested in hearing a few opinions on the subject. After my last relationship I feel like I need at least a year off and people - in particular my mother have expressed concern and asked "Do you think that's wise.......at your age"

Now, I know that's my mother, who is from another generation, but she got married at 27 and has always said she was very old getting married etc.

My older sister is 30 and single for at least 4 years, she's always going on about being lonely and shes on every dating website you can imagine - I just don't want to be her in 3 years time - though we have absolutley nothing in common so i don't see it happening

John Mason

Jeeze, what era are we living in 1800's

i think everyone should take and a deep breath and calm down.

OP you are the only person who can decide when you have been left on the shelf

personally, i have been left on the shelf for about 10 years but tbh honest i love it up here, i can look down on everyone else and laugh at their silly misguided notions and ideas

_blank_

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I agree with Pwd. Let's be honest if a woman's not bagged a man by thirty she's pretty much fukked. Sorted if ya like cats though.

Are you really that stupid?

Are you?

A woman is fúcked if she hasn't bagged a man by the time she's 30?

Idiocy of the highest order.

What age are you? About 13 I'd say.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Wibbs

DesF tone it well down, or it's holiday time, you know the score.

irishbird wrote: »

i think everyone should take and a deep breath and calm down.

Good advice all around

How Strange

OP, IMO you're left on the shelf when you believe there is a a shelf and give up trying to have a fulfilling life as an individual and decide that your self worth and reason to be is tied up with having a man and being in a relationship.

Yes, it is difficult for a woman if she wants to have a child especially as you get into your 30's but sometimes you have to look at your life and realise that the conventional 'married with kids and mortgage' might not be in your life plan, accept that and have a full and meaningful life of your own doing things that you are passionate about - whatever those interests may be.

You're 27 so just get out there and live your life. Who knows if or when you'll meet someone to share your life with but most definitely don't start believing that bullsh1t that your worth as a woman is linked to being in a relationship and getting caught up in the marriage, babies thing.

The world is full of opportunities and the only limitations are the ones we place on ourselves.

And to the posters who said that women over 35 aren't attractive, I'd have to disagree. A confident woman of 35 is far more attractive then an insecure 25 stuck in a relationship because she's too terrified to be single.

Dudess

DesF wrote: »

Are you really that stupid?

Are you?

A woman is fúcked if she hasn't bagged a man by the time she's 30?

Idiocy of the highest order.

What age are you? About 13 I'd say.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

To be fair, I presume (and would hope) MissHoneyBun was only messing.

I think pwd truly does believe that shyte though about women from 35 on. Ironic really considering he posted these Jimi Hendrix lyrics as advice on another PI thread:

Well I am what I am thank god
Some people just dont understand
Well help them god
Find yourself first
And then your tool
Find yourself first
Dont you be no fool

Maybe those "doomed" single 35-year-old women are applying those lyrics to their lives...

Dudess

How Strange wrote: »

And to the posters who said that women over 35 aren't attractive, I'd have to disagree. A confident woman of 35 is far more attractive then an insecure 25 stuck in a relationship because she's too terrified to be single.

I don't think anyone said that though. I don't think anyone here could possibly be so stupid as to believe they know how attractive/unattractive every single 35-year-old woman is.

Although one person did say women start to lose their attractiveness at 35 which is fairly stupid all right.