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Best Comebacks

13»

Comments

  • #62
    life_is_music
    Closed Accounts Posts: 259 ✭✭life_is_music


    I read this online.... might not be true but meh!

    An english pilot was landing in Frankfurt and took the wrong turn or something on the runway.

    Frankfurt traffic control (in a patronising tone) "have you not ever been to Frankfurt before?"

    Pilot: "Yes once in 1947 but it was dark and I didnt land"


  • #63
    ronano
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,182 ✭✭✭ronano


    i was sittin on the boardwalk in dublin yesterday, a scumbag walked by,turned around and shouted to some girl 'you've got a face like a half chewed wham bar'


  • #64
    gandhi123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 245 ✭✭gandhi123


    This a calssic an works everytime u cant think of a comeback:

    Someone slags you
    .....(pause for a bit) "if ur lokkin for my CUM back, try ur mothers face/cheek"

    ha giggidy!!


  • #65
    Kold
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    Not saying it's particularly legendary or anything but walking to my bus along O'Connell St yesterday some scientologist fecker asked me if I wanted a stress test. I just said "Nar mate, I smoke weed."


  • #66
    Miguel_Sanchez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,417 ✭✭✭Miguel_Sanchez


    life_is_music wrote: »
    I read this online.... might not be true but meh!

    An english pilot was landing in Frankfurt and took the wrong turn or something on the runway.

    Frankfurt traffic control (in a patronising tone) "have you not ever been to Frankfurt before?"

    Pilot: "Yes once in 1947 but it was dark and I didnt land"

    Wasn't the war over by 1945?


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  • #67
    SheroN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,972 ✭✭✭SheroN


    Jeff_Lebowski wrote: »
    Wasn't the war over by 1945?

    Maybe he wasn't trying to be funny. Maybe he'd flown over Frankfurt in 1947.


  • #68
    Miguel_Sanchez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,417 ✭✭✭Miguel_Sanchez


    SheroN wrote: »
    Maybe he wasn't trying to be funny. Maybe he'd flown over Frankfurt in 1947.

    Wow. Pretty **** comeback then. In fact, it's almost just a regular conversation.

    In fact - it is just a regular conversation.

    Boo!


  • #69
    JP Liz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,588 ✭✭✭JP Liz


    Man: If your left leg was Christmas and your right leg New Years could i'd visit you between the holidays
    Woman: It will be a short visit then


  • #70
    Hitchhiker's Guide to...
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,323 ✭✭✭Hitchhiker's Guide to...


    The Bollox wrote: »
    that was Churchill iirc. he was teh l33t at comebacks

    woman at partay: Mr Churchill, you are drunk!

    Churchill: that may be so, Madam, but you are ugly. in the morning I will be sober

    sadly this quote wasn't at a party, but in the House of Commons. He used to come into work drunk and then get drunker as the day went on.


  • #71
    Degsy
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,397 ✭✭✭✭Degsy


    When i was punk rocker many years ago i walked by a fat wanker in a dublin jersey drinking on a street corner with some other bloke.They were quieta bit older than me so one of them says "If you were my young fellah i'd shoot ya!".
    I said "If you were my owl fella i'd let ya!".
    Shut him right up.


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  • #72
    MissHoneyBun
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,131 ✭✭✭MissHoneyBun


    Rb wrote: »
    Irish women have a bad enough reputation (world wide) without having to use such "witty" lines tbh.

    y.a.w.n
    Time for a game of hide and go fukk yourself methinks


  • #73
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭IvaBigWun


    Rb wrote: »
    Irish women have a bad enough reputation (world wide) without having to use such "witty" lines tbh.

    + infinity

    Non-Nationals ftw tbh


  • #74
    RuailleBuaille
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 521 ✭✭✭RuailleBuaille


    Rb wrote: »
    Irish women have a bad enough reputation (world wide) without having to use such "witty" lines tbh.

    Internationally known, worldly wise, windswept and interesting RB tells us how it is. :rolleyes:

    With your rep, you should be lying down next to McSavage in the 'where humour goes to die' section.


  • #75
    kryogen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,953 ✭✭✭✭kryogen


    Roundtower2 wrote: »
    sadly this quote wasn't at a party, but in the House of Commons. He used to come into work drunk and then get drunker as the day went on.



    was just about to post something to this effect, truly great comeback though!


  • #76
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭IvaBigWun


    Roundtower2 wrote: »
    sadly this quote wasn't at a party, but in the House of Commons. He used to come into work drunk and then get drunker as the day went on.

    Never knew that about him. Legend! :D


  • #77
    Nichololas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭Nichololas


    Jeff_Lebowski wrote: »
    Wow. Pretty **** comeback then. In fact, it's almost just a regular conversation.

    In fact - it is just a regular conversation.

    Boo!

    I've heard this one before somewhere; it's supposed to be '44.


  • #78
    Climate Expert
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,393 ✭✭✭Climate Expert


    SheroN wrote: »
    Maybe he wasn't trying to be funny. Maybe he'd flown over Frankfurt in 1947.
    Haha, a funny comment in this anti-funny thread.


  • #79
    SV
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,533 ✭✭✭SV


    Climate Expert wrote: »
    Haha, a funny comment in this anti-funny thread.

    Where do you get off?


  • #80
    RandolphEsq
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,296 ✭✭✭RandolphEsq


    Lauren Hill: I would rather my children starve than have white people buy my records.
    Eminem: I buy her records so her children starve.


    ''Er'' is the king of comebacks. It ends a person.


  • #81
    Climate Expert
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,393 ✭✭✭Climate Expert


    ClioV6 wrote: »
    Where do you get off?
    Is this so you can stalk me?


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  • #82
    Degsy
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,397 ✭✭✭✭Degsy


    RuailleBuaille wrote: »
    Internationally known, worldly wise, windswept and interesting RB tells us how it is. :rolleyes:

    With your rep, you should be lying down next to McSavage in the 'where humour goes to die' section.

    +1.

    edit..i forgot to say "tbh".


  • #83
    Agamemnon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,367 ✭✭✭Agamemnon


    Jeff_Lebowski wrote: »
    Best one I remember from school was a young lad walking back in late after lunch chewing away. The headmaster grabs him and says "Are you chewing gum?". The lad looks up and replies "No Sir, I'm Peter Staunton!"
    Al_Fernz wrote: »
    Motorist: Fcuk you - you're a w4nker.
    Taxi Driver: Yeah and its a pity your father wasn't

    LOL, brilliant! I must remember those two.


  • #84
    MACgirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭MACgirl


    ClioV6 wrote: »
    Where do you get off?

    Well, if I'm on the 41, usually Omni, what about you?


  • #85
    Kold
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    MACgirl wrote: »
    Well, if I'm on the 41, usually Omni, what about you?

    Erm. Welcome to boards. I can haz pix and fone no?


  • #86
    silvine
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,132 ✭✭✭silvine


    Some ones from my school days:

    1 Teacher "For this project I would like you to work in threes"

    2 Student "But sir, I'm afraid of heights"

    --

    1 Class hard-show to one of the computer geeks: "What are you looking at?"

    2 Computer geek: "I don't know what it is" **pause for a second** "But it's looking back."


  • #87
    IvaBigWun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭IvaBigWun


    Originally Posted by Jeff_Lebowski

    Best one I remember from school was a young lad walking back in late after lunch chewing away. The headmaster grabs him and says "Are you chewing gum?". The lad looks up and replies "No Sir, I'm Peter Staunton!"

    :D


  • #88
    hatful
    Closed Accounts Posts: 346 ✭✭hatful


    Simon Amstell & Noel Fielding
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmiuPVPYoWc


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