Best Comebacks

j1smithy · 17-06-2008 02:34AM #1

Was walking past a building site earlier today. An attaractive woman also happened to be passing at the same time. Builders being builders started shouting down from the scaffolding at her, She ignored them until one hollered "Jasus you've got a great pair of tits love" She stopped and turned around shouting back "not as big as yours"! All the other lads on the job had a good laugh and he then shut up.

Any other posters have examples of some good put downs as heard on the street?

truecrippler · 17-06-2008 03:10AM

'YORE MA!' = Greatest comeback ever.

Call Me Jimmy · 17-06-2008 03:14AM

Asking someone why their name is an anagram for retard is a pretty good one.

LouOB · 17-06-2008 08:41AM

I like:
'its not my fault'
'i blame the parents'

ibh · 17-06-2008 08:47AM

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Asking someone why their name is an anagram for retard is a pretty good one.

Still makes me laugh. R.Rated got owned...

Reku · 17-06-2008 09:10AM

Best one I ever heard was:
*Teacher walks in with bandaged hand*
Classmate: "what's that sir, wanker's cramp?"
Teacher: "No, your sister crossed her legs."
Classmate: "My sister's still in nappies!"

Was years ago and I still remember it, freaking hilarious!

Steve_o · 17-06-2008 09:48AM

farohar wrote: »

Best one I ever heard was:
*Teacher walks in with bandaged hand*
Classmate: "what's that sir, wanker's cramp?"
Teacher: "No, your sister crossed her legs."
Classmate: "My sister's still in nappies!"

Was years ago and I still remember it, freaking hilarious!

lol...:D

Can't beat "So's your face" for simplicity and maximum annoyance!

cabrwab · 17-06-2008 10:13AM

The best come back was to a manager in a hotel as he asked one of the guys that works with me, who is not a member of staff in the hotel, to move a table with him.

The guys says no, i don't work here. the manager says "but you i am your customer, we are a team there is no I in team"
My work mate says " yeah true, but there is a U in muppet"

The guy was stumped and the staff that does work for him broke there s**t laughing "back in your box sunshine"!

tribulus · 17-06-2008 10:33AM

One day in school we were walking back in from short break. One lad in a year ahead of me had bleached his hair blond which was a no no in my school.

A bald but proud teacher stops him and says "What happened to your hair"
The student says: "Sir I bleached it, what happened to yours" in the most innocent and inquisitive tone ever.

The whole hallway erupted and teacher was not happy.

Clink · 17-06-2008 10:47AM

truecrippler wrote: »

'YORE MA!' = Greatest comeback ever.

No it isn't.

Climate Expert · 17-06-2008 10:52AM

Some guy was having a go at me in work one day, having a bit of an argument. Then completely out of context he shouts 'your ma'.

I paused for a moment then grabbed his throat and rammed him against the wall and whispered 'If you ever say that again to me I'll end your life'.

Miguel_Sanchez · 17-06-2008 10:56AM

Climate Expert wrote: »

I paused for a moment then grabbed his throat and rammed him against the wall and whispered 'If you ever say that again to me I'll end your life'.

I've seen Good Will Hunting too.

Best one I remember from school was a young lad walking back in late after lunch chewing away. The headmaster grabs him and says "Are you chewing gum?". The lad looks up and replies "No Sir, I'm Peter Staunton!"

The kid got so much respect after that.

funk-you · 17-06-2008 10:59AM

Clink wrote: »

No it isn't.

+1

Climate Expert wrote: »

Some guy was having a go at me in work one day, having a bit of an argument. Then completely out of context he shouts 'your ma'.

I paused for a moment then grabbed his throat and rammed him against the wall and whispered 'If you ever say that again to me I'll end your life'.

Mad.

-Funk

The Bollox · 17-06-2008 11:33AM

cabrwab wrote: »

The best come back was to a manager in a hotel as he asked one of the guys that works with me, who is not a member of staff in the hotel, to move a table with him.

The guys says no, i don't work here. the manager says "but you i am your customer, we are a team there is no I in team"
My work mate says " yeah true, but there is a U in muppet"

The guy was stumped and the staff that does work for him broke there s**t laughing "back in your box sunshine"!

I can't wait to use that on someone!

RATM · 17-06-2008 11:52AM

truecrippler wrote: »

'YORE MA!' = Greatest comeback ever.

......around the summer of 1998

biko · 17-06-2008 12:01PM

"That's what SHE said" never fails

*waits for FAIL post*

The Bollox · 17-06-2008 12:17PM

pfft :rolleyes:

AckwelFoley · 17-06-2008 12:17PM

dunno where i heard it but it was funneah....

woman : if i was your wife id put poison in your tea

Man: woman, if you were my wife id drink it.

antodeco · 17-06-2008 12:19PM

Best Comeback ever would be re-inacting the whole of American Psycho. In your face!! :pac:

The Bollox · 17-06-2008 12:20PM

snyper wrote: »

dunno where i heard it but it was funneah....

woman : if i was your wife id put poison in your tea

Man: woman, if you were my wife id drink it.

that was Churchill iirc. he was teh l33t at comebacks

woman at partay: Mr Churchill, you are drunk!

Churchill: that may be so, Madam, but you are ugly. in the morning I will be sober

Lockstep · 17-06-2008 12:28PM

snyper wrote: »

dunno where i heard it but it was funneah....

woman : if i was your wife id put poison in your tea

Man: woman, if you were my wife id drink it.

That was Winston Churchill.

Another of his gems:
Woman: Winston, you are very drunk.
WInston: And Bessie, you are very ugly but in the morning I shall be sober.

Edit: damn you The Bollox getting in ahead of me.

Best comeback I heard was: Dude, 6 billion sperm and you were the fastest?

Al_Fernz · 17-06-2008 12:41PM

Student in a rush to get out at 11 o'clock break is spotted by a teacher -

Teacher - Going out for a fag Mr. Murphy.
Student - No Sir, I don't smoke.
Teacher - Did I say anything about smoking?

That student was me

Oh another time I heard a Taxi driver and another motorist having an arguement;

Motorist: Fcuk you - you're a w4nker.
Taxi Driver: Yeah and its a pity your father wasn't

Al_Fernz · 17-06-2008 12:43PM

Journalist: Gordon can I have a quick word please?

Gordon Strachan: Yeah, velocity.

Jigsaw · 17-06-2008 12:44PM

Heckler to comedian - Get off you fat f**k!!!

Comedian to heckler - Excuse me, I don't think that is very fair. The only reason I am so fat is that every time I shag yore ma she insists I have a slice of cake.

speaktofrank · 17-06-2008 12:44PM

Here is my favourite comeback from Churchill.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if I were your wife, I'd poison your tea.

Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

Mena · 17-06-2008 12:46PM

"Oh yeah, Reilly? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you."

Jigsaw · 17-06-2008 12:47PM

Another classic!!

Person 1 - You're gay!!

Person 2 - Well I used to be but I don't bother my arse with it these days.

wandatowell · 17-06-2008 12:58PM

When I was in 6th year in school our Vice-Principle (who's was old school/hardcore type of guy) bursts in the room and shouts at one of the lads

VP: BARRY! come here to me!!!!!!

STUDENT: My names not Barry sir.

VP: Barry, don't contradict me.

The whole class just erupted,

molloyjh · 17-06-2008 01:05PM

A few years ago a gang of us were out for a few scoops. One of the lads, not the most popular of the bunch, was always taking the piss out of people. One girl in particular who had a very thick Dublin accent got the brunt of it. So he turns around to her that night and said:
"You talk too fast" - which was always a prelude to an accent joke. Before he could finish it one of the gang piped up:
"No mate, you just think too slow!".

My fav of all time is the one with the guy waiting in line to check on to a flight. There is a delay and he's getting more and more irate. When he finally gets to the top of the queue he decides to give the check-in lady what-for. She calmly trys to deal with him and settle him down saying there was little they could do. He then asks her;
"Do you know who I am?"
The lady at the check-in desk then, in dead-pan manner, takes her mike and announces over the loud speaker that there is a man at her counter who doesn't know who he is and if anyone can identify him they should make their way over immediately.

Reganio 2 · 17-06-2008 01:16PM

I was walking back from the Spar with mates on a lunch break from school. Random bloke in a car with his mate stopped on the Malahide Road at traffic lights leans out and says
"Hey mate McDonalds is that way" *pointing in opposite direction* then leaning back in and laughing with his mate.
I shout over to him "Yeah mate the dole collection is that way"

Me and mates started bursting out laughing. You kinda had to be there though

.

Acid_Violet · 17-06-2008 01:19PM

Slag me when you reach puberty.

Best Comebacks

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