Levels of Infidelity?

Peared · 16-04-2008 11:10PM #1

Would you dump your partner straight away if they were unfaithful or would it depend on circumstances?

For example, would a one night stand be easier to forgive than an affair?

Would it be easier to forgive if the person in question was uglier (or in womens cases fatter) than you?

I have a friend who forgave her fella because the woman he cheated on her with wasnt great looking (as good looking as her) :eek:

Sherifu · 16-04-2008 11:29PM

Dumped, no questions asked.

WhiteWashMan · 16-04-2008 11:37PM

a drunken one night stand, while it would bother me, would not make me dump my partner.
an affair on the other hand would make me think, becuase then that really means that there is something wrong with the relationship.

i dont think i could make a pre-emptive decision on such an emotive subject. the only thing i could do is make a decision based on after the fact information.

Davidius · 16-04-2008 11:44PM

If a girl were to cheat on me then she can **** right off.

There's no excuse for that kind of stupid shít.

bronte · 16-04-2008 11:47PM

Happened me before and he was immediately dumped.
No way would I put up with that.

WhiteWashMan · 16-04-2008 11:48PM

does it depnd on your level of relationship?

Peared · 16-04-2008 11:49PM

But what if she did it with, I dunno, Mr Bean or Pat Kenny or something.

Would that be easier on the heart than Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell?

Edit
Maybe so WWM, good point.

bug · 16-04-2008 11:54PM

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

does it depnd on your level of relationship?

What do you mean by level?

Like Married adult , teenage relationship.. etc?

Joanne87 · 16-04-2008 11:56PM

Immediate dumping offense. For me it wouldn't matter if it was a 10 day or 10 year relationship, cheating shows a complete lack of respect for your partner and there's no excuse for it. Also the 'level of infidelity' (i.e. whether it was just a kiss or a full blown affair) wouldn't matter. Cheating is cheating in my book.
End of.

16-04-2008 11:58PM

Oooooooo, this sounds like a survey question with one of those Likert-type scales? Like...

True Love
(Never cheats...and might be THE ONE for you)
5

Thinks they are in love with you, most of the time, but still needs to mature a bit before committing to a serious relationship.
(Infrequently cheats)
4

Undecided, making love to you and others
(Cheats half the time)
3

Doesn't love you, no matter what they say, feeling compelled by Darwin to spread oats, or receive oats if female.
(Cheats frequently)
2

Prides themselves as a cheat, but putting a favourable label on their behaviour for the benefit of their mates...the kings and queens of one-night-stands with randomers, also grand for spreading STDs.
(Cheats always)
1

Wibbs · 16-04-2008 11:58PM

I would have to agree with whitewashman. It all depends on the circumstances. You can't really say yay or nay before the fact. One shag a problem, many shags or even long term emotional cheating much worse IMHO. I've known some to emotionally cheat with little problem at all. that can be a bigger betrayal of the relationship. Knee jerk reactions especially in a long termer are for emotionally immature types. Again IMHO.

Davidius · 16-04-2008 11:59PM

Peared wrote: »

But what if she did it with, I dunno, Mr Bean or Pat Kenny or something.

Would that be easier on the heart than Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell?

I don't understand the question.

pwd · 17-04-2008 12:03AM

Even if I could and did forgive them I would still dump them, because I think it would bother me too much and mess up the relationship. So I would see anything apart from dumping them as drawing out the inevitable ad necessary breakup.

Wibbs · 17-04-2008 12:04AM

Peared wrote: »

But what if she did it with, I dunno, Mr Bean or Pat Kenny or something.

Would that be easier on the heart than Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell?

TBH honest the latter would be actually easier to take. the fact that she got the leg over some gimpoid would make it worse, as it would make me and what I broght to the relationship look a lot worse.:D

Peared · 17-04-2008 12:06AM

Davidius wrote: »

I don't understand the question.

The question refers to my original post. Some people find infidelity more forgivable if they dont feel threatened by the third party. Especially women I think. One of the first things they will ask or wonder is "is she better looking than me?"

WhiteWashMan · 17-04-2008 12:08AM

bug wrote: »

What do you mean by level?

Like Married adult , teenage relationship.. etc?

pretty much.

i mean, lets face it, we have all done stupid things in our life, many of which we deeply regret. i am not going to throw away a wonderful life with a wonderful partner over a drunken fumble.
dont get me wrong, i wont be happy about it, but my relationship is stronger and more important.

if i was dating a girl for 2 weeks and she went off with someone else, then sure, id probably suggest that we go our seperate was. a long term relationship, well, there are so many other considerations. like who gets the cats. too much trouble

Wibbs · 17-04-2008 12:08AM

men do too. Maybe not just in the looks dept. but many would be worrying "is he better than me".

Peared · 17-04-2008 12:10AM

Wibbs wrote: »

TBH honest the latter would be actually easier to take. the fact that she got the leg over some gimpoid would make it worse, as it would make me and what I broght to the relationship look a lot worse.:D

There is that.

bug · 17-04-2008 12:12AM

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

pretty much.

i mean, lets face it, we have all done stupid things in our life, many of which we deeply regret. i am not going to throw away a wonderful life with a wonderful partner over a drunken fumble.
dont get me wrong, i wont be happy about it, but my relationship is stronger and more important.

if i was dating a girl for 2 weeks and she went off with someone else, then sure, id probably suggest that we go our seperate was. a long term relationship, well, there are so many other considerations. like who gets the cats. too much trouble

I'd get the cats

Red Hand · 17-04-2008 12:13AM

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Oooooooo, this sounds like a survey question with one of those Likert-type scales? Like...

True Love
(Never cheats...and might be THE ONE for you)
5

Thinks they are in love with you, most of the time, but still needs to mature a bit before committing to a serious relationship.
(Infrequently cheats)
4

Undecided, making love to you and others
(Cheats half the time)
3

Doesn't love you, no matter what they say, feeling compelled by Darwin to spread oats (or receive oats if female)
2

Prides themselves as a cheat (but putting a favourable label on their behaviour for the benefit of their mates...the kings and queens of one-night-stands with randomers, also grand for spreading STDs)
1

Ha-very good! I like your DEFCOM style-but methinks any level of cheating would result in a nuclear strike (castration:eek:)?:p

I don't buy the "drunken one night stand" thing that a previous poster mentioned. You are responsible for what you do, be you drunk or sober, and no amount of pussy-footing, excuse making and hand wringing is going to change that.

If you want to spread your oats, then do the right thing and take your drill seed machine off to a different field.

Quality · 17-04-2008 12:15AM

I am with my oh 13 years at the end of this year. I was just 16 when we started going out.

He knows that if he was to have a one night stand on me or an affair that it would be over. No questions asked, the same goes if I was to do it on him.

I would not be able to spend the rest of my life with someone I cannot trust. I would not be able to respect him and that in effect would ruin our relationship. I dont think we would survive from it.

Its more than just us that it would effect, its the kids as well so we both know what the consequences are.
If it got to the stage where one of us was considering an affair, the relationship would really have broken down.

Joanne87 · 17-04-2008 12:16AM

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Ha-very good! I like your DEFCOM style-but methinks any level of cheating would result in a nuclear strike (castration:eek:)?:p

I don't buy the "drunken one night stand" thing that a previous poster mentioned. You are responsible for what you do, be you drunk or sober, and no amount of pussy-footing, excuse making and hand wringing is going to change that.

If you want to spread your oats, then do the right thing and take your drill seed machine off to a different field.

Agreed. As I said before, it's totally unforgivable on any level. In fact..if it was a long term relationship (with cats:rolleyes:) it'd be all the more unforgivable I reckon! Poor cats...!

WhiteWashMan · 17-04-2008 12:28AM

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

I don't buy the "drunken one night stand" thing that a previous poster mentioned. You are responsible for what you do, be you drunk or sober, and no amount of pussy-footing, excuse making and hand wringing is going to change that.

oh, i didnt say it was ok to do, and i never said there was no reponsibility involved.
i simply said that people make mistakes, and if im with someone for 40 years, then quite frankly, i do expect there to be a mistake here or there. now, thats not me giving my partner the go ahead to go out and get laid, im simply stating that it is my belief that we all fcuk somewhere along the way, and i understand that.
i also said i wouldnt be happy with it, but you know what, i will live with it. mind you, id also prefer not to know.

if my partner wanted an affair, as already mentioned, then you already have issues.

there is a huge difference between a drunken fumble as i said, and getting emotionally involved with another person.

WhiteWashMan · 17-04-2008 12:28AM

Joanne87 wrote: »

Agreed. As I said before, it's totally unforgivable on any level. In fact..if it was a long term relationship (with cats:rolleyes:) it'd be all the more unforgivable I reckon! Poor cats...!

no cats were harmed in the writing of this post.

bug · 17-04-2008 12:28AM

I remember a mate meeting a guy in st stephens green, dressed in a suit and crying. He was disheveled and in bits and started talking to said mate.
Aparently his wife had had an affair and contracted HIV, so she had to tell him even though this had been going on years.

I think that set the tone for me.

The first thing i think of when I read the PI threads and they say "woe is me the other half had sex with someone else". I think, jesus, imagine putting someone at risk like that.

The "hurt" and infidelity issues I could probably get over for example. But I'd pretty much lose respect for someone that hadn't the self control to keep it together and not shag someone else. In tandum with the real life situation above, I'd pretty much disregard anyone who would put me in harms way.

WhiteWashMan · 17-04-2008 12:29AM

and i totally agree with you.

17-04-2008 12:32AM

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Ha-very good! I like your DEFCOM style-but methinks any level of cheating would result in a nuclear strike (castration:eek:)?:p

*B!ue eyes sword* "Beats chopping cucumbers!"

challengemaster · 17-04-2008 12:35AM

I'd be fairly confident she wouldn't cheat in the first place

and she could certainly expect the same from me.

WhiteWashMan · 17-04-2008 12:50AM

challengemaster wrote: »

I'd be fairly confident she wouldn't cheat in the first place and she could certainly expect the same from me.

well, one would hope so.

you cant base a relationship on suspicion and mistrust!

at the end of the day, we all base our relatiosnhips on the fact taht we just hope the other person wont **** off at any stage and leave us in the lurch.

admiralofthefleet · 17-04-2008 12:51AM

i wouldnt mind the missus cheating provided the other bird was a fox

bronte · 17-04-2008 01:18AM

pwd wrote: »

Even if I could and did forgive them I would still dump them, because I think it would bother me too much and mess up the relationship. So I would see anything apart from dumping them as drawing out the inevitable ad necessary breakup.

That's pretty much what I felt..Twas going nowhere after that.

Levels of Infidelity?

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