Levels of Infidelity?

Peared

Would you dump your partner straight away if they were unfaithful or would it depend on circumstances?

For example, would a one night stand be easier to forgive than an affair?

Would it be easier to forgive if the person in question was uglier (or in womens cases fatter) than you?

I have a friend who forgave her fella because the woman he cheated on her with wasnt great looking (as good looking as her) :eek:

Sherifu

Dumped, no questions asked.

WhiteWashMan

a drunken one night stand, while it would bother me, would not make me dump my partner.
an affair on the other hand would make me think, becuase then that really means that there is something wrong with the relationship.

i dont think i could make a pre-emptive decision on such an emotive subject. the only thing i could do is make a decision based on after the fact information.

Davidius

If a girl were to cheat on me then she can **** right off.

There's no excuse for that kind of stupid shít.

bronte

Happened me before and he was immediately dumped.
No way would I put up with that.

WhiteWashMan

does it depnd on your level of relationship?

Peared

But what if she did it with, I dunno, Mr Bean or Pat Kenny or something.

Would that be easier on the heart than Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell?

Edit
Maybe so WWM, good point.

bug

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

does it depnd on your level of relationship?

What do you mean by level?

Like Married adult , teenage relationship.. etc?

Joanne87

Immediate dumping offense. For me it wouldn't matter if it was a 10 day or 10 year relationship, cheating shows a complete lack of respect for your partner and there's no excuse for it. Also the 'level of infidelity' (i.e. whether it was just a kiss or a full blown affair) wouldn't matter. Cheating is cheating in my book.
End of.

Black Swan

Oooooooo, this sounds like a survey question with one of those Likert-type scales? Like...

True Love
(Never cheats...and might be THE ONE for you)
5

Thinks they are in love with you, most of the time, but still needs to mature a bit before committing to a serious relationship.
(Infrequently cheats)
4

Undecided, making love to you and others
(Cheats half the time)
3

Doesn't love you, no matter what they say, feeling compelled by Darwin to spread oats, or receive oats if female.
(Cheats frequently)
2

Prides themselves as a cheat, but putting a favourable label on their behaviour for the benefit of their mates...the kings and queens of one-night-stands with randomers, also grand for spreading STDs.
(Cheats always)
1

Wibbs

I would have to agree with whitewashman. It all depends on the circumstances. You can't really say yay or nay before the fact. One shag a problem, many shags or even long term emotional cheating much worse IMHO. I've known some to emotionally cheat with little problem at all. that can be a bigger betrayal of the relationship. Knee jerk reactions especially in a long termer are for emotionally immature types. Again IMHO.

Davidius

Peared wrote: »

But what if she did it with, I dunno, Mr Bean or Pat Kenny or something.

Would that be easier on the heart than Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell?

I don't understand the question.

pwd

Even if I could and did forgive them I would still dump them, because I think it would bother me too much and mess up the relationship. So I would see anything apart from dumping them as drawing out the inevitable ad necessary breakup.

Wibbs

Peared wrote: »

But what if she did it with, I dunno, Mr Bean or Pat Kenny or something.

Would that be easier on the heart than Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell?

TBH honest the latter would be actually easier to take. the fact that she got the leg over some gimpoid would make it worse, as it would make me and what I broght to the relationship look a lot worse.:D

Peared

Davidius wrote: »

I don't understand the question.

The question refers to my original post. Some people find infidelity more forgivable if they dont feel threatened by the third party. Especially women I think. One of the first things they will ask or wonder is "is she better looking than me?"

WhiteWashMan

bug wrote: »

What do you mean by level?

Like Married adult , teenage relationship.. etc?

pretty much.

i mean, lets face it, we have all done stupid things in our life, many of which we deeply regret. i am not going to throw away a wonderful life with a wonderful partner over a drunken fumble.
dont get me wrong, i wont be happy about it, but my relationship is stronger and more important.

if i was dating a girl for 2 weeks and she went off with someone else, then sure, id probably suggest that we go our seperate was. a long term relationship, well, there are so many other considerations. like who gets the cats. too much trouble

Wibbs

men do too. Maybe not just in the looks dept. but many would be worrying "is he better than me".

Peared

Wibbs wrote: »

TBH honest the latter would be actually easier to take. the fact that she got the leg over some gimpoid would make it worse, as it would make me and what I broght to the relationship look a lot worse.:D

There is that.

bug

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

pretty much.

i mean, lets face it, we have all done stupid things in our life, many of which we deeply regret. i am not going to throw away a wonderful life with a wonderful partner over a drunken fumble.
dont get me wrong, i wont be happy about it, but my relationship is stronger and more important.

if i was dating a girl for 2 weeks and she went off with someone else, then sure, id probably suggest that we go our seperate was. a long term relationship, well, there are so many other considerations. like who gets the cats. too much trouble

I'd get the cats

Red Hand

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Oooooooo, this sounds like a survey question with one of those Likert-type scales? Like...

True Love
(Never cheats...and might be THE ONE for you)
5

Thinks they are in love with you, most of the time, but still needs to mature a bit before committing to a serious relationship.
(Infrequently cheats)
4

Undecided, making love to you and others
(Cheats half the time)
3

Doesn't love you, no matter what they say, feeling compelled by Darwin to spread oats (or receive oats if female)
2

Prides themselves as a cheat (but putting a favourable label on their behaviour for the benefit of their mates...the kings and queens of one-night-stands with randomers, also grand for spreading STDs)
1

Ha-very good! I like your DEFCOM style-but methinks any level of cheating would result in a nuclear strike (castration:eek:)?:p

I don't buy the "drunken one night stand" thing that a previous poster mentioned. You are responsible for what you do, be you drunk or sober, and no amount of pussy-footing, excuse making and hand wringing is going to change that.

If you want to spread your oats, then do the right thing and take your drill seed machine off to a different field.

Quality

I am with my oh 13 years at the end of this year. I was just 16 when we started going out.

He knows that if he was to have a one night stand on me or an affair that it would be over. No questions asked, the same goes if I was to do it on him.

I would not be able to spend the rest of my life with someone I cannot trust. I would not be able to respect him and that in effect would ruin our relationship. I dont think we would survive from it.

Its more than just us that it would effect, its the kids as well so we both know what the consequences are.
If it got to the stage where one of us was considering an affair, the relationship would really have broken down.

Joanne87

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Ha-very good! I like your DEFCOM style-but methinks any level of cheating would result in a nuclear strike (castration:eek:)?:p

I don't buy the "drunken one night stand" thing that a previous poster mentioned. You are responsible for what you do, be you drunk or sober, and no amount of pussy-footing, excuse making and hand wringing is going to change that.

If you want to spread your oats, then do the right thing and take your drill seed machine off to a different field.

Agreed. As I said before, it's totally unforgivable on any level. In fact..if it was a long term relationship (with cats:rolleyes:) it'd be all the more unforgivable I reckon! Poor cats...!

WhiteWashMan

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

I don't buy the "drunken one night stand" thing that a previous poster mentioned. You are responsible for what you do, be you drunk or sober, and no amount of pussy-footing, excuse making and hand wringing is going to change that.

oh, i didnt say it was ok to do, and i never said there was no reponsibility involved.
i simply said that people make mistakes, and if im with someone for 40 years, then quite frankly, i do expect there to be a mistake here or there. now, thats not me giving my partner the go ahead to go out and get laid, im simply stating that it is my belief that we all fcuk somewhere along the way, and i understand that.
i also said i wouldnt be happy with it, but you know what, i will live with it. mind you, id also prefer not to know.

if my partner wanted an affair, as already mentioned, then you already have issues.

there is a huge difference between a drunken fumble as i said, and getting emotionally involved with another person.

WhiteWashMan

Joanne87 wrote: »

Agreed. As I said before, it's totally unforgivable on any level. In fact..if it was a long term relationship (with cats:rolleyes:) it'd be all the more unforgivable I reckon! Poor cats...!

no cats were harmed in the writing of this post.

bug

I remember a mate meeting a guy in st stephens green, dressed in a suit and crying. He was disheveled and in bits and started talking to said mate.
Aparently his wife had had an affair and contracted HIV, so she had to tell him even though this had been going on years.

I think that set the tone for me.

The first thing i think of when I read the PI threads and they say "woe is me the other half had sex with someone else". I think, jesus, imagine putting someone at risk like that.

The "hurt" and infidelity issues I could probably get over for example. But I'd pretty much lose respect for someone that hadn't the self control to keep it together and not shag someone else. In tandum with the real life situation above, I'd pretty much disregard anyone who would put me in harms way.

WhiteWashMan

and i totally agree with you.

Black Swan

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Ha-very good! I like your DEFCOM style-but methinks any level of cheating would result in a nuclear strike (castration:eek:)?:p

*B!ue eyes sword* "Beats chopping cucumbers!"

challengemaster

I'd be fairly confident she wouldn't cheat in the first place and she could certainly expect the same from me.

WhiteWashMan

challengemaster wrote: »

I'd be fairly confident she wouldn't cheat in the first place and she could certainly expect the same from me.

well, one would hope so.

you cant base a relationship on suspicion and mistrust!

at the end of the day, we all base our relatiosnhips on the fact taht we just hope the other person wont **** off at any stage and leave us in the lurch.

admiralofthefleet

i wouldnt mind the missus cheating provided the other bird was a fox

bronte

pwd wrote: »

Even if I could and did forgive them I would still dump them, because I think it would bother me too much and mess up the relationship. So I would see anything apart from dumping them as drawing out the inevitable ad necessary breakup.

That's pretty much what I felt..Twas going nowhere after that.

JavaBear

dump dump dump dump

Rb

Cheating as in kissed some guy drunkenly in a night club - immediate dumping.
Cheating as in shagged some guy after a night out - immediately dumped, probably get their car burnt out too
Cheating as in shagging a guy on the side for a while - don't ask. Would serve some time for it anyway.

I'm not too fussed about the "situation" as in how long you've been together/married or not/etc, cheaters are scum.

Thankfully I haven't had any partners who've cheated though and hopefully never will.

Red Hand

rb_ie wrote: »

Cheating as in kissed some guy drunkenly in a night club - immediate dumping.
Cheating as in shagged some guy after a night out - immediately dumped, probably get their car burnt out too
Cheating as in shagging a guy on the side for a while - don't ask. Would serve some time for it anyway.

I'm not too fussed about the "situation" as in how long you've been together/married or not/etc, cheaters are scum.

Thankfully I haven't had any partners who've cheated though and hopefully never will.

Interesting how you describe them as scum. Especially when you would burn out their car or "serve some time" if they cheated on you.

Chavtastic!

TerrorFirmer

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

a drunken one night stand, while it would bother me, would not make me dump my partner.
an affair on the other hand would make me think, becuase then that really means that there is something wrong with the relationship.

i dont think i could make a pre-emptive decision on such an emotive subject. the only thing i could do is make a decision based on after the fact information.

Pretty much sums it up for me.

Wibbs

rb_ie wrote: »

Thankfully I haven't had any partners who've cheated though and hopefully never will.

That you know of. That's the thing. I've never cheated on a partner myself. It's no big moral backbone I have or anythng, it's just not in my nature I suppose.

I have been with women(all one night deals, from heavy snoggage to shaggage) that had partners. I didn't find out until afterwards*. In one case I found out she was getting hitched in a month or so! Another claimed to be madly in love with her partner and put actually tried to put the guilt trip on me for her actions. Fine if I'd known beforehand, but after? Nope sell that BS somewhere else. Yet another wanted it as a regular no strings thing.

If we add emotional cheating, then that list could be added to.

obviously it's not just women. I only reference that cos I'm a bloke so that's the pool I'm swimming in. I know men that have cheated on their partners. Some if you knew them it wouldn't come as a shock, others would definitely be a case of shock. Butter wouldn't melt in the mouth types.

You can't live a life looking over your shoulder though.



*With one exception. An ex that dumped me for someone else, so immature revenge thing happened. Wouldn't do that again though. She stayed with him for about two years after that. Used to ring me on a regular basis during that time.

6th

End a 15 year relationship over a drunken snog or even a one night stand? You'd have to be a fcukin' moron!

RonMexico

Dump her and all her **** out of my gaff on the spot.

Bendihorse

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Oooooooo, this sounds like a survey question with one of those Likert-type scales? Like...

True Love
(Never cheats...and might be THE ONE for you)
5

Thinks they are in love with you, most of the time, but still needs to mature a bit before committing to a serious relationship.
(Infrequently cheats)
4

Undecided, making love to you and others
(Cheats half the time)
3

Doesn't love you, no matter what they say, feeling compelled by Darwin to spread oats, or receive oats if female.
(Cheats frequently)
2

Prides themselves as a cheat, but putting a favourable label on their behaviour for the benefit of their mates...the kings and queens of one-night-stands with randomers, also grand for spreading STDs.
(Cheats always)
1

Thats a good breakdown Blue Lagoon

misslt

I pity any man that ever cheats on me, coz it'll be the last thing he ever does, I've seen too many lives ruined because of cheating.

Hell hath no fury and all that!

I'd dump him straight away - if things are bad that he feels the need to shag someone else then it wont bother him anyway

nomorebadtown

dump.

i recon my ego is far to fragile when it comes to that type of thing.

Wibbs

6th wrote: »

End a 15 year relationship over a drunken snog or even a one night stand? You'd have to be a fcukin' moron!

Exactly. All bets are off on some year long romance by comparison. If I shared and loved someone for 15 years or such like and kneejerked my way out of that over a drunken snog I would need my head examined frankly.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Totally depends on the situation, a drunken shift with a randomer wouldn't even make me raise an eyebrow, drunken sex with a randomer, I'd be mad, and I'd definitely not want to be around him for a day or two, but I'd get over it, depending on how sorry he was etc. If it was with someone he actually knew, that would be very different, as I'd assume there were feelings involved. And if it was an affair...end of, there's clearly something wrong somewhere. Of course, all that said, I've a pretty crappy record re:cheating and who I've cheated with, so I don't know how much right I'd have to be pissy

Rb

Opal Fat Self-portrait wrote: »

a drunken shift

heh, haven't heard that word in a looong time, and even then it was my parents using it

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

rb_ie wrote: »

heh, haven't heard that word in a looong time, and even then it was my parents using it

I'm from the country, rawrrrrrrrrr where's me shovel

MattKid

I think it also depends on how you find out.

Through a third person or a confession

AckwelFoley

Peared wrote: »

Would you dump your partner straight away if they were unfaithful or would it depend on circumstances?

For example, would a one night stand be easier to forgive than an affair?

Would it be easier to forgive if the person in question was uglier (or in womens cases fatter) than you?

I have a friend who forgave her fella because the woman he cheated on her with wasnt great looking (as good looking as her) :eek:

I really dont think anyone can answer that question honestly until they were faced with the prediciment.

Me personally? I really couldnt say.

stovelid

Impossible to say, but my gut feeling would be that I wouldn't throw away a very long term relationship, especially with kids, because of a once-off mistake.

That said, it's never happened to me, so it really is hard to call.

Riddle101

I guess if it was a druken one night stand or even just a harmless fling in another country I wouldn't mind, as long as she'd forgive me for the same thing, but if she had an affair i would be looking for the fella she went with, and kick the holy crap out of him, then dump the b**ch for cheating on me