So you're in Woodies just as a Zombie attack begins....

Dinter · 03-04-2008 10:18AM

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

Then I would get as much food from the vending machines as possible in the event I need to wait them out.

Considering they're dead already and don't need to eat anything except you I think they'll be the ones waiting you out.

thefinalstage · 03-04-2008 11:55AM

Nail guns do not have the power to get through skulls even if you are right beside the zombie. They are horribly in accurate and run out of ammo.

Titanium crowbar for the win! As a projectile I would choose a bow.

Dinter · 03-04-2008 12:09PM

thelastangryman wrote: »

Nail guns do not have the power to get through skulls even if you are right beside the zombie. They are horribly in accurate and run out of ammo.

Actually I think you're confusing a pump action nailgun with a gas powered stapler. I.e. a Hilti nailgun / fastener loaded with a black cartridge and with the safety pad wired back would send a nail through steel or concrete. As it's pump action and fired by cartridge you don't have to worry about the gas running out. I have seen it go through 3" of timber and almost out the other side. Also surprisingly accurate. Definitely be my weapon of choice.

Hilti's a good make though so not too sure if Woodie's would have them.

mookishboy · 03-04-2008 12:10PM

It would have to be a crowbar and then going all Gordon Freeman on them !!

Hail 2 Da Chimp · 03-04-2008 12:15PM

Dinter wrote: »

Considering they're dead already and don't need to eat anything except you I think they'll be the ones waiting you out.

No way Jose! They're not waiting me out, all I'd have to do is keep out of sight until the undead army dissipates! Then it's home free!

MOH · 03-04-2008 12:51PM

Drift wrote: »

1. Woodies has a large BBQ section

2. Zombies are not human

Surely I'm not the only one wondering what a zombie burger tastes like???

Pretty sure that still counts as cannibalism. They're dead people. They might be reanimated brain eating dead people, but they're still technically the same species.

bluto63 · 03-04-2008 01:01PM

Can these zombies climb? If not, getting up to higher ground is all that matters. Even on top of the shelves would work

c - 13 · 03-04-2008 01:05PM

The tops of the shelves wouldnt be too safe I reckon. They arent overly stable and I doubt they'd stand up to being shaken by zombies in vast numbers for too long. Which is almost a dead cert to happen because theres nothing to hide behind up there. Even if there was the zombies have an acute sense of smell (and pretty good hearing to boot).

bluto63 · 03-04-2008 01:07PM

bring some heavy/sharp objects up to drop on their heads everytime one gets near

Hrududu · 03-04-2008 01:09PM

Does some stuff in Woodies come wrapped in bubble wrap? If so I would wrap said bubble wrap around my entire body. Several layers, until I resembled the Michelin man. Then I would run (bounce) through the crowd of zombies to freedom.

Wait what happens when you get out of Woodies? Is the entire country filled with zombies?

Wazdakka · 03-04-2008 01:10PM

Forklift + Welder + Pitchforks + Mounted Chainsaws + modified patio heater + Too much A-Team = Zombie Stompin Tank!

Nuff said.

rollie · 03-04-2008 01:12PM

Deleted User wrote: »

And find somewhere that has an internet connection. Probably in an office. Internet will play a vital role in survival I think.

First i would hang out with this guy, log on to boards.ie, look for a thread called "this works" and see what the craic is.

failing that definately one of those sit on lawnmowers.....fightin' the undead in style, nice

Dinter · 03-04-2008 01:16PM

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

No way Jose! They're not waiting me out, all I'd have to do is keep out of sight until the undead army dissipates! Then it's home free!

Having spent a year eating nothing but coke, crisps and chocolate there'll be enough of you to go around to distract them all as I make a run for it.

Your huge body, covered in acne and bed sores, shambling away as fast as your tree trunk legs can carry you as you gulp in huge breaths and shake as thick sweat coats you and your small piggie eyes roll in terror at the dawning realisation that those pins and needles down the side of your body really are a sign of something serious.

Then suddenly the rough tarpaulin that you've taken to wearing since your massive bulk exploded from your clothes is grabbed from behind and letting out a weak screech from your bursting, wheezing, lungs you're dragged to a halt.

Wheeling slowly you attempt to bury your axe in one of the heads confronting you but your weak, atrophied muscles don't have a chance and after a warm rush down your legs as your bladder lets go you're dragged to the ground and consumed.

Meanwhile I stroll out whistling nonchalantly.

Wazdakka · 03-04-2008 01:17PM

Dinter wrote: »

Having spent a year eating nothing but coke, crisps and chocolate there'll be enough of you to go around to distract them all as I make a run for it.

Your huge body, covered in acne and bed sores, shambling away as fast as your tree trunk legs can carry you as you gulp in huge breaths and shake as thick sweat coats you and your small piggie eyes roll in terror at the dawning realisation that those pins and needles down the side of your body really are a sign of something serious.

Then suddenly the rough tarpaulin that you've taken to wearing since your massive bulk exploded from your clothes is grabbed from behind and letting out a weak screech from your bursting, wheezing, lungs you're dragged to a halt.

Wheeling slowly you attempt to bury your axe in one of the heads confronting you but your weak, atrophied muscles don't have a chance and after a warm rush down your legs as your bladder lets go you're dragged to the ground and consumed.

Meanwhile I stroll out whistling nonchalantly.

HAH!
Fantastic

Voodu Child · 03-04-2008 01:39PM

I reckon you could make a flame-thrower out of an electric power washer. Does fire kill Zombies?

Although a bunch of flaming zombies running around bumping into aisles of white-spirits, wooden furniture and gas cylinders might not be such a good idea...hmmm.. I know, you could have one powerwasher filled with petrol to burn them, and a second with water to put out the ensuing infernos. :pac:

Hail 2 Da Chimp · 03-04-2008 01:43PM

Dinter wrote: »

Having spent a year eating nothing but coke, crisps and chocolate there'll be enough of you to go around to distract them all as I make a run for it.

Your huge body, covered in acne and bed sores, shambling away as fast as your tree trunk legs can carry you as you gulp in huge breaths and shake as thick sweat coats you and your small piggie eyes roll in terror at the dawning realisation that those pins and needles down the side of your body really are a sign of something serious.

Then suddenly the rough tarpaulin that you've taken to wearing since your massive bulk exploded from your clothes is grabbed from behind and letting out a weak screech from your bursting, wheezing, lungs you're dragged to a halt.

Wheeling slowly you attempt to bury your axe in one of the heads confronting you but your weak, atrophied muscles don't have a chance and after a warm rush down your legs as your bladder lets go you're dragged to the ground and consumed.

Meanwhile I stroll out whistling nonchalantly.

Duh, I wouldn't be running anywhere... Thats why woodies stock sit on lawn mowers

ScumLord · 03-04-2008 01:48PM

I'd turn the sign on the front door to closed. Then they'd have to go somewhere else.

MOH · 03-04-2008 02:05PM

Dinter wrote: »

Considering they're dead already and don't need to eat anything except you I think they'll be the ones waiting you out.

That raises a point. Presumably if they're so determined to eat you (or just your brain) this stems from some basic need. So what happens if they don't eat any people? Do they eventually .. uh .. die? Or run out of energy? Or something?

Dinter · 03-04-2008 02:14PM

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

Duh, I wouldn't be running anywhere... Thats why woodies stock sit on lawn mowers

Haha.

A tiny ride-on lawnmower, overloaded with this massive lump of clammy flesh that's desperately clinging onto the engine cowling with it's massive meaty knees clamped either side and mouth open in a strained yowl of horror as the miniature vehicle weaves drunkenly and judders down an aisle, the strained engine screaming and smoke spewing everywhere as a horde of shuffling zombies edge ever closer. . .

Only one outcome there.

Seriously man, the only way you're getting out is on the prongs of my forklift (you won't fit in the cab) and I'm only going to agree to that on the condition that I can dump you in amongst them if the battery starts to die so I can make my escape*.

*or to see what happens. (You'd be a lot of trouble to feed)

Das Kitty · 03-04-2008 02:31PM

I would go for the classic 2 by 4 with a nail in it. It has great range if very little power.

Would someone do up a set of Top Trumps with Zombie killing paraphernalia on it?

Speed: ? / 10

Accuracy: ? / 10

Power: ? / 10

Range: ? / 10

Gore Factor: ? / 10

Novelty Bonus: ? / 10

bluto63 · 03-04-2008 02:44PM

What happens if we come across the dancing zombies from Michael Jacksons Thriller? How do we defend against them?

03-04-2008 02:46PM

Das Kitty wrote: »

I would go for the classic 2 by 4 with a nail in it. It has great range if very little power.

Would someone do up a set of Top Trumps with Zombie killing paraphernalia on it?

That could be discussed if the Zombie Forum gets accepted (shameless plug. See my sig)

Doesn't woodies have a section with boards in it? If so I would build a make-shift barricade as well, several inches thick to stop them breaking through. I would make sure to have vending machines on my side, would come in handy for rations.

And if fitted with a pneumatic pump, could make for a devastating weapon :cool:

c - 13 · 03-04-2008 02:46PM

bluto63 wrote: »

What happens if we come across the dancing zombies from Michael Jacksons Thriller? How do we defend against them?

You have to threaten them with a peadophilia lawsuit until they shamble away.

BobTheBeat · 03-04-2008 02:47PM

I think a pop and lock followed by a decent floor routine might do it

Dinter · 03-04-2008 02:47PM

bluto63 wrote: »

What happens if we come across the dancing zombies from Michael Jacksons Thriller? How do we defend against them?

Not too sure how to deal with the zombies themselves but if it's the man himself plug your ears with wax, claw your eyes out and walk slowly past with your arse to the wall*.

*Unless you're over a certain age where only the first two will apply

03-04-2008 02:49PM

bluto63 wrote: »

What happens if we come across the dancing zombies from Michael Jacksons Thriller? How do we defend against them?

Glue.

Depending on the rate of decomposition when they try to moonwalk, their legs would break off.

However if you encounter the actual Michael Jackson, it would be difficult to distinguish between the real or the zombified one. Take him out anyways. Just to be sure.

bluto63 · 03-04-2008 02:50PM

Yea, but remember they're deceitful. They act like normal zombies, himself acting like a normal person(:rolleyes:) before they break into a big dance routine! You won't know which ones are the dancing ones until it's too late!

HammerHeadGym · 03-04-2008 02:51PM

6 pages in two days??

Good stuff fellas. Nice to know that at least some people take the threat of a zombie armageddon or Zarmageddon seriously. I'll definitely be PM-ing you come the Zapocolyse.

Also if we wind up in a situation like in Dawn of the dead (remake) or 28 weeks later, I call dibs on killing the Zaby, or the Zaddy.

c - 13 · 03-04-2008 02:51PM

bluto63 wrote: »

Yea, but remember they're deceitful. They act like normal zombies, himself acting like a normal person(:rolleyes:) before they break into a big dance routine! You won't know which ones are the dancing ones until it's too late!

You just have to bide your time and watch their eating habits, I hear the Micheal Jackson ones have a taste for small children !

BobTheBeat · 03-04-2008 02:52PM

How about the infamous chlorine bomb? Surely its ingredients would be lying around the store?

How about making one on a grandiose scale, by placing the ingredients in a couple of gallon size weed spraying containers (you know the ones that fit on your back) and sellotaping the flesh (or a brain) of one of your dead colleagues to its outside, so that when the zombies see it they'll attack it and bingo you have an agitant. Kabooom!

Yay!

So you're in Woodies just as a Zombie attack begins....

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