Things you never want to hear from your parents

Loomis · 19-03-2008 09:59PM

Daddy dearest again...
'Fancy a quick one, Sharon?' (again with The Snapper reference)
And 'I'll give you a bang of it'
And 'I'll leave you in a ****in heap'...
I could go on

Kold · 19-03-2008 10:16PM

I'm always pretty disappointed when my Mum farts.

CallMeMiss · 19-03-2008 11:26PM

My mam to me in front of the new boy .....

"If ur going to be courting Id rather you found some where else to do it, I dont have time to be fixing up the couch every morning"

MORTOFIED

Shes also used the term "heavy petting" once or twice .......

Cokehead Mother · 20-03-2008 12:12AM

"i could buy you a proper one so you won't need to steal the carrots anymore"

WoollyRedHat · 20-03-2008 12:22AM

bitemybanger wrote: »

yes yes yes yes yes O YES YES right there, give it to me, harder, harder.

Do i need to explain??:rolleyes:

Maybe they were hanging up pictures on the wall?

thefinalstage · 20-03-2008 12:25AM

120_Minutes wrote: »

"we're going on a swingers holiday!"

I will be booking one post haste!

Trojan911 · 20-03-2008 12:38AM

Going by the Thread Title:

Father: Your not going out....

Rb · 20-03-2008 01:49AM

I once overheard my dad tell his mate on the phone how he was going to be stuck doing it missionary after he'd damaged his back.

Christ I did not need to know that.

JC 2K3 · 20-03-2008 01:54AM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Ah come on people, move it along. The day is slow.
Another gem from my dad "get into the bedroom bitch 'til I rattle ye"

Did it hurt?

Sangre · 20-03-2008 01:57AM

rb_ie wrote: »

I once overheard my dad tell his mate on the phone how he was going to be stuck doing it missionary after he'd damaged his back.

Christ I did not need to know that.

Yeah, its always depressing when you realise your parents are getting old.

Rb · 20-03-2008 02:01AM

Sangre wrote: »

Yeah, its always depressing when you realise your parents are getting old.

sinlessgunner · 20-03-2008 02:10AM

Conversation with Dad when I was 15:

Dad: You and *my ex's name* have beem going out a while now
Me: Yeah a year now almost
Dad: Are you having sex yet
Me: :eek: eh no........(yes) haha
Dad: I'll buy you some condoms if you're afraid to get them yourself. You should have them in case you do end up having sex
Me: .................dead silence the rest of the way home

Rb · 20-03-2008 02:12AM

sinlessgunner wrote: »

Conversation with Dad when I was 15:

Dad: You and *my ex's name* have beem going out a while now
Me: Yeah a year now almost
Dad: Are you having sex yet
Me: :eek: eh no........(yes) haha
Dad: I'll buy you some condoms if you're afraid to get them yourself. You should have them in case you do end up having sex
Me: .................dead silence the rest of the way home

Ah that's not that bad in fairness, every guy has had a few condom discussions with their father.

It's cringeworthy at the time but they've only your best interests in mind.

Loomis · 20-03-2008 09:27AM

JC 2K3 wrote: »

Did it hurt?

No idea. I didn't ask her

javaboy · 20-03-2008 10:03AM

sinlessgunner wrote: »

Conversation with Dad when I was 15:

Dad: You and *my ex's name* have beem going out a while now
Me: Yeah a year now almost
Dad: Are you having sex yet
Me: :eek: eh no........(yes) haha
Dad: I'll buy you some condoms if you're afraid to get them yourself. You should have them in case you do end up having sex
Me: .................dead silence the rest of the way home

So if you just get over the whole weirdness and general awkwardness, your dad offered to buy+pay for your condoms for you and gave you the all clear to have the s€x at 15? That's the blaydin' bizzo!

One thing that would be weird though is if he bought them for you and you used them all up fairly quickly. It would be really awkward going up to him every couple of days asking for another 12 pack... or flavoured ones.

Wook · 20-03-2008 02:57PM

sinlessgunner wrote: »

Conversation with Dad when I was 15:

Dad: You and *my ex's name* have beem going out a while now
Me: Yeah a year now almost
Dad: Are you having sex yet
Me: :eek: eh no........(yes) haha
Dad: I'll buy you some condoms if you're afraid to get them yourself. You should have them in case you do end up having sex
Me: .................dead silence the rest of the way home

great dad IMO

flanum · 20-03-2008 04:39PM

Father to son: "after i buy you these condoms, ill show you how to put one on"

kev_s88 · 20-03-2008 04:47PM

too much

Al_Fernz · 20-03-2008 05:34PM

My mate was in NY with his parents when he was 18. Walking down a street his mother pointed to a hotel and said "Thats where you were concieved."

He really didn't need to tell all of us though.

PeadarofAodh · 20-03-2008 05:44PM

My dad: "Yore ma"

Acid_Violet · 20-03-2008 09:33PM

I was born 12 years after my last sibling. My mum talking about me being a surprise. Urgh.........

Acid_Violet · 20-03-2008 09:36PM

sinlessgunner wrote: »

Conversation with Dad when I was 15:

Dad: You and *my ex's name* have beem going out a while now
Me: Yeah a year now almost
Dad: Are you having sex yet
Me: :eek: eh no........(yes) haha
Dad: I'll buy you some condoms if you're afraid to get them yourself. You should have them in case you do end up having sex
Me: .................dead silence the rest of the way home

A friend's mum once said to him (which I think is quite legend), in a fairly resigned voice 'if you want to have sex then I can't do anything to stop you but at least let me know so I can get you some condoms and get out of the house'.

L1011 · 20-03-2008 10:30PM

Al_Fernz wrote: »

My mate was in NY with his parents when he was 18. Walking down a street his mother pointed to a hotel and said "Thats where you were concieved."

He really didn't need to tell all of us though.

I was told where I was conceived too. Or at least where my dad insists it happened, my mam claims it was at home a week later >.<

Al_Fernz · 21-03-2008 12:06AM

MYOB wrote: »

I was told where I was conceived too. Or at least where my dad insists it happened, my mam claims it was at home a week later >.<

Brooklyn?

juuge · 21-03-2008 12:25AM

'Well we had blow jobs in our day too'

gcgirl · 21-03-2008 12:31AM

Acid_Violet wrote: »

I was born 12 years after my last sibling. My mum talking about me being a surprise. Urgh.........

one for old times sake!!!:D

tweety28 · 21-03-2008 02:23AM

Mother to me at about 15 ...'' we are (meaning her and dad) are moving to spain, you can come if you want''

oh how loved i felt........

Gekko · 21-03-2008 03:37AM

Too many to mention, leading to much psychological scarring, including these:

My mother (at an age when I didn't fully understand): "so I got the durex and put a few holes in it with a needle...."

My father (more recently): "That girl in the photo. Did you shag her?"

Riddle101 · 21-03-2008 04:12AM

Where do i start

Walking past a girl i had the hots for
Mom: Is that the girl you like, she nice(Barley an earshot away from the girl)

Mom: I didn't know i could have more babies after the crash(Therefore i'm an accident)

My mom dosen't really understand a few concepts to things but once she actually sang the my dingaling song(Not knowing what she was getting into)

Riding this girl one time when my dad shouts up to us, stop rocking the bed

Mom once showed my friends her photo album, needless to say a lot of them were embarrassing pictures of me

I love picture Lawls

rediguana · 21-03-2008 04:22AM

Mum: "I found <my dad> in bed with <her friend>. He'd had a lot to drink"

What do you say? It wasn't what it looked like? Whatever that was..

Things you never want to hear from your parents

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