Things you never want to hear from your parents

Loomis · 19-03-2008 10:48AM #1

Well what's the worst thing you've ever heard from your parents? The kind of thing that would normally be funny if it hadn't just come from your parents mouth. I have tons cause my parents love to try to embarrass me.

WindSock · 19-03-2008 10:50AM

''you're not really adopted''

Saint_Mel · 19-03-2008 10:54AM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Well what's the worst thing you've ever heard from your parents? The kind of thing that would normally be funny if it hadn't just come from your parents mouth. I have tons cause my parents love to try to embarrass me.

I was in town with my Dad recently and met a mate (who he also knows) with his girlfriend. Stopped to chat for a few minutes and they had barely turned away to go when my Dad piped up ..."Jaysus, she's not much to look at"

Was funny to hear until I realised it was my Dad sizing up my mates girlfriend!

Loomis · 19-03-2008 10:59AM

Mild, lads, mild...
I'm talking "ye, she was biting the pillow last night" from my dad while he gestures in my mothers direction
I'll share others later

19-03-2008 11:00AM

"we're going to portugal!"

coillcam · 19-03-2008 11:01AM

The noise of them having sex when your just old enough to understand what sex is.

syklops · 19-03-2008 11:05AM

Saint_Mel wrote: »

Was funny to hear until I realised it was my Dad sizing up my mates girlfriend!

What do you mean it was funny until you realised he was sizing her up? Why would he make the statement if he wasnt sizing her up?

Wazdakka · 19-03-2008 11:46AM

Was having a chat with my mum a while ago about her going to the Doc.
Mum and dad divorced aaagess ago and her partner died about 6 years ago.
Anyway.. She started talking about them Wimmins tests. And before I could cover my poor little ears I heard.
"Its not that I was worried that there was something wrong.. Its just been so long I was afraid he'd find Rust"

:eek:

Loomis · 19-03-2008 11:47AM

Ah come on people, move it along. The day is slow.
Another gem from my dad "get into the bedroom bitch 'til I rattle ye"

whatsgoinon · 19-03-2008 11:48AM

My father after a feed of 8 pints of the black stuff, looking my cousins boyfriend (who in all honesty is a complete minger) up and down, and declaring to all around him "jaysis he must have a d*ck like a stallion, why else would she be with him?"

shame-o-rama

Saint_Mel · 19-03-2008 11:49AM

syklops wrote: »

What do you mean it was funny until you realised he was sizing her up? Why would he make the statement if he wasnt sizing her up?

It was funny to hear, but the idea of my Dad sizing her up wasn't!

watna · 19-03-2008 11:57AM

My granny asked me once "are you courting", when I was about 16. I said granny nobody says that anymore, it's very old fashioned. She said oh and was quiet for a few seconds and then asked "are you shagging around then"!

I've never been so schocked and saw my granny in a different light after that!

John Mason · 19-03-2008 12:06PM

My dad tried to offer various people money in the pub one night, to go on a date with me

cjt156 · 19-03-2008 12:11PM

irishbird wrote: »

My dad tried to offer various people money in the pub one night, to go on a date with me

I know; tell him not to insult me again. Two grand, pfft!

Homer · 19-03-2008 12:12PM

LittleNipper wrote: »

"we're going to portugal!"

Quality

Victor · 19-03-2008 12:26PM

I explained to my mother that a friend had told her mother of her intention to get married by taking her shopping for wedding dresses. Her mother needed a brandy. My mother siad "Well she could have just moved in with him".

I was shocked at the idea of my mother suggesting any such thing.

Andy-Pandy · 19-03-2008 12:27PM

While in Amsterdam with my Mum we walked passed a sex show and she says,' im going in, you can either come in with me or wait outside'.

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The_Minister · 19-03-2008 12:30PM

cjt156 wrote: »

I know; tell him not to insult me again. Two grand, pfft!

Legend.

bitemybanger · 19-03-2008 12:41PM

yes yes yes yes yes O YES YES right there, give it to me, harder, harder.

Do i need to explain??:rolleyes:

syklops · 19-03-2008 12:55PM

Dad: Your Mother has to go into hospital.
You: Why?
Mother: Well I have a bit hanging down, and they need to tuck it in.
You: Urghhhh.......<Shudders>

==============================

Father: I remember a time, a long time ago, with my first wife, and I was taking the kids.... Er, Ive said too much
<Father exits stage right>

==============================

Father: Your cousin mary is turning into a grand looking woman
You(Shocked): But she is only 14!
Father: Well... Even so.

==============================

On the night before your wedding, your mother says to the bride:

Mother: On my wedding night, my mother gave me this, and so now Im giving it to you. Its your something borrowed from me.
Bride: What is it?
Mother: A clockwork vibrator. The sexlife goes down hill from tonight.

==============================

Im done. I think I need to get a real job aswell.

RonMexico · 19-03-2008 01:12PM

One time I was on holiday with my friend and his family and my friend and I were heading off to the bars to get pissed and we asked his Dad to come out with us because the mother was taking forever to get ready. He said he would join us in an hour. My friend says to him - "What do you need an hour for, thats an hours drinking wasted."

His reply was golden.

"I need an hour to get your mother off!"

Not realising she was standing behind him.

Fizman · 19-03-2008 01:37PM

Going by the thread title alone...... I would never want my dad to take a picture of my mum out of his wallet and ask me "Would you?".

The same goes for my mum taking a pic of my dad out and asking the same question. Now that would just be too weird altogether.

19-03-2008 01:50PM

Fizman wrote: »

Going by the thread title alone...... I would never want my dad to take a picture of my mum out of his wallet and ask me "Would you?".

The same goes for my mum taking a pic of my dad out and asking the same question. Now that would just be too weird altogether.

i would;)

Fizman · 19-03-2008 01:54PM

LittleNipper wrote: »

i would;)

My dad??
Your one sick puppy!

The Queen · 19-03-2008 03:24PM

For some reason, we were talking about our old kitchen, and I said remember our old table? Mammy went on to describe how I was conceived there.... Ugh...

Also, her and Dad once went down to room, and just started going "oh, oh, oh yes, oooo I love when you do that"

I hate them!

Loomis · 19-03-2008 03:33PM

The Queen wrote: »

For some reason, we were talking about our old kitchen, and I said remember our old table? Mammy went on to describe how I was conceived there.... Ugh...

Also, her and Dad once went down to room, and just started going "oh, oh, oh yes, oooo I love when you do that"

I hate them!

Similar, but my dad doesn't leave the room. With me and my sisters in the room he'll happy get on top of my mother and start doing 'the motions' and making noise saying 'oh baby oh baby'. Normally throws in 'A1 Sharon' too*

* Note this is not her name but the delightful reference to The Snapper by Roddy Doyle

chamlis · 19-03-2008 03:39PM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Similar, but my dad doesn't leave the room. With me and my sisters in the room he'll happy get on top of my mother and start doing 'the motions' and making noise saying 'oh baby oh baby'. Normally throws in 'A1 Sharon' too*

* Note this is not her name but the delightful reference to The Snapper by Roddy Doyle

lmfao

useful_contacts · 19-03-2008 03:59PM

Reminds me of my fathers 60th in the pub- we had a little party, and we were all fairly flutered and somehow in the sisters group the conversation got to sex. So my mam passes , brandy in hand and pipes in "ive a story for ya' she sits down and describes IN DETAIL the positions she likes and informed us she concieved my little sister on the sink *shudders*

Think thats bad? she was drunk so she was talkin pretty loud- so dad hears her and pipes up "Didnt you clean a chicken for dinner in that sink the next day"

Oh the shame!!!:eek:

120_Minutes · 19-03-2008 04:17PM

"we're going on a swingers holiday!"

AckwelFoley · 19-03-2008 08:13PM

FACT:

I walked in on my 60 year old parents having sex 2 years ago.

The words comming out of my mother should never be heard by a son.

The only solice i took from the incident, after all the throwing up i did, was i know now where i inherited my sexual stamina from.

Thanks dad.

RonMexico · 19-03-2008 09:20PM

snyper wrote: »

FACT:

I walked in on my 60 year old parents having sex 2 years ago.

The words comming out of my mother should never be heard by a son.

The only solice i took from the incident, after all the throwing up i did, was i know now where i inherited my sexual stamina from.

Thanks dad.

Were the words - "Would you like to tag-team me?"

Things you never want to hear from your parents

Comments