Despise my friends girlfriend

LegacyUser · 01-02-2008 12:28PM #1

Been best friend with this guy for 20 odd years now were both 30 this year. We are both in long term relationships, his is about 2 years. But I cant stand his girlfriend. We both work in a similar area in finance. Basically when I met her for the first time we got on fine they usual chat about what we do etc.. But since then I've wanted to rip my own arm off and beat her to death with it. Basically she is still in an entry level position since she started working with her company 6 years ago still on a pretty crappy wage too. On the croporate ladder i would be a couple of places above her, I would be her managers manager.

She seems to think she knows EVERYTHING not just about her work but about mine, my friends (he's an engineer) my girlfriend (shes a vet) and pretty much anyone else she talks to. Whenever i see her she pretty much tells me how to do my job and that if she applied for a job in my company she's be my boss.

Also I did a masters which my company paid for and some other exams, she says the are worthless in our field, some how i dont think my company would have paid for it if it was

Myself and my GF bought a house, its a 3 bed in a decent area, we spent a lot of money on buying the house and furnishing downstairs and our room, the 2 guest beds got bargaintown beds (as we live close to family/friends we would rarely have people stay over) but my freinds GF says she knew straighaway it was a cheap bed when she slept on it!

Also myself and my friend built a gamesroom/shed thing in the back garden as we have a decent amount of space, Its pretty basic it has a toilet a couple of couches playstation and a pool table and a pretty old fridge for beer oh and a poper poker table:) Anyway If we have a party myself and the lads would usually retreat there for an hour or to let the girls chat, but all this girl says is that as I built it she doesnt think its safe!

I do a very small amount of travelling with work I mean maybe twice a year to new york for a week of meetings, I usually go with 4 other managers tbh there's 2 days of meetings and the last couple of times my GF has come over. So that last time i went my Gf invited my friend and his GF but she would come as it wasnt a proper trip as i was already over there!

Finally as my GF is a vet shes an animal lover, she especially loves St Bernards...

So I got her a puppy last Xmas so he's just over a year but he's about as well trained as one of those police dogs, sometimes he will stay in the house while my gf is at work, we live near to her work. sometimes he goes to work with her but we bought an old commercial jeep from a friend of my Gfs dad for pocket change as it will get ruined when he's in it but my friends GF says that we are spoling him by letting him have his own car, i mean how stupid is that...

Finally as i mentioned above myself and my buddy are 30 this year so we were thinking of having a pretty big joint bash either in a pub or maybe at my house during the summer. Now his GF wont entertain the idea of having it in our house as people will then think its just my birthday and not my friends,

Frankly i'm at my wits end with this retard my buddy knows we are like chalk and cheese and i know he loves her (dont ask me how!) sorry this is just a rant and it felt good to express my anger!

Meathlass · 01-02-2008 01:00PM

Why are you looking for your friend's girlfriends validation for everything you do and everything about your life. Just ignore her, try to see your mate without her. What does your girlfriend think of her? Why would she have invited them on holidays if she knew how you felt.

evry1sm8 · 01-02-2008 01:04PM

She sounds a bit ditzy to me, and probably most of the things she says are meant completely innocently...she probably doesnt realise how offending they might sound.

Have you ever considered that she might boast or go on about how much she knows to try and impress you??
She probably knows you dont exactly see eye to eye, maybe she is trying to boost herself up in your presence, make herself seem more impressive, by saying things that seem condacending??

rainbowtrout · 01-02-2008 01:16PM

She could be just jealous of everything you have that she doesn't have and the only way she has of dealing with the jealousy is to try and make disparaging remarks

Regarding job: next time she brings it up, why don't you ask her why she hasn't been promoted yet/applied for other jobs if she is so well qualified

Staying at your house/parties at your house: The next time she makes a comment about your beds/construction skills ask her would she like for you to ring a taxi for her so she can sleep in her own bed/ or to go home so she won't be comprimising her own safety

Work trips: Invite her boyfriend and say to her I didn't think you would be interested seeing as it wasn't a real trip. She'll soon stop making comments

Oh and as for the dog, next time she's driving you anywhere, bring the dog with you, make sure he's covered in mud and if she queries it tell her you wouldn't want to be spoiling him by bringing him in a separate car

That may come across as sounding a bit harsh but I've found in the past that people who are constantly finding fault and like to put you down are best tackled head on

ergonomics · 01-02-2008 01:21PM

If she's saying these that annoy you why not say it to her, calmly? Maybe she doesn't realise she's acting like this and because no one ever said it to you she is continuing with the behaviour.

LegacyUser · 01-02-2008 01:24PM

Meathlass wrote: »

Why are you looking for your friend's girlfriends validation for everything you do and everything about your life. Just ignore her, try to see your mate without her. What does your girlfriend think of her? Why would she have invited them on holidays if she knew how you felt.

My girlfriend this she's "harmelss" i mean they get on OK they only think they've clashe don is when she has told my GF how she should do her job!
I'm not looking for her validation she gives her opinion on everthing!

evry1sm8 wrote: »

She sounds a bit ditzy to me, and probably most of the things she says are meant completely innocently...she probably doesnt realise how offending they might sound.

Have you ever considered that she might boast or go on about how much she knows to try and impress you??
She probably knows you dont exactly see eye to eye, maybe she is trying to boost herself up in your presence, make herself seem more impressive, by saying things that seem condacending??

I dont think shes trying to impress me she's like this with everyone, i think she's just stupid but my friend has plans for her so it looks like she'll be around for a whilw

denhaagenite · 01-02-2008 01:27PM

You sound exactly like a friend of my boyfriend's and to be frank you sound like a bit of a p***k aswell.
Stop looking for his girlfriend to impress you, you should be doing all you can to make her feel welcome, not giving out about her. Her actions are probably a reaction to the vibe she gets off you.
Relationships are hard enough without crappy jealous friends making it harder- have you even asked yourself the important question? Does she love him and make him happy?
You're such a brilliant mate OP, get off the cross would ya?

Marksie · 01-02-2008 01:32PM

denhaagenite: tone down the personal language there

Meathlass · 01-02-2008 01:38PM

This is a really tough situation op, especially if your mate is in love with her and you think she's around long term. Have you mentioned anything to him or has he mentioned it to you that he notices it.

One of the other posters mentioned asking her why she hasn't a promotion etc. That could work.

Bottom line is that if you want him to be part of your life than you have to accept his partner as well. It sounds like she's very insecure and doesn't feel accepted in his life. What age is he, you mentioned ye were both 30, is she much younger?

denhaagenite · 01-02-2008 01:39PM

Apologies, won't happen again.

andyl222 · 01-02-2008 01:42PM

I know the sort of person you mean, she has to have an opinion on just about everything, believes in her limited capacity in work everything comes under her remit etc etc. I think you'll find it's based around a serious case of low self esteem with regard to her professional life and personal (hence knocking your house at any turn etc etc). These sort of people feed off the small sense of accomplishment they get from attempting to devalue your achievements through criticism and snide comments. Ignore her as much as possible without being rude, any snide comment should be met with jovial laughter briskly forgotten. Honestly it's something that might never change with the girl, but just ignore it, you owe it to your mate of 20 years. At the end of the day he is the one that has to live with her, not you, bare that in mind.

LegacyUser · 01-02-2008 01:43PM

This happens. My friends have parnters that I can't stand, or dislike..... but they see something in them and who am i to argue? I'm not having the relationship with them. Can you get over your annoyance at her ignorantly opinionated ways and find something, anything, good in her? Just let her opinion wash over you - it doesn't matter anyway. The point is either the two of them drop out of your life, or you learn to be more tolerant of her for your friends sake. she must have some good points or he wouldn't be with her.

Pianist2891 · 01-02-2008 01:52PM

Totally unrelated, but if you ever need a dog-sitter for the st bernard let me know!

She does sound completely insane, (your friend's gf), if I were you I would just either ignore or laugh her insanity off. Sounds like typical woman jealousy as well, pay no heed!

LegacyUser · 01-02-2008 02:02PM

denhaagenite wrote: »

You sound exactly like a friend of my boyfriend's and to be frank you sound like a bit of a p***k aswell.
Stop looking for his girlfriend to impress you, you should be doing all you can to make her feel welcome, not giving out about her. Her actions are probably a reaction to the vibe she gets off you.
Relationships are hard enough without crappy jealous friends making it harder- have you even asked yourself the important question? Does she love him and make him happy?
You're such a brilliant mate OP, get off the cross would ya?

I'm not looking for her to impress me! Myself and my buddy planned to build this games room, we did it in 3 days. She wasnt over once and she has yet to step foot in it as it doesnt look safe, her bf is an engineer and he says its fine, he helped build it!

We didnt tell her we bought the car for the dog about a month after we bought it she seen it outside the house and asked who's it was so we told her then she made her comments.

We did make her feel welcome, When we met i chatted to her for most of the night, talked about work,family past travels etc and i thought we were getting on but i dotn know what happened and now shes a headwrecked.

Also I should point out she is like this with everyone not just me, Another friend of ours bought some land and built a house in Kildare just outside Naas, When we all went to the housewarming she said he was a basketcase for wanting to live outside dublin!

One of my friends partners had a baby, she opted for a water birth, my friends GF said this "she doesnt really want a baby sure she's trying to drown it"

And finally... my mam and dad has their 50th wedding anniversary before xmas, we had a party in the local. A good few of my friend came as they know my parents pretty well. So my dad gets up to give a speech thanking everyone for coming etc and my friends GF says "sure how can someone that odl even remember the day they got married"

She's an idiot, I have tried but she's beyond redemption.

Mister Fister · 01-02-2008 02:03PM

I want to rip my own arm off and beat her to death with it after reading that

Mister Fister · 01-02-2008 02:05PM

denhaagenite wrote: »

You sound exactly like a friend of my boyfriend's and to be frank you sound like a bit of a p***k aswell.
Stop looking for his girlfriend to impress you, you should be doing all you can to make her feel welcome, not giving out about her. Her actions are probably a reaction to the vibe she gets off you.
Relationships are hard enough without crappy jealous friends making it harder- have you even asked yourself the important question? Does she love him and make him happy?
You're such a brilliant mate OP, get off the cross would ya?

I want to rip my own arm off and beat denhaagenite to death with it after reading that

denhaagenite · 01-02-2008 02:09PM

Thanks for that, lads will be lads.

Lollipops23 · 01-02-2008 02:41PM

Meathlass wrote: »

Why are you looking for your friend's girlfriends validation for everything you do and everything about your life. Just ignore her, try to see your mate without her.

Yeah easier said than done Meathlass. Imagine being constantly belittled like that, especially by someone who knows less than you. It would drive me mad too OP. Try dropping hints saying,"well if you think you'd do so well in my company,go right ahead and apply sweetheart!!" and then when she doesn't ask her why and make sure to do this in front of people like she would. She's an arrogant cow by the sounds of things.

Beruthiel · 01-02-2008 02:44PM

Mister Fister
You'll be banned from this forum before long if you keep up those kind of comments.
Read this forums charter and rules.
B

invincibleirish · 01-02-2008 02:56PM

Man the OP just screams Celtic Tiger with his first post, Hey OP be grateful you and your best friend have it good by the sounds of it, so what shes annoying and thinks she knows it all, ye both work in finance its hardly a field for modesty and self depreciation is it? live the good life, put up with her and watch out for that recession!

/off topic/ im banned i know it/

locombia · 01-02-2008 03:05PM

TBH whatever issues you have about your mates girlfirend you are coming accross as being really materialistic...Who cares how many houses, cars, money you have or what kind of a big wig you are at work..Your post sounds like you just wanted to show off to everyone as oppose to letting us know about the grievences you have with your one....

denhaagenite · 01-02-2008 03:07PM

+1

Lollipops23 · 01-02-2008 03:11PM

locombia wrote: »

TBH whatever issues you have about your mates girlfirend you are coming accross as being really materialistic...Who cares how many houses, cars, money you have or what kind of a big wig you are at work..Your post sounds like you just wanted to show off to everyone as oppose to letting us know about the grievences you have with your one....

i don't think some posters are getting how bloody frustrating it is to have to listen to this from someone they have to spend a considerable amount of time with. it sounds like it's fairly constant, and even non-important thimgs like job positions would start to get grating at that level.

craichoe · 01-02-2008 03:13PM

Mister Fister wrote: »

I want to rip my own arm off and beat denhaagenite to death with it after reading that

But then you'd be halving your ability to do what your Name suggests.

To the op:
It sounds like this girl just annoys you, it happens. It happens to everyone, every day, in every walk of life, work, people you meet on the street, random aquaintances etc.

Think of your buddy in this situation, your loyalty and thoughts should be for him. If she chooses to criticise your job etc, then say you don't want to talk about work. Basically take the content away from her, stop telling her about work, dont show her any new projects your started. Don't mention getting a Jeep, or a dog or whatever.

However, saying that, if your right about something and shes spouting total rubbish, have google handy and offer to look it up.

Theres people out there that argue for the sake of it because they don't know how to communicate in any other way.

If she wasn't going out with your buddy, then you probably wouldn't be talking to her at all in the first place.

The last thing you want is your friend having to chose between you and her, its not fair.

Well done on building the games room, sounds great, especially the fridge for beer !

Meathlass · 01-02-2008 03:31PM

Lollipops23 wrote: »

i don't think some posters are getting how bloody frustrating it is to have to listen to this from someone they have to spend a considerable amount of time with. it sounds like it's fairly constant, and even non-important thimgs like job positions would start to get grating at that level.

op how much time do you spend with this girl? Surely you only see her when you're with your mate. Does she always tag along? Surely you can't be seeing her much more than once a week. Is it really that big a problem. We all have to deal with people we hate for whatever reason.

You come across as quite condescending in parts of your post. Maybe she's picking up on that and because she feels secure she's mouthing off.

missmatty · 01-02-2008 03:48PM

I'm with the op on this one. I work with a guy who sounds like the twin of this girl. He 'knows' everything about anything and tells people above him how to do their jobs etc... He goes on like he runs his section yet he's not as qualified as the rest of us. He has actually been moved from section to section as people can't bear to work with him. Any conversation we have he's the expert on the topic, yet if anyone pulls him up on specifics he hasn't a clue. It is maddening! :mad:

To the op, firstly deep breaths and count to ten! Just pull her up on things that she's making up or smart comments that aren't warranted. Secondly, basically don't completely ignore her but don't give her attention. Thirdly, laugh away and pretend you love her company as in the end, you want to hang onto your mate so you have to suck it up.

Oryx · 01-02-2008 03:57PM

OP, why does this woman get under your skin so badly? I can see shes blunt, but if you know that about her, why not just ignore what you can and laugh off the rest? I have friends I differ with and honestly for the sake of peace I let some of their stronger opinions roll off me like water.

It might help to see her perspective. Look at where this girl is coming from. You're more successful than her. You've a lovely house. Your partner is a success in her field. You've all the happy family trappings including a big slobbery dog. You know her bf longer than she does, have a stronger history, and maybe see more of him too.
She sounds hugely jealous and is dealing with it badly. Instead of trying to boost her own self worth, she tries to feel better by bringing you down instead. I really dont see any value in playing with her head by taking her further down or proving her wrong in everything she says. Youll only cause your mate grief as hes in the middle. And you may make her worse.

craichoe · 01-02-2008 03:58PM

missmatty wrote: »

I'm with the op on this one. I work with a guy who sounds like the twin of this girl. He 'knows' everything about anything and tells people above him how to do their jobs etc... He goes on like he runs his section yet he's not as qualified as the rest of us. He has actually been moved from section to section as people can't bear to work with him. Any conversation we have he's the expert on the topic, yet if anyone pulls him up on specifics he hasn't a clue. It is maddening! :mad:

How long have you been working ???? Theres one of these guys in every business environment.

I think saying your piece and knowing/accepting when your wrong comes with age. Generally speaking when people start out in the workforce, fresh out of college they tend to be either overly agressive in their opinions or completely the opposite.

It takes a few years to get used to a business environment.

On the other hand you can just be a complete ass too

Personally i only speak out, or make a point about something if its going to generate unnecessary work for myself.

Mr. Incognito · 01-02-2008 05:42PM

My best mate is going out with a tool. I pulled him aside, explained why I didn't like her. (she's physically abusive and emotionally unstable) and said I don't want her in my company. I love him, he's my best mate but I don't have to love his other half. People clash, it happens. Why put up with someone you dislike, just ignore them and live your life. You seem to be expanding a lot of negative energy and frustration trying to find a happy medium. You can't change her, why pretend like she's likable. Tell your mate you think she's a moron and when he passes on the message she'll make herself scarce. You don't have to include your other half in EVERYTHING you know.

Jigsaw · 01-02-2008 07:45PM

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Yeah easier said than done Meathlass. Imagine being constantly belittled like that, especially by someone who knows less than you. It would drive me mad too OP. Try dropping hints saying,"well if you think you'd do so well in my company,go right ahead and apply sweetheart!!" and then when she doesn't ask her why and make sure to do this in front of people like she would. She's an arrogant cow by the sounds of things.

I have to agree with this. There is nothing worse than being around someone who constantly puts you down and belittles you. The OP is now suffering some backlash comments and I've experienced that before. He is being accused for being materialistic because he is placing things in context by giving examples. Some of the examples might seem insignificant on their own but it is the cumulative effect of being in the company of someone like this that eventually gets to you.

OP, I feel your pain. You are right to be annoyed. Say to your mate in a reasonable way that you are pissed off with a few things that his girlfriend has said and say that you want to arrive at a satisfactory outcome but that if she persists then you will have to raise the issue with her head on.

Jack B. Badd · 01-02-2008 08:50PM

Tbh, she sounds like a mate of mine; self-absorbed and lacking the basic filters between brain and mouth that most people have built in automatically.
You can either grin and bear it or have it out with her (though I doubt this would change anything except she'd be in a strop and it'd become the latest piece of drama). Alternatively, tell your mate that while you like him you're not too hot on her and will be civilised when in her company but don't actually want to spend more than a minimal amount of time in said company - do not expect this to turn out well!

Despise my friends girlfriend

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