Despise my friends girlfriend

LegacyUser

Been best friend with this guy for 20 odd years now were both 30 this year. We are both in long term relationships, his is about 2 years. But I cant stand his girlfriend. We both work in a similar area in finance. Basically when I met her for the first time we got on fine they usual chat about what we do etc.. But since then I've wanted to rip my own arm off and beat her to death with it. Basically she is still in an entry level position since she started working with her company 6 years ago still on a pretty crappy wage too. On the croporate ladder i would be a couple of places above her, I would be her managers manager.

She seems to think she knows EVERYTHING not just about her work but about mine, my friends (he's an engineer) my girlfriend (shes a vet) and pretty much anyone else she talks to. Whenever i see her she pretty much tells me how to do my job and that if she applied for a job in my company she's be my boss.

Also I did a masters which my company paid for and some other exams, she says the are worthless in our field, some how i dont think my company would have paid for it if it was

Myself and my GF bought a house, its a 3 bed in a decent area, we spent a lot of money on buying the house and furnishing downstairs and our room, the 2 guest beds got bargaintown beds (as we live close to family/friends we would rarely have people stay over) but my freinds GF says she knew straighaway it was a cheap bed when she slept on it!

Also myself and my friend built a gamesroom/shed thing in the back garden as we have a decent amount of space, Its pretty basic it has a toilet a couple of couches playstation and a pool table and a pretty old fridge for beer oh and a poper poker table:) Anyway If we have a party myself and the lads would usually retreat there for an hour or to let the girls chat, but all this girl says is that as I built it she doesnt think its safe!

I do a very small amount of travelling with work I mean maybe twice a year to new york for a week of meetings, I usually go with 4 other managers tbh there's 2 days of meetings and the last couple of times my GF has come over. So that last time i went my Gf invited my friend and his GF but she would come as it wasnt a proper trip as i was already over there!

Finally as my GF is a vet shes an animal lover, she especially loves St Bernards...

So I got her a puppy last Xmas so he's just over a year but he's about as well trained as one of those police dogs, sometimes he will stay in the house while my gf is at work, we live near to her work. sometimes he goes to work with her but we bought an old commercial jeep from a friend of my Gfs dad for pocket change as it will get ruined when he's in it but my friends GF says that we are spoling him by letting him have his own car, i mean how stupid is that...

Finally as i mentioned above myself and my buddy are 30 this year so we were thinking of having a pretty big joint bash either in a pub or maybe at my house during the summer. Now his GF wont entertain the idea of having it in our house as people will then think its just my birthday and not my friends,

Frankly i'm at my wits end with this retard my buddy knows we are like chalk and cheese and i know he loves her (dont ask me how!) sorry this is just a rant and it felt good to express my anger!

Meathlass

Why are you looking for your friend's girlfriends validation for everything you do and everything about your life. Just ignore her, try to see your mate without her. What does your girlfriend think of her? Why would she have invited them on holidays if she knew how you felt.

evry1sm8

She sounds a bit ditzy to me, and probably most of the things she says are meant completely innocently...she probably doesnt realise how offending they might sound.

Have you ever considered that she might boast or go on about how much she knows to try and impress you??
She probably knows you dont exactly see eye to eye, maybe she is trying to boost herself up in your presence, make herself seem more impressive, by saying things that seem condacending??

rainbowtrout

She could be just jealous of everything you have that she doesn't have and the only way she has of dealing with the jealousy is to try and make disparaging remarks


Regarding job: next time she brings it up, why don't you ask her why she hasn't been promoted yet/applied for other jobs if she is so well qualified


Staying at your house/parties at your house: The next time she makes a comment about your beds/construction skills ask her would she like for you to ring a taxi for her so she can sleep in her own bed/ or to go home so she won't be comprimising her own safety

Work trips: Invite her boyfriend and say to her I didn't think you would be interested seeing as it wasn't a real trip. She'll soon stop making comments

Oh and as for the dog, next time she's driving you anywhere, bring the dog with you, make sure he's covered in mud and if she queries it tell her you wouldn't want to be spoiling him by bringing him in a separate car

That may come across as sounding a bit harsh but I've found in the past that people who are constantly finding fault and like to put you down are best tackled head on

ergonomics

If she's saying these that annoy you why not say it to her, calmly? Maybe she doesn't realise she's acting like this and because no one ever said it to you she is continuing with the behaviour.

LegacyUser

Meathlass wrote: »

Why are you looking for your friend's girlfriends validation for everything you do and everything about your life. Just ignore her, try to see your mate without her. What does your girlfriend think of her? Why would she have invited them on holidays if she knew how you felt.

My girlfriend this she's "harmelss" i mean they get on OK they only think they've clashe don is when she has told my GF how she should do her job!
I'm not looking for her validation she gives her opinion on everthing!

evry1sm8 wrote: »

She sounds a bit ditzy to me, and probably most of the things she says are meant completely innocently...she probably doesnt realise how offending they might sound.

Have you ever considered that she might boast or go on about how much she knows to try and impress you??
She probably knows you dont exactly see eye to eye, maybe she is trying to boost herself up in your presence, make herself seem more impressive, by saying things that seem condacending??

I dont think shes trying to impress me she's like this with everyone, i think she's just stupid but my friend has plans for her so it looks like she'll be around for a whilw

denhaagenite

You sound exactly like a friend of my boyfriend's and to be frank you sound like a bit of a p***k aswell.
Stop looking for his girlfriend to impress you, you should be doing all you can to make her feel welcome, not giving out about her. Her actions are probably a reaction to the vibe she gets off you.
Relationships are hard enough without crappy jealous friends making it harder- have you even asked yourself the important question? Does she love him and make him happy?
You're such a brilliant mate OP, get off the cross would ya?

Marksie

denhaagenite: tone down the personal language there

Meathlass

This is a really tough situation op, especially if your mate is in love with her and you think she's around long term. Have you mentioned anything to him or has he mentioned it to you that he notices it.

One of the other posters mentioned asking her why she hasn't a promotion etc. That could work.

Bottom line is that if you want him to be part of your life than you have to accept his partner as well. It sounds like she's very insecure and doesn't feel accepted in his life. What age is he, you mentioned ye were both 30, is she much younger?

denhaagenite

Apologies, won't happen again.

andyl222

I know the sort of person you mean, she has to have an opinion on just about everything, believes in her limited capacity in work everything comes under her remit etc etc. I think you'll find it's based around a serious case of low self esteem with regard to her professional life and personal (hence knocking your house at any turn etc etc). These sort of people feed off the small sense of accomplishment they get from attempting to devalue your achievements through criticism and snide comments. Ignore her as much as possible without being rude, any snide comment should be met with jovial laughter briskly forgotten. Honestly it's something that might never change with the girl, but just ignore it, you owe it to your mate of 20 years. At the end of the day he is the one that has to live with her, not you, bare that in mind.

LegacyUser

This happens. My friends have parnters that I can't stand, or dislike..... but they see something in them and who am i to argue? I'm not having the relationship with them. Can you get over your annoyance at her ignorantly opinionated ways and find something, anything, good in her? Just let her opinion wash over you - it doesn't matter anyway. The point is either the two of them drop out of your life, or you learn to be more tolerant of her for your friends sake. she must have some good points or he wouldn't be with her.

Pianist2891

Totally unrelated, but if you ever need a dog-sitter for the st bernard let me know!

She does sound completely insane, (your friend's gf), if I were you I would just either ignore or laugh her insanity off. Sounds like typical woman jealousy as well, pay no heed!

LegacyUser

denhaagenite wrote: »

You sound exactly like a friend of my boyfriend's and to be frank you sound like a bit of a p***k aswell.
Stop looking for his girlfriend to impress you, you should be doing all you can to make her feel welcome, not giving out about her. Her actions are probably a reaction to the vibe she gets off you.
Relationships are hard enough without crappy jealous friends making it harder- have you even asked yourself the important question? Does she love him and make him happy?
You're such a brilliant mate OP, get off the cross would ya?

I'm not looking for her to impress me! Myself and my buddy planned to build this games room, we did it in 3 days. She wasnt over once and she has yet to step foot in it as it doesnt look safe, her bf is an engineer and he says its fine, he helped build it!

We didnt tell her we bought the car for the dog about a month after we bought it she seen it outside the house and asked who's it was so we told her then she made her comments.

We did make her feel welcome, When we met i chatted to her for most of the night, talked about work,family past travels etc and i thought we were getting on but i dotn know what happened and now shes a headwrecked.

Also I should point out she is like this with everyone not just me, Another friend of ours bought some land and built a house in Kildare just outside Naas, When we all went to the housewarming she said he was a basketcase for wanting to live outside dublin!

One of my friends partners had a baby, she opted for a water birth, my friends GF said this "she doesnt really want a baby sure she's trying to drown it"

And finally... my mam and dad has their 50th wedding anniversary before xmas, we had a party in the local. A good few of my friend came as they know my parents pretty well. So my dad gets up to give a speech thanking everyone for coming etc and my friends GF says "sure how can someone that odl even remember the day they got married"

She's an idiot, I have tried but she's beyond redemption.

Mister Fister

I want to rip my own arm off and beat her to death with it after reading that

Mister Fister

denhaagenite wrote: »

You sound exactly like a friend of my boyfriend's and to be frank you sound like a bit of a p***k aswell.
Stop looking for his girlfriend to impress you, you should be doing all you can to make her feel welcome, not giving out about her. Her actions are probably a reaction to the vibe she gets off you.
Relationships are hard enough without crappy jealous friends making it harder- have you even asked yourself the important question? Does she love him and make him happy?
You're such a brilliant mate OP, get off the cross would ya?

I want to rip my own arm off and beat denhaagenite to death with it after reading that

denhaagenite

Thanks for that, lads will be lads.

Lollipops23

Meathlass wrote: »

Why are you looking for your friend's girlfriends validation for everything you do and everything about your life. Just ignore her, try to see your mate without her.

Yeah easier said than done Meathlass. Imagine being constantly belittled like that, especially by someone who knows less than you. It would drive me mad too OP. Try dropping hints saying,"well if you think you'd do so well in my company,go right ahead and apply sweetheart!!" and then when she doesn't ask her why and make sure to do this in front of people like she would. She's an arrogant cow by the sounds of things.

Beruthiel

Mister Fister
You'll be banned from this forum before long if you keep up those kind of comments.
Read this forums charter and rules.
B

invincibleirish

Man the OP just screams Celtic Tiger with his first post, Hey OP be grateful you and your best friend have it good by the sounds of it, so what shes annoying and thinks she knows it all, ye both work in finance its hardly a field for modesty and self depreciation is it? live the good life, put up with her and watch out for that recession!


/off topic/ im banned i know it/

locombia

TBH whatever issues you have about your mates girlfirend you are coming accross as being really materialistic...Who cares how many houses, cars, money you have or what kind of a big wig you are at work..Your post sounds like you just wanted to show off to everyone as oppose to letting us know about the grievences you have with your one....

denhaagenite

+1

Lollipops23

locombia wrote: »

TBH whatever issues you have about your mates girlfirend you are coming accross as being really materialistic...Who cares how many houses, cars, money you have or what kind of a big wig you are at work..Your post sounds like you just wanted to show off to everyone as oppose to letting us know about the grievences you have with your one....

i don't think some posters are getting how bloody frustrating it is to have to listen to this from someone they have to spend a considerable amount of time with. it sounds like it's fairly constant, and even non-important thimgs like job positions would start to get grating at that level.

craichoe

Mister Fister wrote: »

I want to rip my own arm off and beat denhaagenite to death with it after reading that

But then you'd be halving your ability to do what your Name suggests.

To the op:
It sounds like this girl just annoys you, it happens. It happens to everyone, every day, in every walk of life, work, people you meet on the street, random aquaintances etc.

Think of your buddy in this situation, your loyalty and thoughts should be for him. If she chooses to criticise your job etc, then say you don't want to talk about work. Basically take the content away from her, stop telling her about work, dont show her any new projects your started. Don't mention getting a Jeep, or a dog or whatever.

However, saying that, if your right about something and shes spouting total rubbish, have google handy and offer to look it up.

Theres people out there that argue for the sake of it because they don't know how to communicate in any other way.

If she wasn't going out with your buddy, then you probably wouldn't be talking to her at all in the first place.

The last thing you want is your friend having to chose between you and her, its not fair.

Well done on building the games room, sounds great, especially the fridge for beer !

Meathlass

Lollipops23 wrote: »

i don't think some posters are getting how bloody frustrating it is to have to listen to this from someone they have to spend a considerable amount of time with. it sounds like it's fairly constant, and even non-important thimgs like job positions would start to get grating at that level.

op how much time do you spend with this girl? Surely you only see her when you're with your mate. Does she always tag along? Surely you can't be seeing her much more than once a week. Is it really that big a problem. We all have to deal with people we hate for whatever reason.


You come across as quite condescending in parts of your post. Maybe she's picking up on that and because she feels secure she's mouthing off.

missmatty

I'm with the op on this one. I work with a guy who sounds like the twin of this girl. He 'knows' everything about anything and tells people above him how to do their jobs etc... He goes on like he runs his section yet he's not as qualified as the rest of us. He has actually been moved from section to section as people can't bear to work with him. Any conversation we have he's the expert on the topic, yet if anyone pulls him up on specifics he hasn't a clue. It is maddening! :mad:

To the op, firstly deep breaths and count to ten! Just pull her up on things that she's making up or smart comments that aren't warranted. Secondly, basically don't completely ignore her but don't give her attention. Thirdly, laugh away and pretend you love her company as in the end, you want to hang onto your mate so you have to suck it up.

Oryx

OP, why does this woman get under your skin so badly? I can see shes blunt, but if you know that about her, why not just ignore what you can and laugh off the rest? I have friends I differ with and honestly for the sake of peace I let some of their stronger opinions roll off me like water.

It might help to see her perspective. Look at where this girl is coming from. You're more successful than her. You've a lovely house. Your partner is a success in her field. You've all the happy family trappings including a big slobbery dog. You know her bf longer than she does, have a stronger history, and maybe see more of him too.
She sounds hugely jealous and is dealing with it badly. Instead of trying to boost her own self worth, she tries to feel better by bringing you down instead. I really dont see any value in playing with her head by taking her further down or proving her wrong in everything she says. Youll only cause your mate grief as hes in the middle. And you may make her worse.

craichoe

missmatty wrote: »

I'm with the op on this one. I work with a guy who sounds like the twin of this girl. He 'knows' everything about anything and tells people above him how to do their jobs etc... He goes on like he runs his section yet he's not as qualified as the rest of us. He has actually been moved from section to section as people can't bear to work with him. Any conversation we have he's the expert on the topic, yet if anyone pulls him up on specifics he hasn't a clue. It is maddening! :mad:

How long have you been working ???? Theres one of these guys in every business environment.

I think saying your piece and knowing/accepting when your wrong comes with age. Generally speaking when people start out in the workforce, fresh out of college they tend to be either overly agressive in their opinions or completely the opposite.

It takes a few years to get used to a business environment.

On the other hand you can just be a complete ass too

Personally i only speak out, or make a point about something if its going to generate unnecessary work for myself.

Mr. Incognito

My best mate is going out with a tool. I pulled him aside, explained why I didn't like her. (she's physically abusive and emotionally unstable) and said I don't want her in my company. I love him, he's my best mate but I don't have to love his other half. People clash, it happens. Why put up with someone you dislike, just ignore them and live your life. You seem to be expanding a lot of negative energy and frustration trying to find a happy medium. You can't change her, why pretend like she's likable. Tell your mate you think she's a moron and when he passes on the message she'll make herself scarce. You don't have to include your other half in EVERYTHING you know.

Jigsaw

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Yeah easier said than done Meathlass. Imagine being constantly belittled like that, especially by someone who knows less than you. It would drive me mad too OP. Try dropping hints saying,"well if you think you'd do so well in my company,go right ahead and apply sweetheart!!" and then when she doesn't ask her why and make sure to do this in front of people like she would. She's an arrogant cow by the sounds of things.

I have to agree with this. There is nothing worse than being around someone who constantly puts you down and belittles you. The OP is now suffering some backlash comments and I've experienced that before. He is being accused for being materialistic because he is placing things in context by giving examples. Some of the examples might seem insignificant on their own but it is the cumulative effect of being in the company of someone like this that eventually gets to you.

OP, I feel your pain. You are right to be annoyed. Say to your mate in a reasonable way that you are pissed off with a few things that his girlfriend has said and say that you want to arrive at a satisfactory outcome but that if she persists then you will have to raise the issue with her head on.

Jack B. Badd

Tbh, she sounds like a mate of mine; self-absorbed and lacking the basic filters between brain and mouth that most people have built in automatically.
You can either grin and bear it or have it out with her (though I doubt this would change anything except she'd be in a strop and it'd become the latest piece of drama). Alternatively, tell your mate that while you like him you're not too hot on her and will be civilised when in her company but don't actually want to spend more than a minimal amount of time in said company - do not expect this to turn out well!

Toots

She sounds like someone who's very jealous and insecure. You and your GF seem to be doing alright for yourselves, I'd say she envies you. Does your mate know how you feel? Perhaps it would be good idea to have a quiet chat with him and ask does he notice how she treats you. Maybe he could have a word in her ear and ask her to tone it down. I don't know how you haven't lost it with her already, you must have some patience!!

ODD-JOB

Beruthiel wrote: »

Mister Fister
You'll be banned from this forum before long if you keep up those kind of comments.
Read this forums charter and rules.
B

huh?........ thats a poor attempt at a joke i presume ?

MCMLXXXIII

greatmate wrote: »

Been best friend with this guy for 20 odd years now were both 30 this year. We are both in long term relationships, his is about 2 years. But I cant stand his girlfriend. We both work in a similar area in finance. Basically when I met her for the first time we got on fine they usual chat about what we do etc.. But since then I've wanted to rip my own arm off and beat her to death with it. Basically she is still in an entry level position since she started working with her company 6 years ago still on a pretty crappy wage too. On the croporate ladder i would be a couple of places above her, I would be her managers manager.

I like to call them "One-Uppers" because they always seem to have one-up from you no matter what. You can't be totaly mean because it's your best mate's gf, but you can (politely) say things that perhaps will get the message across. ...it may take a few months to work though.

greatmate wrote: »

She seems to think she knows EVERYTHING not just about her work but about mine, my friends (he's an engineer) my girlfriend (shes a vet) and pretty much anyone else she talks to. Whenever i see her she pretty much tells me how to do my job and that if she applied for a job in my company she's be my boss.

"Oh, then come and apply at my company so you can get the better position and pay!"

greatmate wrote: »

Also I did a masters which my company paid for and some other exams, she says the are worthless in our field, some how i dont think my company would have paid for it if it was

"I do what interestes me, and my passion will carry me forward."

greatmate wrote: »

Myself and my GF bought a house, its a 3 bed in a decent area, we spent a lot of money on buying the house and furnishing downstairs and our room, the 2 guest beds got bargaintown beds (as we live close to family/friends we would rarely have people stay over) but my freinds GF says she knew straighaway it was a cheap bed when she slept on it!

"Well, you could have slept on your own bed last night..."

greatmate wrote: »

Also myself and my friend built a gamesroom/shed thing in the back garden as we have a decent amount of space, Its pretty basic it has a toilet a couple of couches playstation and a pool table and a pretty old fridge for beer oh and a poper poker table:) Anyway If we have a party myself and the lads would usually retreat there for an hour or to let the girls chat, but all this girl says is that as I built it she doesnt think its safe!

"Ohhh, don't worry about coming in, just stay here and chat with the gals!"

greatmate wrote: »

I do a very small amount of travelling with work I mean maybe twice a year to new york for a week of meetings, I usually go with 4 other managers tbh there's 2 days of meetings and the last couple of times my GF has come over. So that last time i went my Gf invited my friend and his GF but she would come as it wasnt a proper trip as i was already over there!

<<You don't need to say anything, it sounds like you are better off without her there.>>

greatmate wrote: »

Finally as my GF is a vet shes an animal lover, she especially loves St Bernards...

So I got her a puppy last Xmas so he's just over a year but he's about as well trained as one of those police dogs, sometimes he will stay in the house while my gf is at work, we live near to her work. sometimes he goes to work with her but we bought an old commercial jeep from a friend of my Gfs dad for pocket change as it will get ruined when he's in it but my friends GF says that we are spoling him by letting him have his own car, i mean how stupid is that...

"Yes, we love our dog and we have no problem with spoiling it. Like I said before, come and apply for that position at my company and maybe the pay increase will enable you to buy a jeep as well."

greatmate wrote: »

Finally as i mentioned above myself and my buddy are 30 this year so we were thinking of having a pretty big joint bash either in a pub or maybe at my house during the summer. Now his GF wont entertain the idea of having it in our house as people will then think its just my birthday and not my friends

"...yeah but there's a cool game room in my garden."

locombia wrote: »

TBH whatever issues you have about your mates girlfirend you are coming accross as being really materialistic...Who cares how many houses, cars, money you have or what kind of a big wig you are at work..Your post sounds like you just wanted to show off to everyone as oppose to letting us know about the grievences you have with your one....

You may or may not be right, but either way I feel his pain. I usually stop hanging out with one-uppers, or only if they are not tagging along. But if it was a 20 year mate it would be better to find a solution rather than just stop hannging out.



OP - either way, I also think you should talk to your mate...he will have way more influence than you do when it comes to how she acts.

LegacyUser

aw OP she sounds like a total wreck the head. Ive met them before, everyone has, the person that knows everything, and is actually a complete idiot.

With regards work I suspect she probably resents that you have a better job in the same area so shes playing one upmanship on you. Avoid talking about work at all costs when shes around. If she brings it up say you dont feel like talking about work outside work.

I wouldnt advise taking her on in smart comments but rather just show up her idiocy. Some of things shes saying are pathetic. Like with the friends in Kildare tell her in a bemused tone that some people have been known to like the country. Re the car for your dog "how is not wanting our proper car covered in mud spoiling our dog?"

Re the games room, your sorted if she doesnt like it, you have an escape, just never encourage her to go in. ever.

The birthday party sounds like a decision for you and your mate, not your girlfriends
As for the remark about your dads speech,thats just rude.

Tread carefully, any hint of you not being nice to her and she'll run to your best mate with tales of you hating her blah blah blah and it could cause friction with you and your mate.

Esel

OP, you might find this American technique useful. When she says something way out of order (most of the examples you have given) just reply with "Excuse me?", raising the pitch at the end.

You'd be amazed how effective it is. It lets the other person know you are not in the least impressed with what they have just said, and puts the onus on them to explain themselves. A few episodes of this might work wonders in your situation.

leeroybrown

I can definitely see why she would be an issue for the OP. I'd also have very little time for someone who really irritated me and I generally couldn't be bothered to expend energy hiding it. I can imagine I wouldn't be too happy if I felt that I had to put up a long term pretense because of a good friends other half.

As for those who say that the OP is the one with the problem, what does materialism have to do with it? It sounds like the OP has built up a good work/home life he's happy with and the last thing he wants or needs is having to put up with some idiot who seems to nit pick every aspect of what he is happy with.

Wibbs

ODD-JOB wrote: »

huh?........ thats a poor attempt at a joke i presume ?

Entirely off topic. Do it again and you'll be on a break for a week. If you have a problem, report the post, take it to PM or feedback.

SarahSassy

greatmate wrote: »

I'm not looking for her to impress me! Myself and my buddy planned to build this games room, we did it in 3 days. She wasnt over once and she has yet to step foot in it as it doesnt look safe, her bf is an engineer and he says its fine, he helped build it!

We didnt tell her we bought the car for the dog about a month after we bought it she seen it outside the house and asked who's it was so we told her then she made her comments.

We did make her feel welcome, When we met i chatted to her for most of the night, talked about work,family past travels etc and i thought we were getting on but i dotn know what happened and now shes a headwrecked.

Also I should point out she is like this with everyone not just me, Another friend of ours bought some land and built a house in Kildare just outside Naas, When we all went to the housewarming she said he was a basketcase for wanting to live outside dublin!

One of my friends partners had a baby, she opted for a water birth, my friends GF said this "she doesnt really want a baby sure she's trying to drown it"

And finally... my mam and dad has their 50th wedding anniversary before xmas, we had a party in the local. A good few of my friend came as they know my parents pretty well. So my dad gets up to give a speech thanking everyone for coming etc and my friends GF says "sure how can someone that odl even remember the day they got married"

She's an idiot, I have tried but she's beyond redemption.

She is a pure idiot. I would just do more guy things for a while and exclude her until its necessary to see her... Life is too short to listen to that rubbish.

johnnyskeleton

greatmate wrote: »

So I got her a puppy last Xmas so he's just over a year but he's about as well trained as one of those police dogs, sometimes he will stay in the house while my gf is at work, we live near to her work. sometimes he goes to work with her but we bought an old commercial jeep from a friend of my Gfs dad for pocket change as it will get ruined when he's in it but my friends GF says that we are spoling him by letting him have his own car, i mean how stupid is that...

I'm sorry, did I misread you, or did you buy your dog his own car?

Chinafoot

I agree that she sounds like a bit of a pain but while everyone is so quick to point the finger at her and call her jealous, it's not unreasonable that the OP is slightly jealous too. As he said, himself and his mate have been best friends for 20 years. I'm sure there have been girlfriends for both of them during those times but perhaps this is more serious for the OP's mate, and the OP feels slightly jealous?

I've been in the girlfriend's position (although I must stress that I am nowhere near as annoying!! ) and I was 100% hated by my ex-boyfriend's best mate. He completely despised me and he made me so utterly uncomfortable at every social gathering. Eventually I asked him out straight what his problem was and he admitted that he doesn't like me because i was "stealing" his friend. Now this wasn't teenage nonsense....these guys were ~25.

OP, she does sound like a pain but we all know people like that. I've worked with people that are so utterly blunt and genuinely don't engage their brain before they open their mouths, but there has rarely been any malice behind it. The girl in this situation sounds pretty clueless but I doubt she's trying to hurt anybody. You need to see it for what it is, her clueless opinion, and laugh it off. I honestly doubt she means any harm.

If you can't learn to put up with her, you need to tread very carefully. In my situation the best friend made things impossible for us and it contributed massivley to the break-up. He hurt both me and his best friend in the process.

You need to sit down and have a think...does your best friend seem happy? Does she treat him well? (Being blunt in her expression of her opinions wouldn't be classed as mistreatement in my book) If the answer is yes then you need to be happy for your friend and do your best to get along with her. It won't end well otherwise.

togster

I also despise a friends girlfriend. She is a manipulative, grumpy wagon. But i would never say anything to him about it. It's not that im jealous of her. She really is a tramp.

LegacyUser

I'll try an answer them...

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

I'm sorry, did I misread you, or did you buy your dog his own car?

Not really we have 1 car but I would use it for work its not suitable for carrying a dog in never mind something as big as a ST bernard, also due to my Gf's job she would sometimes use it, it cost €500 euro so its not as if we bought him a 08 Toyota landcruiser, we literally drive him to the beach/park in it as its too far to walk with him.

Toots85 wrote: »

She sounds like someone who's very jealous and insecure. You and your GF seem to be doing alright for yourselves, I'd say she envies you. Does your mate know how you feel? Perhaps it would be good idea to have a quiet chat with him and ask does he notice how she treats you. Maybe he could have a word in her ear and ask her to tone it down. I don't know how you haven't lost it with her already, you must have some patience!!

TBH my buddy is pretty well off, his work is very well paid also, he's got a nice house/car goes on holidays etc, he works hard for it though. As do I and my GF especially her as she has to be on call and work weekends etc, but this girl is one of those that does her 9-5 and fcuk everyone else but she still expects to be making a fortune. My buddy knows that we are like chalk and cheese but he is in an awkward position as he loves her, i know he has mentioned it to her but i think she's so dumb she doesnt realise what he's hinting at.

craichoe wrote: »

How long have you been working ???? Theres one of these guys in every business environment.

I think saying your piece and knowing/accepting when your wrong comes with age. Generally speaking when people start out in the workforce, fresh out of college they tend to be either overly agressive in their opinions or completely the opposite.

It takes a few years to get used to a business environment.

On the other hand you can just be a complete ass too

Personally i only speak out, or make a point about something if its going to generate unnecessary work for myself.

I interviewed a masters graduate 2 years ago for a job, From his CV eh was perfect but he was a male version of my buddys GF, He didnt get the job but did get one working with a guy I know and he's a leper now, he gets transferred to different depts every couple of months.

KtK wrote: »

OP, why does this woman get under your skin so badly? I can see shes blunt, but if you know that about her, why not just ignore what you can and laugh off the rest? I have friends I differ with and honestly for the sake of peace I let some of their stronger opinions roll off me like water.

It might help to see her perspective. Look at where this girl is coming from. You're more successful than her. You've a lovely house. Your partner is a success in her field. You've all the happy family trappings including a big slobbery dog. You know her bf longer than she does, have a stronger history, and maybe see more of him too.
She sounds hugely jealous and is dealing with it badly. Instead of trying to boost her own self worth, she tries to feel better by bringing you down instead. I really dont see any value in playing with her head by taking her further down or proving her wrong in everything she says. Youll only cause your mate grief as hes in the middle. And you may make her worse.

KTK Throughout my life I've had people who have grated my head off, 1 in primary school, 1 in secondary and 1 in college, thankfully I dont work with one yet, but its the fact that I could be in involved about a conversation about the US election, now I dont pretend to know everything but I do like to keep informed about these things but she comes in with unbeleivable statements the best being "obama is like osama" She obviously read that on some top shelf american rag newspaper!

Meathlass wrote: »

op how much time do you spend with this girl? Surely you only see her when you're with your mate. Does she always tag along? Surely you can't be seeing her much more than once a week. Is it really that big a problem. We all have to deal with people we hate for whatever reason.


You come across as quite condescending in parts of your post. Maybe she's picking up on that and because she feels secure she's mouthing off.

Unfortunately I see a lot of her. My buddy doesnt live too far away and we are like brothers at this stage. We would talk/email/txt most days. We would play squash once a week but she seems to follow him around like a bad smell so I would see her a good bit, maybe twice a week. I will be seeing her tonight as we are all going out for a mutual friends birthday

LegacyUser

Chinafoot wrote: »

I agree that she sounds like a bit of a pain but while everyone is so quick to point the finger at her and call her jealous, it's not unreasonable that the OP is slightly jealous too. As he said, himself and his mate have been best friends for 20 years. I'm sure there have been girlfriends for both of them during those times but perhaps this is more serious for the OP's mate, and the OP feels slightly jealous?

I've been in the girlfriend's position (although I must stress that I am nowhere near as annoying!! ) and I was 100% hated by my ex-boyfriend's best mate. He completely despised me and he made me so utterly uncomfortable at every social gathering. Eventually I asked him out straight what his problem was and he admitted that he doesn't like me because i was "stealing" his friend. Now this wasn't teenage nonsense....these guys were ~25.

OP, she does sound like a pain but we all know people like that. I've worked with people that are so utterly blunt and genuinely don't engage their brain before they open their mouths, but there has rarely been any malice behind it. The girl in this situation sounds pretty clueless but I doubt she's trying to hurt anybody. You need to see it for what it is, her clueless opinion, and laugh it off. I honestly doubt she means any harm.

If you can't learn to put up with her, you need to tread very carefully. In my situation the best friend made things impossible for us and it contributed massivley to the break-up. He hurt both me and his best friend in the process.

You need to sit down and have a think...does your best friend seem happy? Does she treat him well? (Being blunt in her expression of her opinions wouldn't be classed as mistreatement in my book) If the answer is yes then you need to be happy for your friend and do your best to get along with her. It won't end well otherwise.

No I am not jealous, I mean she makes him very happy and its great for him, We still see each other the same as we always have, like i said she is like this with everyone not just me.

Chinafoot

greatmate wrote: »

No I am not jealous, I mean she makes him very happy and its great for him, We still see each other the same as we always have, like i said she is like this with everyone not just me.

Well then what is your issue? You still see him the same as ever and he's happy.

You're not going to like everyone you encounter but you need to learn to get along with things...without making your friend uncomfortable.

If she's like that with everyone you can be guaranteed she isn't trying to be mean or offensive. That's just how she is. And if she's like that with everyone your best mate must be aware of how she comes across. He's still with her and he still loves her.

Try and get along with her for your friend's sake. Oh and maybe stop taking things so personally, it doesn't seem like she's consciously trying to upset and offend you.

Linoge

locombia wrote: »

TBH whatever issues you have about your mates girlfirend you are coming accross as being really materialistic...Who cares how many houses, cars, money you have or what kind of a big wig you are at work..Your post sounds like you just wanted to show off to everyone as oppose to letting us know about the grievences you have with your one....

Finally, someone to put the OP back in his box!

As Locombia said, everything you have mentioned is materialistic and related to status in some form or other. Maybe this girl is trying to bring you down a peg or 2? You can recall almost every time this girl has said a bad word to you when most people would shrug it off, water off a duck, but you are genuinely hurt by her comments.

Maybe she cannot stand your boasting and materialism and is doing her best to cope with you??:eek:

Not all your fault OP, her comments are well out of line. Next time she says something in anyway offensive act completely over the top appalled. Don't validate her opinion by not saying anything. Also, do not talk about jobs or houses. Apart from it being incredibly boring, it seems to be a sore point with her.

Jack B. Badd

greatmate wrote: »

like i said she is like this with everyone not just me.

Just out of curiosity, does she treat her boyfriend like this or is he viewed as an extension of her and therefore beyond all criticism...? If she does treat him like this I can almost guarantee that once the honeymoon period is over she'll be dumped (unless he's totally infatuated with her).

Malice

I just thought I would offer my brief thoughts on this situation. It has happened to me a couple of times in the past that housemates or friends have been in relationships with people who I haven't liked. I found that you need to just accept the other person for the sake of your friend. It's unfortunate but I look on it as good practice for when you have to deal with other people in life that you may not like e.g. work colleagues, bosses, customers, clients etc.

greatmate wrote: »

she comes in with unbeleivable statements the best being "obama is like osama" She obviously read that on some top shelf american rag newspaper!

I'm curious about this so perhaps you can clarify a bit. Did she just regurgitate the one sentence or did she actually back it up with some facts? I've always found that if someone is talking rubbish, it's very easy to pick holes in what they are saying as they cannot back it up. Did you ask her why she thought Obama is like Osama?

SarahSassy

greatmate wrote: »

Also I should point out she is like this with everyone not just me, Another friend of ours bought some land and built a house in Kildare just outside Naas, When we all went to the housewarming she said he was a basketcase for wanting to live outside dublin!

One of my friends partners had a baby, she opted for a water birth, my friends GF said this "she doesnt really want a baby sure she's trying to drown it"

And finally... my mam and dad has their 50th wedding anniversary before xmas, we had a party in the local. A good few of my friend came as they know my parents pretty well. So my dad gets up to give a speech thanking everyone for coming etc and my friends GF says "sure how can someone that odl even remember the day they got married"

Did anyone who is lambasting the OP, read the above comments from this girl???? Maybe OP is materialistic, maybe he is not, in reality from the above comments esp about the home birth she sounds like a dangerous, idiotic gobsheen.....

LegacyUser

malice_ wrote: »

I just thought I would offer my brief thoughts on this situation. It has happened to me a couple of times in the past that housemates or friends have been in relationships with people who I haven't liked. I found that you need to just accept the other person for the sake of your friend. It's unfortunate but I look on it as good practice for when you have to deal with other people in life that you may not like e.g. work colleagues, bosses, customers, clients etc.

I'm curious about this so perhaps you can clarify a bit. Did she just regurgitate the one sentence or did she actually back it up with some facts? I've always found that if someone is talking rubbish, it's very easy to pick holes in what they are saying as they cannot back it up. Did you ask her why she thought Obama is like Osama?

Yes i did ask her what she meant, "sure he looks like one of those suicide bombers" was the reply after that I was too gobsmacked to reply.

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, does she treat her boyfriend like this or is he viewed as an extension of her and therefore beyond all criticism...? If she does treat him like this I can almost guarantee that once the honeymoon period is over she'll be dumped (unless he's totally infatuated with her).

She acts the same way in front of him though she's a bit more watered down. Though on more than one occassion if we have been out for dinner she has told him what to order, which i thought was odd...

Linoge wrote: »

Finally, someone to put the OP back in his box!

As Locombia said, everything you have mentioned is materialistic and related to status in some form or other. Maybe this girl is trying to bring you down a peg or 2? You can recall almost every time this girl has said a bad word to you when most people would shrug it off, water off a duck, but you are genuinely hurt by her comments.

Maybe she cannot stand your boasting and materialism and is doing her best to cope with you??:eek:

Not all your fault OP, her comments are well out of line. Next time she says something in anyway offensive act completely over the top appalled. Don't validate her opinion by not saying anything. Also, do not talk about jobs or houses. Apart from it being incredibly boring, it seems to be a sore point with her.

Yes I'm materialistic, Not to put a sad face on things but I didnt have much growing up apart from a loving family, I was in a crappy school but I worked my ass off to get a good LC, worked as a hotel night porter, pot cleaner in a couple of hotels (not an easy job) while i was in college while my friends GF got mammy and daddy to give her a credit card with a 5K limit...

Linoge I am not boasting I'm just giving examples, Like most people in the country I had to save for my house, its not kitted out with BT gear trust me! Our family car is a toyota a 5 year old one, I dont get a new beemer every year! The jeep for the dog is falling apart and it cost a few hundred. I dont go to the seychelles for holidays, I'm happy with a week in Lanzarote! I am nto hurt by her comments she just infuriates me (and many other people) I've had enough of her but unfortunately she's attached to my friend so there's not a lot I can do.

Basically as one poster said above there are no filters between her brain and her mouth. If she actually thought of what she was going to say before she said it she would be no where near as annoying! But the first thing that pops into her head comes out of her mouth

Also she has said a lot mroe but i cant remember them

Linoge

Linoge wrote: »

Finally, someone to put the OP back in his box!

As Locombia said, everything you have mentioned is materialistic and related to status in some form or other. Maybe this girl is trying to bring you down a peg or 2?

Whats that got to do with anything? It's none of your business,my business or the op's friends GF's business.

You can recall almost every time this girl has said a bad word to you when most people would shrug it off, water off a duck, but you are genuinely hurt by her comments.

In fairness-If you have to listen to crapola (only a fraction of which the op has given examples of but has underlined how regular this is) all the time,theres very few who wouldnt get very annoyed or frustrated with it.
If it were me,I'd answer back.
I'm guessing this lass would not listen though and keep up the barrage.

Maybe she cannot stand your boasting and materialism and is doing her best to cope with you??:eek:

You've ascertained this materialism from just the op getting into a bit of detail with his examples?
Do you know how many people fly to the states from Ireland every year,it's common as muck tbh as are pool tables in garages or Rec rooms.

Not all your fault OP, her comments are well out of line. Next time she says something in anyway offensive act completely over the top appalled. Don't validate her opinion by not saying anything. Also, do not talk about jobs or houses. Apart from it being incredibly boring, it seems to be a sore point with her.

That bit I agree entirely with.

locombia wrote: »

TBH whatever issues you have about your mates girlfirend you are coming accross as being really materialistic...Who cares how many houses, cars, money you have or what kind of a big wig you are at work..Your post sounds like you just wanted to show off to everyone as oppose to letting us know about the grievences you have with your one....

How exactly is an unregistered poster capable of showing off in the way you describe?
What you have said is entirely unhelpfull in my opinion.
The op was looking for suggestions/opinions on how to deal with this problem person and not comments which are huuuuuuuuuuge assumptions about his lifesytle or personality to make based on the few examples he put down in his post.

OP I presume your best friend is aware of all this? You are going to have to be up front with him as regards your annoyance and tell him that you will be answering her back.You will be telling her that you are ignoring her know it all comments but you'll be doing that only in so far as you are not going to allow yourself to be baited by taunts.