Describe the stupidest person you've ever encountered while you were working.

Donny5 · 15-01-2008 08:46PM

constitutionus wrote: »

changed some money for an american bloke in one of our bureaus and when he was leaving asked me if the staircase across the way from me went up!

seriously thought he was taking the piss

I had exactly the same experience. We must have worked in the same bureau.

Sam Vimes · 15-01-2008 08:53PM

when working in a phone shop a woman came in whose son had bought a phone a few days ago. he'd forced the charger and bent some pins and she wanted a refund. we explained that it was customer damage. her response was "you shouldn't sell products that can break"

a woman came in and said her phone had turned off and wouldn't turn back on. she had it around her neck and it was raining very heavily so i asked her if she'd had it around her neck in the rain. her response: "is that bad for it?"

another woman said her phone wouldn't turn on and i asked her if it was charged. she looked confused. it transpired that although she'd had the phone about 6 months, she only turned it on for a few minutes a day and didn't know what the plug in the box was for

an irish man came in who didn't quite understand the concept that we couldn't sell him a polish sim card and got very irate

Doctor DooM · 15-01-2008 09:18PM

Commander Vimes wrote: »

when working in a phone shop a woman came in whose son had bought a phone a few days ago. he'd forced the charger and bent some pins and she wanted a refund. we explained that it was customer damage. her response was "you shouldn't sell products that can break"

a woman came in and said her phone had turned off and wouldn't turn back on. she had it around her neck and it was raining very heavily so i asked her if she'd had it around her neck in the rain. her response: "is that bad for it?"

an irish man came in who didn't quite understand the concept that we couldn't sell him a polish sim card and got very irate

I have several times heard off customers how "phones should be hardy enough to work in the rain."

Er, no...

Another time, I had an English customer who paid in pounds, and couldn't understand why I had no pounds to give them their change with, only euro.

One time I had a customer who left a pair of curtains in a shop I managed with us for exchange. She couldn't do it on the spot so she said she'd come back later.

She did... three years later!

She had no reciept, couldn't remember them name of the curtains, how much they were, or what design they were... she came out with this beauty:

"Where is the girl who served me? I'm sure she'll remember me..."

"Um... she probably doesn't work here anymore... it being three years ago and all... what was her name?"

"I can't remember!"

Of course there was nothing I could do. After an hour she left the shop, and the next day the Gardai rang me, telling me she wanted us in court for "stealing" her goods...

astrofool · 15-01-2008 09:22PM

adsgirl wrote: »

Lost count of the amount of times i watched people smoking while filling their cars with petrol.

Worse than that, I've had to give out to people who smoke at the petrol tanks, and drop the ash out the window onto the tank covers.

Also, anyone who uses fog lights when it's not foggy.

ShagNastii · 15-01-2008 09:26PM

Not really the stupidest person i've ever met but probably the stupidest things ive encountered, was working with a carpenter a few summers ago and one of the boys had ****e but there was nothing to wipe his arse with, no paper to aid the process soo one of the boys suggested the fiber (woollike) insulation would do a great job, as a joke!!!

Hours later the poor chap was lying on the floor of the van belly down onthe long journey home,as his arse was red raw and absolutely killing him!

Danbo! · 15-01-2008 10:29PM

while working on the design of an extension to an office block, which was to be a creche for the staffs children, we had a meeting with the guy who would be running the creche. The topic of fire safety came up and I told him the children would have to leave through the same fire exits as the office staff. He wasnt impressed by this, and so asked, is there a fire alarm system that could sound only in the creche, 5 minutes before the emergency/fire, so he could have the creche staff remove the children safely. It took him a while to grasp the fact that fire alarms cannot predict fires.

Sir Oxman · 15-01-2008 10:44PM

A 30 something dingbat that invited a 'medium' into his house then his wife/missus/bit promptly left wouldn't return until he paid a good few hundred euro for the so-called medium to make her mind peaceful (a State provided lobotomy would've been my choice - for both)

Also, once I knew a girl who ate a battered sausage - how thick is that.

Then theres' going to work xmas parties...

madds · 15-01-2008 10:52PM

A mate of mine has recently moved back from London. Whilst sitting over a few pints of G in Paddy Cullens on our way to the Leinster match last Saturday he told us this cracker.

We all know the Guinness in London is not as good as it is here for a number of reasons. Mate was told that the way to mask this was to order a pint of Extra Cold Guinness instead. Grand job. So off he goes and orders a pint of Extra Cold from a foreign looking lass behind the bar he was. She nods her head and proceeds to pull a complete pint from the normal Guinness tap, without letting it settle before topping it up. She then hands the pint to my mate.

"Eh, sorry love, but I ordered a pint of Extra Cold Guinness thanks" he points out.

"Oh, did you? Sorry" was her reply.

She then picks the pint glass up, turns round to the ice bucket and lobs a couple of cubes of ice into the glass!!

Mate didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Luckily, the bar manager, who was Irish, noticed there was something up and asked what the problem was. When it was explained to him what had happened he gave the poor girl a terrible slagging and gave my mate a pint on the house.

kittenkiller · 15-01-2008 11:02PM

I had to explain something on the phone to a customer of ours.
After speaking slowly and calmly to him and explaining everything as simply and concisely as I could he commended me by saying,

"I wasn't told that before. I mean I can't remember what it was that you said, like, but I wasn't told it before!"

Ah, the joy of dealing with junkies on the phone.

DawnMc · 15-01-2008 11:49PM

One girl managed to superglue her hand to her eyebrow and couldn't explain how it happened..... And superglue had nothing to do with the work.......

TPD · 15-01-2008 11:53PM

Great topic. I remember hearing one similar to sky hooks and long stands - while doing work experience on a building site, a lad was told to run down to the local DIY shop and get a bubble for the level.

Just remembered another one - tartan paint.

langerdan79 · 16-01-2008 12:29AM

worked in an off licence for a while during college. had a girl that used come in from time to time and who you just knew was as thick as two planks. our last encounter together went something like this:
girl comes into offy and walks to the big fridge we had "where are the cans of dutch gold?"
me "they're there on your right hand side at the bottom"
girl looks to her left obviously not seeing them
me "try your other right hand side"

she used really get on my nerves, skipping the queue and demanding free plastic bags as if the levy didn't apply to her.

TheBlock · 16-01-2008 01:09AM

Not in my job but once paid for petrol in the local garage on the way to work at about 7am. Handed in a 50 for 20 worth of petrol and got no change. Stood there for a few seconds with the young girl looking blankly at me while chewing some pink stuff ....can I have my change please?

Girl. What did you give me?
Me .50
Girl. For what?
Me. For 20 Euro Petrol (I mean 7 in the morning and no one else near the shop)
Girl. I'll have to check the till.
Me OK
Another few seconds go by with nothing happening.
Me Well?
Girl. I'l have to wait till someone buys somthing before I can open the till.
Me can I have twenty blue out of my change then.
Girl OK.

Job Done

eamon234 · 16-01-2008 01:32AM

I worked in a Mobile Phone shop in Galway bout 6 years ago one day this guy walks in - says his phone isn't working. He hands me the phone it's soaking wet water dripping out of it. I said "Emm.... could be water damage - how did it get so wet?" He replied: "I was using it in the shower."
I sh1t you not.

Eoin · 16-01-2008 02:04AM

homerjay2005 wrote: »

but my favourite is a long weight/stand......

"hey,go over to your man there and ask him for a long weight/stand......"

they go over, your man leaves,comes back whenever and says," well,have you been waiting/standing long enough now?!". works everytime.

I was asked to "balance the tax" when working in the bank as young fella. Sounded very important, until my colleague emptied a box of thumb tacks on my desk and told me to check there were 50 of them there.

Overheal · 16-01-2008 02:05AM

constitutionus wrote: »

changed some money for an american bloke in one of our bureaus and when he was leaving asked me if the staircase across the way from me went up!

seriously thought he was taking the piss

maybe he thought it was an escalator. Still, rather clownish of him.

Toto Wolfcastle · 16-01-2008 02:31AM

Worked in M&S and had a woman come in to exchange a bra. No hanger so I had to check the tag on the bra itself for the number. The tag said Playtex or some other brand that is sold in Debenhams. I mentioned this to the lady and she looked around and said 'Oh, is this not Debenhams?'

No, lady, this is not Debenhams. You might have noticed on entering the store through one of the 5 entrances that there are large signs saying Marks and Spencer, and that all the merchandise is Marks and Spencer, and that there are signs everywhere advertising the Marks and Spencer sale, and that I am wearing a Marks and Spencer uniform, and that the big sign behind the till says Marks and Spencer.

Twas funny, and she laughed it off.

The stupid shoplifter stories are the best, but I'm too tired to tell them now!

Terry · 16-01-2008 02:39AM

Someone mentioned Chinese take-aways earlier.

I worked behind the counter of one when I was about 14.
This guy came in and he was completely hammered.
He started demanding a quarter pounder with cheese.

I pointed him in the direction of the chipper two doors down, but he was having onne of that.

The owner (Hung) came out and the drunk guy started giving him crap and maiking racist comments.

Hung hopped the 5 foot counter and kncked skittles of piss out of the drunk guy and everyone in the place applauded him.

Hung was a cool bastard.
He was Vietnamese. Had a huge (4 inch diameter) scar on his arm from being shot by an American soldier when he was a kid.

We were standing behind the counter one day just before opening.
He spotted a fly on the wall about 8 or 9 feet away.
Hung got an elastic band, flung it across the room and killed the fly.

We called it a fluke, so he did it the next day, just to prove he could (Summer. Lots of flies and the place was spotless. We kept it clean).

bronte · 16-01-2008 02:43AM

Terry wrote: »

Someone mentioned Chinese take-aways earlier.

I worked behind the counter of one when I was about 14.
This guy came in and he was completely hammered.
He started demanding a quarter pounder with cheese.

I pointed him in the direction of the chipper two doors down, but he was having onne of that.

The owner (Hung) came out and the drunk guy started giving him crap and maiking racist comments.

Hung hopped the 5 foot counter and kncked skittles of piss out of the drunk guy and everyone in the place applauded him.

Hung was a cool bastard.
He was Vietnamese. Had a huge (4 inch diameter) scar on his arm from being shot by an American soldier when he was a kid.

We were standing behind the counter one day just before opening.
He spotted a fly on the wall about 8 or 9 feet away.
Hung got an elastic band, flung it across the room and killed the fly.

We called it a fluke, so he did it the next day, just to prove he could (Summer. Lots of flies and the place was spotless. We kept it clean).

What a feckin cool name!

roughan · 16-01-2008 02:46AM

Years ago i worked in a Maxol and a new guy started
he was a bit thick but real eager beaver on his first day
the boss told him to check the stock room for out of date stuff and throw it in a skip
the next thing we heard was a load of bottles smashing!!
we ran in and he was throwning bottles of wine in the skip saying
Jesus 2 years out of date...... F**kin hell.......

we were rolling around the floor laughing

another time he was told to remove the chewing gum from the Forecourt
i told him to use the Liquid Nitrogen in the back and pour it on the gum and stand back..
about an hour later he came back saying ...
"Cant find that Liquid Nitrogen anywhere im after searching the whole stock room"

we were in tears laughind

Terry · 16-01-2008 02:49AM

bronte wrote: »

What a feckin cool name!

Used to be the evergreen on the Captains hill (think it's the Wok Inn now).
Hung was one cool motherfúcker.

bronte · 16-01-2008 03:06AM

Terry wrote: »

Used to be the evergreen on the Captains hill (think it's the Wok Inn now).
Hung was one cool motherfúcker.

Ah, I remember it...Damn want to change my name now

DublinWriter · 16-01-2008 09:12AM

A couple of years ago I was involved as an independent consultant on an I.T. project for a large public-sector organisation.

One of the other consultants on the team worked for one of the biggest I.T. consultancies going (won't say who!). She was about three years out of college and her degree was in biology.

During one meeting I raised the question if the existing network had enough bandwidth to support the new application being discussed.

After the meeting, said consultant took me to one side and asked me "what exactly does bandwidth mean?".

The saddest thing of all was that the public-sector body had been paying 800 euro a day for the past six months for her 'services'.

c - 13 · 16-01-2008 09:18AM

Just thought of another one -
When I was in college I used to work in a World of Wonder toy shop, When we opened after christmas one year there was a guy waiting outside the door, I opened it up and he marched in and started giving everyone an earful about how he'd bought a bike for his kid before christmas, went to put it together christmas eve and the pedals were missing, how we ruined his childs christmas etc.

Now i'd never seen this guy before and I dealt with all bike sales so I ask him was he sure he bought the bike from us, to which I was treated to a look that might have been merited had I asked him to rim me in front of his children before continuing with his rant. I eventually calmed him down, went outside and took the bike out of the car and brought it inside and asked to see his reciept.

So he pulls out the reciept and flings it in my face ... a Smyths reciept ... barely containing my laughter I tell him he's in the wrong shop. He looks at me blankly and says this is smyths isnt it ? Yes sir you are indeed correct, that large sign saying World of Wonder outside the door is in fact a cunning ploy by us to hide ourselves from the onslaught of after christmas returns ...

Another time one of the lads walked into the "Educational Toys" section to find some little knacker kid with his pants around his ankles taking a piss all over one of those talking globes.

One of the managers told me when the place first opened that some kid got in behind one of the unopened tills and set off the panic button. They never noticed anything until a bunch of police cars pulled up outside. (Not sure of the truth of that one mind you).

Kur4mA · 16-01-2008 10:09AM

I worked in a call centre a few years ago and it was all internal employee support for both software and hardware. Got a call one day from some big Executive in the U.K going bonkers because his laptop was broken. One of our responsibilities was to do as much as we could over the phone but for hardware issues that there was no hope of us sorting we would escalate it off to the nearest site that could help him fix it.

Anyway, this guy is demanding I send a ticket off to get him a new laptop ASAP as he is verrry important and cannot do his job without his laptop. After listening to his sob story, I ask him the important questions. Ok, says I. What's wrong with your laptop exactly and can you tell me what happened just before it stopped working? Oh sure, says he. I dropped it down some stairs in a rush to a meeting and it's completely smashed to pieces. There's quite a few cracks on the casing, some keys are missing and the screen is cracked in several places also.

Oh right, says I. What you'll need to do there is go to your manager and tell him/her exactly what you just told me.

CLOWN!

Susannahmia · 16-01-2008 03:41PM

DublinWriter wrote: »

A couple of years ago I was involved as an independent consultant on an I.T. project for a large public-sector organisation.

One of the other consultants on the team worked for one of the biggest I.T. consultancies going (won't say who!). She was about three years out of college and her degree was in biology.

During one meeting I raised the question if the existing network had enough bandwidth to support the new application being discussed.

After the meeting, said consultant took me to one side and asked me "what exactly does bandwidth mean?".

The saddest thing of all was that the public-sector body had been paying 800 euro a day for the past six months for her 'services'.

Meh at least her degree wasn't in communications engineering or something. She wouldn't have learned about bandwidth in biology.

thefinalstage · 16-01-2008 04:31PM

Susannahmia wrote: »

Meh at least her degree wasn't in communications engineering or something. She wouldn't have learned about bandwidth in biology.

She would have. The human ear has a certain bandwidth.

Jigsaw · 16-01-2008 05:04PM

I once knew a guy who worked for a major courier/logistics company and one day he got some orders mixed up. He ended up sending a shipment of Ford Mondeo door handles to a livestock farmer outside Ballymena and a large amount of bulls' semen to a Ford Dealership somewhere near Dublin.

:eek:

Gizmodeon · 16-01-2008 05:30PM

I used to work up in the Maxol in Dublin Airport, and the shifts were 5am-2pm on the weekends so we'd get a lot of the early flights coming in at around 6.
This bus pulled up with a bus load of American tourists and packed the tiny petrol station. Now the queue was leading out the door, and this woman comes up to me and asks VERY loudly in a strong Boston accent "Have you got any incontinence pads" (I **** you not). So after a very brisk biting of my lip, and a few seconds for the camera to jump out stating I've been framed or something, I realized the woman was completely serious.

So I looked around to my manager, for some help (at this stage a few workers from the airport in the queue are pissing themselves laughing)
Manager just shrugs, and I sent the woman over to the "feminine products" section.
About 15 minutes later, the woman is still in the shop, the queue is still massive and she cuts the queue and says to me holding up 2 boxes of sanitary towels
"Which one of these is better?"
I nearly died, of course cause I was the only girl working there she decided to target me. my other coworker had to duck behind his station to hide his laughter, and I just pointed at one, put her stuff through, and tried like hell to get her out of the shop quickly. of course noooooo. She decided to thank me, and stood there to wait for her friends for another 20 minutes, while introducing me to each one saying "this girl was very helpful"

Worst.Customer.Ever.

ven0m · 16-01-2008 05:54PM

Terry wrote: »

Someone mentioned Chinese take-aways earlier.

I worked behind the counter of one when I was about 14.
This guy came in and he was completely hammered.
He started demanding a quarter pounder with cheese.

I pointed him in the direction of the chipper two doors down, but he was having onne of that.

The owner (Hung) came out and the drunk guy started giving him crap and maiking racist comments.

Hung hopped the 5 foot counter and kncked skittles of piss out of the drunk guy and everyone in the place applauded him.

Hung was a cool bastard.
He was Vietnamese. Had a huge (4 inch diameter) scar on his arm from being shot by an American soldier when he was a kid.

We were standing behind the counter one day just before opening.
He spotted a fly on the wall about 8 or 9 feet away.
Hung got an elastic band, flung it across the room and killed the fly.

We called it a fluke, so he did it the next day, just to prove he could (Summer. Lots of flies and the place was spotless. We kept it clean).

Which takeaway - R.H. or W.I.??

EDIT: nevermind, seen above ...... Wok In ... ahhhh what marvelous food they do produce ............ yumms!!!!!

:::: ven0mous ::::

Describe the stupidest person you've ever encountered while you were working.

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