Describe the stupidest person you've ever encountered while you were working.

Wacker

Back in my student days I worked in a newsagent. Just after the euro came in, you guys probably remember the two month period in which shops had to accept both pounds and euro. I found most people were very quick to et their money changed, and the vast majority of people were paying with Euro after just one week.
Anyway, when the dual currencies had been in place for about five or six weeks (so hardly anyone had pounds left) this girl, probably about thirteen was in the shop. She gave me a really wierd look when I asked her if she was paying with pounds or euro, and said pounds. I gave her her change in euro, and she looked at them and said "What the hell are these?"
She had never heard of the euro. Based on her accent she was definatley Irish, and she didn't strike me as having a learning disability or anything. Bizarre.

On a related note, my dad worked in a bank branch back in the day, and he once encountered a woman who was so unable to understand what he was trying to explain to her (and he is a patient man) that he eventually had to ask her if she could send her husband in and have him handle it. Different times, eh?

Anyone got any nice stories to share?

WindSock

I think you have high standards regarding stupidity. I worked for the Lions rugby tour online store in NZ and had people ordering match programs and expecting them to arrive before the well before the tour started. How many irate emails I had to deal with from thick Paddys and Brits saying they have left their homes to come to NZ without the programs arriving :rolleyes:

Donegal Lass

In a bar i used to work in, we used to give out free "champers" for groups of hens that were booked in for food! A girl i was working with at the time (she was the most easily distracted girl id ever met) opened a bottle of Dom Perignon instead of a cheap crappy sparkling wine for a crowd of hens!! The manager went psycho with her and told her she had to pay it all back out of her wages! I wouldnt have thought it was so funny if she had even copped on half way through but it wasnt until he picked up the empty bottle that the **** hit the fan! I laughed for about a week and a half! Poor girl!

Genghiz Cohen

I was just off work, if that counts.
I met some friends just outside and we went walking around looking for a laugh. My friends had some of their class-mates with them who I never really got to know, so walking just outside the start of the forest park a downey feather floats down right infront of one of the
girls and she starts going on about how she now knew she had a guardian angel, needless to say I burst into fits of laughter, and begun to explain how a pigeon had rose out of the trees above us and lost a few feathers along the way.
Of course being a twit she wouldn't accept that and persisted that she had some guardian angel.

As you can imagine, this level of stupidity got on my nerves very quickly, and I began to mock her in my own paticular fashon,which was a hell of a lot of fun.

Guardian angels.....
I really don't believe in God anymore.

Terry

Australian marble lady.

We did a job for this Australian chick (and her daughter Emerald. Picture an Australian woman shouting that name). Full bathroom suite. Really expensive, top of the range tiles, bought at an extortionate mark-up from a shop in Dún Laoghaire.

We had fitted out the shop, so we knew the owner and he got us the job. He told us that the woman's brother in law was a builder and had lots of work on, so we did soe spectacular work in this bathroom. Integrated mirror, a bit of a mosaic and some other fancy crap that takes little time or effort to do, but looks really good and you get to charge lots of money for it. That way we impress the brother in law and he gives us more work.

So all is well and we're on another job in Foxrock or Blackrock or some such place the next day.
Then we get a call from a really pissed off Australian chick. Apparently there's a problem with the job we did.
So we drive out to Blessington and ask her what the problem is.

She brings us up to the bathroom, puts a marble on the WHB and the marble rolls off.
Of course the ****ing marble is going to roll off. The ****ing WHB is designed with a slant. But crazy marble lady was having none of this.
We spent half an hour trying to tell her that there wasn't anything we could do about the design of a ****ing sink. A sink which she had chosen.
Eventually we just walked out of the house with her screaming at us.

A few days later her brother in law rang and gave us some work. He told us that he knew we were right and that he knew the chick was crazy.

Then there was the time we were fitting out a shop in Newbridge.
We had just polished all the floor designs on the ground floor of the shop, so we didn't want anyone walking across the floor for a couple of hours.
We knew the plastere was on his way and we were going for lunch.
The shop had three stair cases, so the plasterer had no need to walk across the floor to get upstairs.
We knew he wasn't the brightest though, because he had constantly walked across wet tiles after being repeatedly told they were not yet set and had dropped plasterboard across a floor display which hadn't been grouted, meaning that I had to clean little bits of plaster out of the grout joints.

Anyway, we put tape across the two doors that led into the main shop area and hung little signs asking people not to walk on the floor and to use the other stairs.

Needless to say, when we got back from lunch, the tape on the main door was pulled down and the dumbass plasterer had ruined the mornings work. We threw an extra few quid onto that job because of his incompetence.

Crazy Christ

She brings us up to the bathroom, puts a marble on the WHB and the marble rolls off.
Of course the ****ing marble is going to roll off. The ****ing WHB is designed with a slant. But crazy marble lady was having none of this.
We spent half an hour trying to tell her that there wasn't anything we could do about the design of a ****ing sink. A sink which she had chosen.
Eventually we just walked out of the house with her screaming at us.

In some cases violence can be condoned. Why didn't you whup out your pistol, shoot the place up a bit

0ubliette

When i worked in a call centre for a bank in england. We got a new shipment of trainees one week (staff turnover was high cause it was such a **** job), most of the new staff were migrant workers. One italian guy, and the rest were of eastern european origin. I got lumped with some eastern european guy next to me who not only was one of the doziest, laziest dumb ****hunters ive ever come across, but could barely speak english. This isnt his fault, but why in gods name would anyone who only has the weakest grasp of english, actively seek emplyment in a 100% ENGLISH SPEAKING call centre that deals with a company based in ENGLAND. Not only did i end up having to take about 50% of his calls because 'i no know what caller say to me' he ended up dragging the rest of us down cause we had to carry his sorry ass. Easily the dumbest most annoying person ive ever had to work alongside.

Femelade

I work for a radio station and often cover reception for a few days.
yesterday morning, by 9.15 , i was after getting 4 phone calls from 2 brother, who could not grasp a number i was giving them. it was an easy 1850 number, i had to actually say one , eight , five , zero. instead of eighteen fifty..

Another woman rang before and same kinda story, but she grasped the number, but tried to dial it while she was still onto me, as i called it out..i told her she had to go and write down the number, hang up from me, and then dial it...

There are alot of people who ring and start ranting at me abotu whatever topic is on air at the time, i have to cut in and tell them that they will have the ring the comment line, that i dont take comments, but they continue to talk over me, despite me telling them, that their comment will not be passed onto the show... like this morning some woman would not listen to me when i told her she was onto the wrong person, she said he comment really fast and hung up like as if she got one up on me...i really dont give a ****e what she had to say, and i dont know what satisfaction she got from telling me, when i told her i wouldnt pass it on.

homerjay2005

i work in an IT company and part of my job is that im over new people until they settle in and are fully trained up. this one lad joined a while back and he has to be the dummest person i have ever met. we have online "exams" for all new people to do,you know the sort,ethics,sexual descrimination, how to be a good employee bla bla bla. they take 1 hour to complete. this lad spend nearly 2 days doing them,and still failed. dont get me wrong,he is a nice lad and wouldnt harm a fly(probably doesnt no what a fly is either) but he should be out in a field picking fruit or something......not in an IT job. he also does things like constantly leaves his jacket behind him.

overall,a clown and i wonder about rectuiting processes sometimes.

c - 13

My favorite was one confused guy that rang the main desk looking for some place that sold cattle trailers (we're an engineering company), the receptionist explained he had the wrong number. A minute later the phone rings again, same guy looking for the same place, secratary explains again to him. A minute later the phone rings again secratary is getting annoyed at this stage and explains once again that he has the wrong number, the guy on the other end of the line is getting annoyed too and asks the secretary - "Well what the **** is the number for that trailer place then ?"

leninbenjamin

worked with a barman before. he broke a glass into the ice. he didn't tell anyone. then he proceeded to serve some woman glass instead of ice. thank **** she noticed before she drank. his excuse: it wasn't his job to change the ice.

stupid gobsh*te he was. and the even stupider owner still wouldn't fire him.

citytillidie

While working in Canada

I was asked where I am from, told them Ireland only to get a reply what part of Canada is Ireland in.

ejmaztec

One of my old bosses took on a school-leaver for clerical duties. I was in his room along with him and his secretary. He saw the new recruit walking past his door into his secretary's office and buzzed the room on his intercom. After buzzing away several more times, he got really pis*ed off and went next door to ask her why she didn't pick up the bloody phone.

"cause I knew it wasn't for me", she replied.

Caveat

c - 13 wrote: »

My favorite was one confused guy that rang the main desk looking for some place that sold cattle trailers (we're an engineering company), the receptionist explained he had the wrong number. A minute later the phone rings again, same guy looking for the same place, secratary explains again to him. A minute later the phone rings again secratary is getting annoyed at this stage and explains once again that he has the wrong number, the guy on the other end of the line is getting annoyed too and asks the secretary - "Well what the **** is the number for that trailer place then ?"

I've had calls like that too.

Also, people phoning from their mobile:

"I had a missed call"

"Ok, this is a business,I'll try and find out who was trying to reach you - who is calling?"

"I had a missed call - this number came up"

"OK, but it could have been any of a number of people - do you provide some kind of service? and can I ask who is calling so I can try and find out?"

"I had a missed call here on me mobile - that's all I'm trying to tell ye - was someone looking for me?"

:mad::mad::mad:

catyb20

There was this one girl and god love she really didn't have an ounce of sense! I went to school with her and also worked with her for a while. One day at work she was asked to get 3 things straight after each other:

1) A fallopian Tube
2)Bag of steam
3) A banana straightener

And yes she went to the chef, (who must of had the patience of a saint), the head chef, three times, looking for each of the above things, one after the other! When she went looking for the fallopian tube, she came bag with a bottle of tip ex saying

"I never even knew this was called a fallopian tube!, god you learn something knew everyday"

I kid you not!

Another day in work, we were out having a ciggarette, she comes over, "could I borrow one of those from you?" (??????????) And then asks us how many calories there are in a fag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:eek::rolleyes:

Sooo funny!

Right, I wouldn't blame anyone for not believing me about this story im about to tell you but it is 100% true. I work for a finance company & we deal with mortgages, leasing, personal loans etc. I started about 11 months ago and a month later a new guy was brought in to help with the leasing side of things. Now this guy was one of those meaning well guys. I got along with him fine but some of the things he used to do were insane.

When he arrived from his previous job doing phone sales he was grand. We thought he was normal etc and would be fine. The first day he was here I had to show him the system etc for the WHOLE day. That went fine but it was the next day when I noticed the problem. He came in and sat beside me and I opened up the system. He then turned to me and goes '' Whats this? '' 'Its the system we use for our clients etc'' '' O right... hows it work?''.........I was in shock and I thought he was joking. He honestly didn't know what it was and he was looking at me using it the whole day before. I didn't say anything to the boss etc as it wasn't my place. After about two weeks of us noticing all kinds of wild sides to this guy character the boss sent him out to other companies about leasing and put him in charge of the car finance..(The boss isnt in the office very much and we didn't want to say anything..). Now this wierd fella used to shout while he was on the phone to people, he didn't know how to use the internet even though he said he did on his CV(Great IT skills he said) & when I showed him how to use it he used to leave like 24 tabs open not knowing that you could close or put in a new address... More things happened. He came in with the same suit for a whole week straight and I swear to god he absolutely stunk by Friday... The boss was in that day and after complaints from the women the boss as open and down to earth as he is asked him to go home for a wash.....IMAGINE BEING ASKED THAT!? After this incident he kept on stinking and he was asked a 2ND time to go home for a wash....People started to complain and the boss started to notice a problem. My boss isn't a wanker so he didn't want to immediately sack some guy so he gave him a chance and gave him easy jobs in the office to do. Now here is the main event.....

One day the boss asked him to go and paint over the graffitti on the wall outside in our alley way. The boss asked him to buy grey paint as the wall was grey... He came back with white paint and without consulting the boss he painted away. So when he came in when he was finished with the white paint while the boss wasn't in the office I had to go out and have a look. I've never laughed so much in my whole life. He had painted the whole wall white including a door that wasn't ours on the ground floor & he had got paint all over a car that was close to the wall that wasn't owned by any1 in the company......I couldnt believe it. So I asked him about it and his reply was ''It shouldn't of been parked there in the first place''......... Ok I said. Imagine, the car shouldnt of been parked there because they should of known that some idiot was going to go painting the wall beside it..PRICELESS. Anyway, more stuff happened that included him breaking the boss's office chair and some other stuff but he was eventually sacked atfer his hilarious 3 months of service.

homerjay2005

leninbenjamin wrote: »

worked with a barman before. he broke a glass into the ice. he didn't tell anyone. then he proceeded to serve some woman glass instead of ice. thank **** she noticed before she drank. his excuse: it wasn't his job to change the ice.

stupid gobsh*te he was. and the even stupider owner still wouldn't fire him.

that is shocking on 2 counts,the w**ker that was willing to cut a throat of a customer and the bar owner that didntsack him on the spot. shocking. now,thats a real case of a customer having grounds for complaints.

i love bar work and work sometimes for me mate who owns one. this one d**khead asked me to put water in his drink,seen me pore it and then complained cos i poured it for him. he proceeded to tell the whole bar about it and how incompetent i was. also, this happened.

me - how can i help you?
stupid lady- can i have a pint of guinness please?
me - no problem, anything else?
SL - no thanks.
me gets glass and pours to the settling mark and places on counter as normal to settle.
within 5 seconds -
SL - what the hell is that? (in a rude and abrupt voice,other customers take start to listen)
me - you asked for a pint of guiness ya?
SL - yes i did, that is not a pint of guinness, its not even near full. can i speak to the manager please?

i tried to keep a straight face and not get angry or smart,but a customer did it for me.

"ffs ya ignorent b**ch,guiness is poured to the rim and left to settle for 3 minutes. even my 10 year old young fella knows that, leave the barman do his job and stop annoying us all"

she didnt open her mouth,took the pint,still not filled,gave me a fiver and walked away. There is stupidity,but when combined with ignorence,is just totally intolerable.

Overheal

catyb20 wrote: »

There was this one girl and god love she really didn't have an ounce of sense! I went to school with her and also worked with her for a while. One day at work she was asked to get 3 things straight after each other:

1) A fallopian Tube
2)Bag of steam
3) A banana straightener

And yes she went to the chef, (who must of had the patience of a saint), the head chef, three times, looking for each of the above things, one after the other! When she went looking for the fallopian tube, she came bag with a bottle of tip ex saying

"I never even knew this was called a fallopian tube!, god you learn something knew everyday"

I kid you not!

Another day in work, we were out having a ciggarette, she comes over, "could I borrow one of those from you?" (??????????) And then asks us how many calories there are in a fag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:eek::rolleyes:

Sooo funny!

winner.

Jack Bauer

Work in a DIY store. When there's paint spilled (which happens a fair amount of time) we spread compost on it to soak it up ya see. Anyway one day 10lt drum of white paint spilled so one of the managers asked one of the lads to clean it up, so he told him to put compost on it. A few minutes later the guy comes back big bag of compost in arms and pops it onto the paint...still in its wrapping :eek: As he dropped the compost onto the paint it splashed and went all over the managers trousers! The guy then starts rubbing the bag around in the paint to "soak" it up!! The other manager seeing this had to leave he was laughing so hard.

watna

Caveat wrote: »

I've had calls like that too.

Also, people phoning from their mobile:

"I had a missed call"

"Ok, this is a business,I'll try and find out who was trying to reach you - who is calling?"

"I had a missed call - this number came up"

"OK, but it could have been any of a number of people - do you provide some kind of service? and can I ask who is calling so I can try and find out?"

"I had a missed call here on me mobile - that's all I'm trying to tell ye - was someone looking for me?"

:mad::mad::mad:

This is my pet hate. occasionally the calls to the main number are diverted to me if someone's on hols/out sick. The amount of times you ahve to explain to people they're through to the switch and I'll send an email around to find out who called them. "but i had a missed call from this number, why did you call me, who are you?" yes, but this is the F*CKING SWITCH.... !

BlitzKrieg

"ffs ya ignorent b**ch,guiness is poured to the rim and left to settle for 3 minutes. even my 10 year old young fella knows that, leave the barman do his job and stop annoying us all"

Was she Irish?

When I lived in England alot of the student bars wouldnt pour guiness right. Drove me up the wall sometimes, worse there was one guy who wouldnt let it settle and drink the whole pint down before it has a chance to. Seems he perferred it that way. Made me want to strangle him.

Crazy Christ

KaG1888 wrote: »

One day the boss asked him to go and paint over the graffitti on the wall outside in our alley way. The boss asked him to buy grey paint as the wall was grey... He came back with white paint and without consulting the boss he painted away. So when he came in when he was finished with the white paint while the boss wasn't in the office I had to go out and have a look. I've never laughed so much in my whole life. He had painted the whole wall white including a door that wasn't ours on the ground floor & he had got paint all over a car that was close to the wall that wasn't owned by any1 in the company......I couldnt believe it. So I asked him about it and his reply was ''It shouldn't of been parked there in the first place''......... Ok I said. Imagine, the car shouldnt of been parked there because they should of known that some idiot was going to go painting the wall beside it..PRICELESS. Anyway, more stuff happened that included him breaking the boss's office chair and some other stuff but he was eventually sacked atfer his hilarious 3 months of service.

Ruu_Old

When I worked in a call center, I went through my introduction, long presentation (selling a credit card to a business) and all of the application, security questions, etc to the last page when the person asks me. "What is this for now?" This has happened more often than I would have liked.

Sam Vimes

not while working but i have several examples from a guy i know:

he was at a house party and he was trying to leave. the door had a handle and a latch so you had to open both to get out. my mate knew he'd have problem so he explained this. the guy then proceeded to turn the latch, then let it go and try the handle. then he tried the handle, let it go and opened the latch. he did this a few times then started hitting the door because he couldn't figure it out.

the same night they were a few people were leaving the party to go to a club and he went along. my friend had bought the stupid guy drink because he had no money and the guy said he'd pay for the taxi in if they stopped at an atm. the taxi stopped at an atm and everyone except him got money out. then they got to the club and my friend said "aren't you paying for the taxi?" and he said "i have to go to an atm".


he's a few years older than the rest of us and when we were 16 he'd go into the off license for us. once he went in for himself and one other but came out with only his own drink. he said that the bloke wouldn't give him everything because he thought he'd be giving it to underage people. then the 16 year old asked for his money back and he said he didn't have it. a big argument ensued and eventually he handed back the money which he had been holding in his hand in his pocket. i have no idea how he thought he'd get away with it



he wonders why no one lends him things. one night in a pub i said i was using my credit card because i had no cash. every time i went to the bar, he followed close behind and pestered me for a drink. i had made the mistake of buying him one to make him go away. after the 7th or 8th attempt i had to tell him to **** off. he still didn't. bare in mind he had his own money and was just trying to chance his arm. in the 8 years i've known he has never bought anyone a drink. he had a full time job long before the rest of us and still takes money etc from our one friend who's too nice to tell him to **** off. this guy gives him stuff knowing he will never get it back despite having no job

i worked in a phone shop and signed him up to a bill phone. a few weeks later i was out my my friend (the same one from the house party) and he got one of those call me messages off him that says he has no credit. remember this is a bill phone user with a full time job getting a pay as you go user with no job to call him. also, he calls me every few days asking me to help him do stuff on his computer and the other day he sent me a message saying "ring me" because he wanted some advice. bare in mind he still has the bill phone. so not only does he want years of free technical support, he now wants me to pay to give it even though he knows i know he has a bill phone! needless to say i didn't call him

there are countless more examples that i can't think of at the moment. the guy wonders why no one showed up to his birthday party

Overheal

BlitzKrieg wrote: »

Was she Irish?

When I lived in England alot of the student bars wouldnt pour guiness right. Drove me up the wall sometimes, worse there was one guy who wouldnt let it settle and drink the whole pint down before it has a chance to. Seems he perferred it that way. Made me want to strangle him.

brother of mine works bars in florida - hes never heard the notion of the perfect pint. Everyone down there pours it straight down the glass and to the top. Not that it tastes woeful or anything but you know youre missing out on glory. Tried to edutain him but y'know.... stubborn.

Lil' Smiler

Caveat wrote: »

I've had calls like that too.

Also, people phoning from their mobile:

"I had a missed call"

"Ok, this is a business,I'll try and find out who was trying to reach you - who is calling?"

"I had a missed call - this number came up"

"OK, but it could have been any of a number of people - do you provide some kind of service? and can I ask who is calling so I can try and find out?"

"I had a missed call here on me mobile - that's all I'm trying to tell ye - was someone looking for me?"

:mad::mad::mad:

OH MY GOD!!! YES!!! That was my job las year, i worked as a switchboard operator and our number came up as the number for people ringing from anywhere in the country although Head Office is based in Dublin. Some people just didn't seem to get it. We used to just end up saying, "i'm sure if it's important whoever rang will call you back"

The guy I worked with was a right Dumbass.. was convinced he knew everything about the job, obviously didn't becaue there must be some reason why he was tuned down the Supervisors job 3 times hehehe

catyb20

Overheal wrote: »

brother of mine works bars in florida - hes never heard the notion of the perfect pint. Everyone down there pours it straight down the glass and to the top. Not that it tastes woeful or anything but you know youre missing out on glory. Tried to edutain him but y'know.... stubborn.

Yeah they're the same all over the states! The bf was in texas last year (in an Irish bar) and actually paid the barman to let him pour his own pint of guinness!!

homerjay2005

those banana benders, tubes etcstories are always tried on newbies and most believe them.

others are-

rubber nails.
sky hooks.
glass hammer.

but my favourite is a long weight/stand......

"hey,go over to your man there and ask him for a long weight/stand......"

they go over, your man leaves,comes back whenever and says," well,have you been waiting/standing long enough now?!". works everytime.

catyb20

homerjay2005 wrote: »

those banana benders, tubes etcstories are always tried on newbies and most believe them.

others are-

rubber nails.
sky hooks.
glass hammer.

but my favourite is a long weight/stand......

"hey,go over to your man there and ask him for a long weight/stand......"

they go over, your man leaves,comes back whenever and says," well,have you been waiting/standing long enough now?!". works everytime.

:D:D:D:D I love it! Never heard that one before!

0ubliette

actually scratch my earlier post, best i ever heard was a mate of mine working in woodies DIY in northside. Im assuming at least some of you know the ronseal paint advert, that shows computer generated paint magically painting itself up a set of railings. Well, my friend sold a bucket of it to a lady, who promply returned the next day demanding her money back, as the product was defective. How can paint be defective you ask?

"i spread it all over the bottom of me railings and it just sat there!!!"

i am totally super serial. it happened.

Pherekydes

You bar workers will love this:

When I was 15 I was working as a lounge boy in a well-known northside bar. A customer asks for a G&T, so I went to the bar and the barman reaches for the nearest tonic, which happened to be Schweppe's quinine Tonic (that's what it said on the label). The customer takes one look at the bottle and says, "Can you change this, I'm allergic to quinine. Get me the Club Tonic, please." Remember, I'm only 15, but I know what tonic water is, so I went back to the bar and says to the barman, "Pat, x wants you to change this for Club Tonic; says he is allergic to quinine [Eyes are rolling so far I can see backwards]"

Pat: You know tonic water is aerated quinine?
Me: Yes.
Pat: Did you say it was x?
Me: Yes.
Pat: [Opening bottle of Club Tonic]: Remember, Terry, the customer's always right.

rmacm

Worked in a factory that makes contact lenses for a summer. A new guy started and one of the jokers on the production line I was working on decided to have a bit of fun with him. There's an area of the line that contains a tank of water for hydrating lenses. This tank is fed through pipes that run from the ceiling of the factory (which the new guy didn't know). He was given 2 buckets and told to go and fill them with water for this part of the line. He was found about 15 minutes later wandering around the factory by one of the Ops Engineers looking for a tap to fill these buckets fortunately he was good humoured about it after the Ops filled him in on what was going on.

Wertz

In the decorating trade you come across an awful lot of stupidity, both from workmates, clients and the public.

Some examples:

Numerous instances of people walking into or putting their hands on wet paint even though there's a guy(s) with a brush, several signs and a smell of gloss. Then you get people whining about their clothes/hands...it's not our fault you're too stupid to be aware of what's happening around you.
Numerous instances of people walking out in front of traffic to avoid walking under a ladder :rolleyes:
People who think they're the epitomé of comedy for telling us we're putting it on inside out/upside down or that we've "missed a bit". You know what? I've never ever heard that one before, in all my years. You have Peter Kay running scared.

But the worst:
Finishing a shopfront (chemist's) in a busy street one day, ladders set up to the pavement edge and traffic cones to stop cars parking there and getting splashed (like a post above lol)...so I've been up a ladder doing some brushwork and I'm climbing down. On my way I notice a black SUV pulling up...it then proceeds to pull into the tight space between the traffic cones, pushing one of them which then clips the damn ladder, hard sending a shudder up it and causing me to have to grab on to both the ladder and my paint pot while it shook!
I'm feckin' raging and have that shocked feeling you get in your stomach but I get my wits and start climbing down again. This silly bitch proceeds to jump out of the jeep (which is more abandoned than parked) and goes to walk into the shop without even acknowledging what she just did. I'm finally at the bottom of the ladder and challenge her; "what sort of place is that to park?"...she turns around to tell me it's "an emergency" without any hint of apology... "A f*ckin' emergency? You could have f*ckin' killed me" said I...."well there's no need to be rude about it"...I felt like just hitting her. You couldn't have missed me, high vis vest and white overalls, drop sheets all over the pavement and 4 traffic cones blocking the space and at the foot of the ladder.
My workmate was just in awe (he'd been doing work on the ground and had his back turned, all he heard was the ladder reverberating).
Not just stupid but ignorant. Should have threw the paint onto her precious car, except it didn't occur to me in enough time to make it look like an accident.


Mind you the public aren't the only idiots. Company I used to work for a couple of years back was run by a pretty sound guy, who happened to have two idiot brothers that "worked" for him.
On one job in a regional hospital, we were doing a very long corridor, but it had to be done in daytime and wards couldn't be closed. Before you paint walls, all the furniture and fixings has to be removed, walls washed, etc. So first morning we're planning how to do the job most efficiently, ask the nurses and head nurse what we can and can't do so as not to interfere with their work (which is more important than ours). We planned to do it in sections, either side of the corridor at a time, they're fine with that but ask us not to take too much furniture off the walls ahead of us (dispensers for handwash, gloves, aprons and other infection control stuff).
So I head off for my teabreak, come back 20 min later and one of these brothers is away on donw the corridor, pullin' stuff off the walls and putting it in a box. I turn around and tell him that we were asked not to go too far ahead...met with a blank stare. He continues at it and because he's the boss's brother I can't really give him an order although I have it out with him.
Then a few minutes later the matron/head nurse comes walking down with two other nurses...they're about to start work on a man in an isolation room (MRSA case) goes to look for the infection control stuff which has been pulled off the whole way down one side of the corridor and, quite rightly, throws a fit...suddenly it's my fault according to this brother and I should "hurry up and get the stuff the nurse needs" :rolleyes: I did as I was asked, then rang my boss and told him that I'm not working with that brother again.

A few weeks later I'm put with the other brother on the site of some new office buildings. We're applying intumescent coating to the framing girders. The stuff is like cream cheese, stinks to high heaven and costs about 400 for 5 gallons (only size it comes in). Now you're told on the data sheet not to thin the coating, but the brother in question who's a lazy sod, says to himself "f*ck that", too much work having to apply it thickly...so he heads off down and gets some water and a stick, comes back up and pours the water into the drum and starts stirring...the trouble is that as well as not being allowed to thin the coating, it's not water-based, you need a special solvent.
He pours the mix into a pot and off he goes painting.
The boss arrives in a while later and asks why some of the steelwork "looks funny", then looks into the drum and lets out a roar..."what silly c*nt put water into this?"..."I did, it was too thick" said the brother..."well what made you think you could put water in it?" said the boss..."Well it's fireproof paint, what else would you put in it?"
Me and the other two guys just broke down laughing. What a moron. This guy has apparently been doing this job for years...an apprentice wouldn't have done what he did. Idiot. €400 worth of paint and a few hours work down the drain (not literally)
I left the firm a few months later...the ineptitiude was frightening. These guys weren't cheap either.

Loads more but I'll let someone else tell theirs...

Lockstep

Not work related but anyway.

I was on the bus back from Dublin up to Galway when we stopped off in Oughterard. When some people were getting out, a tannoy warned us to keep clear of the undercarriage doors.

Anyway, some women dove in too soon and got stuck, with the door closing behind her. The driver went and opened it for her but got annoyed for disobeying his instructions on the door. She went off into a right old rant screaming at the driver that it was his fault, she would have his licence and that she wanted his name and licence number or something.

The driver had been a perfect gentlement the whole way up so it really bugged people to see this hysterical woman screaming blue murder. The driver obliged with his number and name and while he was writing it down, another woman came up to ask the woman if she was ok. The hysterical woman went up and asked for her phone number, as she wanted a witness the driver was negligent. Other passengers came up to the woman and politely told her that it wasnt the driver fault.

TO cut a long story short the woman went ape**** on the bus before eventually jumping off screaming threats to all and sundry.

We were delayed for 40 minutes because of this bloody harridan.

aidan24326

Jack Bauer wrote: »

Work in a DIY store. When there's paint spilled (which happens a fair amount of time) we spread compost on it to soak it up ya see. Anyway one day 10lt drum of white paint spilled so one of the managers asked one of the lads to clean it up, so he told him to put compost on it. A few minutes later the guy comes back big bag of compost in arms and pops it onto the paint...still in its wrapping :eek: As he dropped the compost onto the paint it splashed and went all over the managers trousers! The guy then starts rubbing the bag around in the paint to "soak" it up!! The other manager seeing this had to leave he was laughing so hard.

That is definitely one of the most retarded things I've ever heard!

Quality

I have worked with a few eejits in my life, I remember working with this girl in a well known Dublin Pub on the northside of Dublin..

She was a lovely looking girl but a bit dim...

Anyhow she was waitressing and came up and asked what the fish of the day was. I told her it was "Leg of Salmon", So she went up to the customer, and elderly well to do gentleman and told him the fish of the day...

Well I tell you, the poor man just took off his glasses and said " Dear Girl, Salmon do not have legs""

It was hilarious!!!

Crazy Christ

tHIS THREAD IS RATE FUNNY LOLZORDS OMG OMG WTF BRB M8

I can't believe that nitwits like those above don't jump off a cliff trying to fly

Overheal

Worked in a chinese take away a few years ago and we had a tweaked out delivery driver: clearly did all manner of substance, stunk to high heaven and had burn holes in every piece of clothing he owned.

So even after a year doing delivery for us - I answer the phones, I take down the adresses, and the directions (its a rural area) etc. and the feck always calls up the customer asking where it is even if its the most obvious housing estate in the world.

Another thing is our shop is on a busy road and there is meant to be no parking outside to pick up orders - but he does anyway.

so one day hes as high as a kite, pale and sweaty, continues to do this. As hes coming back from a run he pulls to the curb and - somehow, we may never fully understand the stupidity - as he's opening his car door he manages to get it entirely wedged into the front left wheel well of a bus, and the car is dragged ten feet down the road.

:rolleyes:

another delivery driver i will never understand - the idiot got his license revoked. So what does he do for 6 months? His friend drives him around. It made **** all sense. Why deliver at all then?

cance

Bit of an IT one, but meh:

member of the admin team asked to prune the staff drives and give them a general tidy up. he decides to format the two volumes :eek:

that was a great weekend, lost.

Senna

I spend years working in bar and hotels, so i have millions of these stories;

1. Two people in the restaurant order 2 John Dory's for their main course, i take it out to them and they say we didn't order fish?? Fair enough, not everyone knows what John Dory is, but would you really order something and not have a clue what it is.

2. Man walks down to reception with his two kids and say he put money in the vending machine and it the door wont open!! Trying not to laugh, i explain that you have to enter the number of the item you want on the key pad and the item falls into the open slot.

3. woman orders and get a drink from the bar, she give the barman the money and he goes around the corner to the till, a second later another barman walks past her and out of the bar, she screams at him 'are you not going to give me my change' he says 'i think its X thats serving you' she starts saying 'stop taking a hand at me, you served me!!'. So the the barman with her change comes back and hands it to her and she still starts shouting that the other barman served her and took her money. Pure nut job.

4. Woman who has just checked-in to her room comes back down to reception to complain that from her bedroom window, she cannot see the Lough. She has a hotel Brochure in her hand and reads out the line 'Magnificent view over the Lough X (in the brochure section for the restaurant). I offer her a room at the front of the hotel and she continues to argue that its false advertising and every room must have a view of the Lough if its wrote in the brochure. I explain thats thats the restaurant description, but she still isn't happy even though i moved her to a bedroom with a view.

5. The customer who was giving out about our Fine Brandy selection, he had just had a XO and a VSOP, but said they were rubbish, so the owner said he would get him some from his own private collection, he went into the kitchen and poured a glass of COOKING Brandy, the customer took a drink and said, 'now thats the stuff'

6. The family that checked into their room at 9pm on a saturday evening and were due to check out on sunday morning. After 12pm on sunday there was no sign of them, so we kept calling the room and at about 3pm i went up to their room and all their stuff was still there but they weren't. So i kept calling the room and when up and checked every few hours. At 9pm they arrived back and came down to reception to check-out, i explained that check-out time is 12pm, they argued that they checked-in at 9pm and they paid for a bedroom, so they much have the room for 24hr, no amount of explaining could make them understand that a bedroom is only for the night and not 24hr from the time they checked-in.

This is only the ones i can remember off hand.
In general the masses are asses.

ztoical

I worked in Easons in the train station for a while and there'd usually be a bit of queue for the newspapers but most people had exact change ready so it moved quick but at least once a day you'd get some bossy twit in a suit march past everyone and arrive up at the counter and when we explained "hello queue" He'd stare at the queue and then yell "but I'm in a hurry I have a train to catch" at which point someone in the queue would always yell back "so do we its a f**king train station you gimp"

BKtje

those banana benders, tubes etcstories are always tried on newbies and most believe them.

others are-

rubber nails.
sky hooks.
glass hammer.

Another one is the "Left handed spatula" . My personal favourite.

Quality

B-K-DzR wrote: »

Another one is the "Left handed spatula" . My personal favourite.

Batteries for the till
A bottle of Blue Mist

porn_star

Probably had stupider but I don't think I'll ever forget someone looking through the a-z of the music section and coming up and saying "Where does F start? I can't find F!" or... "what would Travis be under, is it T?!" or when you tell them they can buy something at a discounted price and they pick something out and you charge them and they say "oh, I thought it was free"...

adsgirl

Lost count of the amount of times i watched people smoking while filling their cars with petrol.

cold_filter

adsgirl wrote: »

Lost count of the amount of times i watched people smoking while filling their cars with petrol.

Seen some skanger idiot doing that on saturday across the pump from me so I told him to put it out his reply "relax bud its not as if Im going to set meself on fire is it" What a clown

homerjay2005

worked in tech support about 2 years ago ,had a technician from one of the major stores on the phone (dixons, pc world, comet,etc etc etc,) and he said that a customers PC had stopped working and he wanted a new one. fair enough i said,have you tested it? he said no. "well go on then!" i said. he did,worked first time. it transpired that the customer,didnt pay his electricity bill and got cut off.he somehow forgot the concept that no light,no tv,no cooker,no heating also means no computer. i dont know who was worse though,him or the clown in the store.

Kazobel

Had a girl in an old job ask me to help her fix her computer because she'd lost her internet/network connection, after a few minutes of checking the usual had a look under the table and the stupid bint had unplugged her modem to charge her phone :rolleyes:

Doctor DooM

You see loads of these people in a certain forum here...

I bought X product. I dropped it on the floor, and now its not working. I returned it to store y and they said I can't have a refund. I know my rights!!!

I once had a customer when I was in O2 who insisted a delivery report from a message he sent on his o2 phone was delivered to his other, seperate, vodafone phone. After 20 minutes of trying to explain that maybe it was a delivery report for a text sent with the vodafone number, I just ignored him for the other people laughing behind him.

I want to thank all the people who posted here who have reminded me why I dont work in the public sector anymore!

gillyfromlyre

In my last job one of the women stood outside our workplace from 9am to 1.30pm on a sunday waiting to be left in,she thought it was a monday,she was worse to tell us lol

thefinalstage

SDooM wrote: »

You see loads of these people in a certain forum here...

I bought X product. I dropped it on the floor, and now its not working. I returned it to store y and they said I can't have a refund. I know my rights!!!

I once had a customer when I was in O2 who insisted a delivery report from a message he sent on his o2 phone was delivered to his other, seperate, vodafone phone. After 20 minutes of trying to explain that maybe it was a delivery report for a text sent with the vodafone number, I just ignored him for the other people laughing behind him.

I want to thank all the people who posted here who have reminded me why I dont work in the public sector anymore!

Sorry.