Describe the stupidest person you've ever encountered while you were working.

Wacker · 15-01-2008 12:07PM #1

Back in my student days I worked in a newsagent. Just after the euro came in, you guys probably remember the two month period in which shops had to accept both pounds and euro. I found most people were very quick to et their money changed, and the vast majority of people were paying with Euro after just one week.
Anyway, when the dual currencies had been in place for about five or six weeks (so hardly anyone had pounds left) this girl, probably about thirteen was in the shop. She gave me a really wierd look when I asked her if she was paying with pounds or euro, and said pounds. I gave her her change in euro, and she looked at them and said "What the hell are these?"
She had never heard of the euro. Based on her accent she was definatley Irish, and she didn't strike me as having a learning disability or anything. Bizarre.

On a related note, my dad worked in a bank branch back in the day, and he once encountered a woman who was so unable to understand what he was trying to explain to her (and he is a patient man) that he eventually had to ask her if she could send her husband in and have him handle it. Different times, eh?

Anyone got any nice stories to share?

WindSock · 15-01-2008 12:17PM

I think you have high standards regarding stupidity. I worked for the Lions rugby tour online store in NZ and had people ordering match programs and expecting them to arrive before the well before the tour started. How many irate emails I had to deal with from thick Paddys and Brits saying they have left their homes to come to NZ without the programs arriving :rolleyes:

Donegal Lass · 15-01-2008 12:30PM

In a bar i used to work in, we used to give out free "champers" for groups of hens that were booked in for food! A girl i was working with at the time (she was the most easily distracted girl id ever met) opened a bottle of Dom Perignon instead of a cheap crappy sparkling wine for a crowd of hens!! The manager went psycho with her and told her she had to pay it all back out of her wages! I wouldnt have thought it was so funny if she had even copped on half way through but it wasnt until he picked up the empty bottle that the **** hit the fan! I laughed for about a week and a half!

Poor girl!

Genghiz Cohen · 15-01-2008 12:31PM

I was just off work, if that counts.
I met some friends just outside and we went walking around looking for a laugh. My friends had some of their class-mates with them who I never really got to know, so walking just outside the start of the forest park a downey feather floats down right infront of one of the
girls and she starts going on about how she now knew she had a guardian angel, needless to say I burst into fits of laughter, and begun to explain how a pigeon had rose out of the trees above us and lost a few feathers along the way.
Of course being a twit she wouldn't accept that and persisted that she had some guardian angel.

As you can imagine, this level of stupidity got on my nerves very quickly, and I began to mock her in my own paticular fashon,which was a hell of a lot of fun.

Guardian angels.....
I really don't believe in God anymore.

Terry · 15-01-2008 12:51PM

Australian marble lady.

We did a job for this Australian chick (and her daughter Emerald. Picture an Australian woman shouting that name). Full bathroom suite. Really expensive, top of the range tiles, bought at an extortionate mark-up from a shop in Dún Laoghaire.

We had fitted out the shop, so we knew the owner and he got us the job. He told us that the woman's brother in law was a builder and had lots of work on, so we did soe spectacular work in this bathroom. Integrated mirror, a bit of a mosaic and some other fancy crap that takes little time or effort to do, but looks really good and you get to charge lots of money for it. That way we impress the brother in law and he gives us more work.

So all is well and we're on another job in Foxrock or Blackrock or some such place the next day.
Then we get a call from a really pissed off Australian chick. Apparently there's a problem with the job we did.
So we drive out to Blessington and ask her what the problem is.

She brings us up to the bathroom, puts a marble on the WHB and the marble rolls off.
Of course the ****ing marble is going to roll off. The ****ing WHB is designed with a slant. But crazy marble lady was having none of this.
We spent half an hour trying to tell her that there wasn't anything we could do about the design of a ****ing sink. A sink which she had chosen.
Eventually we just walked out of the house with her screaming at us.

A few days later her brother in law rang and gave us some work. He told us that he knew we were right and that he knew the chick was crazy.

Then there was the time we were fitting out a shop in Newbridge.
We had just polished all the floor designs on the ground floor of the shop, so we didn't want anyone walking across the floor for a couple of hours.
We knew the plastere was on his way and we were going for lunch.
The shop had three stair cases, so the plasterer had no need to walk across the floor to get upstairs.
We knew he wasn't the brightest though, because he had constantly walked across wet tiles after being repeatedly told they were not yet set and had dropped plasterboard across a floor display which hadn't been grouted, meaning that I had to clean little bits of plaster out of the grout joints.

Anyway, we put tape across the two doors that led into the main shop area and hung little signs asking people not to walk on the floor and to use the other stairs.

Needless to say, when we got back from lunch, the tape on the main door was pulled down and the dumbass plasterer had ruined the mornings work. We threw an extra few quid onto that job because of his incompetence.

Crazy Christ · 15-01-2008 12:52PM

She brings us up to the bathroom, puts a marble on the WHB and the marble rolls off.
Of course the ****ing marble is going to roll off. The ****ing WHB is designed with a slant. But crazy marble lady was having none of this.
We spent half an hour trying to tell her that there wasn't anything we could do about the design of a ****ing sink. A sink which she had chosen.
Eventually we just walked out of the house with her screaming at us.

In some cases violence can be condoned. Why didn't you whup out your pistol, shoot the place up a bit

0ubliette · 15-01-2008 01:14PM

When i worked in a call centre for a bank in england. We got a new shipment of trainees one week (staff turnover was high cause it was such a **** job), most of the new staff were migrant workers. One italian guy, and the rest were of eastern european origin. I got lumped with some eastern european guy next to me who not only was one of the doziest, laziest dumb ****hunters ive ever come across, but could barely speak english. This isnt his fault, but why in gods name would anyone who only has the weakest grasp of english, actively seek emplyment in a 100% ENGLISH SPEAKING call centre that deals with a company based in ENGLAND. Not only did i end up having to take about 50% of his calls because 'i no know what caller say to me' he ended up dragging the rest of us down cause we had to carry his sorry ass. Easily the dumbest most annoying person ive ever had to work alongside.

Femelade · 15-01-2008 01:16PM

I work for a radio station and often cover reception for a few days.
yesterday morning, by 9.15 , i was after getting 4 phone calls from 2 brother, who could not grasp a number i was giving them. it was an easy 1850 number, i had to actually say one , eight , five , zero. instead of eighteen fifty..

Another woman rang before and same kinda story, but she grasped the number, but tried to dial it while she was still onto me, as i called it out..i told her she had to go and write down the number, hang up from me, and then dial it...

There are alot of people who ring and start ranting at me abotu whatever topic is on air at the time, i have to cut in and tell them that they will have the ring the comment line, that i dont take comments, but they continue to talk over me, despite me telling them, that their comment will not be passed onto the show... like this morning some woman would not listen to me when i told her she was onto the wrong person, she said he comment really fast and hung up like as if she got one up on me...i really dont give a ****e what she had to say, and i dont know what satisfaction she got from telling me, when i told her i wouldnt pass it on.

homerjay2005 · 15-01-2008 01:23PM

i work in an IT company and part of my job is that im over new people until they settle in and are fully trained up. this one lad joined a while back and he has to be the dummest person i have ever met. we have online "exams" for all new people to do,you know the sort,ethics,sexual descrimination, how to be a good employee bla bla bla. they take 1 hour to complete. this lad spend nearly 2 days doing them,and still failed. dont get me wrong,he is a nice lad and wouldnt harm a fly(probably doesnt no what a fly is either) but he should be out in a field picking fruit or something......not in an IT job. he also does things like constantly leaves his jacket behind him.

overall,a clown and i wonder about rectuiting processes sometimes.

c - 13 · 15-01-2008 01:25PM

My favorite was one confused guy that rang the main desk looking for some place that sold cattle trailers (we're an engineering company), the receptionist explained he had the wrong number. A minute later the phone rings again, same guy looking for the same place, secratary explains again to him. A minute later the phone rings again secratary is getting annoyed at this stage and explains once again that he has the wrong number, the guy on the other end of the line is getting annoyed too and asks the secretary - "Well what the **** is the number for that trailer place then ?"

leninbenjamin · 15-01-2008 01:28PM

worked with a barman before. he broke a glass into the ice. he didn't tell anyone. then he proceeded to serve some woman glass instead of ice. thank **** she noticed before she drank. his excuse: it wasn't his job to change the ice.

stupid gobsh*te he was. and the even stupider owner still wouldn't fire him.

citytillidie · 15-01-2008 01:29PM

While working in Canada

I was asked where I am from, told them Ireland only to get a reply what part of Canada is Ireland in.

ejmaztec · 15-01-2008 01:31PM

One of my old bosses took on a school-leaver for clerical duties. I was in his room along with him and his secretary. He saw the new recruit walking past his door into his secretary's office and buzzed the room on his intercom. After buzzing away several more times, he got really pis*ed off and went next door to ask her why she didn't pick up the bloody phone.

"cause I knew it wasn't for me", she replied.

Caveat · 15-01-2008 01:32PM

c - 13 wrote: »

My favorite was one confused guy that rang the main desk looking for some place that sold cattle trailers (we're an engineering company), the receptionist explained he had the wrong number. A minute later the phone rings again, same guy looking for the same place, secratary explains again to him. A minute later the phone rings again secratary is getting annoyed at this stage and explains once again that he has the wrong number, the guy on the other end of the line is getting annoyed too and asks the secretary - "Well what the **** is the number for that trailer place then ?"

I've had calls like that too.

Also, people phoning from their mobile:

"I had a missed call"

"Ok, this is a business,I'll try and find out who was trying to reach you - who is calling?"

"I had a missed call - this number came up"

"OK, but it could have been any of a number of people - do you provide some kind of service? and can I ask who is calling so I can try and find out?"

"I had a missed call here on me mobile - that's all I'm trying to tell ye - was someone looking for me?"

:mad::mad::mad:

catyb20 · 15-01-2008 01:34PM

There was this one girl and god love she really didn't have an ounce of sense! I went to school with her and also worked with her for a while. One day at work she was asked to get 3 things straight after each other:

1) A fallopian Tube
2)Bag of steam
3) A banana straightener

And yes she went to the chef, (who must of had the patience of a saint), the head chef, three times, looking for each of the above things, one after the other! When she went looking for the fallopian tube, she came bag with a bottle of tip ex saying

"I never even knew this was called a fallopian tube!, god you learn something knew everyday"

I kid you not!

Another day in work, we were out having a ciggarette, she comes over, "could I borrow one of those from you?" (??????????) And then asks us how many calories there are in a fag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:eek::rolleyes:

Sooo funny!

15-01-2008 01:40PM

Right, I wouldn't blame anyone for not believing me about this story im about to tell you but it is 100% true. I work for a finance company & we deal with mortgages, leasing, personal loans etc. I started about 11 months ago and a month later a new guy was brought in to help with the leasing side of things. Now this guy was one of those meaning well guys. I got along with him fine but some of the things he used to do were insane.

When he arrived from his previous job doing phone sales he was grand. We thought he was normal etc and would be fine. The first day he was here I had to show him the system etc for the WHOLE day. That went fine but it was the next day when I noticed the problem. He came in and sat beside me and I opened up the system. He then turned to me and goes '' Whats this? '' 'Its the system we use for our clients etc'' '' O right... hows it work?''.........I was in shock and I thought he was joking. He honestly didn't know what it was and he was looking at me using it the whole day before. I didn't say anything to the boss etc as it wasn't my place. After about two weeks of us noticing all kinds of wild sides to this guy character the boss sent him out to other companies about leasing and put him in charge of the car finance..(The boss isnt in the office very much and we didn't want to say anything..). Now this wierd fella used to shout while he was on the phone to people, he didn't know how to use the internet even though he said he did on his CV(Great IT skills he said) & when I showed him how to use it he used to leave like 24 tabs open not knowing that you could close or put in a new address... More things happened. He came in with the same suit for a whole week straight and I swear to god he absolutely stunk by Friday... The boss was in that day and after complaints from the women the boss as open and down to earth as he is asked him to go home for a wash.....IMAGINE BEING ASKED THAT!? After this incident he kept on stinking and he was asked a 2ND time to go home for a wash....People started to complain and the boss started to notice a problem. My boss isn't a wanker so he didn't want to immediately sack some guy so he gave him a chance and gave him easy jobs in the office to do. Now here is the main event.....

One day the boss asked him to go and paint over the graffitti on the wall outside in our alley way. The boss asked him to buy grey paint as the wall was grey... He came back with white paint and without consulting the boss he painted away. So when he came in when he was finished with the white paint while the boss wasn't in the office I had to go out and have a look. I've never laughed so much in my whole life. He had painted the whole wall white including a door that wasn't ours on the ground floor & he had got paint all over a car that was close to the wall that wasn't owned by any1 in the company......I couldnt believe it. So I asked him about it and his reply was ''It shouldn't of been parked there in the first place''......... Ok I said. Imagine, the car shouldnt of been parked there because they should of known that some idiot was going to go painting the wall beside it..PRICELESS. Anyway, more stuff happened that included him breaking the boss's office chair and some other stuff but he was eventually sacked atfer his hilarious 3 months of service.

homerjay2005 · 15-01-2008 01:41PM

leninbenjamin wrote: »

worked with a barman before. he broke a glass into the ice. he didn't tell anyone. then he proceeded to serve some woman glass instead of ice. thank **** she noticed before she drank. his excuse: it wasn't his job to change the ice.

stupid gobsh*te he was. and the even stupider owner still wouldn't fire him.

that is shocking on 2 counts,the w**ker that was willing to cut a throat of a customer and the bar owner that didntsack him on the spot. shocking. now,thats a real case of a customer having grounds for complaints.

i love bar work and work sometimes for me mate who owns one. this one d**khead asked me to put water in his drink,seen me pore it and then complained cos i poured it for him. he proceeded to tell the whole bar about it and how incompetent i was. also, this happened.

me - how can i help you?
stupid lady- can i have a pint of guinness please?
me - no problem, anything else?
SL - no thanks.
me gets glass and pours to the settling mark and places on counter as normal to settle.
within 5 seconds -
SL - what the hell is that? (in a rude and abrupt voice,other customers take start to listen)
me - you asked for a pint of guiness ya?
SL - yes i did, that is not a pint of guinness, its not even near full. can i speak to the manager please?

i tried to keep a straight face and not get angry or smart,but a customer did it for me.

"ffs ya ignorent b**ch,guiness is poured to the rim and left to settle for 3 minutes. even my 10 year old young fella knows that, leave the barman do his job and stop annoying us all"

she didnt open her mouth,took the pint,still not filled,gave me a fiver and walked away. There is stupidity,but when combined with ignorence,is just totally intolerable.

Overheal · 15-01-2008 01:42PM

catyb20 wrote: »

There was this one girl and god love she really didn't have an ounce of sense! I went to school with her and also worked with her for a while. One day at work she was asked to get 3 things straight after each other:

1) A fallopian Tube
2)Bag of steam
3) A banana straightener

And yes she went to the chef, (who must of had the patience of a saint), the head chef, three times, looking for each of the above things, one after the other! When she went looking for the fallopian tube, she came bag with a bottle of tip ex saying

"I never even knew this was called a fallopian tube!, god you learn something knew everyday"

I kid you not!

Another day in work, we were out having a ciggarette, she comes over, "could I borrow one of those from you?" (??????????) And then asks us how many calories there are in a fag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:eek::rolleyes:

Sooo funny!

winner.

Jack Bauer · 15-01-2008 01:55PM

Work in a DIY store. When there's paint spilled (which happens a fair amount of time) we spread compost on it to soak it up ya see. Anyway one day 10lt drum of white paint spilled so one of the managers asked one of the lads to clean it up, so he told him to put compost on it. A few minutes later the guy comes back big bag of compost in arms and pops it onto the paint...still in its wrapping :eek: As he dropped the compost onto the paint it splashed and went all over the managers trousers! The guy then starts rubbing the bag around in the paint to "soak" it up!! The other manager seeing this had to leave he was laughing so hard.

watna · 15-01-2008 01:56PM

Caveat wrote: »

I've had calls like that too.

Also, people phoning from their mobile:

"I had a missed call"

"Ok, this is a business,I'll try and find out who was trying to reach you - who is calling?"

"I had a missed call - this number came up"

"OK, but it could have been any of a number of people - do you provide some kind of service? and can I ask who is calling so I can try and find out?"

"I had a missed call here on me mobile - that's all I'm trying to tell ye - was someone looking for me?"

:mad::mad::mad:

This is my pet hate. occasionally the calls to the main number are diverted to me if someone's on hols/out sick. The amount of times you ahve to explain to people they're through to the switch and I'll send an email around to find out who called them. "but i had a missed call from this number, why did you call me, who are you?" yes, but this is the F*CKING SWITCH.... !

BlitzKrieg · 15-01-2008 01:57PM

"ffs ya ignorent b**ch,guiness is poured to the rim and left to settle for 3 minutes. even my 10 year old young fella knows that, leave the barman do his job and stop annoying us all"

Was she Irish?

When I lived in England alot of the student bars wouldnt pour guiness right. Drove me up the wall sometimes, worse there was one guy who wouldnt let it settle and drink the whole pint down before it has a chance to. Seems he perferred it that way. Made me want to strangle him.

Crazy Christ · 15-01-2008 02:00PM

KaG1888 wrote: »

One day the boss asked him to go and paint over the graffitti on the wall outside in our alley way. The boss asked him to buy grey paint as the wall was grey... He came back with white paint and without consulting the boss he painted away. So when he came in when he was finished with the white paint while the boss wasn't in the office I had to go out and have a look. I've never laughed so much in my whole life. He had painted the whole wall white including a door that wasn't ours on the ground floor & he had got paint all over a car that was close to the wall that wasn't owned by any1 in the company......I couldnt believe it. So I asked him about it and his reply was ''It shouldn't of been parked there in the first place''......... Ok I said. Imagine, the car shouldnt of been parked there because they should of known that some idiot was going to go painting the wall beside it..PRICELESS. Anyway, more stuff happened that included him breaking the boss's office chair and some other stuff but he was eventually sacked atfer his hilarious 3 months of service.

Ruu_Old · 15-01-2008 02:05PM

When I worked in a call center, I went through my introduction, long presentation (selling a credit card to a business) and all of the application, security questions, etc to the last page when the person asks me. "What is this for now?" This has happened more often than I would have liked.

Sam Vimes · 15-01-2008 02:07PM

not while working but i have several examples from a guy i know:

he was at a house party and he was trying to leave. the door had a handle and a latch so you had to open both to get out. my mate knew he'd have problem so he explained this. the guy then proceeded to turn the latch, then let it go and try the handle. then he tried the handle, let it go and opened the latch. he did this a few times then started hitting the door because he couldn't figure it out.

the same night they were a few people were leaving the party to go to a club and he went along. my friend had bought the stupid guy drink because he had no money and the guy said he'd pay for the taxi in if they stopped at an atm. the taxi stopped at an atm and everyone except him got money out. then they got to the club and my friend said "aren't you paying for the taxi?" and he said "i have to go to an atm".

he's a few years older than the rest of us and when we were 16 he'd go into the off license for us. once he went in for himself and one other but came out with only his own drink. he said that the bloke wouldn't give him everything because he thought he'd be giving it to underage people. then the 16 year old asked for his money back and he said he didn't have it. a big argument ensued and eventually he handed back the money which he had been holding in his hand in his pocket. i have no idea how he thought he'd get away with it

he wonders why no one lends him things. one night in a pub i said i was using my credit card because i had no cash. every time i went to the bar, he followed close behind and pestered me for a drink. i had made the mistake of buying him one to make him go away. after the 7th or 8th attempt i had to tell him to **** off. he still didn't. bare in mind he had his own money and was just trying to chance his arm. in the 8 years i've known he has never bought anyone a drink. he had a full time job long before the rest of us and still takes money etc from our one friend who's too nice to tell him to **** off. this guy gives him stuff knowing he will never get it back despite having no job

i worked in a phone shop and signed him up to a bill phone. a few weeks later i was out my my friend (the same one from the house party) and he got one of those call me messages off him that says he has no credit. remember this is a bill phone user with a full time job getting a pay as you go user with no job to call him. also, he calls me every few days asking me to help him do stuff on his computer and the other day he sent me a message saying "ring me" because he wanted some advice. bare in mind he still has the bill phone. so not only does he want years of free technical support, he now wants me to pay to give it even though he knows i know he has a bill phone! needless to say i didn't call him

there are countless more examples that i can't think of at the moment. the guy wonders why no one showed up to his birthday party

Overheal · 15-01-2008 02:10PM

BlitzKrieg wrote: »

Was she Irish?

When I lived in England alot of the student bars wouldnt pour guiness right. Drove me up the wall sometimes, worse there was one guy who wouldnt let it settle and drink the whole pint down before it has a chance to. Seems he perferred it that way. Made me want to strangle him.

brother of mine works bars in florida - hes never heard the notion of the perfect pint. Everyone down there pours it straight down the glass and to the top. Not that it tastes woeful or anything but you know youre missing out on glory. Tried to edutain him but y'know.... stubborn.

Lil' Smiler · 15-01-2008 02:13PM

Caveat wrote: »

I've had calls like that too.

Also, people phoning from their mobile:

"I had a missed call"

"Ok, this is a business,I'll try and find out who was trying to reach you - who is calling?"

"I had a missed call - this number came up"

"OK, but it could have been any of a number of people - do you provide some kind of service? and can I ask who is calling so I can try and find out?"

"I had a missed call here on me mobile - that's all I'm trying to tell ye - was someone looking for me?"

:mad::mad::mad:

OH MY GOD!!! YES!!! That was my job las year, i worked as a switchboard operator and our number came up as the number for people ringing from anywhere in the country although Head Office is based in Dublin. Some people just didn't seem to get it. We used to just end up saying, "i'm sure if it's important whoever rang will call you back"

The guy I worked with was a right Dumbass.. was convinced he knew everything about the job, obviously didn't becaue there must be some reason why he was tuned down the Supervisors job 3 times hehehe

catyb20 · 15-01-2008 02:14PM

Overheal wrote: »

brother of mine works bars in florida - hes never heard the notion of the perfect pint. Everyone down there pours it straight down the glass and to the top. Not that it tastes woeful or anything but you know youre missing out on glory. Tried to edutain him but y'know.... stubborn.

Yeah they're the same all over the states! The bf was in texas last year (in an Irish bar) and actually paid the barman to let him pour his own pint of guinness!!

homerjay2005 · 15-01-2008 02:20PM

those banana benders, tubes etcstories are always tried on newbies and most believe them.

others are-

rubber nails.
sky hooks.
glass hammer.

but my favourite is a long weight/stand......

"hey,go over to your man there and ask him for a long weight/stand......"

they go over, your man leaves,comes back whenever and says," well,have you been waiting/standing long enough now?!". works everytime.

catyb20 · 15-01-2008 02:24PM

homerjay2005 wrote: »

those banana benders, tubes etcstories are always tried on newbies and most believe them.

others are-

rubber nails.
sky hooks.
glass hammer.

but my favourite is a long weight/stand......

"hey,go over to your man there and ask him for a long weight/stand......"

they go over, your man leaves,comes back whenever and says," well,have you been waiting/standing long enough now?!". works everytime.

:D:D:D:D I love it! Never heard that one before!

0ubliette · 15-01-2008 02:51PM

actually scratch my earlier post, best i ever heard was a mate of mine working in woodies DIY in northside. Im assuming at least some of you know the ronseal paint advert, that shows computer generated paint magically painting itself up a set of railings. Well, my friend sold a bucket of it to a lady, who promply returned the next day demanding her money back, as the product was defective. How can paint be defective you ask?

"i spread it all over the bottom of me railings and it just sat there!!!"

i am totally super serial. it happened.

Pherekydes · 15-01-2008 02:58PM

You bar workers will love this:

When I was 15 I was working as a lounge boy in a well-known northside bar. A customer asks for a G&T, so I went to the bar and the barman reaches for the nearest tonic, which happened to be Schweppe's quinine Tonic (that's what it said on the label). The customer takes one look at the bottle and says, "Can you change this, I'm allergic to quinine. Get me the Club Tonic, please." Remember, I'm only 15, but I know what tonic water is, so I went back to the bar and says to the barman, "Pat, x wants you to change this for Club Tonic; says he is allergic to quinine [Eyes are rolling so far I can see backwards]"

Pat: You know tonic water is aerated quinine?
Me: Yes.
Pat: Did you say it was x?
Me: Yes.
Pat: [Opening bottle of Club Tonic]: Remember, Terry, the customer's always right.

Describe the stupidest person you've ever encountered while you were working.

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