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If you discovered your 'girlfriend' was a man.

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Comments

  • #32
    Lux23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    syklops wrote: »
    I dont mean to be blunt, but if she had a vagina, and breasts, and looked like a woman, then I wouldnt care. There are some transgender women(ie ex-men) who look like men with breasts, and there are others who look very feminine, and attractive. These is even a chick who posed for playboy who is transgender, and there is nothing masculine about her, and I definitely would not kick her out of bed. Cant remember her name though.

    What difference does it make? Having a relationship is about sexual attraction, and personality attraction. If she is attractive in both senses then whats the problem?


    I think some who have a problem with are the ones who may have doubts about their own sexuality. If you were with someone long enough then either there is no way you could tell because they are so feminine or you had an inkling you sort of liked it so just went along for the ride.

    Another question? There are some hermaphrodites who are female on the outside and male on the inside, they are usually tall, slim and with big breasts would you not date them? Some catwalk models are supposedly like that and one very famous hollywood actress is reputed to be one.


  • #33
    Canis Lupus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,880 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    HavoK wrote: »
    Yes, sure. So if your girlfriend looked like this, and you'd known her for years, loved her etc, if she suddenly said 'I used to be a man' you'd suddenly lay into her and beat her senseless, and feel justified?

    You're a good person.

    If my girlfriend suddenly turned around and said 'I used to be a man', well, frankly what can you do? If I had been seeing a girl for years and something like that was outed, after being with her for so many years and happily at that, if there was a reason to end the relationship it would be over the glaring hidden truth, but that alone. Not because 'Oh god, you used to be a man, get lost.' I don't think it'd be that simple.

    I never said I'd beat him senseless, I could perceive myself potentially punching him given how I handle the moment and I can't also perceive a scenario that would involve:

    "I used to be a man"

    "Oh well, you just sit down there, I'll pop the kettle on and we can have a chat about it and our future over a cuppa".

    I would have thought the response would be more like shock turning quickly to disgust and anger and I don't care how long you've known the offending party. Therefore a violent response is very possible and I would be completely understanding to another bloke if they beat the crap out of their partner in that situation not that I'm saying I'd do it myself. Finally I would instantly dump the person. It's a bloke and the last time I checked I wasn't gay.


  • #34
    Karoma
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    sunnyjim wrote: »
    I'm not linking because I don't think the poster will want the attention. He/she will post when they want.

    LadyJ, I thought it was 3 weeks, my mistake. Apologies to the poster.

    Lux, the person is still a man. Will there be a clitoris? How about milk ducts to feed a baby? Womb? All gender defining organs IMO.

    Thank you for showing respect to the OP of that post. I would ask that other members extend the courtesy.
    The OP of that post has been in touch with me via PM and says, however, that you have your facts wrong, but moving on with the thread and avoiding specifics...


  • #35
    daveirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,483 ✭✭✭✭daveirl


    This post has been deleted.


  • #36
    the_syco
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,310 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    slipss wrote: »
    Probably get myself to the opticians quick smart and have him replace the old fashioned "letters that gradually get smaller" test with a "spot the big fukk off adams apple" test.
    Women have them as well.

    =-=

    If I found out, I'd dump them. Why? Cos if they lied about being a woman, what else have they lied about? But, tbh, childhood friends & photo's ftw. Some things can't lie.


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  • #37
    Meirleach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 253 ✭✭Meirleach


    Canis Lupus wrote: »
    A man is a man is a man. He can pretend to be otherwise by chopping it off but he's still a bloke regardless of whether he calls himself Andy or Pamela.
    It's a complicated issue, and this is a valid opinion.
    Canis Lupus wrote: »
    I would have thought the response would be more like shock turning quickly to disgust and anger and I don't care how long you've known the offending party. Therefore a violent response is very possible and I would be completely understanding to another bloke if they beat the crap out of their partner in that situation not that I'm saying it myself. Finally I would instantly dump the person. It's a bloke and the last time I checked I wasn't gay.
    This however is disgraceful, there is little excuse for anyone hitting their partners, male or female.


  • #38
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 25,003 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    seamus wrote: »
    This is why I reckon it needs to be brought up early on, but not immediately.

    To take your porsche analogy, the person should be given the opportunity to test drive the car and get to know what it's like. Then before they hand over their cash, they're told it's actually a kit car. Some people will immediately say no and walk away, others (who may have initially said no) may decide that they're happy to continue.

    Imagine a former convict (for something like armed robbery) declaring to every potential partner that they had a criminal conviction. They'd get very few takers. After a period of getting to know the person though, the potential partner may overlook the conviction, when revealed.
    I'd agree with that entirely seamus.

    I honestly have no problem with transgendered people, medical science just isn't advanced enough to change the sex of the body yet (if it ever will be is something I'm not qualified to make even a cursory guess at - I do understand the difference between sex and gender however). I suppose I'd see sexual reassignment surgery as changing the person from a man/woman to a transsexual rather than the sex they were choosing.

    If the scenario happened me, it probably would be a deal breaker as being a father is something I look forward to and it's important to me. Add in the betrayal I'd feel at having this important fact withheld from me and I'd certainly be pretty pissed off but it's still no excuse for the violence some of the less mature (less secure?) posters are suggesting in this thread.

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  • #39
    Cokehead Mother
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Cokehead Mother


    If I was never in doubt about her sex, and discovered she was actually male, then I'd still consider her a woman. Depending on how far into the relationship we were, I'd feel betrayed, but not to the point I'd end the relationship.


  • #40
    Maple
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    sunnyjim wrote: »
    I read on another part of the board about a poster who got savagely assaulted by a new boyfriend, when he found out that 'she' was formerly a he.

    Personally, as a guy, I would be very, very upset/angry/disgusted if I was seeing a girl who didn't tell me right away about it.

    What would your views be?

    Personally, I would steer clear. Immediately.

    you've got your facts all wrong buddy. reread the thread in question.

    sorry, just noted your apology.


  • #41
    copeyhagen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,354 ✭✭✭copeyhagen


    knock the bolox out of them..literally!!

    nah im jokin, its a very dodgy thing to happen to anyone, and no one can say whether they would attack the person or not unless it actually happened to you. you could be the most anti person with regards to violence towards women, but something like that could turn u like a light.


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  • #42
    Kazobel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,168 ✭✭✭Kazobel


    This thread is about me and I'd like to clear a few things up. It wasn't the OP's intention but he got the facts wrong.

    Me and my ex dated for over 3 years 2 and a half of which we lived together.
    I didn't tell him after 3 years, he was aware before we even started dating and we had been having regular sex from 6 months into the relationship so he was well aware of my TS status. He lied about his knowledge of it to get a lesser sentance, if you's want to read the thread it's here from post 20 onwards and then decide if it was deserved. For the record a TS rarely lies about their status unless they were definite their past wouldn't catch up on them. For us we try to date someone who is already aware through friends and such or are very up front very early on in the relationship. We know the possible outcome of decieving someone and for us to wait to long could result in A: getting the sh*t kicked out of us (as some posts on this thread unfortunatly prove) and B: getting the sh*t kicked out of us by a person that we may have actually fallen in love with. Most TS beatings aren't as a result of this, most occur after sex when the man feels disgusted in himself and goes into "I was never confused" mode and blames us because of their confusion over their sexuallity. If anybody want's discuss it more on this thread then fair enough but I'm not getting into the whole "is a man/isn't a man" debate, that's a whole different thread.


  • #43
    Reku
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,766 ✭✭✭Reku


    Honestly can't say since I've never been there but I'd imagine I'd feel horrified and disgusted to some extent, I'd definitely call it quits since lying about a big thing like that does raise the issue of what else have they lied/will they lie about. Then there's the thought that if I were to find the right someone I'd like to at least have a possibility of having kids (via conception, not adoption or a womb for hire) if the time felt right for both of us, as such I don't think I could ever date a TS since I'd feel there was already a limitation in how far the relationship could go so what point when I could meet the right person during the time I'm wasting with them.
    I would hope that I would not lash out at them over it and simply pack my stuff and go.


    Kazobel wrote: »
    For us we try to date someone who is already aware through friends and such or are very up front very early on in the relationship.

    As long as you're up front about it like this then you've done nothing wrong and shouldn't have to suffer abuse for it.


  • #44
    The_Minister
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,255 ✭✭✭✭The_Minister


    Karl Hungus wrote: »
    Can't see why on earth the situation would call for violence, that's pretty god damn shameful.
    It has been used as a legal defense in the past actually - Gay panic defense(also applies to transexuals).

    Note: Am not saying that I would murder anyone, just that it seems to have been used as a legal defense.


  • #45
    bubblebobble
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭bubblebobble


    Only those not secure in their sexuality would respond with violence.
    Which sums up 99% of Irish Males.


  • #46
    Dyr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,246 ✭✭✭✭Dyr


    does that mean only 1% of irish men are teh gheylords? Yay irish mens.


  • #47
    keen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 987 ✭✭✭keen


    slipss wrote: »
    Probably get myself to the opticians quick smart and have him replace the old fashioned "letters that gradually get smaller" test with a "spot the big fukk off adams apple" test.

    hahaha excellent.


  • #48
    Mossy Monk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 28,128 ✭✭✭✭Mossy Monk


    I would be annoyed that I was never informed in the first place. That's a hell of a detail to not tell. I would be weirded out big time by it and would sing Adios.


  • #49
    meditraitor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,207 ✭✭✭meditraitor


    bubblebobble wrote: »
    Only those not secure in their sexuality would respond with violence.
    Which sums up 99% of Irish Males.

    :confused: what type of idiotic statment is this


  • #50
    Mossy Monk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 28,128 ✭✭✭✭Mossy Monk


    bubblebobble wrote: »
    Only those not secure in their sexuality would respond with violence.
    Which sums up 99% of Irish Males.

    Link to your source please.


  • #51
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,173 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Mossy Monk wrote: »
    Link to your source please.
    Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/scie...1292.stm


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  • #52
    DonJose
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,470 ✭✭✭DonJose


    sunnyjim wrote: »
    I'm not linking because I don't think the poster will want the attention. He/she will post when they want.

    FFS they would post it on a public forum if they didn't, "want the attention". Post the link.


  • #53
    The_Minister
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,255 ✭✭✭✭The_Minister


    DonJose wrote: »
    FFS they would post it on a public forum if they didn't, "want the attention". Post the link.
    The link was posted. Please read the thread before posting. Karoma has already asked that we speak in generalities, and not about the specific case.


  • #54
    Karoma
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    DonJose wrote: »
    FFS they would post it on a public forum if they didn't, "want the attention". Post the link.

    The OP of that post linked and replied. Read the thread.


  • #55
    Lockstep
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,024 ✭✭✭Lockstep


    I'd be a bit grossed out.

    Granted she is now a woman and I should respect that etc but I honestly would feel a bit creeped out.


  • #56
    Kazobel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,168 ✭✭✭Kazobel


    Althought I wouldn't do it to a person I'm still trying to work out what exactly has been lost that some posters feel is enough to warrant voilence? for a start I think a distinction should be made because there are two very different situations.

    Firstly, the girlfriend is pre-op (still has a penis). Now in this case it's going to be hard to hide the fact for to long, at most a couple of months, before the truth will come out. Now it's safe to assume that you's haven't had intercourse or you'd know by now, at most kissing and heavy petting but all this time you believed you were with a born female so the implication that it was in some way a gay relationship doesn't apply since you thought it was a straight relationship so how can that affect your ego? you did nothing to imply you were gay? and even so does a bruised ego still warrent violence? you could walk away and no-one would be any the wiser except you and her.

    Secondly, The girlfriend is post op (has a vagina). This, of course, could be dragged out a little longer so lets take for example 1 year. When she tells you what have you lost? One of the defining characteristics of a gay male relationship is both parties have a penis so it was never a gay relationship so that implication is gone already and you thought she was a born female so there's no implication you were confused about your sexuallity. All she'll have done is try to maintain a relationship. Her actions may have been wrong but it's really no different than say your wife lying about a one night stand to keep the relationship together but would she deserve a kicking?

    So, other than a brusied ego, what exactly would have been the long term loss that would justify such extreme repercussions?


  • #57
    Statso
    Closed Accounts Posts: 328 ✭✭Statso


    KaG1888 wrote: »
    Refer to Ace Ventura - thats how I'd react if not worse accompanied BY ANGER !

    Hahaha this, that film was on the other night wasn't it.


  • #58
    arybvtcw0eolkf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24,608 ✭✭✭✭arybvtcw0eolkf


    Born male, always a male. I couldn't give a feck, I'm not a queer and man/man sex revolts me.

    Even if he looked like a chic I think I'd kick his ass.

    If I rode him, I'd defo kick his ass.


  • #59
    LadyJ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,122 ✭✭✭LadyJ


    Mairt wrote: »
    Even if he looked like a chic I think I'd kick his ass.

    If I rode him, I'd defo kick his ass.

    Why?

    Why would you need this revenge so badly? Why not just walk away?


  • #60
    microgirl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 430 ✭✭microgirl


    slipss wrote: »
    Probably get myself to the opticians quick smart and have him replace the old fashioned "letters that gradually get smaller" test with a "spot the big fukk off adams apple" test.

    Well if it's "formerly" a "he", then they'd have had cosmetic surgery to reduce the Adam's Apple.

    As for the main topic of the post, although I'm not a guy I can imagine myself in a similar position and yeah, it'd probably weird me out. I don't think it would or should be something that would make you instantly "put on the trainers and run away" - after all, it doesn't change the person they are, or how they look, and one presumes you'd've found them attractive if you were going out with them in the first place - but I do think it's something that should come up at the "dating stage", once it's got to the point of trust and confidences, and has potential to become more serious.

    Unfortunately, many (most?) relationships don't do this "getting to know you" stage separate from the "actually going out with each other" stage; it's all bundled into one.


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  • #61
    humbert
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,238 ✭✭✭humbert


    LadyJ wrote: »
    Why?

    Why would you need this revenge so badly? Why not just walk away?

    Buckets of insecurity. I'd be pissed off that I'd been lied to that's about it. Really can't say if I'd be ok with it.


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