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Ever had a bi experience?

  • 28-12-2007 05:09PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey guys,

    I would appreciate some advice on this issue I've had recently. I'm 21 and 100% straight or so I thought. I've had a girlfriend of 3 years and I do love her very much. Everything was perfect until I met this guy at college. I was immediately struck when I first met him at how good looking he was. Not in a 'phwar' sort of way just sort of admiration and so on. We've become good friends over the last three months and now things are getting complicated. At first it was fun, we'd go out and get smashed together and so on. I would get exited when we'd meet up and I started spending more and more time with him. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we got drunk one night and he kissed me. And I kissed him back. He laughed afterwards and said not to worry, everyone does it at some stage in their lives. He hen said he doesn't consider himself anything (gay/straight) and goes for what he likes male or female. I was shocked at first and we've stayed friends. But I really enjoyed it and can't stop thinking about it. I really don't know what to do. Is this in any normal?

    Have any straight guys out there done this? Or thought about it? Or girls?

    I would appreciate any advice that can be offered!


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Comments

  • #2
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,725 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    this may be a better forum for this discussion:

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=255


  • #3
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Maybe you're bisexual. Most likely you're straight. What you describe sounds pretty much like a straight guy having a bit of a snog with a man. Happens all the time.

    Unless you're pretty much 100% gay then the above is much in the same league as having a snog with a female friend and then realising it wasn't a smart move. Enjoying it is pretty much the point of a kiss, so it doesn't mean much beyond that. Just treat it like you'd kissed a female friend (e.g., doing so again might not be a bright idea).


  • #4
    cowzerp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    I think you have gay tendencys, probably bi sexual and are just realising it, i'd never kiss 1 of my mates apart from a slobber on the cheek when im locked and liverpool have just won the champions league!!
    Question is are you gay or bi?? or not sure yet.

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • #5
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Not sure I'm reading the same opening post as cowzerp?

    Bi is a bit of a stretch. Gay is pretty much departing entirely from anything stated above.


  • #6
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Am I missing something here? You have a girlfriend that you are sexually attracted to. You met a guy, thought he was hot, kissed him and enjoyed it.

    You're bisexual, I don't see where the doubt element is coming from.


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  • #7
    cowzerp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    Talliesin wrote: »
    Not sure I'm reading the same opening post as cowzerp?

    Bi is a bit of a stretch. Gay is pretty much departing entirely from anything stated above.

    Some people only realise there gay years after been into women, he has gay tendencys, no doubt, he's attracted to a dude and kissed him-i think brad pitt is great looking but i would not kiss him-:eek:

    He's either gay, bi or just going through a gay phase. only he can truly answer this.

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • #8
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Ah. I didn't realise that all straight men were psychologically exact clones of yourself. Fair enough.


  • #9
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Talliesin wrote: »
    Ah. I didn't realise that all straight men were psychologically exact clones of yourself. Fair enough.

    Is there a good reason that you're acting so irrationally with the sarky comments?

    Cowzerp has not said anything innappropriate and frankly I find it strange you could interpret a story about a guy being attracted to both a guy and girl as being anything other than bisexual story.
    Unless you're pretty much 100% gay then the above is much in the same league as having a snog with a female friend and then realising it wasn't a smart move.

    Uh, he didn't say he realised it wasn't a smart move. In fact he said he really enjoyed it and couldn't stop thinking about it.


  • #10
    axer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,517 ✭✭✭axer


    ANNOYED_0709 wrote: »
    Hey guys,

    I would appreciate some advice on this issue I've had recently. I'm 21 and 100% straight or so I thought. I've had a girlfriend of 3 years and I do love her very much. Everything was perfect until I met this guy at college. I was immediately struck when I first met him at how good looking he was. Not in a 'phwar' sort of way just sort of admiration and so on. We've become good friends over the last three months and now things are getting complicated. At first it was fun, we'd go out and get smashed together and so on. I would get exited when we'd meet up and I started spending more and more time with him. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we got drunk one night and he kissed me. And I kissed him back. He laughed afterwards and said not to worry, everyone does it at some stage in their lives. He hen said he doesn't consider himself anything (gay/straight) and goes for what he likes male or female. I was shocked at first and we've stayed friends. But I really enjoyed it and can't stop thinking about it. I really don't know what to do. Is this in any normal?
    Well, if you are still going out with this girlfriend that you seem to have cheated on then there is nothing you can really do to find out whether you are straight/gay or bi. Maybe you should go and explore but only do so by either letting your girlfriend by breaking up with her. If you do break up with your girlfriend then you can explore all you want as that is the only you can figure out what you want.


  • #11
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Zillah wrote: »
    frankly I find it strange you could interpret a story about a guy being attracted to both a guy and girl as being anything other than bisexual story.
    Well then you yourself are also differing from cowzerp, who thinks his being gay is plausible (which seems highly implausible in the above story).

    What in the above story doesn't sound like just a straight guy having a very mild gay experience?

    I've snogged plenty of straight men in the past, and they remained straight. Do I just lack a certain je ne sais quoi? :)


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  • #12
    PeakOutput
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,638 ✭✭✭PeakOutput


    i kissed a guy by mistake before.........seriously

    i was going to lick his cheek(in a straight sort of way :p) and he turned at just the wrong time to do the same man it was embarassin but **** happens.

    in your case i would imagine your probably bi but you could just of been drunk. one thing i will add is dont think its ok to continue doing it while your with your g/f just coz "its a guy it dosnt count" or some bull**** like that. cheating is cheating. decide if your friends or more if its more let you gf go


  • #13
    PeakOutput
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,638 ✭✭✭PeakOutput


    Talliesin wrote: »
    What in the above story doesn't sound like just a straight guy having a very mild gay experience?

    the fact he REALLY enjoyed it and wants more would be the clincher for me tbh


  • #14
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Hey, I've been complimented on my kissing by some of the straight men I've kissed too :)

    Kissing is enjoyable. That's a big part of the point of it, after all. The actual sensation is much the same whether you kiss a man or a woman (IME the average man isn't as good as the average woman, but there are plenty of exceptions either way - and besides, I'm not such a slut as to be able to offer my experiences as a statisically valid survey :D).

    There's nothing to say that he definitely isn't bi, or even that he definitely isn't gay, but so far the above just suggests that he's not an exact 1 on the Kinsey scale, but still pretty much straight.


  • #15
    cowzerp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    PeakOutput wrote: »
    the fact he REALLY enjoyed it and wants more would be the clincher for me tbh

    i'll 2nd that.

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • #16
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Talliesin wrote: »
    Well then you yourself are also differing from cowzerp, who thinks his being gay is plausible (which seems highly implausible in the above story).

    Its perfectly plausible. I didn't comment on the possiblity of him being entirely gay because he said nothing about the details of his relationship with his girlfriend. I decided to assume that he genuinely was attracted to her for simplicity.

    It has been shown time and time again that gay men can live a lie for decades before admitting to themselves and others that its all been a front. For all we know the original poster's relationship with his girlfriend could be a ridiculous sham.
    What in the above story doesn't sound like just a straight guy having a very mild gay experience?

    As said above, it wasn't a single experience. He said he thought the guy was hot as soon as they met, they started spending more and more time together. They kissed. He really enjoyed it. He can't stop thinking about it.

    That does not sound like a single moment of drunken silliness.
    I've snogged plenty of straight men in the past, and they remained straight. Do I just lack a certain je ne sais quoi? :)

    Maybe some of them were straight men who were acting silly while drunk. Maybe some of them were gay men who went back to their sham of a marraige. Maybe some of them were gay men who finally admitted to themselves that they had been living a lie.

    Regardless, I doubt the OP is a straight man who just so happens to be really attracted to another guy.


  • #17
    cowzerp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    Talliesin wrote: »
    Hey, I've been complimented on my kissing by some of the straight men I've kissed too :).

    Thats bull, your just trying to throw the bait out with that sort of crapp.

    Straight men dont go with men, bi sexuals do and gays do, thats it, kissing is not just fun, its a part of sex, especially the fact they where kissing a gay man man means it was totally gay!! stop trolling.

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • #18
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Think Talliesin has hit the nail on the head.


  • #19
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    If this thread decends into any more pedantic interpersonals there will be bannings.
    Use the report post function please, calling other posters trolls is of topic and unhelpful
    which will get you banned from this form.

    Oh and I have seen Tallie snogging a 'straigth' guy.
    Sexuality is a sliding scale and not as black and white as people think.


  • #20
    cowzerp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Oh and I have seen Tallie snogging a 'straigth' guy.
    Sexuality is a sliding scale and not as black and white as people think.
    This is a matter of opinion and not a fact just because you say it, i dont think he kissed any straight man, if so there just not out, you obviously think you can be straight but still have a bit of your own kind, i disagree, thats my opinion. Sorry about trolling thing.

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • #21
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Well, one or two of them are boardsies, so maybe they'll come along and vouch that I'm telling the truth, but I won't assume that any of them would be okay with my doing so.

    In the meantime we'll just have to go on the hundreds of studies and tens of thousands of anecdotal accounts that also suggest that not everybody fits 100% into one of three categories and that not every single action by everyone fits 100% into their particular box (maybe start with Fritz Klein's studies of bisexuality).


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  • #22
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Oh and I have seen Tallie snogging a 'straigth' guy.
    Sexuality is a sliding scale and not as black and white as people think.

    Well, put it this way. Straight is black, gay is white, and then there is a whole lot of grey in the middle. I'm saying the OP is somewhere in the grey band. Talliesin seems to think that the OP is totally Black but just happened to like kissing another man. This seems quite unlikely. I think there are very few people who we could describe as being entirely black or white tbh.

    Even if I were to concede that an entirely straight man could enjoy a kiss with another man, that doesn't seem to be the case. There was a build up to it, he thought he was hot as soon as they met and he said he can't stop thinking about it.


  • #23
    cowzerp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    Talliesin wrote: »
    Well, one or two of them are boardsies, so maybe they'll come along and vouch that I'm telling the truth, but I won't assume that any of them would be okay with my doing so.

    Just because they say there not gay or bi does not mean there not, are you serious?? loads of people are uncomfortable in admitting there sexual preferences, even some married men as already pointed out, i might say im right but that does not just make it so. i believe the op is either gay, bi, or confused. thats me back on topic.

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • #24
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Actually, I think it isn't all that important if he's still got a large heterosexual component to his sexuality (e.g. he's anywhere from almost completely straight through to bi and leaning a bit towards gay) and is happy with his girlfriend.

    That being the case it's no different to snogging another another woman. Still not 100% problem-free, but the problem to focus on is a different one to where the OP is focusing.


  • #25
    PeakOutput
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,638 ✭✭✭PeakOutput


    cowzerp wrote: »
    Straight men dont go with men, bi sexuals do and gays do, thats it, kissing is not just fun, its a part of sex,

    have to disagree with you there cow. two or 3 of my mates went threw a phase of not giving a **** if they scored eachother. it wasnt that they wanted to they just got kicks out of the fact it freaked alot of their other mates out and they made about 100 quid in bets each out of it over the 2 months or so it was going on.

    im not saying they are definitely not gay but i doubt it seen as im going to one of their girlfriends birthdays tonight and she is exceptionally fine looking.


  • #26
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    i dont know why the op needs to seek a label. prehaps because this fella is the first guy he's felt for maybe he's more straight then gay. i remember last year when i was taking sexual studies our lecturer said most ppl are 30% gay in some way or curious, its far more common to be curious then deadline straight.


  • #27
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    There is a whole scale and its fluid at any given time really. I tend to shy away from labels such as oh he/she is bi straight or gay as its too simplistic.
    Fact is the most important thing is was the OP comfortable doing it? It may be an aspect he wishes to explore but perhaps not something done in the confines of an established closed monogamous relationship.

    OH an i havent kissed Tallie either so couldn't tell if he is a good kisser or not :-)


  • #28
    milod
    Closed Accounts Posts: 757 ✭✭✭milod


    It's a sliding scale people - I can't think of any reason why anyone rational could assume that its a simple three way choice, ie straight, bi, gay etc. Life isn't that simple in any other sphere of operation so why should sexuality be black and white.

    Anyone who's played rugby will have slid a little way along that scale - not just on the field but in the dressing rooms - the real question is whether or not you enjoyed it... if you did, it doesn't force you into any particular slot - it just means you moved a little way away from the 100% classification you might have assumed applied to you.

    OP, I suggest you wear imposing studded leather underwear to frighten off these chaps in future :D


  • #29
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Zillah wrote: »
    Well, put it this way. Straight is black, gay is white, and then there is a whole lot of grey in the middle. I'm saying the OP is somewhere in the grey band. Talliesin seems to think that the OP is totally Black but just happened to like kissing another man. This seems quite unlikely. I think there are very few people who we could describe as being entirely black or white tbh.

    Even if I were to concede that an entirely straight man could enjoy a kiss with another man, that doesn't seem to be the case. There was a build up to it, he thought he was hot as soon as they met and he said he can't stop thinking about it.

    I see what you're saying, though I'd suspect the vast majority of the population is very dark grey. I think the OP would be too. I'm slightly worried with all this labelling the OP might end up thinking "I am Bi" start trying it with guys more often & end up doing something he regrets. I worked with a guy who slept with another guy & the next morning woke up realising he wasn't so attracted to men. He says it's messed him up a lot.


  • #30
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    More enlightened folks than I, in their more complex investigations into human sexuality, usually find some form of tendency toward bisexuality in all subjects given sufficient scrutiny. Most will never notice theirs. Some will have been conditioned in such a way that they will refuse to accept any remote possibility of theirs. Somethings happened which caused you to notice yours. There's no big deal and nor should you let it wreck your head. Dismiss it for what it was. The only worrying part is that it would seem you let your girlfriend down without a 2nd thought.


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  • #31
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Would you like to do it again OP?


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