Ever had a bi experience?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I would appreciate some advice on this issue I've had recently. I'm 21 and 100% straight or so I thought. I've had a girlfriend of 3 years and I do love her very much. Everything was perfect until I met this guy at college. I was immediately struck when I first met him at how good looking he was. Not in a 'phwar' sort of way just sort of admiration and so on. We've become good friends over the last three months and now things are getting complicated. At first it was fun, we'd go out and get smashed together and so on. I would get exited when we'd meet up and I started spending more and more time with him. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we got drunk one night and he kissed me. And I kissed him back. He laughed afterwards and said not to worry, everyone does it at some stage in their lives. He hen said he doesn't consider himself anything (gay/straight) and goes for what he likes male or female. I was shocked at first and we've stayed friends. But I really enjoyed it and can't stop thinking about it. I really don't know what to do. Is this in any normal?

Have any straight guys out there done this? Or thought about it? Or girls?

I would appreciate any advice that can be offered!

Overheal

this may be a better forum for this discussion:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=255

Talliesin

Maybe you're bisexual. Most likely you're straight. What you describe sounds pretty much like a straight guy having a bit of a snog with a man. Happens all the time.

Unless you're pretty much 100% gay then the above is much in the same league as having a snog with a female friend and then realising it wasn't a smart move. Enjoying it is pretty much the point of a kiss, so it doesn't mean much beyond that. Just treat it like you'd kissed a female friend (e.g., doing so again might not be a bright idea).

cowzerp

I think you have gay tendencys, probably bi sexual and are just realising it, i'd never kiss 1 of my mates apart from a slobber on the cheek when im locked and liverpool have just won the champions league!!
Question is are you gay or bi?? or not sure yet.

Talliesin

Not sure I'm reading the same opening post as cowzerp?

Bi is a bit of a stretch. Gay is pretty much departing entirely from anything stated above.

Zillah

Am I missing something here? You have a girlfriend that you are sexually attracted to. You met a guy, thought he was hot, kissed him and enjoyed it.

You're bisexual, I don't see where the doubt element is coming from.

cowzerp

Talliesin wrote: »

Not sure I'm reading the same opening post as cowzerp?

Bi is a bit of a stretch. Gay is pretty much departing entirely from anything stated above.

Some people only realise there gay years after been into women, he has gay tendencys, no doubt, he's attracted to a dude and kissed him-i think brad pitt is great looking but i would not kiss him-:eek:

He's either gay, bi or just going through a gay phase. only he can truly answer this.

Talliesin

Ah. I didn't realise that all straight men were psychologically exact clones of yourself. Fair enough.

Zillah

Talliesin wrote: »

Ah. I didn't realise that all straight men were psychologically exact clones of yourself. Fair enough.

Is there a good reason that you're acting so irrationally with the sarky comments?

Cowzerp has not said anything innappropriate and frankly I find it strange you could interpret a story about a guy being attracted to both a guy and girl as being anything other than bisexual story.

Unless you're pretty much 100% gay then the above is much in the same league as having a snog with a female friend and then realising it wasn't a smart move.

Uh, he didn't say he realised it wasn't a smart move. In fact he said he really enjoyed it and couldn't stop thinking about it.

axer

ANNOYED_0709 wrote: »

Hey guys,

I would appreciate some advice on this issue I've had recently. I'm 21 and 100% straight or so I thought. I've had a girlfriend of 3 years and I do love her very much. Everything was perfect until I met this guy at college. I was immediately struck when I first met him at how good looking he was. Not in a 'phwar' sort of way just sort of admiration and so on. We've become good friends over the last three months and now things are getting complicated. At first it was fun, we'd go out and get smashed together and so on. I would get exited when we'd meet up and I started spending more and more time with him. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we got drunk one night and he kissed me. And I kissed him back. He laughed afterwards and said not to worry, everyone does it at some stage in their lives. He hen said he doesn't consider himself anything (gay/straight) and goes for what he likes male or female. I was shocked at first and we've stayed friends. But I really enjoyed it and can't stop thinking about it. I really don't know what to do. Is this in any normal?

Well, if you are still going out with this girlfriend that you seem to have cheated on then there is nothing you can really do to find out whether you are straight/gay or bi. Maybe you should go and explore but only do so by either letting your girlfriend by breaking up with her. If you do break up with your girlfriend then you can explore all you want as that is the only you can figure out what you want.

Talliesin

Zillah wrote: »

frankly I find it strange you could interpret a story about a guy being attracted to both a guy and girl as being anything other than bisexual story.

Well then you yourself are also differing from cowzerp, who thinks his being gay is plausible (which seems highly implausible in the above story).

What in the above story doesn't sound like just a straight guy having a very mild gay experience?

I've snogged plenty of straight men in the past, and they remained straight. Do I just lack a certain je ne sais quoi?

PeakOutput

i kissed a guy by mistake before.........seriously

i was going to lick his cheek(in a straight sort of way ) and he turned at just the wrong time to do the same man it was embarassin but **** happens.

in your case i would imagine your probably bi but you could just of been drunk. one thing i will add is dont think its ok to continue doing it while your with your g/f just coz "its a guy it dosnt count" or some bull**** like that. cheating is cheating. decide if your friends or more if its more let you gf go

PeakOutput

Talliesin wrote: »

What in the above story doesn't sound like just a straight guy having a very mild gay experience?

the fact he REALLY enjoyed it and wants more would be the clincher for me tbh

Talliesin

Hey, I've been complimented on my kissing by some of the straight men I've kissed too

Kissing is enjoyable. That's a big part of the point of it, after all. The actual sensation is much the same whether you kiss a man or a woman (IME the average man isn't as good as the average woman, but there are plenty of exceptions either way - and besides, I'm not such a slut as to be able to offer my experiences as a statisically valid survey ).

There's nothing to say that he definitely isn't bi, or even that he definitely isn't gay, but so far the above just suggests that he's not an exact 1 on the Kinsey scale, but still pretty much straight.

cowzerp

PeakOutput wrote: »

the fact he REALLY enjoyed it and wants more would be the clincher for me tbh

i'll 2nd that.

Zillah

Talliesin wrote: »

Well then you yourself are also differing from cowzerp, who thinks his being gay is plausible (which seems highly implausible in the above story).

Its perfectly plausible. I didn't comment on the possiblity of him being entirely gay because he said nothing about the details of his relationship with his girlfriend. I decided to assume that he genuinely was attracted to her for simplicity.

It has been shown time and time again that gay men can live a lie for decades before admitting to themselves and others that its all been a front. For all we know the original poster's relationship with his girlfriend could be a ridiculous sham.

What in the above story doesn't sound like just a straight guy having a very mild gay experience?

As said above, it wasn't a single experience. He said he thought the guy was hot as soon as they met, they started spending more and more time together. They kissed. He really enjoyed it. He can't stop thinking about it.

That does not sound like a single moment of drunken silliness.

I've snogged plenty of straight men in the past, and they remained straight. Do I just lack a certain je ne sais quoi?

Maybe some of them were straight men who were acting silly while drunk. Maybe some of them were gay men who went back to their sham of a marraige. Maybe some of them were gay men who finally admitted to themselves that they had been living a lie.

Regardless, I doubt the OP is a straight man who just so happens to be really attracted to another guy.

cowzerp

Talliesin wrote: »

Hey, I've been complimented on my kissing by some of the straight men I've kissed too .

Thats bull, your just trying to throw the bait out with that sort of crapp.

Straight men dont go with men, bi sexuals do and gays do, thats it, kissing is not just fun, its a part of sex, especially the fact they where kissing a gay man man means it was totally gay!! stop trolling.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Think Talliesin has hit the nail on the head.

Nevyn

If this thread decends into any more pedantic interpersonals there will be bannings.
Use the report post function please, calling other posters trolls is of topic and unhelpful
which will get you banned from this form.

Oh and I have seen Tallie snogging a 'straigth' guy.
Sexuality is a sliding scale and not as black and white as people think.

cowzerp

Thaedydal wrote: »

Oh and I have seen Tallie snogging a 'straigth' guy.
Sexuality is a sliding scale and not as black and white as people think.

This is a matter of opinion and not a fact just because you say it, i dont think he kissed any straight man, if so there just not out, you obviously think you can be straight but still have a bit of your own kind, i disagree, thats my opinion. Sorry about trolling thing.

Talliesin

Well, one or two of them are boardsies, so maybe they'll come along and vouch that I'm telling the truth, but I won't assume that any of them would be okay with my doing so.

In the meantime we'll just have to go on the hundreds of studies and tens of thousands of anecdotal accounts that also suggest that not everybody fits 100% into one of three categories and that not every single action by everyone fits 100% into their particular box (maybe start with Fritz Klein's studies of bisexuality).

Zillah

Thaedydal wrote: »

Oh and I have seen Tallie snogging a 'straigth' guy.
Sexuality is a sliding scale and not as black and white as people think.

Well, put it this way. Straight is black, gay is white, and then there is a whole lot of grey in the middle. I'm saying the OP is somewhere in the grey band. Talliesin seems to think that the OP is totally Black but just happened to like kissing another man. This seems quite unlikely. I think there are very few people who we could describe as being entirely black or white tbh.

Even if I were to concede that an entirely straight man could enjoy a kiss with another man, that doesn't seem to be the case. There was a build up to it, he thought he was hot as soon as they met and he said he can't stop thinking about it.

cowzerp

Talliesin wrote: »

Well, one or two of them are boardsies, so maybe they'll come along and vouch that I'm telling the truth, but I won't assume that any of them would be okay with my doing so.

Just because they say there not gay or bi does not mean there not, are you serious?? loads of people are uncomfortable in admitting there sexual preferences, even some married men as already pointed out, i might say im right but that does not just make it so. i believe the op is either gay, bi, or confused. thats me back on topic.

Talliesin

Actually, I think it isn't all that important if he's still got a large heterosexual component to his sexuality (e.g. he's anywhere from almost completely straight through to bi and leaning a bit towards gay) and is happy with his girlfriend.

That being the case it's no different to snogging another another woman. Still not 100% problem-free, but the problem to focus on is a different one to where the OP is focusing.

PeakOutput

cowzerp wrote: »

Straight men dont go with men, bi sexuals do and gays do, thats it, kissing is not just fun, its a part of sex,

have to disagree with you there cow. two or 3 of my mates went threw a phase of not giving a **** if they scored eachother. it wasnt that they wanted to they just got kicks out of the fact it freaked alot of their other mates out and they made about 100 quid in bets each out of it over the 2 months or so it was going on.

im not saying they are definitely not gay but i doubt it seen as im going to one of their girlfriends birthdays tonight and she is exceptionally fine looking.

spinandscribble

i dont know why the op needs to seek a label. prehaps because this fella is the first guy he's felt for maybe he's more straight then gay. i remember last year when i was taking sexual studies our lecturer said most ppl are 30% gay in some way or curious, its far more common to be curious then deadline straight.

Marksie

There is a whole scale and its fluid at any given time really. I tend to shy away from labels such as oh he/she is bi straight or gay as its too simplistic.
Fact is the most important thing is was the OP comfortable doing it? It may be an aspect he wishes to explore but perhaps not something done in the confines of an established closed monogamous relationship.

OH an i havent kissed Tallie either so couldn't tell if he is a good kisser or not :-)

milod

It's a sliding scale people - I can't think of any reason why anyone rational could assume that its a simple three way choice, ie straight, bi, gay etc. Life isn't that simple in any other sphere of operation so why should sexuality be black and white.

Anyone who's played rugby will have slid a little way along that scale - not just on the field but in the dressing rooms - the real question is whether or not you enjoyed it... if you did, it doesn't force you into any particular slot - it just means you moved a little way away from the 100% classification you might have assumed applied to you.

OP, I suggest you wear imposing studded leather underwear to frighten off these chaps in future

Bottle_of_Smoke

Zillah wrote: »

Well, put it this way. Straight is black, gay is white, and then there is a whole lot of grey in the middle. I'm saying the OP is somewhere in the grey band. Talliesin seems to think that the OP is totally Black but just happened to like kissing another man. This seems quite unlikely. I think there are very few people who we could describe as being entirely black or white tbh.

Even if I were to concede that an entirely straight man could enjoy a kiss with another man, that doesn't seem to be the case. There was a build up to it, he thought he was hot as soon as they met and he said he can't stop thinking about it.

I see what you're saying, though I'd suspect the vast majority of the population is very dark grey. I think the OP would be too. I'm slightly worried with all this labelling the OP might end up thinking "I am Bi" start trying it with guys more often & end up doing something he regrets. I worked with a guy who slept with another guy & the next morning woke up realising he wasn't so attracted to men. He says it's messed him up a lot.

LegacyUser

More enlightened folks than I, in their more complex investigations into human sexuality, usually find some form of tendency toward bisexuality in all subjects given sufficient scrutiny. Most will never notice theirs. Some will have been conditioned in such a way that they will refuse to accept any remote possibility of theirs. Somethings happened which caused you to notice yours. There's no big deal and nor should you let it wreck your head. Dismiss it for what it was. The only worrying part is that it would seem you let your girlfriend down without a 2nd thought.

Miss Fluff

Would you like to do it again OP?

Tha Gopher

PeakOutput wrote: »

i kissed a guy by mistake before.........seriously

i was going to lick his cheek(in a straight sort of way ) and he turned at just the wrong time to do the same man it was embarassin but **** happens.

LOL Takes me back, in the old days when we were 14 odd and there wasnt a whole load of money, to get the max out of a joint people would resort to "blowbacks", basically someone puts the front end of the spliff in their mouth and cups their hands around someone elses, join heads and the other person inhales the blown smoke.

The frst time someone suggested I do one with him I jumped back 10 feet, thought he was trying to kiss me :eek::eek:


Im intrigued as to where these multitudes of straight men who kiiss each other are, and why you therefore define them as being straight I remember some of the goths in school were meant to, but they were pretty scary folks by default anyway, god knows what type of sh1t they got up to.

MissThing

I kissed a girl once. She kissed me and I didn't beat her off. I was totally off my face, then we bumped into our boyfriends and were shocked back into reality. The next day we all laughed about it.

Don't beat yourself up about it, there's a little bit of bi in all of us.

The only issue here is that (like me) you were involved with someone else at the time. If you want to experiment with these feelings its best that you leave your girlfriend. No point in sticking lables on yourself before that time.

Its natural to be attracted to people of the same sex, sometimes there's just one person you'd 'do'. ALL of my female friends would 'do' Angela Jolie, and Brad Pitt and the same lot are straight.

Vegetarians like the aroma of a stake house....Gosh that's the most profound thing I've ever said.

MT

bilbo79

as a straight man i'd say Yeah your defo bi or bi curious, thats my label for you anyway-based on the information you gave us.

All the gay people have the problem with labels for some reason, im straight and that is my sexual label, im also fit and thats my fitness label, labels dont have to be a bad thing and can change too.

LegacyUser

To the OP:

It's really not worth worrying about too much. Sexuality is definitely not as clearly defined as "gay" or "straight" there is a lot in between and there is also a lot of 'settling' goes on before you're sure which you prefer!

I'd suggest perhaps cool it with the g/f and break up, you can't just cheat on her with a guy (or a girl) that's just unfair and has nothing to do with your sexuality it's just common decency!

However, if you're bi, or even think you might prefer men just go with it. There's really nothing to be ashamed of / embarrassed or worried about. You'll generally find that you'll be happier once you're comfortable with your sexuality. The main thing is don't ever let yourself be forced into a situation where you're being straight or gay just because that's what you're 'expected' to be by your peers / social group.

Basically, I really wouldn't worry too much about it - go with whatever you think you should be and don't get too worried about whether you're gay/straight.

spurious

bilbo79 wrote: »

All the gay people have the problem with labels for some reason,

They do?

The op kissed someone of the same gender, it made him wonder - it's life, it doesn't make him gay or straight or bi or anything.

I saw a programme about Laos once - it was engaging and interesting and it made me wonder for a moment what it would be like to live there - I'm not charging off and the world has not ended.

I hope people don't know I thought about Laos by looking at me.

MIN2511

We've all been curious about our sexuality at some stage in our lives, mine was about 3 somes(2 straight guys and a me)
OP, it doesn't label you as anything yet. You are still curious, it might be a once off with this fella and that would be the end of it or you might fancy other guys in future. Don't be pissed or upset at yourself, it's no big deal if you are gay, straight, bi, black, white, blue... it's all in accepting yourself for who you are.

JMCD

cowzerp wrote: »

i'd never kiss 1 of my mates apart from a slobber on the cheek when im locked and liverpool have just won the champions league!!

Ewwwwwwww.Liverpool winning the champion league!!!!! Disgusting!!!
:D:D

Nevyn

JMCD

Off topic and unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum.
Read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal.

LegacyUser

op I would consider you bi curious.

I would probably consider myself the same. I don't have any interest in kissing guys or even anal sex, yet I'm really interested in penises, and fantasize about giving fellatio all the time. Id love to try it some time and the thought really turns me on.

Yet im not "attracted" to guys at all.... Im wierd

Chucky the tree

MissThing wrote: »

I kissed a girl once. She kissed me and I didn't beat her off. I was totally off my face, then we bumped into our boyfriends and were shocked back into reality. The next day we all laughed about it.

Don't beat yourself up about it, there's a little bit of bi in all of us.

The only issue here is that (like me) you were involved with someone else at the time. If you want to experiment with these feelings its best that you leave your girlfriend. No point in sticking lables on yourself before that time.

Its natural to be attracted to people of the same sex, sometimes there's just one person you'd 'do'. ALL of my female friends would 'do' Angela Jolie, and Brad Pitt and the same lot are straight.

Vegetarians like the aroma of a stake house....Gosh that's the most profound thing I've ever said.

MT

eh, no offense. But your kinda ignoring a huge chunk of the OP's story when you give a reply like this. Both your situations are nothing alike.

JMCD

Thaedydal sorry about that.Wont happen again.
Cheers.

Tha Gopher

Chucky the tree wrote: »

eh, no offense. But your kinda ignoring a huge chunk of the OP's story when you give a reply like this. Both your situations are nothing alike.

Indeed. Pretty much every girl does it, usually in her teens when drunk for a laugh. Nowehere near the stigma. Young girls view it as a laugh, boys see it as an in the flesh realisation of their fantasies from watching the Adult Channel 5 minute freeview on the hour every hour.

I saw maybe 8 more girl on girl kissing from when I was 13-18 than I have afterwards.

Im still **** on the memories.....:eek:

TerrorFirmer

It's not as black and white as straight, gay, and bisexual. You can be straight and have certain tendencies, but it does not mean you're decisively bisexual. After all, bisexual means to be attracted to both sexes, but the OP clearly stated that this is the first time something like this has ever happened to him. I'm not saying he's conclusively not bisexual, but rather just to say that you can enjoy something with the same sex and still consider yourself generally straight. That in itself isn't the problem here though, if you enjoyed it, it's no big deal in itself(maybe apart from the fear of certain social conditionings to bisexual people being actually stronger then that towards gay people) but the fact that you've a girlfriend does make it a big deal. You can't change the past, but you can make sure that it never happens again, and after that, decide whether or not to tell your girlfriend.

Nevyn

Off topic and unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum.
Read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal.

McGinty

Hi Op

When I read your post op it struck a very deep cord, I know a lot of posters here have tried to box people into a set categories, ie: straight/bi/gay but I don't know if human sexuality can be boxed into three seperate categories, sorry but judging from personal experience I don't think it can. Anyhow Op I have decided to tell my story so you don't feel so ****ed up, like you I made friends with an amazing person I admired (by the way I am female) I fancied her and she fancied me, we kept it under wraps and didn't express it for a long time, we just enjoyed the vibe, and that was the first aspect of your post, you enjoyed the vibe with your friend. Later I kissed my friend and our moments together were innocent but also we just expressed our attraction to one another. The thing is Op there are all these black and white rules and life doesn't fit into them. I am predominately into men, but there is the occasional woman that I think phew I'd love to be with, I don't know if that makes me bisexaul to be honest I don't give a damn about lables I just know I fancy a said person. Maybe that is you and maybe your friend lifts your heart, I say go with it, enjoy and please don't judge yourself according to soceity, it wont work.

spinandscribble

i dont get why ppl are telling him to "go with it"... he has a gf. wait til you are single again.

nacho libre

Agreed.

It doesn't matter if you are Trisexual, Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay or Heterosexual 'going for it' while still involved with someone else is cheating.

Faith

I'm in the "greyscale" camp, so to speak. You can't define people as "gay, straight, or bisexual". There's a huge variety of sexualities.

I've kissed two girls in my life, and that was a long time ago, when it was a case of "let's practice so we'll know what we're doing when boys come along". I'm straight, but that's not to say I don't wonder about other women. If I kissed one of my female friends, I wouldn't even give it a second thought to be honest. I certainly wouldn't assume we were both now gay or bi! In fact, I nearly scored with my best friend while really drunk last week, and I laugh at the memory.

OP, don't worry about it. If you're still with your girlfriend, grand. I wouldn't cut contact with the guy. Remain friends, and see how things go. It might emerge that you want a relationship with him, or the whole thing might be forgotten about. Just don't freak out about it.

axer

Faith wrote: »

OP, don't worry about it. If you're still with your girlfriend, grand. I wouldn't cut contact with the guy. Remain friends, and see how things go. It might emerge that you want a relationship with him, or the whole thing might be forgotten about. Just don't freak out about it.

Would you say the same thing if the OP had said he had kissed another girl and not a guy?

If the OP is still with his girlfriend he should decide whether he wants to explore his sexuality further or not and if he decides he wants to explore then he should be honest with his girlfriend as cheating is cheating.

SimpleSam06

+1 on the shades of grey comments. Its all a big mess really, we have the "straight" religious and moral cliche, the flamboyantly gay Oscar Wilde impersonators, the "closet cases" hiding from one side or the other as if there was something to be ashamed of, and so on. Its mostly artificial social constructs, in my opinion.

As regards the OP, you should keep in mind that theres nothing really that makes someone "gay" or "bi" genetically, its not hardwired (again in my opinion, I won't get into a debate about it here), just people doing what people do. You shouldn't be doing it when you have a girlfriend however. Either don't do it again or tell her about it if its weighing on your mind - who knows, she might enjoy it!