Manly Injuries

Xavi6 · 05-12-2007 4:26pm #1

What with this being the place where real men go I'm sure there are some interesting injury related stories amongst the brothers. I'm not talking paper cuts, broken nails or any of that. Leave them to the wimmins forum. I'm talking about horror limb breaks, nasty cuts, backs put out from lifting kegs etc. They do them in Zoo every week so have we any boards' ones? Any pics of said injuries would be great too.

I'll get the ball rolling. I've got a nice big scar just beside my right eye thanks to an incident in a football match earlier this year. Going up for a header with a few lads I got a lovely elbow to head. Split me right open. Did I cry for mammy? F*ck no. It was a quick taping up, couple of panadol (admittedly a slightly weak moment on my part), and back on I went. Didn't bother with stitches either so hence the scar. Here's what it looked like the next day -

Anyone else?

keefg · 05-12-2007 4:39pm

I cut my finger in half lengthways :eek:

Pic to follow........

John Mason · 05-12-2007 4:48pm

i have a huge bruise on my tigh where i fell out a door - do that count?

Xavi6 · 05-12-2007 4:50pm

irishbird wrote: »

i have a huge bruise on my tigh where i fell out a door - do that count?

:eek: Off to wimmins forum with you. Shoo!

mucker23 · 05-12-2007 4:52pm

I hav a scare on my leg from 3rd degree burns when my trousers went up in flames, in and out of hospital for 9 months

:D

LadyJ · 05-12-2007 4:54pm

I have a scar on my ass from when I was 6 and got so dizzy playing musical chairs that I fell over onto a china pot...

goose06 · 05-12-2007 4:54pm

Complete Rupture of my Left ACL, I thought that was sore,but then came the surgery, 2 weeks of lieing on the floor getting everything done for me, I think I got a good deal out of it

ruthiedv · 05-12-2007 4:56pm

You haven't really lived till you've had an episiotomy:eek:

_blank_ · 05-12-2007 4:58pm

irishbird wrote: »

i have a huge bruise on my tigh where i fell out a door - do that count?

You have to post a pic.

Of your thigh.

citytillidie · 05-12-2007 5:01pm

Broken Nose and two broken arms

Robbo · 05-12-2007 5:02pm

ruthiedv wrote: »

You haven't really lived till you've had an episiotomy:eek:

Ah but you were in mint condition after it?

Tzetze · 05-12-2007 5:09pm

When I was 5 or 6, was on a tour with school before the break for summer holidays. The bus stopped at a beach somewhere, and we all got off the bus to go nuts. About 10 minutes later, I was approached by my teacher and dripping wet (1-year-younger) brother. The stupid sod had fallen into the drink fully clothed, and the teacher wanted me to remove my under clothes so my brother would have something dry to wear on the return trip. This was done and we made the trip home.

Fast forward to later that afternoon. We're at my cousins' house playing out back (beside the old school). Parents are in my Uncle's house chatting before we go back home that evening.

We were always herded outside to play by my Aunt, and you would incur serious wrath if you tried to get back inside. If any of us needed to pee, we'd just unzip and pee wherever we happened to be standing, and this is what I proceeded to do. Now, this being my first time ever 'going commando', I was unaware of the extra caution needed in zipping up, and I zipped up fast and carefree as normal. BIG MISTAKE! There were probably those 3-4 seconds of stunned silence that you always see kids doing before the floods of tears appear, but the floods came.

No idea how it actually managed to happen, but the foreskin was lodged inside the zip with the zipper fully closed to the top of the fly. Ran inside screaming, not caring about the wrath of my Aunt (couldn't be any worse than this). My father got the unenviable task of removing todger from it's trap. He used his usual gentle approach in matters such as these and ripped the zip all the way downwards in a picosecond and I was free (albeit an agonising freedom).

I've since moved onto button flies, and have had a strange aversion to 'going commando' ever since.

Kazobel · 05-12-2007 5:16pm

I've a scar that runs down my left cheek where my ex from 13 years ago hit me with an Iron. It broke my cheek and ripped the skin right off and as much as I hate to say it that was actually one of the highlights of that night, he then went on a rampage and also broke my arm, my jaw, my nose, my maxilla (the part just under your nose) and 4 ribs. I ended up hospitalised for 6 months and needed alot of surgury to fix what he did

But I'm all pretty now and he's probably in a gutter somewhere so screw him

stooge · 05-12-2007 5:22pm

smashed my thumb and broke my wrist playing GAA when I was 14/15. Thumb was broke so bad the bone peirced the skin(just). Nearly shat myself when I looked down at it.

Worst thing was the awkward LHW's that I had for the next 3 months. Especially at that age when my hormones were all over the place and I was as horny as hell!

EDIT:

Kazobel wrote: »

I've a scar that runs down my left cheek where my ex from 13 years ago hit me with an Iron. It broke my cheek and ripped the skin right off and as much as I hate to say it that was actually one of the highlights of that night, he then went on a rampage and also broke my arm, my jaw, my nose, my maxilla (the part just under your nose) and 4 ribs. I ended up hospitalised for 6 months and needed alot of surgury to fix what he did But I'm all pretty now and he's probably in a gutter somewhere so screw him

Might just delete my post after this one. holy broken bones batman!

Zaph · 05-12-2007 5:35pm

I have ruptured my patellar tendons (the bit the doc taps on your knee when testing your reflexes) 5 times. The current running total is 3 times on the right and twice on the left. Three were the result of accidents and two were re-ruptures while the tendons were healing from the initial rupture. It's left me with 6 inch vertical scars on both knees, another 6 incher going horizontally on my right knee and three other scars ranging from 1-3 inches where various metal wires and screws had to be removed after the tendons had strengthened. I have little or no feeling in the flesh around my knees due to all the scar tissure there. Oh, and I have a small scar on my forehead where I split it open when I was 4.

ibh · 05-12-2007 5:50pm

About 2 years ago playing football (on a Thursday) i went for a tackle and some fcuker decided he'd have a go at kicking the ball even though it was gone. Result was I got a kick full on in the stones. I was doing the usual, rolling round in agony not even able to scream as all the life had been knocked out of me.
Ended up having to limp off. Then was in so much pain i couldn't watch the match so i drove home. Had to stop twice on the drive home as the pain was unbearable. When i got home i took a couple of *hore tranquiliser pain killers and then took a look at the damage. Bit of swelling of the leftie but didn't look too bad. Next day (Friday) went over to Liverpool to watch a match. Was having a walk round the city and had to go to a sports shop and buy a pair of Tracksuit bottoms because my jeans were causing so much pain.
Back to hotel and had another inspection, leftie was now approx twice the size of rightie. Had to tell the g-friend and show it to her to see if it was really as bad as i thought. She thought it was hilarious.. So basically the rest of the weekend was ****.
Back to college on Monday and eventually had to visit the doctor (a bloke!!) to see if there was something seriously wrong. Next thing i knew he had a syringe out and was draining blood from my town halls. The doc said it was pretty horrific looking. Was seriously swollen for about 2 weeks after it, no football for 6 weeks. Still have 1 ball bigger than t'other..
Feel a bit queasy now after thinking about it...

*Yes, they were Hore Tranquilisers that i took. Similar to Horse Tranquilisers, but stronger..

ruthiedv · 05-12-2007 5:52pm

Robbo wrote: »

Ah but you were in mint condition after it?

Mint...yeah:D

trout · 05-12-2007 6:12pm

Age 10. Skateboard + broken glass == 7 stitches in knee-cap
Age 12. Rusty hatchet + knotty wood == 10 stitches in thumb, index-finger + tetanus shots
Age 14. Pushbike + icy road == 1 broken wrist
Age 17. Pushbike + scumbag + milk bottle == 1 broken arm
Age 18. Jogging + Alsatian == scar tissue on left buttock, in the shape of a padlock ... ice breaker :rolleyes:
Age 23. Motorbike + brick wall == Both legs broken
Age 30. Van + Motorbike + Kerb == 1 broken arm for trout, and 1 broken jaw for the van driver after I clocked him with my helmet

I don't count broken fingers from rugby ... though some of them now look like a pigs tail ... all stunted and curly.

Shooter McGaven · 05-12-2007 6:49pm

Brother + Wrestling = Slashed eyebrow, 4 stitches
Roof + trip = 2 broken arms (casts up to shoulders, had to be fed and have arse wipped)
Booze + Car + Wall + Tree + Windshield = 11 stitches on the head and nearly jail
Booze + Stairs = Badly bruised back and legs
Booze + Stairs = 4 stitches in the head
Booze + Broken pint glass = 3 stitches on bottom of foot

No doubt theres more to come....

Zaph · 05-12-2007 7:01pm

Shooter McGaven wrote: »

Roof + trip = 2 broken arms (casts up to shoulders, had to be fed and have arse wipped)

Now is that wiped or whipped?

Shooter McGaven wrote: »

Booze + Car + Wall + Tree + Windshield = 11 stitches on the head and nearly jail
Booze + Stairs = Badly bruised back and legs
Booze + Stairs = 4 stitches in the head
Booze + Broken pint glass = 3 stitches on bottom of foot

No doubt theres more to come....

I know this goes against everything this forum stands for, but have you ever thought that just maybe you should stop drinking?

Dun laoire · 05-12-2007 7:06pm

I pulled a full cup of me ma's tea off the kitchen table when i was about one. All over my face and shoulders. The boat race cleared up but my shoulders are a bit of a mess but the chicks love it.

Shooter McGaven · 05-12-2007 7:10pm

zaph wrote: »

I know this goes against everything this forum stands for, but have you ever thought that just maybe you should stop drinking?

YOU SIR ARE BANG OUT OF ORDER!!! heres your coat, off to the wimmins forum with ya

FlutterinBantam · 05-12-2007 7:10pm

ruthiedv wrote: »

You haven't really lived till you've had an episiotomy:eek:

:eek:Ripped out fireplace!!!

eldeabroad · 05-12-2007 7:28pm

in march I slipped climbing over a gate and impaled the back of my right thigh on it, fell backwards with spike still inside - doing more damage. Had to be stiched inside out. Have a scar of about 6 ins but healed superbly due to good needlework! Saw some of the fat from my leg on the spike next day

legspin · 05-12-2007 8:45pm

Tendons in left shoulder and elbow.
All bar three fingers have been broken at some time, mainly from boxing.
Ligaments in neck, right knee and ankle.
Broke right leg when a kid
Four ribs
Nose (on an ongoing basis)
Ripped left calf muscle.

Mainly sporting injuries but the occasional recreational stupidity

Shooter McGaven · 05-12-2007 9:03pm

Shooter McGaven wrote: »

Brother + Wrestling = Slashed eyebrow, 4 stitches
Roof + trip = 2 broken arms (casts up to shoulders, had to be fed and have arse wipped)
Booze + Car + Wall + Tree + Windshield = 11 stitches on the head and nearly jail
Booze + Stairs = Badly bruised back and legs
Booze + Stairs = 4 stitches in the head
Booze + Broken pint glass = 3 stitches on bottom of foot

No doubt theres more to come....

forgot to mention with the 2 broken arms that i had to have surgery to have one broken and set again, twat doctor made a complete shambles of it first time, good times, good times

pretty-in-pink · 05-12-2007 9:24pm

ah with the sprains....constantly doing them. Have weak ankles & wrists. As for cuts...umm a nice array of ones from paniced pets, and a few on my finger tips from a fight I had with a razor. That stung

Mostly I've been very lucky.

Bazzy · 05-12-2007 10:37pm

Drank a bottle of cheap aftershave when i was younger. reckon thats what has me drinking the way i am now

Breath still smells cool tho!

Reg'stoy · 05-12-2007 11:03pm

Was out cycling this time last year and cheap skate that I am I had one of those generator operated front lights (the ones that rub againest the wheel). Anyway my bike had a bit of a buckle on the front wheel so the light would brighten and dim rather annoyingly. Rather than stopping (I was on a hilll and freewheeling) and moving the little gene closer to the wheel I reached over the handle bars and attemped to fix it.
Next thing I know I'm bleeding from a nasty gash on the head having gone over the handle bars after my left hand got tangled in the spokes of the front wheel. It's true what the say that at first shock dulls the pain because it wasn't untill I noticed that my wedding ring was missing after ripping most of the skin (I could see bone :eek:) from my ring and little finger, that the pain kicked in.
Thankfully the local doctor told me my fingers, the little finger wasn't as bad as the ring finger which took the worst of it, had not been completely degloved as he decribed it, and having since seen pictures of fingers that have been degloved (look it up) thank god they weren't. This was due to my loose fitting ring, which is now even looser.

old boy · 05-12-2007 11:17pm

right wrist snapped, left ankle in ****e, ligimants in right ankle twice, left collar bone, L2,3,4,5, prolapsed last 4 teeth on the left side removed without anastetic, oh the nose twice

ambman · 05-12-2007 11:19pm

when i was about 14 i was giving a mate of mine a crossbar and we were flying down a hill. when my mate decided to get his foot stuck in the front wheel:eek: so next thing i knew i was lying on the ground breaking my tits laughing. my mate was running up the road screaming. anyway managed to get up and carry the bike home with some blood coming from my face. i walked around the side of the house and my old man said look at the state of the f...ing bike:D then i my mother saw me and said dont mind the bike look at the state of him. so off to hospital we went. turned out i had two broken bones in my head a broken collar bone and tore the lining of my knee cap. was kept in hospital for a week and when my sister came to visit me she walked into the ward and back out again she didnt even know who i was i was so bashed up:D

anyway thats my 2 cents;)

pretty-in-pink · 05-12-2007 11:22pm

Can I tell what my brother did? He tore ligaments in his ankle, badly, nearly off/through app- and he gave himself tennis elbow at the same time.

Zaph · 05-12-2007 11:25pm

pretty-in-pink wrote: »

nearly off/through app

Huh

How did he give himself tennis elbow while smashing up his ankle?

pretty-in-pink · 05-12-2007 11:31pm

zaph wrote: »

Huh

How did he give himself tennis elbow while smashing up his ankle?

I really don't know. Its meant to be very nasty. He prob did his ankle in playing footie- as for his elbow...popular theroy says a bizarre accident involving palm. I say its my kid bro, and must have something to do with the gym, and so is nice and clean and not dirty

Zaph · 05-12-2007 11:34pm

pretty-in-pink wrote: »

as for his elbow...popular theroy says a bizarre accident involving palm. I say its my kid bro, and must have something to do with the gym, and so is nice and clean and not dirty

Jaysus, I hope so. If you managed to give yourself tennis elbow w*nking, the pain in your elbow would be the least of your worries.

pretty-in-pink · 05-12-2007 11:36pm

Shhhhh my little bro doesn't do that......

Zaph · 05-12-2007 11:37pm

Sorry, of course he doesn't...

smooth operater · 05-12-2007 11:38pm

well at 3 y/o i was scolded badly (3rd degree) all over my chest.....scars are still there 18 years later!!!!
skin grafts were carried out from my legs.....those scars are also still there.....

If i had a camera i'd show yez!!

trout · 05-12-2007 11:43pm

zaph wrote: »

Jaysus, I hope so. If you managed to give yourself tennis elbow w*nking, the pain in your elbow would be the least of your worries.

I have reason to believe that excessive billy-blanking generates a condition known as "Popeye's Forearm"

*quickly rolls down shirt sleeves*

pretty-in-pink · 05-12-2007 11:45pm

zaph wrote: »

Sorry, of course he doesn't...

Exactly

5starpool · 06-12-2007 12:09am

ruthiedv wrote: »

You haven't really lived till you've had an episiotomy:eek:

The first time i found out what this was (I had to ask recently when it came up in a conversation about a pregnant woman) I thought it was the most horrible sounding thing ever.

As for me, nothing too bad.

Crashed my tricycle when about 3 and knocked 2 front teeth out.

Sprained my ankle 3 times playing football, really badly once when bruised from toes to knee afterwards, and then broke the same ankle after jumping over a railing and not noticing I was about to come down on the edge of a kerb. It was right at the night of a stag party, so being a man, of course I went back to the pub, hobbled 1/2 mile to the nightclub, then had to hobble back from nightclub about a mile to the B+B in the rain as there were no taxis available. Went to casualty the next day.

Had a lucky escape after a night out in NY on my J1. Drinking heavily all day, got bought loads of whiskey by some wall street types who thought we were great because we were Irish, then went to bed. At some point woke up having to heave due to whiskey intolerance, made a dash for the bog, didn't make it and puked on the floor. Felt another wave coming, tried to make the bog this time, slipped in aforementioned puke and cracked head on a marble step which stopped me breaking my nose luckily. Still have a scar in my eyebrow from that one.

I forgot one.

When I was 12, being from the countryside where there was feck all to do, I thought it would be a great idea to walk around on top of the garden wall of a neighbours house, and it was to a point. That point was when I decided to hop from one post on a barbed wire fence to another. Unfortunately the post I stepped on first was rotten at the bottom and gave way, tumbling me through the barbed wire. This was followed by me standing up quietly, looking down at my leg and then realising that I had cut the hell out of my legs. I have scars on the side of my leg that look like this now.
....................................(knee)
...................................../
.................................../
................................./
.............................../
............................./
.........................../
........................./ ___
...................... / ___
...................../ ___
.................../

...................(crotch)

One of the short ones needed 29 stitches as it was so deep, then rest weren't stitched. Another couple of inches north and my eligibility for this forum may have come into doubt. *Shudder*

The dots above are to keep my 'drawing' intact.

Mr. CooL ICE · 06-12-2007 12:39am

When I was in secondary school, I was playing in goals during a 5-a-side game at lunchtime. I dove to save the ball, and didn't have time to get up before the rebound. Therefore, I stretched out and somehow landed on my nuts, due to me being in an arched position. Ball still went in

Cue me lying in dire agony on the ground surrounded by people who had no idea why I'm not moving

It wasn't a 'manly injury' as such, but an accident that led me to believe that sport and exercise are evil. My beer gut is looking well ever since

smashey · 06-12-2007 12:43am

Meh, I've let you all have your say and there is nothing here to comapre to mine.

Exactly eight years ago I was jumped on by three lads and we had a right good scrap until the police came along and lifted us all (I wasn't in Ireland then). I was taken in to give a statement as I was "assaulted".

My being assaulted didn't explain a broken jaw on one of the offenders and a broken nose on another.

Anyway, at the end of the statement, the policeman asked if I required medical attention to which I replied no. I signed the statement and went to the toilet when the horror became apparent.

As I unzipped, there was blood everywhere. At this stage, I realised that the jeans and boxers would have to come down so I could get a closer look. To my utmost horror, one of my testicles was hanging out. :eek: That's right, hanging out through a gash in my scrotum. A delicate situation I'm sure you'll all agree. I did what anybody else would have done and pushed it back in. I then went back to the policeman and changed my statement. When he heard what had happened, he put me in the car a rushed me to the hospital. It was 3.30am and casualty was quite busy. I was seen immediately and ended up with ten (10) stitches in the sack. The next couple of days were torture.

The strange thing is that I didn't feel it happen. Adrenaline is a wonderful thing.

The best thing to happen after this was I got an award at my then rugby club's annual awards night. Worst injury.

I now have a nice 's' shaped scar as proof and I will not be posting a pic.

trout · 06-12-2007 12:48am

smashey wrote: »

To my utmost horror, one of my testicles was hanging out. :eek: That's right, hanging out through a gash in my scrotum.

My own nuts tightenededed as I read that ... and not in a good way.

OK, if this fight took place outside a kebab shop, and there was strong drink involved, you are the winnah!

smashey · 06-12-2007 12:49am

trout wrote: »

My own nuts tightenededed as I read that ... and not in a good way.

OK, if this fight took place outside a kebab shop, and there was strong drink involved, you are the winnah!

Outside a club.

trout · 06-12-2007 12:52am

*glances down, involuntarily*

umm ... is everything ... ahhh ... working OK now ?

Zaph · 06-12-2007 12:54am

Brother Smashey's story makes baby Jesus cry (and me unable to uncross my legs)

smashey · 06-12-2007 12:55am

trout wrote: »

*glances down, involuntarily*

umm ... is everything ... ahhh ... working OK now ?

Sure is. I had to have check ups for a couple of months afterwards but it's all good.

smashey · 06-12-2007 1:00am

zaph wrote: »

Brother Smashey's story makes baby Jesus cry (and me unable to uncross my legs)

I kind of look upon the scar as a badge of honour.

Kazobel · 06-12-2007 1:17am

smashey wrote: »

Meh, I've let you all have your say and there is nothing here to comapre to mine.

Exactly eight years ago I was jumped on by three lads and we had a right good scrap until the police came along and lifted us all (I wasn't in Ireland then). I was taken in to give a statement as I was "assaulted". My being assaulted didn't explain a broken jaw on one of the offenders and a broken nose on another. Anyway, at the end of the statement, the policeman asked if I required medical attention to which I replied no. I signed the statement and went to the toilet when the horror became apparent.

As I unzipped, there was blood everywhere. At this stage, I realised that the jeans and boxers would have to come down so I could get a closer look. To my utmost horror, one of my testicles was hanging out. :eek: That's right, hanging out through a gash in my scrotum. A delicate situation I'm sure you'll all agree. I did what anybody else would have done and pushed it back in. I then went back to the policeman and changed my statement. When he heard what had happened, he put me in the car a rushed me to the hospital. It was 3.30am and casualty was quite busy. I was seen immediately and ended up with ten (10) stitches in the sack. The next couple of days were torture.

The strange thing is that I didn't feel it happen. Adrenaline is a wonderful thing. The best thing to happen after this was I got an award at my then rugby club's annual awards night. Worst injury. I now have a nice 's' shaped scar as proof and I will not be posting a pic.

For some reason I find it hard to be impressed, welcome to my world

:p:p

smashey · 06-12-2007 1:19am

Kazobel wrote: »

For some reason I find it hard to be impressed, welcome to my world :p:p

That made me laugh.

Don't worry Kaz, all dangly bits are intact and staying that way.

Manly Injuries

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