Newborn babies. The ugly truth.

John Mason · 27-06-2007 01:22PM

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Linford wrote:

What's abnormal about being pregnant/having kids? If it wasn't for abnormal people, you wouldn't be here!!!!

normal people would realise that the rest of the world doesnt give a fuc.k about their ugly babies and their stretch marks and how many stitches they have had

Pighead · 27-06-2007 01:24PM

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Linford wrote:

What's abnormal about being pregnant/having kids? If it wasn't for abnormal people, you wouldn't be here!!!!

Post reported for failing to recognise Test Tube Babies. Fascist.:mad:

WindSock · 27-06-2007 01:43PM

Babies are mankey wrinkley old men. and I hate that baby 'smell' people cluck on about. I especially hate any noises they make.
However, mine will be beautiful, and I will feel it my duty to tell everyone so.

stovelid · 27-06-2007 01:47PM

Degsy wrote:

it obviously needed to be put under the tap as the smell of amonia meant i had to throw my grub in the bin.

.

Some mothers eh? Dunking their babies in this. Whatever next.

WindSock · 27-06-2007 01:53PM

bandit*baby wrote:

I always hate hearing about it i'd imagine it has the same effect on women as seeing a fella get a kick in the b0ll0x has on men

As a comedian I was watching once said...''The difference is, after a couple of years after getting kicked in the balls, I don't ever say 'you know...I would really like another kick in the balls''

cance · 27-06-2007 01:57PM

Karl Hungus wrote:

I voted "I was a baby once"

It was at a party, and I was very, very drunk at the time.

either it was a ragingly dull party for you to resort to posting on boards, or you are an unsociable fúck.

either way it concerns me:D

Rovi · 27-06-2007 02:24PM

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

seamus wrote:

2. Even worse, she will propbably rip. Yep, cringe all you like. This is particularly so if she has been anaethesised. The rip may be small, or it may tear all the way from vagina to anus. Often, to minimise ripping, the doctor will actually cut her in that area to relieve the pressure. Afterwards, they sew her back up.

Hand up who didn't know that?
Who's now considering adoption?

Google 'Episiotomy', but be prepared for a horror show of epic proportions. For spectacular results, click the 'Images' link.

brianthebard · 27-06-2007 02:28PM

5starpool wrote:

The worst is when the ask "who does the baby look like". What a pointless question. Unless it is noticeably hideous, it looks like all other babies of the same race - like a baby.

That's why fathers often pick the wrong baby up from the maternity ward.

Don1 · 27-06-2007 02:33PM

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Always hated the little stinking noise/puke/poo merchants. If I was to ever go down that road by choice adoption at the age of around three would be acceptable, or trial separation without joint custody until child becomes bearable!
Having worked in a hotel bar for four years has only served to bolster my unshakable hatred!

Pighead · 27-06-2007 02:35PM

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

If theres any black or half caste babies reading this thread Pighead would just like to say that you lot aren't quite as hideous as the white babies. In fact some of you look quite groovy in a certain light.

By the way is the thread title ok? Not sure whether there should be a semi-colon after "New born babies" instead of a full stop.

Drift · 27-06-2007 02:37PM

seamus wrote:

For example;
1. When the woman is "pushing" the child out, she ****s. Yep, that's right. In front of the doctors and midwives, and anyone else who may be watching. Into a little pan underneath her bum.
2. Even worse, she will propbably rip. Yep, cringe all you like. This is particularly so if she has been anaethesised. The rip may be small, or it may tear all the way from vagina to anus. Often, to minimise ripping, the doctor will actually cut her in that area to relieve the pressure. Afterwards, they sew her back up.

Hand up who didn't know that?

*Hand goes up gingerly*

I'm 24 and I never heard that before. Why don't they teach us this stuff in school. Can you imagine me during the delivery standing next to the future Mrs. Drift ( a magnificent specimen of a woman I can tell you - yet to actually meet her of course) and she drops a brown one as she's squeezing out Drift Jr. :eek: I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry or be sick. And thats even before she rips in two all the way to her anus .........

On second thoughts, me and Mrs. Drift are not going to have children!

bandit*baby · 27-06-2007 02:44PM

boreds wrote:

As a comedian I was watching once said...''The difference is, after a couple of years after getting kicked in the balls, I don't ever say 'you know...I would really like another kick in the balls''

lol

must be the joy the little bundles of joy bring into their parents lives..... no sleep, no time to yourself, no money, no sex (can i say sex?) and a constant headache....
i want a troop of chislers

exCrumlinBoyo · 27-06-2007 02:44PM

Episiotomy :- First carried out in Ireland back in 19 O Splash. All those of you who think babies are ugly, well wait until you have your own. All those of you who say I will never have kids (I was one of them, with 2 now) will miss out on the most magical experience of your life watching your children being born into this world. When your kids turn 4 and they tell you, dad your a bollix, you put on weight, your hair starts to turn gray, they are still worth it.

kids = hard work which is the most rewarding.

Kids are beautiful in the eyes of the parents.

bandit*baby · 27-06-2007 02:52PM

Drift wrote:

*Hand goes up gingerly*

I'm 24 and I never heard that before. Why don't they teach us this stuff in school. Can you imagine me during the delivery standing next to the future Mrs. Drift ( a magnificent specimen of a woman I can tell you - yet to actually meet her of course) and she drops a brown one as she's squeezing out Drift Jr. :eek: I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry or be sick. And thats even before she rips in two all the way to her anus .........

On second thoughts, me and Mrs. Drift are not going to have children!

LMFAO:D

not to mention the fact that the future mrs drift will never be quite as tight - i think your making the right decision

Orange69 · 27-06-2007 02:52PM

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

exCrumlinBoyo wrote:

Episiotomy :- First carried out in Ireland back in 19 O Splash. All those of you who think babies are ugly, well wait until you have your own. All those of you who say I will never have kids (I was one of them, with 2 now) will miss out on the most magical experience of your life watching your children being born into this world. When your kids turn 4 and they tell you, dad your a bollix, you put on weight, your hair starts to turn gray, they are still worth it.

kids = hard work which is the most rewarding.

Kids are beautiful in the eyes of the parents.

But deep down, in secret, are you not just regretting every second of it??

For the record i intend to skip the whole nightmare of children and adopt a hamster in my early thirties..

Tar.Aldarion · 27-06-2007 02:54PM

They all look the same, no they don't look like [relative here]. People think they are cute as an evolutionary reaction to further the species.

Maccattack · 27-06-2007 02:57PM

Depends on the baby,some are cute, some are rotten

Must be my feminine side coming to the fore but I've always had a soft spot for babies. Ive always thought they were gorgeous to look at. I'm not sure why. something about the size of their hands and stuff like that. And when they yawn and stuff.

Yes there are some 'ugly' ones but even then most are still kinda cute.

Maybe I'm not a real man. But thats what i think.

seamus · 27-06-2007 02:57PM

Drift wrote:

*Hand goes up gingerly*

There's no need to be embarrassed about it.

I was 22 when I found out. I know a girl of 26 who only found out a few weeks ago.

They don't tell you this stuff, probably it was bad luck or superstition or something back in the day :rolleyes:

Twinkle-star15 · 27-06-2007 03:00PM

Okay, I used to think I kind of maybe wanted kids in the long distant future, but now...

Me= AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!

Thanks Drift, you've prevented any mini-me's from entering this world. Ever.

Drift · 27-06-2007 04:00PM

Twinkle-star15 wrote:

Thanks Drift, you've prevented any mini-me's from entering this world.

Well thats my good deed done for the day. (and really its seamus' fault)

On the up side now that I've turned you off the poo, blood and sweat fest thats birth it puts you the available pool of talent for Mrs. Drift

bandit*baby wrote:

not to mention the fact that the future mrs drift will never be quite as tight

I'm sure many a man has tried to convince the doc to throw in an extra stitch or two after the "ripping"

bronte · 27-06-2007 04:09PM

I was 22 when I first heard about Episiotomies.
Read it in a medical journal and stormed down the stairs to my mother and demanded to know why she hadn't alerted me to this little gem.
Her reply was "Well, I didn't want to frighten you or put you off having kids!"
Her heart was in the right place

It crosses my mind every now and then and puts an abrupt end to that monthly broody spell some gals go through!

C- section all the way..or maybe in 8-10 years they'll have invented some lovely cuddly way to give birth that's like going on a trip to fluffy-fluffy land.
Will worship the doctor who comes up with this!

bandit*baby · 27-06-2007 04:20PM

Drift wrote:

I'm sure many a man has tried to convince the doc to throw in an extra stitch or two after the "ripping"

a stitch or ten might be more like it .... thats just what i've been told anyway

admiralofthefleet · 27-06-2007 04:26PM

I was a baby once.

my 5 month old nephew is real cute but i have seen some mingers that should have been smothered at birth

simu · 27-06-2007 04:28PM

I was a baby once.

Darwinsim at work itt?

bandit*baby · 27-06-2007 04:32PM

Drift wrote:

I'm sure many a man has tried to convince the doc to throw in an extra stitch or two after the "ripping"

a stitch or ten might be more like it .... thats just what i've been told anyway

Dudess · 27-06-2007 05:31PM

Steve_o wrote:

lol....this is the most pointless thread ever!!

You were a baby once, its just the way babies look, tbh its never bothered me and never will.

Sense of humour needed over here! Urgently!

Pighead wrote:

Not sure whether there should be a semi-colon after "New born babies" instead of a full stop.

Neither. A colon or a dash (but ensure there is a space at either end of the dash). "colon", "either end" - strange how I've used those terms considering the recent subject matter.

By the way, I don't see why it's so surprising that a woman would shít during labour. With all that pushing it makes perfect sense.

seamus wrote:

women go through that "He has your eyes" thing, but allegedly this is all crap - the brain fools them into thinking this into to create familiarity and tighten the parental bond.

Spot on. As you said, a newborn baby looks like a newborn baby. I remember when my friend's son was born. The baby's dad had ****ed off and she had met another guy subsequently. People who didn't know them presumed he was the dad and they ALL said "he has his daddy's eyes"!

By the way I think newborn babies are cute. And I don't plan to have any.

tallaght01 · 27-06-2007 05:35PM

I've been at squillions of deliveries. The vast majority don't need episiotomies, ya big scaremongers :P

It can be painful, but you can have an epidural/morphine/gas, which are really good.

A lot of women poo during delivery though.

Babies all look the same to me, I have to admit.
I also agree that the black babies totally rock. They even give you that pouted lip look, like Arnold from "Different strokes".

I have to say though, when you hand a new baby to it's parents for the first time, it'd bring a lump to your throat*

*I'm not gay :P

WindSock · 27-06-2007 05:59PM

Heh. I typed in ugly babies, and look what came up

http://www.uglybabycontest.com/

27-06-2007 06:16PM

I was a baby once.

Awww! best post of this horrible horrible thread!
Hopefully I take after my mother she never had a labour over 4 hours:D

tallaght01 wrote:

I've been at squillions of deliveries. The vast majority don't need episiotomies, ya big scaremongers :P

It can be painful, but you can have an epidural/morphine/gas, which are really good.

A lot of women poo during delivery though.

Babies all look the same to me, I have to admit.
I also agree that the black babies totally rock. They even give you that pouted lip look, like Arnold from "Different strokes".

I have to say though, when you hand a new baby to it's parents for the first time, it'd bring a lump to your throat*

*I'm not gay :P

pickarooney · 27-06-2007 06:51PM

I was a baby once.

Mine came out looking like Michael Chiklis. Make of that what you will.

Newborn babies. The ugly truth.

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